Again I apologise for it having been a while! I've so many ideas and so little time to write - uni and work and life insist on getting in my way haha but here is the next instalment at last! I am quite in love with this song, it's a great combination of artists :)
WARNING: there's some language, as always, and this chapter hints at some smexy-time. It's nothing super explicit, so I'll be keeping the rating to T - for now hehe... maybe. I dunno. Guess we'll see what happens :)
Anyway, enjoy! Thanks again for all your lovely reviews~ :)
Blah, Blah, Blah
Feel This Moment (Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera)
Kanda wasn't sure how he hadn't noticed it earlier. Admittedly, Lavi had always been a lot more subtle at it, and had only started making it blatantly clear in the past few months. If Kanda was to admit more, it would be to say that it was when he and Lavi had silently crossed lines and boundaries that neither one of them knew had been in place.
But the first time it had been obvious enough to call his attention to it had been when they were roaming the streets of a small village just on the outskirts of India's great capital. The heat was insufferable and so was the vibrancy of the people around them - or, at least, it should have been. But Kanda was strangely exhausted and the excitement of the surrounding people - people who had seen nothing but death and mourning and grief for the past month - was injecting a strange sort of relaxant into his veins, making his heavy limbs feel curiously light.
And beside him, Lavi was quiet and thoughtful, no doubt feeling the same onslaught of exhaustion as Kanda was. But then he stopped, gaze trained downwards for a short time before it lifted, first to scan over the crowds and markets, then to the sky.
Kanda stopped a few paces ahead, planted a hand on his hip with an irritated sigh, and closed his eyes. "Oi, Usagi. Let's go." When he received no taunt in return, no teasing call of 'Yuu~chan~', he opened his eyes, brow furrowed lightly with confusion. "Oi. Lavi. Come on." He exhaled noisily and cocked his head. "What's wrong?" he mocked, rather scathingly. "Making sure you don't miss any details for your damn records, Bookman Junior?"
Lavi finally dropped his head and smiled serenely at Kanda. "No, Yuu," he said quietly, slipping his hands into his pockets as he leisurely made his way to where Kanda was. "I just wanna feel this moment."
"Feel?" Kanda echoed hollowly, turning to continue along the path with Lavi. If he was to be truthful once more, he'd say that no one made him feel quite as at ease the way Lavi did. The familiar sight of a green eye, orange scarf and red hair was strangely comforting and relaxing, and Kanda found himself enjoying the comfortable ease with which their friendship worked. "Didn't think you were allowed to," he murmured, his lips quirking into the smallest of smirks.
Lavi chuckled breathily and shot him a weak, playful glare. "So mean, Yuu-chan," he cooed softly, his own lips curling into a content smile.
Kanda noticed it frequently after that day.
Kanda groaned irritably and curled his arms over the back of his head. With his face pressed down into the mattress, it felt somewhat like he was suffocating. But it jarred his senses with such panic and adrenaline that it set him alight with something indescribable.
It was a habit he'd picked up as a child, after Alma was gone, slain by his hand, and before Tiedoll had taken him under his wing along with Marie and Daisya, and long before Lavi's arrival. Back when he'd been small, and alone, and insignificant, and, dare he say it, scared.
"Die, die. Please, I just want to die… let me die…" Kanda muttered his child-self's mantra to himself quietly, unaware that he'd let his hands fall back by his side and that he'd turned his face out to the room.
"Yuu?" Lavi called softly. "Hey…" He reached out to gently stroke through Kanda's unbound hair.
Kanda started at the touch, but settled quickly.
"What are you murmuring about? Wanting to die… since when do you talk like that?"
Slowly, Kanda curled his fingers into fists, unwilling to share that part of his past with Lavi. But then, what parts of his past had he shared with anyone?
Still, he mouthed the words silently, finding it was an easy habit to fall back into despite that he no longer meant them.
Clicking his tongue, Lavi pushed the covers back and slid into the bed beside Kanda. "Jesus, Yuu, you're like ice," he muttered, drawing his legs back from Kanda's icy bare feet.
Blinking slowly, Kanda watched Lavi lazily as the redhead pushed his bangs back and pressed their foreheads together.
"Still burning up," Lavi muttered with another snap of his tongue against the roof of his mouth. He sighed and ran his hand up and down Kanda's cold skin, trying to inject heat into the icy limbs. Realising it was't enough, he stripped himself of his shirt, lying in his slacks along side the Japanese teen.
