A/N: Originally, this was a request I made way back when on a YGO kink meme, but there were no takers and the meme itself eventually disappeared into oblivion. So I got off my high and mighty horse of hate towards this pairing and rose to the occasion myself. And this is where I make the dirty little confession: I've never been a fan of this pairing (quite the contrary); mostly because I hate Joey's characterisation in the dub. But I grew out of that phase and decided to give Puppyshipping a shot.

Some of this fic is badlubeday material, some is bound to get squick!ranted at, but if you come in expecting something serious and deep, you will be disappointed. Are we good on that? Great.

Well then, Puppyshippers (and all other fans alike), hit me with your best shot (in the form of reviews)! Concrit is greatly appreciated.

Warnings: lots of cursing, something that could be interpreted as dubcon, somewhat graphic vomiting.

Disclaimer: (Getting totally wasted on booze is bad. Don't do it.) Yu-Gi-Oh! is the intellectual property of Kazuki Takahashi and all associated companies. No profit is being made from this story and all the creative rights to the characters depicted herein belong to their original creator.


It was an all-out party in Duke Devlin's game parlour and Seto Kaiba found himself among the merry party-goers. Why he was there, he wondered for a moment and immediately scolded himself for forgetting. Oh, that's right. He was here as Mokuba's chaperone, because his kid brother and begged and wheedled and implored until Seto gave under the pressure. Also, he didn't trust Yuugi and his friends of choice to keep an eye on the youngest of Kaiba's. He'd just about had it with the attempts at kidnapping that he had had to solve let his company come in danger.

Currently he was sitting by a table in the far corner of the room with some random drunken girl hanging off of his left arm (the right was preoccupied with holding a glass full of sake). He glanced down at her with an icy glare that should have made her shrivel and flutter down to the floor in fear, but either she was too intoxicated or his infamous glare had lost its power due to the amount of alcohol that he had already consumed. He didn't feel quite drunk yet, though he figured he should've been fucking wasted long ago. With a sigh, he shook the annoying wench off of his arm. She fell to the floor with a squeak and a whine, and a chair toppling over and giving her a nice little bruise on her overly exposed thigh.

"Tha's not v'ry nice," slurred somebody whose voice Seto loathed in this situation even more than he could have given himself credit for.

But of course. Where was Yuugi, there would also be his faithful lapdog. Seto attempted a sneer, but ended up making a very odd painful-looking grimace.

"Fuck off, Wheeler," he snapped at the blonde mutt, feeling rather proud of the fact that his voice wasn't slurring nearly as much even though he should've drunk more than Wheeler who had spent a good deal of the night grinding on the makeshift dance floor with one of Devlin's cheerleaders. Bitch must have a love for furries, Kaiba thought viciously and sneered to himself. Pathetic. All of these people were pathetic.

"Wouldncha want me to?" Wheeler grinned, greatly amused by his own words; the best joke of the century for sure. In his mind, at least.

"That is the last thing in this world…" Seto started, but was unable to finish because Wheeler's face suddenly filled all of his vision, leering at him in the most disgusting way possible. "Get out of my face."

"Nah." Joey grinned and pried the almost empty glass from Seto's fingers, downing it instantly. "Yer in a party, Kai-ba. Oughta do some partyin', yanno. Your bro's having hella time."

Seto cast a look across the room where Mokuba was getting quite cuddly, if that was even the right word, with Rebecca, and he ground his teeth. "Not interested."

"Suit yerself." Shrugging and turning away, he said that to Kaiba over his shoulder. He left, his steps more of a drunken swagger than sexy sway, no matter that in his mind it was definitely the latter.

Seto watched him leave and felt his stomach churn and clench. He need to get to the bathroom and fast before any of these lowlifes saw him throwing up. The alcohol wanted to get out of his body, and it wanted to get out right. The fuck. Now. He stood up too quickly and the world swayed and spun wildly to the point where he almost saw stars. He gagged and stumbled away in the direction he had taken note of earlier. Out of the party room, down the corridor and he could barely contain everything in. He didn't make it past the threshold of the toilet door when it all went up, violently.

Leaning onto the door frame and bending over as far as he could without falling over, he let the first wave pass, somehow managing to not soil his clothes. Granted, some of it splashed onto his shoes and his pants, and his mind registered that. Seto just wasn't capable of caring about it at the moment.

After he stopped heaving up, he stepped into the room, closing the door behind him; slipped on what had just been the contents of his stomach and almost fell, in the last moment somehow managing to grab a hold of the nearby sink and remain standing partially upright in a very uncomfortable position. That's where the second wave of nausea hit him and he heaved up again. After it was over and he could pull himself up to a more or less standing position he had the sudden urge to wash his mouth from the disgusting aftertaste of alcoholic vomit. So he turned the tap and let the cold water run for a while as he gathered himself. He washed his face using only one had while the other was gripping the side of the sink. He took large gulps of water and sloshed it around his mouth before spitting it out again, trying to get out the taste. It worked only partially.

