Summary. . . . . . . . . . A short tag to The Music Stays The Same. Sam meets his Mom, what else needs to be said?
Disclaimer. . . . . . . . Still Kripke's.
A.N. . . . . . . . . . . Just had to, I'm sorry, but come on Sam meets Mom? There just had to be a tag to that one! Thanks for reading and I hope that you enjoy, Peanut x
I can hear Castiel ask me if I'm "ready" and hear myself snort before replying with a troubled "not really" but I know I have to do this, I'm determined to do this even though I can hear myself in my mind begging and pleading to run away from that room, to not allow Castiel to touch me in any way. But my heart is over ruling all other thoughts, forcing my legs to move forward, and my head to bend down towards the waiting fingers of the angel.
I've waited so long to have this opportunity to meet her, even resenting Dean some what when he had the chance to do so, but now that chance is here, I'm scared. More scared than I have even been in my life before.
What do I do?
What do I say?
How do I act?
But more important, how will she?
Will I see hate in her eyes? Disappointment? Rejection? I know I'm being stupid, that she wont even know who I am, but I can't help those doubts, I just can't. If she rejects me too, I don't think I could stand it.
I know that I can't back out of it though, know that I can't lose this at actually seeing her in person for the first time, to have memories of her that are not just from photo's and dreams. So I allow the fingers to connect.
I can't breathe, my chest seems to have shrunk, and my heart is threatening to break free it's beating so hard. I'd rushed from the car before Dean had even turned the engine off, the need to see her strong, only to have him stop me and cause my confused mind to slow down and see reason. I can't stand still though as he reaches up and rings the doorbell, my hands clenching and unclenching at my sides. I shove them harshly into my pockets, only to quickly remove them, the need to be doing something consuming my. I start to mutter "hurry up, hurry up" under my breath, even though it's literally been seconds, and then I see a shadow and I know it's her, and all conscious thought leaves me.
She's just as Dean said, just as the photo and the dreams showed, she beautiful, and she's my Mom, and I just want to hold her forever and ever, but I can't so I stand there, my mouth open, my eyes wet, and millions of thoughts and feelings and questions rushing through me.
I try to listen to what's being said around me, try to focus on the here and now, but it too hard. I'm overwhelmed with emotion, my throats constricting, cutting off all words and making breathing even harder to do. My eyes refuse to move from her face, refuse to even blink as I try to remember as much of her as possible. My vision blurs as tears form and I'm struggling to keep them from falling, struggling to keep from loosing all control and pulling her into me close, and never letting go, to get that comfort from her embrace that I can't remember, to just be held by my Mother and be told everything will be okay.
I knew it couldn't last, knew we couldn't stay there, knew we would eventually have to come back to this hell that I created, but now that I am back I don't feel as bad as I did before. As I fall into the best sleep I've had for a long time, I know it's not the drink that's soothed me.
A.N. . . . . . . . . . Okay, so here's the bad news. I'm struggling to write Supernaturally wise at the moment, so unfortunately I've decided to take a step back for a while. I'm not giving up, and the unfinished fics will be finished, but I'm in a rut and I need to get out of it, so me and my muse are going on holiday and taking a trip to the Criminal Minds realm hoping that the break will inspire me once again Supernaturally wise. I'll be back! Soon, but not yet, not yet! Peanut x