Kanda hummed and let his eyes slip shut. He mouthed the words again, then frowned and pushed against Lavi's chest, trying to get him out, to move, to - let me breathe. When Lavi chuckled, he snapped his eyes open. At some point, he'd wrapped his hand around Lavi's wrist unforgivingly. But then, Lavi's hand was around his throat.
"What are you - "
"Shh," Lavi hushed, running his thumb back and forth over Kanda's pulse point. "I just wanna feel this moment." He lifted his gaze to meet Kanda's fevered one, and smiled gently. "Sleep, Yuu…"
Kanda grumbled under his breath but Lavi was warm, almost too hot for his sick body to handle, and sleep was calling to him. He dipped his head, letting his forehead press against Lavi's shoulder. "Die, die," he mouthed feverishly against the warm skin beneath his lips. "Please, I just want to die… let me die…"
They'd climbed to the only stable point left in the destroyed town. It's highest point they could find, the best vantage point around. The flames had stopped burning, and ash blew through the air. Kanda didn't have the energy to bother starting a morbid reflection on where or what or who the ashes were from, and with a sigh, tilted his head back and closed his eyes.
His hair, unbound due to another pathetic hair tie snapping, tickled the backs of his hands as he rested his weight on them and tilted his head further back.
"Here," Lavi said quietly, shifting on his knees to sit behind Kanda so that he could carve his fingers back through the tangled strands of ink and rake them into a ponytail. What he secured it with, Kanda didn't know - probably didn't want to know - but the gesture was appreciated.
Heaving a deep, tired breath, Lavi sat back beside him and mimicked his relaxed pose.
"We should go," Kanda mumbled, tilting his head to press his cheek to his shoulder. "No train is going to come by here, so we'll have to walk into the next town."
"Not just yet," Lavi replied, fingers tracking across the loose roof tiles until they could lace with Kanda's. "I just wanna feel this moment."
Kanda hummed noncommittally, feeling something warm and familiar run through him when Lavi squeezed his fingers briefly. "Sunrise should be in a few minutes."
"I know." Lavi tugged on his hand and the pair laid down.
Kanda smirked and shook his head. "Sentimental fool." The wind blew a loose strand of hair that Lavi had missed across his face and he brushed it away with his free hand clumsily. "Fool…" he breathed again, feeling the adrenaline finally wear off as his body was overcome by an uncontrollable shaking. "Shit…" he cursed, teeth chattering.
Beside him, Lavi laughed. "You too, huh?"
The shaking worked its way up to violent tremors. "Fuck, Lavi - "
"I know. It'll pass."
"Doesn't mean I have to like it," Kanda ground out from behind clenched teeth. If he was aware that he was as close as he was to crushing Lavi's fingers, he would have lessened his grip. As it was, he squeezed harder and tried not to bite his own tongue off as his jaw snapped shut.
With a groan of his own, Lavi rolled onto his side, curling himself over Kanda as much as possible, as though trying to force the both of them to be still. His eye widened when he felt how hard Kanda's bones were juddering beneath the surface of the skin. "Yuu?"
He bolted upright and looked down at Kanda with concern. Kanda caught sight of the redhead's expression through his fluttering lashes, and rolled his eyes with a groan.
"I'm… fine…" he panted, dragging a heel up along the roof tiles and jarring one loose. He arched his back and pressed his head against the roof hard, feeling the tiles' sharp corners digging into his scalp. "It'll pass, remember?"
Lavi shook his head and lifted their hands, still joined, to his lips. He pressed his lips to the back of Kanda's hand and mouthed soothing words against the shaking limb. Finally, he spoke out loud, "your body is still getting over the fever."
"Th-that was - ngh!" Kanda broke off and clenched his eyes shut. He opened them again and laid there panting before he could continue. "Weeks ago… that was weeks ago… fuck."
Lavi couldn't help but chuckle. "The symptoms are gone, but it can take the body a bit to bounce back and get its strength back. Especially if you leave for a mission three hours after your fever breaks," he added, giving Kanda a weak glare.
Kanda managed a smirk. "I nee-needed to get… o-out…" He dragged in a breath and arched his back again.
"Yeah, I know," Lavi admitted softly.