His head, however, felt considerably clearer than it had been just a moment ago and he realised exactly where he was, what he was doing, how he looked at the moment and he felt disgusted with himself. This wasn't supposed to happen to him; getting drunk like a junior student who wanted to belong in with the cool guys. Also, he needed to take a whiz.

Third wave of nausea hit him at the exact moment when he was going to button up his pants. Hastily he bent over the toilet, bracing himself against a wall with one hand and threw up again, splashing the contents of his stomach everywhere. Once done, he flushed the toilet, unable to even cringe at the fact that he had gotten his hands stained with that action as well. He decided that his shoes were ruined and would have to be tossed out. His pants, too, he thought, stepping away from the toilet and falling against the nearest wall. Slowly, he slid down it until he sat on the floor. He cursed this situation. If anyone found him in such a state, he would have to resort to killing; much like his adoptive father had done away with concurrence.

His stomach was still upset and he thought he might throw up again, but it didn't happen. Seto didn't even notice that he drifted off to a drunken slumber.

He was woken up by the sound of running water. For a moment he wondered what the sound was. Blearily he opened his eyes and took in his surroundings in a daze. A toilet flushed behind the wall he was leaning against and the plastic seat clanged down, followed by a slew of juicy curses in the voice of the one person he really didn't want to see right now.

Seto must have groaned out loud because Wheeler stepped out of the booth, saying, "Came to finally?"

He walked in front of Seto and propped his hands on his hips, striking a pose that was supposed to be impressive, but only looked ridiculous. Still, he could revel in the fact that he was towering over THE Seto Kaiba who was drunk off his ass and sat on the ground with his fly open and his dick showing. If a part of Joey's mind would have still been alcohol-free, he would have realised that the smartest thing to do right now was to run without looking back and try to find something to burn his eyes out with before Kaiba himself got around to the task.

As it was, Joey was still rather drunk.

"Ya should see yerself," he grinned down at Seto.

"Fuck you," Kaiba ground out. His throat felt gritty and he was developing something of a headache. And most of all, he felt like throwing up again.

"I could," Joey leered, a sudden and very stupid idea appearing in his mind. Man, when Yugi heard about this…

Seto gave him one long cynical look. "Beat it, mutt."

Joey crouched down, almost falling over in the process, but braced himself against the floor with his hands. A bit too late, though, as his cheek brushed Kaiba's shin and he ended up inches away from Kaiba's crotch.

"Uh," he started, then swallowed. Kaiba was glaring now. He still had to pull the biggest prank of the century on the rich boy. Praying to whichever god was more likely to listen to not topple over, Joey ran a hand down the inside of Kaiba's thigh. He attempted an askew smirk, as he gazed up at the multimillionaire through his blond bangs.

"Ya really that cold, Kaiba?" He attempted a purr that was supposed to sound seductive, but only made Kaiba cringe. "Bet ya can get it off real good," he continued, his hand getting closer to its goal.

"The fuck do you think you're…" Seto's breath caught a bit when Joey stroked his cock. That's it, he decided. Wheeler was going to fucking die.

"C'mon, Kaiba. Can't stay a virgin forever."

Seto snorted. Pathetic mutt. Did he and his idiot friends really think that his life was all of their bloody business? They knew jack shit about him, only scraps and pieces that other people had dropped here and there.

"I'm real good at this, y'know," Joey murmured, still stroking him. Up and down, barely touching with his fingertips, only briefly increasing the pressure to rub here and there… He was quite surprised that Kaiba hadn't kicked him in the face yet. Joey hadn't thought that moneybags swung that way.

Seto was quite surprised himself that he allowed Wheeler to do what he was currently doing. Whether it was the common curiosity that got the best of him or the impossibility of the very situation itself, coupled with the amount of sake that he had consumed. Or this could be one fucked up nightmare.
It wasn't, he determined when his cock twitched in response to Wheeler's touches.

The downside of this whole thing was that Joey himself was getting quite turned on, which wasn't according to his great plan of fucking Kaiba over, sans the literal fucking part. The amount of control he had at the time, the very fact that Kaiba, THE Seto Kaiba was submissively accepting this treatment blew his mind. It was a heady feeling, having this much control over someone, anyone. And this 'someone' being Joey's self-proclaimed arch rival gave a brand new twist to things.

And Kaiba added another twist.

"Would this be your best performance?" he asked in a low, gravelly voice, making Joey jump from the sudden shift in tone. What's more – Kaiba actually looked interested in what was being done to him.

"I, uh," Joey stumbled over his words, his self-confidence wavering for a moment and Kaiba took advantage of this.

