I'm never letting you go
Summary: 'I love you, Haruhi'. It took Hikaru two years, a stubborn twin and a whole lot of cherryade before he finally said it.
Pairing: HikaHaru. Obviously. 8D
Dedication: This one-shot is dedicated to Kimmeeeh. :D She's an awesome writer and reader and gave me the idea for this after reviewing my other story and asking whether Hikaru would tell Haruhi he loved her. Well, I just had to write it, didn't I? 8) She is the mother of this idea. Praise her. She is awesomely awesome. :D Hope you like it! ^^
It was a scary word.
Although it was, as Kaoru had teasingly pointed out, only a very little word.
Thermodynamics, on the other hand, was a very long word, but its 14 letters didn't scare science-keen Hikaru Hitachiin at all.
Those 4 letters however, scared him to death.
He loved her.
He'd loved her for over two years.
He hadn't actually got round to telling her yet.
'Her' being Haruhi Fujioka, Hikaru's girlfriend for two years today.
Yeah. And they still ended a phone conversation with 'I really liiiiiiiiiiiiike youuuu!' (Or Hikaru did anyway. Haruhi had the amazing ability to speak normally). Upon accidently walking in on the end of one of these said conversations, Kaoru nearly choked in horror.
"Wha-what did you just say?!"
Hikaru paused and looked round from his bed, giving his shocked brother a bewildered look.
"I... said bye to Haruhi?" He answered blankly, completely lost as he innocently put his mobile on the bedside table.
"I like you? I freaking like you?! Oh my god, Hikaru."
"What?" Hikaru frowned, getting whiney in his defensive confusion. "Should I say I don't like her?"
Kaoru stared at him. He seriously felt like banging his head against the wall. "Hikaru, you are the slowest person ever to exist. Ever. You and Haruhi have been going out for almost two years!"
"...Is there a point I'm supposed to be getting here?"
The youngest twin sighed in complete frustration, deciding that there was simply no getting around it. He could deny it no longer. His brother was a complete and utter idiot. But maybe there was a reason why the younger of the two was more mature.
Maybe, in those last five minutes before being born, Kaoru developed a brain.
Hikaru must have missed out.
"Hika." Kaoru began firmly, staring at his clueless twin right in the eye. "Have you ever actually consciously told Haruhi you love her? Like, using actual words?"
"Uh... um, well..."
Hikaru's stuttering reply was all he needed. Throwing the nearest thing to him straight at Hikaru's head (which happened to be a book. But don't worry, it was paper-back), Kaoru stomped off to have a shower, complaining loudly about idiot brothers and the fact 'it's only a four letter word!'.
So, after much deliberation, Hikaru had come to a conclusion.
He had to tell Haruhi that he loved her.
"Fina-freaking-ally!" Kaoru had exclaimed in exasperation when Hikaru had revealed his master plan to him later that night (Hikaru had been interested to find that an annoyed Kaoru could work 'freaking' into any word he liked. When Hikaru asked him to say something else however, he had another book thrown at his head for his trouble. Sigh).
Hikaru jumped back to life and whipped his head round to wildly stare at the brunette girl standing next to him; she was a whole head shorter than he was but still seemed to tower over him as she arched an eyebrow in weary bemusement.
Her name was Haruhi Fujioka, the only one in the world who could make him completely forget who he was and drown happily her presence.
And Hikaru loved her for it.
And no, he hadn't actually told her yet. He was going to tell her today. Honestly. Give him time.
...And if you're saying something about two years being more than enough time, I'll take this opportunity to mention that Hikaru has a terrible case of selective hearing.
The oldest Hitachiin suddenly realised that Haruhi's look meant she was waiting for him to give some sort of response and, panicking slightly, blurted out; "Uh... Can you repeat the question?"
Rolling her eyes, Haruhi patiently tapped her shopping basket. "Food, Hikaru. Focus. What food do you want?"
Hikaru grinned rather goofily to himself as he looked over at the 'commoner' foods around him, searching for something interesting enough to catch his interest. As it was their two year anniversary, he had practically forced Haruhi to, instead of studying the Saturday away, go on a picnic with him (he had thought of the idea himself and was rather chuffed with it). Though Haruhi had grumbled about the lack of point of celebrating it, she had nevertheless agreed to go along with it, bringing us back to the present and the commoner supermarket.
