A little treat for the awesosme KKBEIVIS, cos she loves a little limp Sammy and I adore her mind- it's a mind fulla gold!

Summary: Season 4. After Dean's death, Sam can't take it and he almost welcomes death himself.

Warning: Sucky writing and bad language...

Disclaimer: Unfortunatley, KKBEIVIS owns them and she actually leant them to me, cage and all...I'm loving the leash I've got on em love- stretches for miles...Sam...Sammy! Come back!

Sam blinked, hot and cold and burning and tired all in one blink, everytime.

His head dipped forward until his chin was touching his chest, he breathed in deeply, ignoring the pain in his head, in his arm, in his heart.

"Wake up Sammy, you don't want to miss all the fun now do you?"

A shocking slap jerked his head to the side and he grunted, his tongue too thick in his mouth, his lips feeling like someone else's on his face.

"Oww..." He groaned.

"Now Sammy, you should remember the salt lines kiddo" She smiled, wide and beautiful leaning down to him until her eyes flashed black and then glowed a deep red and her smirk turned demonic.

Right, he'd forgot to cover his tracks, to complete any salt lines and he'd taken up hunting every crossroad demon he could find to make a deal, or he just didn't care anymore and anything that came to him, he welcomed with fierce fight.

Sam tugged himself forward, but tight ropes bound him to...something, a chair he thought and he glared at her, his head already starting to pound.

"Hangovers really aren't your thing are they Sammy?" She straddled his legs, moaning softly and biting her hosts lips, whispering into Sam's ear how she wanted to hear his sweet screams.

"Go ahead..." He drunkenly smiled. "I have nothing...here, anymore" His eyes stung suddenly and he blinked, a sob bubbling his way up his throat before he could catch it and he ducked away from the demon, hot tears burning their way down his cheeks.

A well manicured hand gripped his chin and jerked him to her right. "Dean? Is that what you miss?"

"You shouldn't of come hunting after me...I've lost a lot of my employees..." She leaned closer to his face, she could smell his desperation.

Sam's eyes clenched shut and he gasped his breaths. "I could bring him back" She said suddenly, her neck tilting as she licked her lips and watched as Sam helplessly turned to her.

"D-Dean?" He breathed.

She nodded, her fingers playing with the soft curls at the nape of his neck. "I can do that" She nodded babily. "I can bring him here...for you"

Sam's breath shuddered, and he stopped struggling from then on in the chair. "Do it, any price" His eyes simply pleaded and the demon drank it all in, her arms around Sam's neck almost lovingly.

"I could...and I'd love to do anything for you Sammy" She pulled herself up, straight, wiped the smile off her hosts face and flashed her eyes ink black again.

"But I'm not. Not ever" The corner of her lip ticked up and she cocked her head jerkily. "I'm leaving him there...to scream until his throat's torn to peices" She giggled at the thought, watching Sam's little hope she'd fed be crushed. He looked so vulnerable and sweet, but it soon turned to disgust when he just sat there, still and glazy-eyed.

He'd unleashed his anger, on every single demon he'd found and nothing he seemed to do ever brought him any closer to getting to Dean.

"Oh come on, give me some of that anger...show me some of your fire Sammy..."

She placed a hand on her hips, clapped her heels and circled the bound Winchester.

"Well this is fun" She deadpanned. "You're going to sit there, wait for death?"

Sam didn't answer, apart from the bob in his throat. His eyes didn't move from the spot he was staring at.

"Well, I'm not going to kill you...so look alive"

"I don't care anymore" He slurred.

She hung her head, sighing and reached behind to pull out Sam's special knife.

She effectively cut the ropes in one fell swoop, and shoved the young Winchester on his knees, she even dropped the knife, as it clattered Sam didn't make a move toward it.

"You're weak Kid, you think Dean would be proud of you? Like a lost puppy? I've a good mind to show you what's happening to him, take you there myself and drag your sorry ass right back, is that what you want?"

When Sam just stayed still on his hands and knees, she roughly reached down and yanked him up, throwing him into the nearest wall and holding him there herself.

"kill me" Sam shrugged, he didn't even look remotely shocked.

The demons eyes narrowed and she gave but a small smirk.

"I'll show you boy"

She swung her fist high and hard. Sam didn't even flinch from the force she suggested and she stopped an inch before his face, his features didn't even change so she dropped her arm and stared hard at him.

"You're not going to have much of a life like this Sammy, although I bet with little Dean gone...your heart's just beating broken...is it?" She clenched her hand over Sam's heart and he choked, a cry dying on his now bloody lips as his eyed widened and a look of acceptance flashed in his eyes.