In one motion that turned out more awkward than intended, he showed Joey away from himself. Losing his balance, Joey fell backwards and hit his head on the floor. This gave Kaiba the opportunity to get on top of him and leer down at him wickedly. Yes, he was drunk. Yes, he was aroused by what the mutt had done. Yes, was probably going to regret this later, but he couldn't turn down a challenge. He couldn't lose in something so trivial as sex.

"You've still a lot to learn, mutt."

"Don't call me…" Joey started, but didn't finish because Kaiba's hands were suddenly under his loose shirt, running up his chest to pinch his nipples.

Kaiba leaned over him, grinning and whispered in Joey's ear in a low husky voice that sent shivers down his spine. "Stay down and learn from the best, mutt."

Without further ado, he licked Joey's ear, biting the earlobe and trailing rather sloppy kisses down his neck. He pressed his hips down, moving up and down awkwardly to find the right position that would make Wheeler squirm. To shut up the rather incoherent protests, Seto pressed his mouth onto Joey's, kissing him with all the drunken sloppiness that he had, trying to force his tongue into the other's mouth. This was all about dominance now.

Joey was quite petrified at the moment. This wasn't the way he had planned it. His idea had been to get Kaiba aroused and then bail out of there before anything serious happened, leaving the rich boy to jerk off all by himself. Getting turned on had not been a part of it. And Kaiba taking charge was definitely NOT a part of it. No matter how Joey looked at this, he was royally fucked.

"Uh, Kaiba, I didn' mean…" Joey tried the moment he was given a breather, but Kaiba snarled in annoyance and silenced him with another rough kiss. Joey tried to struggle and Kaiba pinned him down. Getting past the initial shock, and he realised one thing. Kaiba probably was one hell of a kisser when he wasn't drunk. And the awkward grinding of his hips was actually doing the job of getting Joey aroused.

And so, Joey decided to fuck it all. Literally and figuratively.

He grunted and pushed his hips back against Kaiba's, wanting to get more. He opened his mouth for Kaiba's tongue and did his best to put his own to use. Slowly, Joey felt the grip on his arms lessening and soon he got them completely free to roam over Seto's body at which point Seto started stroking Joey's cock through the fabric of his jeans. Joey bucked at the touch and groaned. At this point they broke of their kiss and Kaiba rose above Joey, moving his knee up against the other's crotch. He braced himself on one arm, using the other to open Wheeler's pants so that he could get some skin on skin contact. He had to shift his position a little to the side to be able to slide his hand into Joey's pants. He didn't go in deep, choosing to just tease instead of indulging the mutt with a serious handjob. And if he fantasised about getting sucked off, he had another thing coming. Seto grinned, feeling quite pleased with his idea and gave his fuckbuddy of choice a heavy-lidded gaze.

"Fuck yourself," he purred and the sound of his voice sent a disturbing tingle down Joey's spine. He didn't know what it was – a feeling of danger or just raw lust. "Fuck yourself on my leg, Wheeler."

There was something in the way he said his name, something in that look he received that made Joey lose all coherent thought. This was the Kaiba so many women had wet dreams about; the Kaiba those same women would be ready to gnaw through each other's throats only to have him look at them that way. And Joey was getting all that and more. It blew his mind.

He started moving his hips. Up and down, pressing against Seto's leg, feeling Seto's fingers tease him, but barely giving any serious attention to his cock. He whimpered and rubbed himself harder against that knee that was right there, positioned in that perfect way for him to…

He groaned, hands scrambling along the floor for anything to hold on to. Not Kaiba; he couldn't hold on to him. He just… He couldn't bear to look at his face. That wicked drunken grin, those eyes that started him down in mockery. Fuck the rich bastard. This was all just a game to him. Joey had suddenly realised all that in the flash of bright clarity just before he came to the sound of Kaiba's chuckling.

It had been a perfect plan, Kaiba thought, in theory. He had not expected himself to get aroused just by watching Wheeler whiting on the floor under him. That wasn't supposed to turn him on, ever. Granted, he had never even allowed himself to have such thoughts, so there was no way he could have known beforehand.
So it was that he had a rather serious problem growing and the best way to solve it was, as Faith or Karma or other such bitchy thing would have it, Wheeler.

Captivated with watching Wheeler riding through his orgasm, he licked his lips. He had only a very general idea of what he ought to do in such a situation. First and foremost he chose to take care of business.

"You wouldn't happen to have a condom?" he grunted against Joey's ear, thus missing out the nervous twitch the blond man gave at this question.

"Uh. Are you…" Joey gulped. This was definitely taking the worst possible turn. "…serious?"

Kaiba grabbed Joey's hand and placed it on his crotch, the back of Joey's hand pressed against his stiff cock.


