A/N: This looks like it's going to be a long story, but the good news is I have the plot all written out which is something I have a problem with doing, so usually my long stories end up trailing away and being forgotten because I have no idea how to end them, this one however has a beginning, middle and end so that will spur me on to finish it.
Warning: Contains physical and sexual abuse, raunchy sex scenes, angst, despair and heart shattering sadness, please enjoy! Reviews much appreciated.
Chapter 1 - Tainted
Draco's father had always been more interested in hurting Draco than helping him. The years of physical and mental abuse Draco had received until his acceptance into Hogwart's at the age of 11 played as a stark reminder as to why Draco never trusted people. Draco had long suspected that when his father had introduced Crabbe and Goyle as 'friends and bodyguards' when they were 10 he'd had other motives. And as the thick, heavy fist of Crabbe's right hand collided with Draco's stomach he was once again reminded that his instincts were almost always right.
"Alright, I don't want you to crack any of his ribs," Blaise Zabini's voice sneered over the dull thuds of Crabbe's continued assault on Draco's body. "Not 'til I'm done with him anyway." Although Draco couldn't see Blaise from the wall his face was currently being pressed against, he could practically hear the smirk on his face. Goyle tightened his grip on Draco's bound wrists and pulled him from the wall, roughly slamming him face first onto the desk next to him causing the blond to bite his lip as his chin connected with the wood, his mouth filling with blood. He swallowed hard, desperate not to give Blaise the satisfaction of his defeated cries.
Blaise's hands lifted up Draco's robes unceremoniously and he roughly ran his fingers against the pale, cold flesh on Draco's back. Draco willed himself not to shiver apprehensively at what he knew was coming next. Predictably, and almost seductively, Blaise's hands began to pull Draco's trousers to his ankles before he traced his cold fingers up Draco's inner thighs, pushing his legs apart with his own, stronger legs. Draco could hear Blaise fumbling with the clasp on his own trousers before he heard the sound of fabric falling to the floor. Blaise's hands grasped each side of Draco's hips and he had mere seconds to brace himself before Blaise forced himself inside the now trembling Malfoy, a choked cry escaping his lips causing the smile on Blaise's face to widen further.
"That's right Draco, fight me, groan, scream against me," He thrust harder, deeper, his finger nails digging into Draco's hips and drawing blood. "It's more fun that way."
After all the abuse Draco had suffered, whether at home or at school, physical, mental or sexual, he still couldn't stifle the anguished cries escaping his lips, the tears that fell from his eyes and onto the hard desk. His hands pulled pointlessly at the ropes that cut into his wrists, his body writhing against the bodies pressing down on his, penetrating him. And then with his most violent, forceful thrust Blaise finished inside the trembling Slytherin, the loud cry that escaped Draco's mouth causing the satisfied grin on his face to broaden still further as he pulled his trousers back up to his waist and did them up.
"Pull his clothes back on him." Blaise commanded of Crabbe and Goyle as he began to straighten his clothes and hair. "And make sure that when you're finished with him he doesn't need to go to the hospital wing, again." He added contemptuously, that smile still playing at his lips as Draco's clothes were roughly pulled back over his skin, his body left to fall to the floor with a thud before Crabbe and Goyle proceeded to kick and punch at every piece of flesh they could reach.
Draco's eyes screwed up against the agony, his body twitching with spasms of pain as Crabbe and Goyle eventually unknotted the ropes that bound him before lumbering from the room leaving Draco breathing erratically on the floor clutching at his body with his newly freed arms, willing himself to just die on the spot so he didn't have to suffer any longer.
Draco heaved his tired, aching body through a bathroom door after spending several hours on the deserted classroom floor. He knew no one would stumble across him until the morning as it was the beginning of the Christmas holidays and there were few people still at school, even fewer in need of a classroom or bathroom at such a late time of night, or morning, he wasn't sure of the time exactly. He limped his way over to the sinks removing his robes to reveal his torso and took in his desperate reflection, his face expressionless as he scanned every inch of skin he could see. His left eye was bruised already and squinted closed against the pain, his lip was swollen and crusted with blood, and small cuts littered his temples and hair line, his blond hair streaked with crimson. Barely an inch of his chest or sides wasn't covered in bruises; purple, yellow, red, blue, every colour skin wasn't supposed to be. Some bruises were shaped like knuckles and fists, some the perfect imprint of trainer soles and some were just large blobs of painful colour against his stark pale skin. As Draco slowly lowered his trousers a little he saw the claw marks of Blaise's fingernails still red and bleeding across his hips, his buttocks, his groin.
