Before anyone gets any farther, let me say that many things in this story will make absolutely no sense to most people. While what Osaka says may be funny, it still makes no sense unless you were to know my friends, who remind me of the Azu girls. Aside from the inside jokes, the rest is a combination of crack that should only be read by those with an abnormally strange sense of humor. That said, enjoy…and try not to lose your minds, please…
Azuquantum Theory Daioh
Confusion. That was the only emotion Kagura had at the moment. Curse Yukari and her crazy ideas! Again the spastic language teacher was tired of teaching the same old thing. They'd tried PE, but that quickly became a competition between Yukari and ms. Kurosawa. Kagura wondered how Yukari came to the decision to teach science when the first (and last) time she tried to teach math, she failed miserably. 'Of course, thought Kagura, the insane teacher probably got a kick out of frying their brains.' Had Yukari been paying any attention to the video she inflicted upon the class instead of watching her student's confused faces, she'd not be having quite as good of a time. Even Chiyo-chan had a look of utter confusion on her face, which was quite a rare occasion. Osaka, on the other hand, nodded her head at every sentence. Of course she of all people would understand the logics of Quantum theory. Kagura dejectedly put her head on her desk and slept.
The sound of discussion woke her from her nap. It seemed that Osaka was up to her usual shenanigans.
"So…if what that video said was true, then Ah could walk through walls an' stuff, right?" The spacey one asked.
"In theory, yes," replied Yomi.
"But you'd have to be running into the same spot for almost an eternity," interjected Chiyo.
"But you couldn't live that long, and besides, you'd eventually break the wall…or your head…" Said Tomo.
'Oh dear GOD,' thought Kagura, 'Why Ms. Yukari, WHY?!'
"I got it!" Osaka exclaimed, "Chiyo-chan, maybe your pigtails can rearrange the electrons and stuff in the wall!"
"Um…I don't think that's possible, miss Osaka…"
"Hey! Go break Nyamo's walls, not mine! I don't have the cash to repay the school!" shouted Ms. Yukari, "Besides…I still owe a drink machine…"
'Hallelujah!' thought Kagura, as she put her head back down on her desk.
The peace was not to last…
"So Yomi…What'd you think about the possibility of alternate dimensions?" Tomo asked the Chunky Pony.
'The makings of overused fan fictions, that's what I think,' Thought Kagura, thinking to herself. The author thinks all this thinking is becoming redundant.
"I don't know…I don't really like theories. I prefer things to be based on proven facts, not random 'what-if's' based on someone's ideas."
'Which is exactly why I don't read fan fictions, especially those involving quantum physics,' thought Kagura, breaking the 4th wall.
"Oh, come on! Is your lack of imagination the reason you're such a killjoy?"
'Oh PLEASE kill her joy, Yomi. I have a massive headache…" thought Kagura, because thinking is the only thing she will do in this story.
'Even if I did have spoken lines in this stupid story, I STILL wouldn't feel like speaking!' Kagura thought, more to the author than herself, knowing full and well the reason she did not have any spoken lines in this story. Kagura had a feeling that the author was not very fond of her, and this was true. And thus did Kagura and the author get into a 4th wall breaking argument of epic proportions, which will not be covered in this story because it is not the most interesting topic at hand.
"I admit that it would be interesting if there really were alternate universes, but until it is proven otherwise, it is just a fantasy, like UFOs, Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, or anything else Osaka is interested in."
Osaka heard her name. Of course, there is a separate dimension in which Osaka had not heard her name, but it would have ended the story at that point, as nothing else interesting would have happened. So let us continue in the dimension in which she did.
"You call me, Yomi?"
"Were ya talkin' about those dimensions? Ah got some theories on that." Osaka continued, as if Yomi had never spoke.
"Really? Like what?" asked Tomo, earning herself a glare from Yomi.
"What we'd be like if there really were 'us' in a different dimension."
"Cool! What would we be like?"
Yomi rolled her eyes at the Bonkura's stupidity. She was glad that the third Bonkura was currently at was with the author. She hoped that someone would repair those broken 4th walls, as she certainly did not want any more crossovers written by illiterate 5th graders who could not stick to a plot to save their lives.
The author ran away crying.
"Chiyo-chan wouldn't be so innocent anymore. Probably because she would also be ya cousin…"
"With family loyalty in play, she'd have to help me with school work!" exclaimed Tomo.
"…but she would no longer be a genius."
"Darn…What about Sakaki?"
"Sakaki would be goth."
