A/N – Bwhahaha! I'm back, and with a new and totally awesome cracking pairing fic for you guys to read, go "WTF?!" over, and to enjoy during your free time! Sadly, I wasn't the one that thought of this pairing, as it was the brain child of one of my most awesome friends in the world. So make sure you praise my unknown friend endlessly.
Ahem. Enough of that. Onward to the usual stuff!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Hetalia. Just the idea for the fic, but my friend (who we shall call Gilbert) owns the pairing idea.
The story's rated PG, but only because of Yao's potty mouth.
Enjoy, read, and review!
What'd I Do?
"You have a panda on your ass."
Yao twitched violently, and slowly turned his head to glare at the speaker from over his bare shoulder. Heracles was squatting in the doorway of the bathroom, petting a kitten with his index finger while eyeing the panda-shaped birthmark on Yao's rear end. Well, above it, but in Heracles' brain, it was close enough to count. Yao, blushing so hard that it looked as though steam would start rising off of it, yanked his pants back up and grabbed the nearest object – the toilet brush had been collecting dust – and threw it. "Who the hell walks in on someone when they're in the bathroom-aru?! Get the hell out so I can take my shower-aru!"
The brush smacked Heracles between the eyes, the Grecian toppling over backwards from the force of the attack with a yelp of surprise. A practical cloud of cats sprang into the air when he landed, and the extent of his movement was to remove the toilet brush – Disgusting! – from his hair while the cats crowded around him to see if he was okay. He sat up, rubbing his forehead as Yao slammed the bathroom door in his face. Awkwardly, he called out, "It was a cute panda at least."
"Go the fuck away-aru!" was the door-muffled retort, punctuated by a bar of soap hitting the door and making it rattle.
Heracles stood, rubbing the back of his head as he tried to figure out what he had done wrong. He had seen Yao naked – plenty of times, actually – but this was something new! He had no clue his lover had such an odd birthmark – or was it a tattoo of some kind? – and it concerned him. Then again, Yao had always been adamant about facing the man he was screwing, so Heracles assumed it reasonable that he had never noticed the oddity before. The scar was nothing new, as they had discussed that a long time ago, back when their relationship had hit the "trust" phase.
He looked to his cats for help, but decided that creatures with the attention span of gnats would probably not be the wisest of choices. Besides, then he would be put on the podium of insanity next to Arthur. Heracles glanced at the bathroom door when he heard the shower start running and briefly contemplated just going in and asking what was wrong. Sadly, the door, he discovered, was locked.
"Damn." Heracles grumbled to himself, rubbing the back of his head and turning back to the rest of the bedroom. Yao's fancy silk top – What was that thing called again? Um…I think I was asleep when he told me. I'll ask him later, when he's not angry with me. – was hung neatly on the back of the chair by his desk, where Yao had hung it to avoid getting it wrinkled. His bed was strangely neat, and he found himself wondering when the last time he had gotten laid had been. He looked at the ceiling in thought. "A month."
Normally, it would have seemed like such a long time, but with Yao…he smiled softly and sunk onto the bed, absently stroking a cat when it hopped onto him for attention. He found that he enjoyed the quiet evenings with Yao, his favorite being the times when his Chinese lover wanted to cuddle. Yao would never say so outright, but the way the shoulder closest to him would dip ever so slightly and the way he would tilt his head was enough for him. Heracles was, by this point, a master at understanding Yao's subtle movements and expressions, though this sudden bout of irritation was confusing and new.
When Yao finally left the bathroom, a cloud of steam accompanying him, he leveled Heracles with a stern look. The Grecian just blinked at him tiredly. He knew that glare. That was the, "I'm going to pretend that you're Yong Soo and beat you with something heavy" look. Yao put his hands on his (sadly) clothed hips and said firmly, "I ought to make you spend a week with Sadiq-aru! No, a century!"
Heracles' eyes widened and he found himself exclaiming, "What? A-all for seeing the panda?!" This was probably the most energy he would ever use in a verbal argument with Yao, as Yao seemed to go on forever and a day about whatever it was they would argue about. But to threaten him with Turkey if he told anyone? Slowly, he calmed down and smiled a bit.
