"I HATE him!" I roared as I curled up in the passenger seat beside Jake in his Rabbit. Jake's fingers were intertwined with my own as we sat on the reservation, overlooking the moon reflecting on the black water below.
"You really shouldn't…" Jake said in a hesitant voice. I had only met Jake a few hours ago but it was so easy to get attached to someone you were born to be with. Jake had explained in further detail about this imprinting thing and honestly…it was the most romantic thing I had ever heard of. The only thing that kind of freaked me out about the entire thing is that he used to really be into my mom. Yeah, pretty creepy if you ask me. But never the less, Jake loved me and I couldn't deny the mutual attraction I felt to him.
"Well I do." I said squeezing his hand a bit tighter then I should. He didn't even flinch though, he just squeezed my hand right back and stared down at me with those beautiful eyes and smiled gently.
"Ness," he sighed, lifting his massive hand to pin a loose strand of hair behind my ear from my face. His appearance was intimidating to many people, yes, but to me he was perfect and he was just a big old teddy bear. "It was hard on all of us when your mom left with you. It was especially hard on Ed-I mean your dad. He looked for days on end, never hunting or stopping. He wanted you with him, baby. We all did." Jake's voice was filled with nothing but agony and pain at the memory but I just focused on his explanation of my father. I rolled my eyes and leaned my head on Jake's warm arm, hoping the physical contact would help him and pull him out of those memories that hurt him so much. He sighed in content, telling me it did help as much as I had hoped.
"Apparently he didn't look hard enough…" I whispered and tried to press my face into Jake's arm further. I felt Jake let out a huge sigh of frustration and soon two large fingers pressed under my chin and forced me to look up into those sad brown eyes that had my heart melting in my chest.
"I looked for you too." he whispered with a hint of pain lacing his whispered voice. "Does that mean I didn't look for you hard enough, too?" his eyes were so full of seriousness and pain that it stung my heart as if I'd been slapped, but then again my statement probably felt like I had slapped him right back. I could feel the lump in my throat becoming even more apparent.
"J-Jake…I didn't mean-"
"I know, Ness." Jake said lowering his lips down to mine and planting a chaste kiss there before speaking. "But just think about it. I love you more than anything in this world but he's your dad, which makes his love for you surpass my own for you by a million. I hate to admit it but you are apart of him, his blood runs through your veins." he said still staring directly into my own.
I thought about his words for a minute as I sat back in my seat, trying to clear my mind at the moment. It wasn't right to have done what I had did to Edward or said what I did to mom. I knew it wasn't right but…being without a dad really put a strain on my life. Every father's day, while the other kids made macaroni hearts on cards they made out of construction paper I just sat there and stared at the material with tears in my eyes.
"What's wrong, sweetie? Don't you want to make a card for your daddy?" my first grade teacher had asked me one year. I did my best to hold back tears as I looked up at here and said in my most monotone voice I could muster.
"I don't know my daddy." I had whispered, staring up at the teacher coldly. Her face had fallen with sadness and her lips formed into an 'o' shape.
"Oh…" she said clearing her throat. "Well would you like to write something for your mother?" she asked trying to give me a wry smile.
That's when I had noticed it. All my life my mom had not only been my mother. She was my mother, my father, my disciplinary, my teacher, my sister, my doctor, my shoulder to cry on and my best friend. So every father's day I would make her a card just because my mother was the best person on the earth.
"It was hard growing up without a dad, Jake. It was hard growing up alone…" I said wrapping my arms around myself, causing my hand to untangle from Jake's. I could practically feel the car flinch with Jake as he heard my words. that's when I was pulled up abruptly form my seat and into Jake's lap. I could feel his nose in his hair and as I looked up to see what was wrong his lips automatically sought out mine and planted the sweetest kiss I had ever experienced on my lips.
I leaned into this kiss, not doubting my love for this man and slowly began reaching my arms around his neck. His lips were not only warm, but so soft I could feel them molding perfectly with my own as I traced my tongue across his lower lip.
His hands wrapped around my waist eagerly and soon both our bodies were pressed so close together it was like we were one person. As I reluctantly pulled away to gasp for my needed oxygen I noticed Jake smiling down at me with those perfect white teeth. How could someone so perfect look at someone like me with so much love when he definitely deserved a lot more than me.
"I don't want to admit it, but I think I like you better at this age." Jake laughed out and I joined in, rolling my eyes again. That's when a memory came up.
Jake had been holding me but for some reason he looked different to me, more blotchy or fuzzy somehow but as I leaned in to bite him and drain blood leisurely from his building bicep, he just hissed in slight pain and then laughed as if be draining blood from him were hilarious.
"Yeah," Jake breathed, snapping me out of my memory. "That was you and me…a few days after you were born." Jake said as if knowing exactly what I was thinking. that's when I looked down and saw my arms resting on his bicep. I had let him into my mind and he had saw what I was seeing. As I lifted my hand in shock I saw a small scar resting right where my hand had been…a half crescent and lightly shaded scar, in the shape of teeth marks.
I looked up at him and opened my mouth to say something but stopped as soon as I saw his eyes glaze over for a moment. I lifted a hand to place onto his cheek, him leaning into my touch almost instantly.
"I missed you so much…" he whispered as I noticed a few tears start to fall from his eyes and run down his cheeks. "I can't be without you again." he whispered and placed his face back into my hair. I moved so I could kiss his jaw line and down his neck, reassuring him I was here and I wasn't leaving ever again.
I was here for good and the only place I wanted to be right now was right here in Jake's arms…but soon I would have to make things better with Edward. I knew that.
After all, Jake was right. Edward is my dad.
It's been a while, I know! But school and other stories keep me swamped!
Lots of love!