I'm writing you a letter, because I won't be able to tell you these things in person. You're gone, Blondie, and I don't know what I'm going to do without you.
Who woulda thought we'd end up together? A classy doctor like you shacking up with a lowlife like me? The truth is, as it stands now, I can't remember what it was like before I loved you. Maybe it was shared experience, getting left behind as the latest plan to get us off the island went up in smoke yet again. Once I realized what we had, I fell so hard and so fast for you, it got to be like we'd known each other forever. Damn...maybe we have. We did travel through time together, didn't we?
All you had to do was put a hand on my shoulder, or say my name, and I'd realize there were more important things going on than yelling at Faraday about his crazy plans. I looked in your eyes after we lost Locke, and you made it okay for me to let go of that rope and move on. You had a power over me. Hell, the first time we met you damn near killed me with that taser. I should have known then I'd belong to you for the rest of my life. Cool as a cucumber, cooler even. I can't call you an ice cube though, cause I've seen you in bed. There was fire behind those steady blue eyes of yours, and I want to thank you for letting me in and sharing it with me.
Even with that power, you never tried to control me. That day everyone left, we were equals. Just two sad souls on the losing side of a battle that none of us understood. While everyone kept making their speeches and making plans, you and I were just trying to survive another day, and maybe save a few lives along the way. We both know I was mooning over someone else in those early days of living in Dharmaville, but when I think back to that smile you gave me over your shoulder, when you said my idea was stupid...well, it makes me smile too. You weren't afraid to challenge me, but when you did it, it wasn't a fight. It was wisdom.
I know what you went through before we met. You told me all about it. So I know exactly how strong a woman you had to be to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Seeing that strength in you, it made me want to keep trying. You were the reason I didn't give up.
You had a chance to leave. You wanted to, even though it was 1974 and you'd still be lost no matter where the submarine took you. I asked you for two weeks. You gave me three years. In those three years I learned more than I did in the last thirty, about myself, about women, about being a leader without losing what it means to be part of a team. That was all you, baby. You called me by the name my mama gave me, and you didn't do it to manipulate me or make me feel small. You did it because you respected me. You made me feel like a man, someone that was capable of good and not scared of real love. And boy, did I love you. I still love you, and I always will.
Even though I can't say these things to you now, I had to tell you how much you mean to me, and I had to tell you before I walk away from this grave because I want you to know I'm not giving up on you. With your last breath you said you had something to tell me, and you said it was very important. You went away before you could tell me, but I know what you were thinking. Yep...I made Miles tell me. I pushed his face into the dirt and made him talk to you. (I can see the look on your face now - the one you would have given me if you'd been there to see it. Sorry, Jules...you weren't there to tell me no.)
"It worked." That's what he told me. You were going to say it worked. I didn't know what it meant when I heard it. I was too angry to think, and like I said, you weren't there to keep my mind straight. "It worked." I can't be sure, since nothing is sure on this island except for how I feel about you, but I think that means you're out there somewhere, some version of you that's still alive and still remembers me and what we had.
I'm going to find you, Juliet. I promise. Because you always had my back, and I still got yours.
I love you.