Draco closed his eyes against the sight of himself disgusted by what he saw. He put his hands on the sink in front of him to help balance himself, not putting as much weight on his left hand which shot daggers through his wrist which he suspected was fractured. Taking a deep, steadying breath he reopened his eyes and began to pull sheets of paper towelling from the holder in the wall, wetting them slightly under the tap, and beginning the long, painful process of tidying up his appearance as much as possible before stumbling his way back to the dungeons and into his bed where he would try fruitlessly to sleep with nothing but his pain and silent sobs for company as the long hours burned away.
Thoroughly lost in his thoughts Draco didn't hear the door to the bathroom open with a creek, the soft sound of shoes on tiles, and the abrupt silence that followed as the black haired figure that rounded the corner stopped at the sight of the blond before them. Draco continued to dab at the blood on his forehead for a whole minute before Harry finally found enough breath and muscle control to speak at least one world.
"Malfoy?" His name came to him as a whisper and it took him a short while to register that he'd heard it at all. Tearing his eyes from his own reflection Draco looked at Harry's frozen figure in the mirror before him, his eyes scanning every inch of Draco's savaged body, but Draco didn't care. He found he often had no emotions in the few hours that followed one of his episodes. That's what father always called them, my little episodes.
"Potter." Malfoy's voice was cold, distant, but distinctly louder than Harry's had been. His eyes focused back on his own figure as Draco continued to wipe the now dry blood from his face, acting as though Harry wasn't even there.
"What..." Harry stammered, afraid of the answer but even more afraid of Draco's sober, emotionless reaction to him. "What happened to you?" He managed, again his voice barely a whisper. His feet were still rooted to the spot, his body rigid. It was a good thing really, if he had the strength to move he wasn't sure whether he'd run from the room terrified or fall to the floor and cry. Draco continued to mop at his face morosely for a little while longer, not even acknowledging Harry until he'd discarded the blood soaked mass of paper and pulled himself some more from his right, his body swaying dangerously as his good hand left the sink to retrieve it.
"Nothing exciting." He finally drawled as he began to gingerly clean the black eye that was laced with crusted blood. He winced despite himself as he put too much pressure on the new bruise and his eyes closed against the pain. He dropped both his hands to the sink, his body rocking dangerously as he felt a wave of dizzying tiredness washing over him. He seemed to see what was happening in slow motion. He felt his knees buckle, his legs collapsing beneath him. His hands couldn't grip the sink tight enough to hold up his suddenly heavy body and he began to fall to the floor. He braced himself for a collision with hard, ceramic tiles that seemed to never come, and then he realised that he'd landed, but onto something soft, something warm, something that was vibrating. No, it wasn't vibrating, it was trembling. A hand tentatively brushed his forehead, but it wasn't his hand.
Sighing to fill his empty lungs with oxygen, an action that in itself hurt, he managed to slowly prise his heavy eyelids apart and gaze into those emerald green eyes he'd come to know so well over the years. But they weren't hurtful or teasing or like anything he'd ever seen them before. They were hurt, anxious, terrified. They darted across Draco's face in a frenzied panic and as Draco's own eyes began to take in more of the bespectacled boys face he realised his lips were moving frantically, quivering whenever they stopped, slightly parted.
"Malfoy?" The word was a whisper at the back of his mind as his senses began to return to him. "Malfoy?!" The word was now a scream in his ear and he closed his eyes against the volume of it. "Draco, answer me!" That hand was brushing gently across his face again, shaking as it touched his skin. Afraid of me no doubt, disgusted. "Draco, please!"
"Alright," Draco sighed annoyed as his senses were brought back to their fullest and the pain returned to sear at his nerves. "Stop your whining, I'm right here."
"What happened to you?" The question was quick and thick with worry. "Are you alright? I mean I know you're not alright, I can see that but... but... are you alright?" Draco smirked slightly despite himself and faintly shook his head.
"Do you always ramble so much Potter?" He was aware that he was resting in Harry's lap, one of the boy's arms was wrapped round his shoulders to support him and his legs were sprawled underneath Draco in such a way that couldn't have been comfortable, but he wasn't complaining. Draco would probably have pulled himself from this undignified place if he had the strength, but he didn't, and he wasn't even sure that he'd have moved if he had.