"But she ain't too fond of ya…and her boobs would be three times smaller, until she graduated and we get a new Sakaki."
"Then our new Sakaki would be shorter, but she'd have plenty of boobs. Ya'd also have a major crush on her, only to be foiled by that stupid minor character Oyama."
Tomo had nothing to say to that, as she knew quite well that she would never be good enough for Sakaki, no matter what dimension they were in. She and Kaorin happened to be on the same boat.
"Kagura would be an eccentric artist, and Chihiro would be ya past crush who ya never got over. And she hates ya.
"Ah would be a nerd zombie who plays Yugioh."
"Now you're just confusing me."
"You and Yomi would be exactly the same…But totally different."
"But-but that makes no sense!"
"Oh, and Kaorin, Kaorin is--"
"THAT IS ENOUGH," bellowed a voice that was the author, "SAY ANYMORE AND I SHALL PUT YOU INTO A STORY IN WHICH YOU ARE RAPED BY TOMO."
"Ah my Gahd! Ah dun wanna be raped! Even if in that other dimension Ah have no virginity!"
"YOU HAVE CONTINUED TO REVEAL THE SECRETS OF A DIMENSION OF WHICH YOU SHOULD KNOW NOTHING OF. I HOPE YOU ALL LIKE UNCONVENTIONAL PAIRINGS, RAPE, GRAPHIC CHARACTER DEATH, AND TOMONOT BEING PAIRED WITH YOMI!!!"
The girls all screamed. Yukari woke up, seeing the broken 4th walls, knew that Osaka had damned them all to a fate worse than death. So she threw markers at Osaka, just as she would have in that other dimension, where she was exactly the same.
"Why did I teach quantum physics in the first place?!"
"BECAUSE I WILLED IT SO. MY WILL HAS POWER OVER ALL, JUST LIKE IN MAGIC KNIGHT RAYEARTH."
'Who are you?!" cried Kaorin, speaking her first lines in this story.
"I AM MICHAEL JACKSON!"
"No! It's not true! It can't be! I killed you with an AK-47!"
"BUT THAT WAS IN ONE OF THE OTHER DIMENSIONS I CREATED! BECAUSE OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF OTHER DIMENSIONS WHICH YOU SHOULD KNOW NOTHING ABOUT, YOU SHALL BE SEVERLY PUNISHED!"
"It's not fair! I didn't know I wasn't supposed to read the fan fictions, Mr. Jackson!" Said Kaorin, unaware due to the fact that they only know what the author lets them know, that it could not be Michael Jackson, because the author would not really use their will to summon the king of pop to live again in their fan fiction, because that would make him a zombie, and then the author would be copying Thriller.
'Wait a minute,' thought Kagura, who for some reason can hear the narration in her mind, 'You said, er, narrated, that we can only know what you let us know, which means you let us read those fanfics, which gave us the knowledge of those other dimensions. You caused us to incriminate ourselves!'
"FOOLISH GIRL! IF I HAD NOT DONE SO, THEN THIS FANFICTION WOULD HAVE NEVER EXISTED!"
"You control everything we do?" shouted Tomo.
"I MERELY PUT THE IDEA INTO YOUR HEAD. IT WAS YOU DECISION TO FOLLOW IT!"
"What are you? Satan or something?"
"NO, BUT I KNOW WHO IS, AT LEAST IN A DIMENSION THAT I DID NOT CREATE. IT IS QUITE AN ENJOYABLE READ, AND I CANNOT PUNISH YOU FOR KNOWLEDGE OF A DIMENSION UNAFFILIATED WITH ME."
The author unknowingly put an idea into Kagura's head, and because the author did so unknowingly, they had no control over Kagura's actions. Kagura leapt through the broken 4th wall, hoping to find refuge by escaping into an anime where no fan fiction authors have corrupted it. Finding none, she settled on a deserted comic strip created by a 6th grader. The comic, being never published, had not yet been corrupted by the world, nor had it been touched in over 6 years.
'That crazy author won't find me here' thought Kagura, 'It seems whoever the author was gave it up for good. Probably too busy with school or moved on to something else.'
Kagura was right. But what she did not know was that the author was diversly talented…and had not touched the comic strip in so long because of writing fan fictions…Azumanga Daioh fan fictions. And so Kagura felt safe, ignorant to the predicament she was now in…
Dun Dun Dun….
I swear it was not originally going to turn out like that…but most of my work just writes itself…For better or for worse…
And the story hinted inside the story? Yep. I'm working on it.