A/N: This is a Sakura/Ino yuri. This is rated M, for swearing, alocohol usage and sexual references. There will be another author's note at the end.
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. Obviously.
Chapter 1: Gay as in happy?
I couldn't chicken out now. Absolutely not—it was out of the question.
Yet, as I stood there—outside of our dorm room—with my breathing rhythm near hyperventilation, and my skin clammy and wet, I realized the resolve I had fought and prepared for was now gone. I had lost my nerve, plain and simple. I was such a coward.
Something inside of me was raging, upset at this turn of events. Something inside urged me on, screaming unintelligibly with the passion of a thousand magnificent sunsets. Hot, orange, and motivating.
I took a step forward and the force within me celebrated, coaxing, enticing me with its courage. I wish I were more like that at times. Courageous and brave.
I pushed the door open with my eyes on the prize.
She was here. She was waiting.
Quickly, as to not lose my nerve anymore I blurted, "I'm gay."
Shit, that was not what I wanted to say.
Suddenly, laughter fell on my ears and I pushed the door open further to see someone else in the room with her. My face felt as if those sunsets were now settling on my cheeks to rest for an hour, maybe two.
Wait, what was she doing in our room anyways?
"Congrats Sakura," the laughing girl said, snickering as my target eyed her warily. "Finally, you realize you like girls. What else is new?"
I blushed even harder, if possible, before my pride caused anger to build in me suddenly.
"Shush Temari; quit it," my roommate scolded. Her eyes softened a little when she turned to look at me. Looking into her eyes was like flying with a backdrop of cloudless blue skies. Somehow, they quelled the rage within me, just a little.
I turned away, still feeling embarrassed. "I'm gay" was certainly not what I meant to say… I mean, it was, partially, but that was just the surface.
"Ino, are you serious?! Everyone already knows she's gay."
"Temari, quit it," Ino said again. I could tell she was looking at me, I could feel her eyes washing over me, a gently breeze in the park. Still, I was angry, and embarrassed. Nothing was going to fix this.
"Shut the fuck up Temari," I said, curtly, turning to look back at her. "So what if 'everyone knows'?! I'm here to tell Ino, because she has too much respect for me to make assumptions."
"Sakura, relax," Ino attempted but I was having none of it.
"No," I barked. "Temari, leave."
"No way," she said, looked appalled, yet relaxed still. Her dark blue eyes were gazing at me smugly.
"Temari, you don't have to leave," Ino said to the dirty-blonde before turning to me. "Calm down Sakura."
Suddenly, I lost my steam.
"Sure, whatever," I mumbled, turning and leaving. If I wasn't wanted in my own room…
Somehow, I ended up in the library, reading.
If there was anything better than real life (and I'm guessing there are a lot of things better than real life for me) it was a good story. I'd found a random novel and had begun reading it. I did that often after recently realizing there was more to reading than textbooks and assignments. I could read to make myself happy, if I wanted to. It didn't have to be material relevant to my classes, though I had nothing against that at all.
I had been there for nearly an hour and a half, just reading. About twenty minutes ago, Ino had joined me, reading a magazine—or looking at it, because it wasn't a magazine that someone would actually read.
Ino and I had been best friends since we were both very young. Sometime during middle school we had both taken a liking to the same boy, Sasuke Uchiha. We ended up hating each other, somehow, and made each other's lives a living hell every day. We got over that, however, at the beginning of junior year when Sasuke chose Ino.
The beginning of junior year was when we both went back to being who we were.
I went back to being the scrawny bookworm with a terrible temper and Ino went back to being the gorgeous, witty girl she always was. And we clicked, right back into place.
Ino had been dating Sasuke off and on for about two years now. I had been… well, I had been exploring. I had been exploring my sexuality, tentatively. I say "exploring" instead of "experimenting" because I wasn't testing anything. I was simply discovering new things in the realm of which I existed. I knew I was a lesbian; therefore, I didn't need to experiment. I needed to learn. I'd had a few dates with girls and had even had a lasting relationship with one (which failed terribly), all in secret, of course… or so I thought. I hadn't realized that I appeared so… gay. That wasn't my intention. I didn't wake up one morning and decide to exude homosexuality. I was just being me—weird old me.
"Sakura?" Ino asked, softly. I was blushing, trying my hardest not to look at her.
She had changed so much. She was calmer; cool and collected. She had gotten prettier too; much prettier. She was beautiful.
I loved her.
That was what I meant to say when I walked into our dorm—that I loved her and that I felt that she deserved to know.
What difference would it have made? I was strange and unattractive. I hadn't changed at all. Short tempered, thin, nerdy… I hadn't changed.
She wouldn't want someone so static. She'd want someone like Sasuke, someone dynamic and changing, developing, growing. He had grown and he was so handsome. The two of them seemed perfect together. Only Sasuke was handsome enough to compliment Ino's beauty.
I was a girl, anyways. She didn't like girls.
"Sakura, please talk to me. I'm sorry," she said again, and I felt bad for her thinking that I was angry at her. I had just been lost in my head, that's all.
"Yeah," I mumbled, wondering if she found my behavior childish.
I wanted to tell her to shut up. Who was she apologizing to? Me? I should've been the one apologizing.
"No, I'm sorry," I said daring to look into her pale blue eyes.
"It's ok," she said, smiling. She brushed back some hair and I marveled at how pale and blonde it was. Such a unique color, yet it was normal, compared to mine. I envied her normality. I envied her heterosexuality and her normal hair color. I envied her beauty.
I envied Ino, yet secretly…
"I'm sorry for interrupting you too," I mumbled, though feeling as if I shouldn't apologize for that anyways. She had taken her time getting down here, no doubt still talking to that bitch.
Temari, probably the biggest dyke of them all, and there she was accusing me that way. I had explored with her a few times, which was why I knew. She was a bitch. I don't know why Ino hung out with her—they were really good friends. I couldn't see how Temari hid her gayness so well either. Yet boys flocked her, like flies drawn to fly paper.
I had been tricked that way too.
I walked away with a broken heart.
She had been that failed relationship.
"It's ok. We weren't talking about anything important…"
"Oh," I said, but I didn't believe it. She was just being nice, and it kind of sickened me. At that exact moment, I missed the mean Ino who'd call me "forehead" or "billboard brow".
Silence permeated the air between us and I felt the urge to continue my book.
"So… you're gay."
I looked at her, wanting to say something snarky to reply, but when I met her eyes and saw the smile on her perfect lips, I began to laugh. She laughed with me.
That was the last of our discussion about my sexual orientation after that.
Well, for a little while.
A/N: New story? Perhaps. It's something I've been working on for a while, since before Aesthetics. I began writing this one first, hit writer's block, and then wrote Aesthetics. I didn't really want to put this one up on FF (I mean, 13 chapters, and I had no desire to even post the first one), but when things begin to look like hell in my life, I realize I need to write because there only 4 things that can quickly lift my spirits: Glee, playing guitar/ukulele, hanging out with friends, and reading reviews. Since the new season of Glee isn't scheduled for until April, I'm in no mood to play my instruments, and I'm suck in my house because of a random snow storm, I figured it wouldn't hurt to start a new story. So here it is. Please review; I receive gratification from the fact that I've entertained someone, somewhere, with my words.