Well, Not Every Hug


Spock said (in his own, wonderfully uptight Spock way) that I'm more or less allowed to touch him anytime I want now, which I found rather adorable since I probably would have done it anyway (like I need his permission to touch my… person with whom I may be more than a little in love with oh and also have sex and a telepathic bond… with).

And even though he did specifically say that hugs are never to be done in public (like I'd ever try and hug the guy on the bridge in front of some Klingons, right? Geez) I'm quite sure he was joking, because of the way his eyes glinted all dark and pretty like. Either that or it's because he likes them so much and he's, like, so repressed that being happy when other people are around makes him uncomfortable.

Obviously the first person I wanted to tell was Bones... but for some reason it turned out to be Uhura. To be honest, I'm not sure what I was thinking at the time, just that a sudden urge to say it made me, well, do so. She took it well. Almost annoyingly well, with a self-satisfied smile and a little nod, as though I was just confirming a suspicion she'd long had. Then, as was perfectly logical and expected, she went through the usual routine of threats (and I will admit to being rather impressed by their... inventiveness) until satisfied that my intentions were those of a perfect gentleman... ish (sadly, she was unable to maintain a straight face during that particular point. I was not insulted).

The country doctor was way more fun to mess with, so there was a rather long and drawn-out description of certain details before I actually got into telling him about the bond and my secret belief that I am now, most officially, married.

Really though, Bones is the best friend I've ever had and his gruff support was important to me. I still remembered the day he'd asked me to tell him the truth, when I was lying in a bed after eating whatever the hell it was that apparently made me bite Spock's ear. He'd known about my feelings for Spock probably before I had (again with the annoying), and then, once I'd actually admitted them, helped me out as best he could.

The rest of the crew found out very much on their own, since I considered an actual announcement for maybe half a second before deciding I'd rather jump out of an airlock than do anything as incredibly stupid as talk about my love life over the ship-wide communicator. Gossip being what it is, and free time abundant for a few days after the rumours began to spread, I had been congratulated by Scotty a mere week after it happened. And if Scotty knew, then everyone else knew as well, including the ship's computer, to which I dictated the official (and oh so excruciatingly embarrassing) letter to the Admiralty informing them of my new relationship with a crew member, in the interest of full disclosure.

Pike called soon after that, actually, and there followed a rather horrible conversation that included the words: surprise (the lack of), Vulcan babies, Pun Far (or something like that, but I'm convinced he made it up), bondage (I wish I was kidding), son, and the sentence 'You're so the wife', with which I am completely in disagreement, just to be clear.

Anyway, after that it was a matter of time before the nets picked up the story, so I called my mother. She cried. I didn't, thank God, and after we'd both got over ourselves there was much rejoicing of the best kind, which is the teasing kind, because Winona Kirk is a woman with an overdeveloped sense of humour and an easily contagious grin. Spock was there for that, mostly quiet, drinking all the Human expressions in, I suspected.

We haven't told his father yet, and I'm trying really, honestly really hard not to think about that (not to say that I've succeeded).

The telepathy thing is awesome. I'm still working on it, since it takes a very long time of hard concentration to actually do anything with my mind and I get a really bad headache after a while, but getting better. So far, Spock has taught me how to keep the barrier so we can communicate but he doesn't have to feel every single tiny thing that I do, and vice-versa.

That's not to say that we can't take it down during some periods of time, if you know what I mean. Heh. And the mind-melds are... uh, indescribable, I'm afraid. There's just nothing I could possibly say to attempt to convey what... how amazing, how ecstatic, how easy, how precious that feeling is. Some days, some bad days when I'm running on nerves and fear, remembering it (something so intimately ours and no one else's, like a secret) is what keeps me going.

To think this all began with an exhausted, adrenalin-fuelled embrace. Or perhaps it started before that, when I turned around one day and there Spock was, looking the same as usual but somehow completely changed and I thought 'Wow, he's beautiful.' Or afterwards, when we kissed with our hands on a foreign bed and I felt his consciousness begin to sink into mine, and it was bliss...

And maybe, just maybe, it will be all right, and we can stay like this, and tomorrow amidst confusing shouts and running shapes we will frantically search for the other until our eyes finally meet, and I'll run, run until I'm standing in front of him and he will fall against me, body curving in a perfect arch, voluntarily holding me, or letting me hold him, and a soft, relieved whisper; "You are alive" so low that I will barely hear him.

"Yes. Because of you."

The End

This was late! This was so so late but I have, like, the best excuse ever. I got food poisoning and had to go to hospital! It was bad for a couple of days but now I'm way better, and eating again which is always a good sign, but anyway, yeah, no writing whilst connected to an IV, I'm afraid! XD

Well, it's over! I just wrote this to wrap it up a bit more nicely and to give Jimmy his say, which I felt he deserved, and I hope he didn't dissapoint :) I can't even begin to thank you all properly for your support, jokes, kind words or just good ol' constructive criticism! Everything is appreciated and I may have mentioned this already, but I LOVE YOU WITH THE BURNING PASSION OF A THOUSAND SUNS!