Hikaru glanced away from the soft drinks and looked at the rows of cheap snacks, trying to find one he hadn't seen before. He was about to announce that he wanted some of those cheesy-looking things, when he suddenly felt something warm against his side. When he realised what that warmth was, he burned in flustered horror.
Haruhi was pressing up against him?!
He stared down at her wildly to see that she had moved closer and was innocently holding onto his arm, glancing around as though one of the shop's many other costumers had just bumped into her (Hikaru would have demanded they apologise he if wasn't too busy having a full blown mental panic attack).
"It's so busy on a Saturday..." Haruhi sighed, frowning before she looked back over at her companion. The frown became more pronounced as she moved even closer to him, trying to get a proper look at his face. "Huh? Hikaru, are you feeling okay? You look really flushed."
(No, I don't know how he managed to pronounce that either.)
Haruhi blinked in bewilderment, her eyebrows practically lost in her hairline.
Hikaru tried to look away but he felt locked in place, as though Haruhi had managed to flick a switch and freeze his joints in place; he'd never known this switch to exist before, and it still baffled him how even Haruhi's most innocent actions seemed to find it instantly. Stop looking at me like that! Stop making your eyes so drown-in-able! And stop standing so close! We're in a supermarket! Jeeze!
"I... uh, I..."
"I..." ...can't do this here! What am I doing? Relocate! Relocate! "I'm really bored! How long does it take to shop for a picnic?! Jeeze! Let's go pay already, Haruhi!"
She gave him a suddenly un-amused look, prodding him in the side with the corner of the basket.
"We could," she retorted, "if you would pick something already. We still haven't got anything to drink. You do want to do this, don't you?"
"'Course I do!" He said hurriedly, quickly looking round at the cans of drink behind him (they could have prepared something to eat, but Hikaru wanted to try some proper commoner food, seeing as he hardly ate it anymore, and Haruhi was too busy with starting university to prepare a whole basket of food for them to eat). "Um... did you want any drink in particular, Haruhi?" He asked, trying to be polite.
She scoffed. "I really don't care. Is this your way of hurrying up, Hikaru?"
Ah, who cares about being polite?
"Fine! I want that!" He announced firmly, pointing randomly. "Lots and lots of that!"
Smiling slightly, Haruhi moved away from Hikaru (he managed to breathe again) and walked fluidly over to the drinks he had pointed to, picking one up sceptically.
"Cherryade?" She read, sounding bemused as glanced back to Hikaru. "You like cherryade?"
He stared back blankly for a second before murmuring; "...Yeah. Sure. I've had that before, right? It's like cheap people's version of juice."
"... I... guess you could say that. Apart from it's got way more sugar and substitutes in. Huh. Actually, it's not really like juice at all."
"Like I said; it's poor people's juice!"
Haruhi sighed and wearily placed a few cans in the basket. "I won't even bother going through everything that's wrong with that."
Hikaru delicately licked his lips, tasting the last few droplets of sweet, sticky cherry on his tongue. His bangs fell slightly over his eyes, shading them and tickling his eyelashes. The sun beat down, unusually warm for so early in the year, making him feel content and dopey.
The sun wasn't the only thing making him feel like that.
Haruhi had been sitting near him for the whole of the picnic, but now his arm had shyly snaked around her waist and pulled her close. She, as usual, hadn't really responded to this but a small smile fluttered across her features as his head fell contently on her shoulder (stereotypical gender roles remaining happily ignored).
He blissfully nuzzled the side of her neck.
The moment was... weirdly perfect. In a quiet sort of way. Hikaru felt the moment was draped with a sense of subtle perfection.
No, he hadn't told her yet! He was waiting for the right moment. Jeeze. Timing people, timing.
Haruhi closed her eyes and let out a content puff of air as she ran her fingers daintily through the grass around her, feeling, for once, completely relaxed. "The weather's really nice. This would be perfect," She commented randomly, "if I had a book."
The oldest twin frowned and shifted his head to he could look at her, his lips puckered in a pout.
"Quit ruining the moment, Haruhi."
