The real Mr. Douglass had spent most of the day on the road to the state capitol and trying to find a hotel for a nice, hot shower and a good meal. Most of the offices were closed by the time he arrived, so the next morning he got ready to meet with the zoning and agriculture people. He had his best tree-stumping suit on and was prepared for anything when he decided to ring home and check on things.
"Yes, hello. I'd like to call Hooterville please...yes, I'll wait…" Oliver was patient, he knew Lisa would have to climb the pole to answer.
"Uhh, Howdy!" was the squeaky answer
"Mr. Haney? What are you doing at my house!" Oliver shouted. He didn't want Lisa spending all their money on Haney's junk
"Well, it's like this…ya see, I came over here to see Mr and Mrs Douglass, but they're still in bed. So when I heard the phone—"
"Well, yeah. I know it's 7:00 am, but you know how them city folk are."
"Mr. Haney" Oliver tried to calm himself (Haney had to be mistaken) "If you would kindly get my wife on the phone, I'd like to talk to her"
"Well you must be calling the wrong house…uh…goodbye" Haney laughed and hung up. He knew Lisa was a good customer, and with Oliver out of the way Haney was sure to make a quick buck.
Only an hour later Eb was up to cook breakfast before putting on his best suit and starting his chores. Lisa sat in the kitchen and ate the delicious eggs as she watched Eb outside. Everything was working out just as she had planned.
A honk came from outside and she ran to the front door to see who it was. Sure enough, Haney was preparing to sell her everything inside his truck.
Pulling down a green sign he read out "Haney's New Husband Service. I've got everything you'll need for the new Mr. Douglass right in my truck: new suits, new shoes, new pillows, new 'to do lists'…you name it!" he yodeled.
"Vov! Uh…no tanks Mr. Haney. I already have my tailor sending new suits right now."
"But Mrs. Douglass—"
"Get outta here Haney! We don't need any 'o yer connin' today!" Eb shouted as he walked over. "Be careful Lisa. He's trying to scam you!"
"Never!" replied Haney
"Come on Lisa. Show me what you need done to the house." Eb said, as he led Lisa inside by the hand.
She couldn't stop smirking.
Oliver made his rounds and talked to all the wrong people before finally working something out. It had taken him all day but he was finally back to his hotel room.
"I'd better call home again. I have a bad feeling about things…" Oliver thought to himself
Back at home, Eb was busy working on the walls in the bedroom. Lisa had been tiptoeing over to him when the phone rang.
"Oh, I'll get it!" She sang out
Climbing up to the phone she held it to her ear: "Hello? Uh…hello?" she said
"LISA! How are you? How are things?"
"Hello? Hello?" Lisa continued to say. She could hear him clearly, but she was up to something.
"LISA! It's me! It's OLIVER! LISA"
"Hello? Is anyone dere? Hello?" She continued
"LISA! Can't you hear me? Hello!" Oliver was getting annoyed. He knew the phones were bad but this was ridiculous!
"No, Olivaa, there's no one there!" Lisa pretended to say to Eb
"What? Lisa I'm right here!" Oliver shouted
"Oh Olivaa darling…"she purred "Put an extra blanket on our bed! It'd cold out here!" She acted. She began to give a flirty giggle as she slowly hung up the phone.
"LIIIISSSAAA!" Oliver yelled as the people in the rooms by his started banging on the walls.
Was he dreaming, he wondered. Maybe it was all just innocent silliness. He trusted and loved Lisa…she would never treat him so badly. Then he had a thought: maybe she was getting him back for moving her out into the middle of nowhere…maybe something really was going on…maybe…
He rushed around the room to gather all his things and made his way to the check out desk. He paid quickly and hopped in his car.
Meanwhile, Lisa had slipped into her prettiest negligee and waited for Eb to get to bed. The night played out as it had the day before, but this time she let his hands wonder before stopping him. The pair both pretended to sleep as they thought about the next day: Eb's mind still aflutter about Lisa's kisses, and Lisa's mind going over her brilliant plan.