"I need to get you to the hospital wing." Harry began but made no attempt to move Draco's body in fear of causing him more undue pain. Draco's eyebrows furrowed however and he made a fleeting attempt to lift himself up.
"I don't think so Potter." He tried to lift himself into a sitting position but his wrist cracked dangerously as he put pressure on it, his lower body screaming in agony after Blaise's violation. Draco gasped in pain and fell roughly back into the Gryffindor's lap. Harry pulled his now panting body closer to his own, his hand running over the blonde's body an inch above his flesh, afraid to press on the bruises.
"You need medical attention." Harry whimpered against Draco's protests to seek help. Draco just scoffed, his eyes still closed as he relaxed against Harry's warm body, unable to muster the strength for another attempt at getting up.
"I've had worse." Draco said derisively, immediately wishing he'd not revealed such a secret to one of his worst rivals. "What do you care anyway Potter?" He scorned trying to cover up his last comment. He didn't receive an immediate answer, you don't care, but the feel of warm droplets splashing against his face caused him to open his eyes and look up. Tears spilled down Harry's face causing Draco to screw his face up in confusion.
"What do you mean you've had worse?" The words were heavy with concern and hurt, tears still falling thickly onto Draco's face. "And how could I not care? Look at you." His voice broke as he spoke, his eyes once again flickering across Draco's battered body. You don't care, Draco mused still confused by Harry's reaction, no one cares. I'm repulsive, and your concerns a lie. Draco's face fell stern once more; Harry had to be mocking him, there was no other explanation for it.
Bracing himself against the pain to come and mustering as much energy as he could Draco endeavoured to once again pull himself out of Harry's grasp. He put less pressure on his injured hand this time, rolling onto his side and straining to pull himself onto his hands and knees. Harry's hands went to Draco's sides to steady him.
"Let me help you." Draco swatted Harry's hands away from him; his features growing angrier the more Harry mocked him.
"I neither want nor need your help Potter." He spat as he finally managed to pull himself into a kneeling position and sighed deeply at the effort. But not wanting to show any more weakness he grasped at the sinks beside him and began to pull his shaking body to a stand. His legs protested at the weight of his body but he willed them to support him as he finally rose, leaning heavily against the sink for extra support. His heart was beating fast and his breathing was erratic and quick as dots swam in front of his eyes, but he forced himself to stay upright and conscious although he still swayed dangerously on the spot.
"You need help, look at you." Harry's voice was barely a whisper but vibrated around the room in a quiet echo.
"Yes, I'm disgusting; I don't need you to remind me." Draco's words erupted angrily from him before he could stop them, he was furious that Harry was still here, taunting him further, and once the torrent began he couldn't stop it. "Just looking at my reflection makes me feel sick, I don't need you and everyone else reminding me how nauseating I am. Don't you think I've been beaten enough tonight without your sarcastic remarks? I get it, I got it a long time ago, no one wants me, I'm wretched and pathetic and a disgrace to the Malfoy name. After the years father used me as a punching bag and sex toy you think he'd have realised that I understood that by now, but it wasn't enough, it's never e-fucking-nough. Now I have to be violated and humiliated by my classmates as well. What if I killed myself? Would that satisfy you? Would that make everyone happy?" The thoughts that Draco had had burning inside him for so long at last had been expelled; his breathing was deep and heavy, his whole body trembled in anger and exhaustion and as much as he wished they wouldn't, tears flooded down his face as he cursed himself for his outburst.
Silence echoed loudly around the bathroom for what felt like a long time until Draco finally opened his eyes and looked at Harry's reflection through the mirror in front of him. He had a hand clamped loosely over his mouth and his eyes were wide as they stared fearfully at the back of Draco's head.
"I didn't..." His mumbled whispers carried across the thick air and hung there. "I can't... don't..." Draco closed his eyes again and dropped his head shaking it lifelessly, his tears still falling ceaselessly.
"Just leave me alone Potter." His voice was defeated; he didn't have the strength to fight anymore. "Please." He heard the sound of shuffling feet and more broken words before another deafening silence. But the silence was quickly broken.
