Author's Notes



With regards to 'Perfect', I have received several emails that, while being quite complimentary about the fic itself, expressed disbelief that Heero would kill himself. I would like to respond to those emails with my rationale for his suicide.

My theory is this. Heero, as a young boy, was trained to not feel after the incident with the young girl and her puppy almost destroyed him. You'll notice that in 'Perfect', Wufei refers to Heero as two different people: The lover/dreamer and the soldier. The soldier is the one who does not feel, which is why Heero reverts to save himself from a pain that is far too strong for the lover to handle. You see, the lover is a newborn person. Every emotion is new to him, including grief.

If you look at young children, everything bad that happens to them is the end of the world, because it is happening to them for the first time. They are protected from loss and grief because they don't understand death fully enough to feel it. Heero, on the other hand, is an emotional newborn who understands death, and has nobody to comfort him with euphemisms. He knows death intimately. The emotions brought on by loss are hard enough for an adult who has dealt with emotions for their whole life to handle – I think they would overwhelm him.

However, Heero reverts to the soldier, who is stone – but the stone has been cracked, now, to let something softer through, and can no longer handle the intense pressure he places on it. I honestly believe that Heero would not be able to cope with the loss of something as precious to him as Duo.



** If anybody would like to debate this, write it in a review, or email me. I'd like very much to know whether my argument was successful, or whether it's flawed. Thank you! :o)