Scanning over Lavi from under lowered lashes, Kanda realised he was glowing. "Sunrise…"
He lifted his free hand and ignored how it trembled as he pointed behind Lavi. "The s-sunrise-" He dragged in air through his teeth. "The s-sun is ri-rising," he forced out.
Lavi looked back over his shoulder and smiled. "So it is, Yuu."
Stumbling, they managed to get through the door. Lavi kicked it shut behind him as Kanda tracked them across the room, seeking the bed from memory as he kept his focus on Lavi's lips pressing against his, tongues tangled and skin burning where it touched.
He still tasted of tequila.
Clothes were shed and Kanda was pushed to lay on his back, unbound hair spread around him as Lavi paid homage to his body with his lips and hands, leaving a burning trail behind that left Kanda breathless and hazy-eyed. With a groan, he pulled Lavi up to him and kissed him again.
He hissed at Lavi when he tried to waste time by preparing him, and the animalistic gesture shocked the redhead briefly. With a shake of his head, he entered Kanda, and then stilled.
Fingernails leaving red crescents in Lavi's skin, Kanda bared his teeth. "Move, Lavi."
Lavi lowered his face towards him, pressing their foreheads together and lining their gazes up. He panted harshly against Kanda's lips. "J-Just - "
"I swear to fucking God, if you - "
"I just wanna feel this moment."
Kanda glared. "Feel this, Baka Usagi."
"Fuck," Lavi hissed, clenching his eye shut as Kanda tightened around him. He blinked his eye open and grinned down at Kanda. He shook his head, their sweat-slicked foreheads sliding against one another, and laughed.
Kanda gripped him by the nape and dragged the redhead's lips to his, more than happy to swallow down the carefree sound.
Kanda collapsed to the ground beside Lavi with a groan. He rolled onto his back, feeling mud pressing into every crevice of his body, feeling blood run, hot and slick, down his skin. He could taste both in his mouth. Had he the energy, he'd banish the taste with Lavi's raw flavour.
"You ok?" he panted, each breath bursting out of him in a hot, fiery fit of pain. Two of his ribs were broken. One had pierced the skin. He was pretty sure the other had punctured a lung.
"Y-yeah," Lavi managed, face pale and drawn, eye clenched shut, fingers trembling. "You?"
"I'd be shit if it were you. For me, it's nothing, ok?"
Kanda sighed and linked their fingers together. "My chest and lungs, all right?"
Lavi nodded. His voice was quiet when he next spoke. "I'm bleeding, not enough to bleed out, but I need it stitched up."
Kanda groaned and closed his eyes. He could already smell his skin burning as the curse kicked in. "Give me another five, yeah?"
"That's ok," Lavi said softly, dreamily. "I just wanna feel this moment."
Unable to stop himself, Kanda laughed bitterly. He rolled onto his side, momentarily fascinated as his world dipped and turned and then blanked out all together. When the colour came back, he'd somehow managed to get his tired body to hover over Lavi on all fours, palms pressed into the ground either side of the redhead's head, knees pressing up against his hips and thighs.
"Your hair is tickling my nose," Lavi said, turning his head to the side a bit to avoid the loose strands.
"At least it stayed up," Kanda replied. His hearing was buzzing and his head was swimming and his world was dipping and turning again. Lunging to the right, he emptied his stomach, then crawled back to hover over Lavi.
"That can't have helped your ribs," Lavi pointed out, able to feel Kanda's shaking where he was pressed up against him.
"You're bleeding almost as bad as I am, Yuu."
"All right, I get it, I'll get us moving, just give me a bit," he snapped.
"Like I said," Lavi said with a weak shrug. "That's fine. I just wanna -"
He leaned down to kiss Lavi, banished the taste of blood and mud from his mouth as he pried open Lavi's mouth and traced every inch inside with his tongue.
Except Lavi tasted of blood and mud too.
"Sadistic bastard," Kanda said lowly, speaking the words into Lavi's mouth as he observed Lavi under the lazy sweep of his lashes.
"Wonder who I got that from?"
Lips curling into a half-smirk, half-smile combination, Kanda dug his fingers into the wet earth as the heavens opened up. "So mean, Baka Usagi~."
One day when the light is glowing,
I'll be in my castle, golden,
But until the gates are open,
I just wanna feel this moment.