She blinked, and then turned slightly to give him a thoroughly bemused look. "The moment?" She scoffed, causing Hikaru's bottom lip to sulkily stick out even more. "What do you mean?"
"You know. The moment. The no-words-needed-cuddly-just-two-people-no-books-allowed moment that you totally just ruined with your mentioning of the dreaded books." He sighed dramatically, as though he was explaining something painfully obvious. "Don't you know anything?" He added with a chiding look.
The scholarship student sighed.
Grinning and feeling slightly triumphant, Hikaru daringly pulled her even closer and buried his face in her soft hair; he slowly breathed in her sweet, cheap-shampoo aroma and counted down in his head, his smirk brushing against her hair.
3, 2, 1...
Haruhi whipped her head round.
"Hikaru, are you smelling-?"
And then he smothered her words with a victorious kiss.
Later, a disgruntled Haruhi would muse about whether she had been tricked into that sudden kiss. At the time though, she didn't really care. She instantly responded, gently yet firmly, causing Hikaru to beam delightedly, his lips soft against hers. He wove his fingers into her short hair lovingly.
He loved her.
It was as simple as that.
He just had to tell her.
Haruhi suddenly drew away and randomly let out a weird, exasperated giggle (Hikaru had been interested to find that Haruhi had a tendency to giggle after being kissed; when he had once tried to test this theory however, she had snapped at him to stop trying to kiss her and let her get on with her coursework. Sigh).
He smirked and let his lips flutter lovingly against hers again, ears flushed pink, before he backed away just enough to open his eyes and see her properly; her deep, hazel eyes stared right back at him, half open and smiling. It was these moments of quiet happiness she cherished.
It suddenly occurred to her that this might be one of those 'moments' Hikaru had been going on about earlier. Huh.
Hikaru grinned at her adoringly, delighting in being able to be so close and the suddenly pondering look on her face. He- Oh my God.
He flushed madly as a realisation came to him.
Oh. My. God.
It was... the moment.
The moment that he had been waiting for all day, that he really should have created months prior.
The... I-love-you moment.
It was now. The moment was practically screaming at him to say it.
Oh, crap, crap, crap.
He stared at her, mouth slightly agape, causing Haruhi to arch a perplexed eyebrow at his goldfish impression. He gulped.
"Uh... um, Haruhi..."
Love was a scary word.
To Hikaru, it was like... an extra commitment. A vow. Love wasn't something that was present just because two people were going out. It grew and grew and changed the very gravity of your world. Saying it to someone was telling them you had let them into your heart and never wanted to let them go. Saying it made you feel... wonderful. And vulnerable.
It was a scary word and one Hikaru was very particular about who he used it on.
He loved Haruhi more than he had ever expected possible.
But it was a scary word.
"Spit it out, Hikaru."
He gulped again, feeling the back of his neck practically burn up in a frantic blush. It must be the pressure. And the stress of it all. If he got spots, he was totally suing.
He wasn't sure who he would sue (cupid?), but he would sue.
Slightly impatient, Haruhi sighed and was about to shift over and start putting their picnic stuff away (as they should probably be getting back by now) when Hikaru began spluttering loudly again; she glanced back over to him expectantly.
"I-" ...love you. "I mean, I-" ...need you. "I, uh... I-" ...adore you. "It's just, I-" ...really wish you could read minds. Because that would make things so much easier.
Haruhi raised a wearily amused eyebrow, mouth suddenly twitching. "We going to manage any complete sentences today, Hikaru?" She asked almost teasingly, completely oblivious.
He frowned, his lips slightly pouting. She may well joke. He thought savagely. This is a very serious matter. And a scary one. Can't she feel the seriousness floating around? And since when was Haruhi the one who joked in serious-? Ah, crap. Off topic. Focus me, focus.
Haruhi sighed and turned away again.
Hikaru suddenly thought of facing Kaoru's wrath if he chickened out and quickly grabbed her hand.
"I love you, Haruhi."
Haruhi paused before looking round at him, her eyes widening in mild surprise. For a second, she simply studied his face before hers seemed to brighten, cocking her head slightly as she smiled.
"I love you too." She replied, as though it the simplest thing in the world; and from her casual smile and tone, she might as well be agreeing on the weather.
