He doesn't know.

As he watches, as he touches, Shawn can't help but sigh.

It's chesnut, here, in this light, not chocolate, or caramel or not even invisible beneath his hat. It's chesnut. Every day,
Shawn touches his hair, curling his fingers into it in passion. Every day he snuggles into it's sweet, irresistable scent, but only now does he know how it looks, tousled and undressed, so irresistable that Shawn can't help but kiss, running his lips through the strands.

He knows he shouldn't, he knows that John could wake but he can't stop looking or touching. He can't stop kissing down John's neck. He can't keep himself from sighing again as he looks at the flesh under his lips.

He cannot stop himself.

Here, in the night, Shawn lays sleepless, because now, in the night, is the only time he can look. Now, John is sleeping,
his long body limp against Shawn's, and now, he doesn't know that the light is on.

He doesn't know that Shawn can see every inch, every non-existant flaw, every imagined blemish. Now, John doesn't pull in the stomach he no longer has, or tighten the already bulging muscles.

Whatever it is that John thinks he sees, whatever it is that makes him turn off the light is gone now, sleeping inside him.

Shawn can look, let his eyes travel to the places he's only felt under his hands. He can watch John's rippling back as it expands and contracts with the entrance and release of his breath. He can see the soft smile forming on John's full lips as Shawn's hands explore what he can finally see.

He can't stop watching, even when his hands disapeer under the covers, slowly sliding them downward.

A shiver, a tremble runs the length of his body, his breath forced out in an awestruck sound of pleasure. It is the first time he has ever seen and his eyes close as sweet joy shakes him through to his bones.

The touch, the scent, the sight and the feeling of John is more than can he take in.

He cannot stop himself from touching, from expressing his love.

Until now, this moment, he has only been able to imagine what John's face looks like when he touches him. Now, he can see and his heart pounds at the sight.

He is so open, so utterly naked that he makes Shawn weep.

He cannot stop the soft whispers of love from passing his lips as he watches John come for him.

One day, he will see John's face when he makes love him to him. One day, he will see John's face when the big man is inside him, but for now, he turns off the light.

For now, he will have to wait.