"I didn't know." Harry's voice was strained and Draco could picture those tears falling from his emerald eyes again. "I'm not leaving you here, alone." There was another shuffle of feet and Draco could feel the heat from Harry's body next to him. "And I don't want you dead." Draco opened his eyes and turned to look at Harry scornfully, tears still falling down both boys faces.
"You hate me Potter, don't deny it, you hate me more than anyone else in this bloody school, you and your little buddies. So don't stand there feigning friendliness and pretending that you care. I can't stand it. I can't..." Draco's anger was finally beginning to give way to the great weights of despair that enveloped him after every attack. His gaze slowly shifted from Harry's face to the floor, tears still tumbling down his cheeks, his voice fading to a strangled whisper. "I can't take it anymore." There was a long, smothering silence as Draco cried uncontrollably, until Harry closed the gap between them so that their bodies were inches apart.
"Don't." He whispered, bringing his hand to Draco's face and gently wiping his tears away with the end of his sleeve. "Don't cry like that." Draco managed to stem the flow of tears, Harry's sleeve wiping the last traces of moisture away from his skin. Harry bent down and retrieved Draco's slightly bloody robes from the floor. "Here." His voice was still that enticing whisper, like nothing could go wrong whilst he was around, and Draco felt himself being lured in to that false sense of security, obediently raising an arm as Harry helped him carefully pull the robes over his head. When he was dressed Harry softly weaved an arm round the Slytherin's waist and pulled his right arm around his own scrawny shoulders. "Come on." And he began to lead the blonde out of the bathroom. Finally Draco found his voice as he shuffled lamely along next to Harry through the dark corridors.
"I'm not going to the hospital wing." He managed, his weight pressed against Harry as he was helped towards a flight of stairs.
"I'm not taking you to the hospital wing, it's alright." And Draco instantly believed him in a way he never believed anyone else; if Harry said it was alright then he knew it would be. After walking up the stairs and through a couple more passageways they came to stop along a deserted corridor standing before a large portrait of a fat lady in a bright pink dress slumped fast asleep in a large chair.
"Tinsel." Harry said quietly and the portrait swung forwards as the woman mumbled to herself in her sleep. Draco looked through the hole in the wall at the red and gold hangings he could just make out in the dim firelight.
"Gryffindor tower?" He asked with a tentative look at Harry. "Are you mad? I'm not going in there either." But the slight pressure that Harry pressed against Draco's waist was enough to urge the Slytherin forwards.
"It's alright; I'm one of the only Gryffindor's staying at the castle this Christmas. As far as I know it's only a hand full of first and second year girls here apart from me, and they'll be asleep by now." Harry helped Draco climb through the portrait hole, the fat lady swinging back into place once they were in, and then helped him up the many steps to his dormitory. Once there he lowered Draco gently onto his bed, a gratified sigh escaping his lips as he made contact with the soft material and the pressure on his body was lessened.
"Do you need anything?" Harry asked looking around the room quickly before turning back to Draco. "A drink or something to eat, maybe some more clothes?"
"Oh, stop fussing," Draco said indifferently lightly rubbing his face with his hands. "I'm fine."
"You're not fine." Harry half shouted, slightly distressed. "Not by any stretch of the imagination." He sat on the bed next to Draco debating putting a caring hand on his shoulder. Draco's face was still buried in his hands as he sighed sadly. Harry leaned closer to the blond, his hand rising to his shoulder and resting there, pulling them closer together. Draco fell tamely into Harry's embrace, not sure why he felt so submissive every time the black haired boy beckoned him to do something. "How can you be so impassive about all this?" The boys voice was pleading and anxious making Draco's heart ache.
"I'm used to it." Draco muttered, the painful truth ripping at his insides as he said it. Harry's grip tightened on his shoulders slightly and Draco found himself nuzzling into the crook of his neck, a wave of exhaustion washing over him. "I just need some sleep." He felt Harry nod against the top of his head as he unravelled his arms from Draco's body and made to stand. The blond held out his arm and pushed Harry back onto the bed roughly, once again resting his head on the boys shoulder. With his hand against Harry's chest he laid onto the mattress bringing the boy with him so they were lying side by side across his bed. Harry was bewildered by the action for a short while before winding his arm under Draco's neck and pulling him closer. The arm Draco had draped across Harry's chest coiled around his middle and they both settled peacefully against one another on the bed. Almost instantly Draco felt himself slipping into unconsciousness.
Tonight, and just tonight, I'll trust you like I've never trusted anyone before in my life.