Hikaru stared at her.
Then he stared some more.
Then some more.
...Maybe she didn't hear him.
"I'm serious." He confirmed earnestly. "I love you. I really, really do."
"I believe you, Hikaru." She smiled, still with that lightly casual tone of voice, only the faintest shade of pink tinting her cheeks. "And I know. I love you too."
Hikaru stared at her.
Wh-why is she acting so damn casual?! I'm practically throwing my heart up here, and she's not... she's not acting like she's supposed to!
He wasn't quite sure how she was supposed to react, but he was sure it was something a bit more dramatic.
She did say she loved him back.
Haruhi snorted, exasperated and amused by the number of facial expressions it seemed to take him before her response had actually set in; he was so slow and innocent on one hand... and so amazingly not innocent on the other. He floundered wildly in his love like he was drowning, sometimes getting things right, sometimes getting things oh, so wrong.
Yet she wouldn't have him any other way.
She loved his shy, caring side. She loved his hyper, hard-to-understand side. And, though she would never admit to this in a million years and no amount of fancy tuna could ever get her to (even with added side dishes), she... loved it when he held her and kissed her so adoringly.
Though, like she said, there was no way in hell she was ever going to admit to that.
The last thing Hikaru needed was an ego stroke.
The ego-centric host in question was currently pondering over her response, arms still locked around her waist and face still half-smiling and half-pouting; he looked like a child trying to work out a complex equation when the answer was already on the tip of his tongue.
Haruhi honestly couldn't understand what was so complex about 'I love you'.
Love was love, beautiful and pure.
Or in Haruhi's opinion anyway.
She suddenly shivered slightly, subconsciously leaning into Hikaru's touch as the first hint of evening chill began to set in; how long had they been out? Forever a commoner at heart, Haruhi took the slight tint of the end of the day to mean it was time to go and tried to start packing everything away again.
The key word being 'tried'.
"Hikaru, let go. I need to put everything back."
"I'm not letting go. I refuse."
She turned to glare at him where his head had fell back on her shoulder, only to find him looking up at her devilishly, a quirky smile on his face.
"I refuse to let you go, Haruhi." He elaborated, smirk growing as he tightened his hold on her possessively. "I never ever want to let you go."
"Regardless, we still have to leave now, so..."
"I love you, Haruhi. So I'm never letting you go." He grinned daringly at her uncertain face, eyes twinkling happily and he cuddled into her even more (making an escape impossible). "But I may consider letting go temporarily if you say it again."
"Oh my God, you know what I mean."
I do. Haruhi sighed, giving him her best un-amused look, despite the fact she was trying not to smile warmly at his teasing words. I love you, Hikaru. But you're not going to make me say it again like that.
You learnt a thing or two when you dated a Hitachiin.
Like say... how to stop him being difficult.
For a second, Haruhi simply paused, biting her lip as her look grew thoughtful; Hikaru had just enough time to register how cute she looked (and therefore blush slightly) when, out of nowhere, Haruhi ducked her head and kissed him full on the lips.
Hikaru's eyes instantly flew open and, for a second, he was too stunned by the sudden kiss to even respond. Even then, he barely had time to gingerly kiss back when Haruhi drew away, slightly pink but with a suspiciously triumphant smile on her face.
He didn't even notice that his arms had grown completely lax in his flustered surprise. Haruhi however, did notice and stepped primly out of them, before she promptly started putting the remains of their picnic away in the large hamper they had dragged with them, completely nonchalant.
Hikaru stared at her.
"You-!" He spluttered in horror; his face was flushing painfully red as he stared open-mouthed at her.
Haruhi paused and glanced over, raising an innocent eyebrow as though she had done nothing weirder than simply asking him to move; he blushed all the deeper.
"You... you're worse than me." He finally accused, grumbling and red-faced.
Maybe... Tono had actually been right (for once). They must be a bad influence. Had he corrupted his girlfriend after all? Yikes. He shivered at the thought of an evil Haruhi.
Especially one who seemed to know his weakness; namely, her.
Before the oldest twin could muse too deeply on this however (passing a few things absentmindedly to Haruhi when she had looked pointedly at them), Haruhi suddenly voiced a random thought that had been swimming round her head.
