Word count: around 900
Rating: worksafe… ish XD
Note: For my Mattias. Inspired by this article: ancienthistory (dot) about (dot) com (slash) library (slash) weekly (slash) aa072099 (dot) htm
Greece could easily admit that he'd spent less than a minute of his (rather remarkably long) life contemplating his sexual preferences. Most of his people agreed with him that sex was something you did for enjoyment and pleasure (and sometimes just to pass time), and who you did it with or how you did it was nothing but a coincidence most of the time and not something to be thought too deeply about. And it certainly wasn't something to get into political discussion about, Greece thought, leaning back and closing his eyes and ears to the increasingly heated discussion around him.
So, since last year Sweden allowed men to marry men and women to marry women. In church. What was the big deal? They'd been living together and screwing just the same before, hadn't they? He certainly didn't see why it was something that they needed to bring up at the yearly World Meeting whether it was wrong or right for them to do so.
Before Greece could fall into his usual slumber, however, a muffled cough to his right caught his attention. Turning his head in that direction, his gaze settled on the stern-looking face of Japan, who apparently did his very best to tune out the others' talk as well, by staring at his notes.
The hint of red on his cheeks exposed that he didn't quite succeed.
Greece leaned closer to the Asian nation. "Not your choice of topic?" he mumbled.
Japan blinked as he looked up from the papers. "Ah, Girisha-san. No, not quite." He raised his head to survey the rest of the room (by the looks of it, France and England would jump at each others' throats in about three… two…). "I do not quite see where the necessity to discuss this topic lays," he said slowly, his English - the only language they had in common, seeing as Greece's studies of Japan's own language came along rather slowly, much like everything else he did - made awkward by his accent. Greece nodded.
"I think they're just jealous," he said, shrugging.
Japan raised an eyebrow. "You mean Igirisu-san and America-san?"
"Hmmm. And Germany and Italy. Spain and… the other Italy. And some others."
Japan nodded his silent agreement but didn't say anything further. On the opposite side of the table, chairs were being pushed aside, papers flying in every direction, as France and England grabbed at each other ("of course it came from you, you frog; you're the biggest bloody shirtlifter in all of Europe; you've been running around spreading your abnormal views on sex for ages", "at least my national outfit doesn't include men in skirts", "they're kilts, you daft prick, and they're not even mine; they're Scotlands", "excuses, m'dear Angleterre~", "I don't want to hear that from you by the way; you dressed as a girl for over a century", "like anything could be more gay than your eyebrows", "leave my eyebrows out of it"), America (no, wait, America was standing behind England, laughing at the display… Canada, then) and Spain both making a poor attempt at holding them back. On the opposite side of the table from the fight, Korea was gesticulating wildly about how gay sex "totally didn't originate from me, but maybe you know something about it, bro'?"
Greece sighed. Why could these things never go smoothly; he just wanted the meeting to end quickly so he could go take a nap in peace…
The cat in his lap meowed weakly, pawing at his chest. "I know, I know…" he mumbled, lifting it into his arms. He turned to his right once again, holding the animal out to Japan. "Would you hold her for me for a moment?"
As soon as Japan started to say "yes, absolutely, but why…?", he found himself with a handful of cat, and Greece stood up from his chair.
"Gay sex," he begun, "originated from me."
It wasn't like one of those epical moments in movies, when the whole room fell silent all at once, but it was close enough. One by one, the nations turned their attention towards the end of the table. He thought they looked a bit funny, what with their mouths hanging open in almost identical expressions. Finally, only America continued to babble about how much of an idiot England was and his eyebrows were kind of gay, actually (he shut up as England elbowed him in the ribs).
Greece cleared his throat.
"In the beginning," he said, waiting until Korea stopped attempting to tickle China, "there were three types of double-headed humans, varying according to sex: male and male, female and female, and male and female. Zeus, angered at the humans, punished them by splitting them in half. From then on, each half has forever sought out his other half."
Falling silent, he looked around at the puzzled faces of his fellow nations. He smiled slowly, before he sat down again.
"Eh…" England said weakly.
"Is that… so…" France looked at Greece uncertainly.
"Did'ya hear that, Romano?" sang Spain. "That means we were fated to be one-and-the-same!"
"Wh-what are you saying you bastard I'll fucking kill you—"
"I think you should all consider becoming one-and-the-same with me, da?"
"Ve~ That is so strange! Germany, did you hear, people used to have two heads in Greece's place!"
…well. At least they weren't making sex a matter of politics any more. Greece leaned back and relaxed. Beside him, Japan had taken to petting the cat in his place, and so she didn't seem like she was in any rush to be reinstated in Greece's lap. He gave the Asian a silent nod and smile.
"That was a… lovely speech," Japan said uncertainly.
"Thanks," Greece replied. "I thought it might have been a bit much… I can't help but get a bit offended when they try to claim the rights to one of the few things I actually do own the rights to, nowadays."
Japan gave a quirked smile that Greece couldn't quite interpret. "I know what you mean."
"Eh, really?" Greece asked, leaning closer to the black-haired nation, sudden interest brightening his eyes. "So... what is your opinion on gay sex?"
At this, Japan blushed violently, but he answered anyway. "Ah, well, you see, at my place we have something called yaoi…"