Yao, also a master of Heracles' subtleties and expressions, knew that look all too well. That was the, "I'm going to push your buttons until your head explodes or you kiss me" smile. He felt his eyebrow twitch, which only made the damnable smile widen further into the, "You can't punish me; I'm too cute" one. "Don't look at me like that-aru! I mean it!"
The Grecian looked momentarily thoughtful. "If you're worried about me telling people, then don't worry. I won't say anything." He grinned slyly, something that he refused to admit that he picked up from Sadiq. "But it really was cute. Almost too cute not to share…"
"Aiyaaaah! You're impossible-aru! You're as bad as Yong Soo! If not worse-aru!" Yao was half-tempted to just kick Heracles out and be done with it. Sadly, this was Heracles' house, and it was just in poor form to make someone leave their own house. He huffed in annoyance when the younger Nation grasped Yao's hands in his, Heracles smiling sweetly.
Heracles put his forehead against Yao's and said, "I promise I won't tell anyone. But it was—" He blinked when Yao kissed his lips softly, his words dying in his throat at the short but loving – yet annoyed – kiss that left his stomach twisting.
"Shut up-aru. I'm not done being angry." Yao was, apparently, uncomfortable with this subject regardless of his love for cute things, so Heracles let it drop reluctantly. After all, there was no arguing with a man who took orders from a dragon.
Heracles pressed a light kiss to Yao's forehead, smiling at the heat that rose in his lover's face. "I'll never bring it up again. But can I ask you why you're upset? It's just a birthmark…" Yao sighed and gave him a look. The kind of look that one gives someone in desperate need of a beating.
"Heracles, you're an idiot-aru." He jerked his hands out of Heracles' grasp and turned away, crossing his arms and sulking like a child. Generally, the sulking was left to his siblings, but he had obviously decided that today was a special case.
Special case. The proverbial light bulb came on and Heracles realized why Yao was acting so strange and angry. He also felt a little guilty for forgetting, but he could smooth this over. When it came to calming people down, he was better than Francis since he didn't rely (too much) on sex. He hugged Yao tightly from behind, smiling and hoping to Zeus that it didn't look as weak as he thought it did. "You're angry because you think I forgot, aren't you?" Yao snorted and gave Heracles a sideways glance.
"What did you forget-aru?"
Heracles groaned inwardly. Sometimes Yao could be such a girl…"Your birthday."
Yao seemed mildly impressed, then guilty. "You didn't forget?" Heracles shook his head. It was lie but that wasn't something he could tell someone whose boss could eat him in one bite. Nope. Lying was perfectly acceptable in this instance. Yao slumped against The Grecian's chest and sighed, looking miserable. "I feel stupid-aru."
"You're not stupid. Just stressed." He thought quickly, trying to figure out what he could give Yao. Thankfully, there was a more concerning question. "…Why did you get angry about the birthmark then?" Yao shot him another withering glare.
"Because. The first thing I hear in the morning is not, 'happy birthday' or 'good morning'-aru. No, the first thing I hear is, 'you have a panda on your ass!' Which, by the way, is not true-aru. It's above my ass-aru." Yao looked pleased with himself after finally getting that off of his chest. In the end, Heracles still didn't understand why the hell he had gotten a toilet brush thrown at him, but decided that it was just a Yao thing. Or a girl/girly-man thing.
He rubbed the back of his head, eyeing the small Chinese man in front of him. Finally, he asked awkwardly, "Wanna go out to eat?" Yao smiled brightly, one of the ones that he only gave Heracles when they were alone or among family. He took this as a yes and set to work on doing his morning ritual while trying to figure out what the hell was going to do to make it seem like he planned all this.
Suddenly, he decided that Yao was very much like a girl, though he would never, ever say that to his boyfriend's face. It would just end badly. Very, very badly. But the prize-winning smile that Yao gave him once they were both ready to go was enough to make him realize that maybe he didn't care if Yao confused him at times.