"Though... this isn't the first time you've told me you love me."
Hikaru almost choked on thin air, dropping the glass he had been handing over at the time which luckily landed on the grass. He stared at her in horrified bewilderment.
"What?! Wait... what do you... what are you talking about?" He managed to get out; he was getting the weird feeling of panicking, but not really knowing why he was panicking. "When did I-?"
"That time you and Kaoru dragged me to yours to watch that weird movie and then you both fell asleep (on me). You started sleep talking and-"
"Oh my God! I sleep-confessed?!"
"Uh... I guess?"
And that was the moment his mouth completely disconnected with his brain.
While his mouth began spluttering something along the lines of 'What?!' and 'No way!' and 'That's the worst kind of confession there is!' (what are the other kinds?), his brain fired off in an utterly pointless and separate internal monologue.
So... I've already vowed?! The I-love-you commitment has already happened?! Why wasn't I informed?! Oh my God, how could I have told her and not known?! Ahhh! Kaoru, help me! I'm so stupid! Damn sleep talking! He was slightly horrified. You know, just slightly.
Deciding he had internally freaked out long enough, he quickly reconnected his mouth and brain together again.
"Why didn't you- why didn't you tell me?!" He demanded, to which Haruhi shrugged casually as she closed the hamper; her mouth twitched slightly in amusement.
"What was there to tell?" She reasoned.
My girlfriend is insane.
"What wasn't there to tell?!"
Haruhi let a small, exasperated laugh as Hikaru pouted dramatically in an I-don't-know-how-else-to-react sulk.
In truth she... already knew he loved her. Just as much as she loved him. Even without his sleep-induced confession, she knew.
Though Haruhi was generally as thick as a plank when it came to subtle signs of affection, she was excellent at working out things she really put her mind to. See, it used to bother her that she sometimes caught Hikaru staring at her and couldn't understand the emotion behind his eyes; it was unusually soft and fond, alien to his face. She racked her brains, trying to catch the look more and more to understand what it meant but she had no luck giving it a name.
Until one day, she caught herself giving Hikaru the exact same look while he dozily doodled on his homework.
She was stunned.
It was love.
And that was the moment she realised Hikaru was well and truly in love with her.
Haruhi knew that Hikaru had trouble putting delicate emotions into words; even such strong feelings came out spluttering and uncertain. So she never minded that he hadn't gotten round to actually voicing his feelings. She didn't mind at all.
Because she'd catch that look.
And she'd know.
Though, she mused thoughtfully to herself as she glanced over to him (he appeared to be in deep thought), it would be nice to hear now and then.
"No... I mean, yes but... I need to know..." He suddenly gave her a very serious and intense look as though this was an issue that was genuinely bothering him. He paused dramatically. "How did you react? I need to make sure it matches."
Haruhi instantly snorted in disbelief before, with a quick eye-roll, sticking out a hand to help him up.
"Well," she began, giving him the frequently used you're-an-idiot look, "how do you think I reacted?"
"And then she said I had already told her!"
"Yeah, but I was asleep. That time when Haruhi stayed round at ours and we fell asleep watching a movie. So really, that was the second time I'd told her!"
"Yeah, but this was the first you were conscious, so the last time doesn't count."
"Yeah, I guess... huh. 'The first time you were conscious.' That's the second time you've said that, Kaoru. Conscious."
"Guess it is."
"... Holy crap! You already knew, didn't you?! You knew I said it before! You prat!"
"D- Did Haruhi tell you?"
"Nah, I was still awake. And I must say, your sleepy confession was adorable, Hika-chan."
"Aww, I love you too, bro."
No, I don't know what this is either. The HikaHaru side of my brain going hyper, combined with a laptop. A dangerous combination. It's really long too. Um. Hope you like it anyway. 8D Please tell me what you think! :P
I'm off to try and work out how you pronounce "!!*&$*%$*%&$*?!?!?". I'll probably fail. I'm sure Hikaru sounded rather epic while saying it though. Anyone who can disconnect his brain is totally made of epic. :D
.... I'm sorry. I'm sugar deprived. D: I'll stop typing now. T.T
Thank you very extremely much for reading! ;D -throws roses-