Well, he had gone that far with him, might as well go the rest of the way, Joey figured. He wiggled his hips a bit, trying to remember whether he had any in his pocket or if he'd already used all of them.

"Left pocket," he said, blushing.

Kaiba fished them out and set to ripping off the protective wrap and rolling the condom onto his dick.

"Take your pants off and turn around," he commanded, not feeling all that sure about this step.

"I, uh, I should, y'know, prepare myself." Joey felt his cheeks flush. This was ridiculous. He had just fucked himself on Kaiba's leg, no problem and now he was blushing? He shivered.

"Oh. Right." Seto faltered a bit, a faint blush appearing on his face as well. He wasn't all that prepared for situations like this and some part of him hoped that he never would have to deal with this again. He sat down on the floor. "Do it."

For a moment Joey just stared at him.

"Well?" Kaiba implored.

"You wouldn't have any lube on you? 'Cause I'm clean out," Joey said with as much sarcasm as he could muster.

Kaiba frowned for a moment, and looked around the bathroom for anything that could substitute it. His gaze stopped on liquid soap dispenser.

Joey didn't have to follow his gaze to know what it had stopped on. "That's a really bad idea."

Seto grunted in annoyance. This wasn't getting them anywhere. "Got an alternative?"

"Well, I could... You know," he licked his lips (when had they gotten dry, anyway?), "suck you off."

Kaiba glowered. Talk about a mood killer. "No. Just do it. You're too drunk to tell the difference anyway."

Joey bit back the comment that his ass would definitely be feeling it the next day. He admitted his defeat.


He got up, swaying a little because the alcohol was still running strong in his system, and made his way over to the dispenser. He leaned onto the sink, spread his legs and rubbed the soap over his anus, tentatively pushing one finger inside. He added more soap and explored further, concentrating on what he was doing, though his actions were quite sloppy and not quite right, but has trying his best to recall what the girl had done to prepare herself in that one porno that involved anal sex.

Kaiba watched him with interest, getting turned on more and more by the second. Finally he decided that enough was enough and got up to his feet. He felt a bit groggy and unstable on his feet, but he still had enough in him to carry this through to the end. His gaze met Wheeler's in the mirror and he gave the other man a wicked grin.

"That's enough," he grunted, stumbling into Joey's back, barely managing to catch his footing. He took a hold of Joey's hips, ready to fuck him sore, but Joey stopped him.

"I dun want to get slammed cock-first into the sink."

Kaiba hummed and pulled him a bit to the side where there was a small distance between two sinks. He kept his gaze locked with Joey's in the mirror that spanned half of the wall in front of them.

"That better?" he growled low, feeling quite impatient. He positioned himself, planning to enter Joey in one swift stroke and pushed forwards.

For a moment nothing happened.

"You missed."

This was true and Seto cursed. He had not taken into account that Joey's ass was quite slippery with the soap now. He tried again, this time guiding his cock with his hand, slowly pushing it inside of his ass. Joey ground his discomfort, trying to push out against him as well as he could. He hadn't prepared himself well enough and he was definitely going to feel this in the morning (or as it was – later that day).

Kaiba stopped for a moment to gather himself. He was breathing quite hard, but he at least had the decency to stop and let his partner adjust.

"It ain't gonna get better, so just do it," Joey grunted, shifting his hips a bit and pushing them back against Kaiba. The alcohol prevented him from feeling pain quite yet, there was just this unpleasant pulsating tingle, but it was nothing that he couldn't bear at the present time.

Kaiba grunted something intelligible in reply and started moving. His pace was slow and uneven, and his thrusts – shallow. He was at it for a while, but the rocking motion upset his stomach and almost after he came, he had to lean over a sink to throw up whatever remained of the alcohol he had consumed.

"Dude, that's gross," Joey drawled, almost feeling like he would have to throw up as well.

Seto spat and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Shut up, Wheeler."

The morning met them on a bed in one room, tangled in sheets, with aching bodies, and varying sizes of black holes in their memory. Waking up next to each other wasn't a pleasant ordeal. Joey felt quite mortified upon waking up, turning in the bed and seeing how Seto Kaiba opened his eyes for a sleepy glare from the pillow right next to Joey's head. He promptly fell off of the bed in shock and was granted with a very priceless sight of a blushing Kaiba who looked no less mortified. Then again, Joey's own face felt like it was on fire.

"Uh," Joey started, but clamped his mouth shut. They had fucked each other. More than once. They had started in the bathroom, and then retreated to one of the guest rooms that Duke Devlin had made specifically for nightly funtimes with his lady guests. Joey had even borrowed some real lube that he had found in one of the drawers. He didn't think his face could get any hotter than it was now.

"This is never happening again," Seto ground out, breathing through gritted teeth and looking ready to kill.

Joey was only too happy to agree and decided to make it a point to avoid him for the next eighty centuries.