She let go, panting through her anger. "You know, you can really bring a girl down" She released the last living Winchester, though he couldn't be said as much for living and watched him drop to the floor.

"You're not wishing death are you?...Why do you think demons want out of hell?...and I've heard you wanted to go there?...a trade"

"It's fair" Sam whispered, his strenth gone.

She nodded. "It might be...but that's not in our plans-" She stopped herself, rolling her eyes and sighing to calm herself down. "If you knew, just what..." She swallowed and clenched her eyes, she couldn't reveal anything to him and yet here he was ruining everything. "You don't want to see the hell we know"

Sam looked up at her, his eyes raw and red. "He's m'brother" Sam gasped.

The demon rolled her eyes yet again and threw her head back, a sound like a groaning scream erupted from her throat.

"You little...bastard. You're up here, safe and sound and all you have to do is stay alive, and even that's a feat! It's your fault Dean went to hell Sammy-boy, so deal with it! He ain't coming back so get the fuck used to it"

Sam's head dropped to his chest, his eyes darkening. He knew that already, he didn't need every damn demon rubbing it in and yeah actually Mrs. Big Bad Demon, he did want to trade places with Dean, because Dean shouldn't even be there, it was him.

The demon killing knife was about a foot away from his booted feet and he looked at it, dark thoughts crossing his mind and God was he terrified but he missed Dean so much and he'd even tried opening the Devil's Gate, with another antique colt mind you, but something...anything to get remotely close to Dean, something so sinful- he caught the light in the blade and he swallowed.

Something as sinful as that, would earn him a place downunder, for sure.

Sam licked his suddenly dry lips and reached forward for the knife.

"Dean would've done anything for me...and I haven't tried, everything"

With lightening fast action he grabbed the blade and slit twice, both wrists, about half a cenitmetre deep and dropped the blade, with a clatter and a splash of blood.

Hot, thick blood ran over his hands, down his arms and dripped onto the floor as he sat back, embracing the pain with a gasp and hitched breathing.

"You son of a bitch!" The demon whirled and strolled right upto him. "Oh, you thought that would help you? Big mistake kiddo...you're going to see things no mortal ever should, and you know something..."
The demon reached down and squeezed both of Sam's wrists, stemming the already pooling blood. "I'm going to go right back down there and drag you back..." Her eyes flashed black and she seethed, squeezing tigher until Sam cried out. "Kicking and screaming and bloody Sam Winchester...I will carve into you myself. You don't have any idea what you're going to see, you stupid fool!"

The demon pulled a strip of material from her top and tied it over Sam's wrists, just above the slits and pulled it tight, it made Sam gasp and his tired eyes snap open briefly.

"You better make sure you survive this, you little runt" She slapped Sam's face and he jerked but his eyes slipped closed, his heartbeat slowing as the last black swirls of life fell with him and he landed in darkness.

The demon felt his pulse, her lips thinning when Sam's life ended and his last breath stopped. "Dammit kid, you know how much trouble I'll get in?" She cocked her head to the side and laid the body out, started on the boys breathing again and getting his heart going.

"How are you gonna' meet Ruby when you're dead you idiot?" she gave a small smirk as she started getting him ready.

Sam's eyes snapped open, chains, no...rope, something...oily?...Blood. It coated his skin, suffacated him, his lungs felt heavy, like he couldn't breathe, his eyes blinked to darkness and sudden bursts of light like lightening, or fire.

Sam tried to scream as something tore into his shoulder, into his hip, into his legs and then light, like fire burst in his face and he was strapped?...to a table, no walls he could see but he felt confined, like a room and a deep menacing laugh started in the far corner.

It started with a mighty boom.

"Sammy...what a pleasure to have you, bared before me...You know I'd love to work you over, but there's a much, finer student of mine I believe is ready and seeing you, oh he'll just die ..."

Sam's eyes widened. He tried to speak but he couldn't and then a leather strap stretched over his mouth, the restraints tightened and a new light, a redder light entered the room.

Sam's heart plummeted, his stomache almost frozen.

Dean.

Clearly, unmistakably, it was Dean, it was his brother. Right there.

Except Dean didn't look like Sam remembered, not the torn guts and bloody shirts Dean but...His Dean.

Sam screamed into the leather as the scalpol tore into his chest, dragged down to his stomach to twist into the softer tissue above his hips.

Dean's face lit up in joy, he didn't even seem to recognise Sam.

"Mmmmmmmmmppphhhh....sssssssssssspppp.....mmophh...peeaaseee" Sam barely had any room to tug himself free.

Dean's darkening eyes locked onto Sam's wide ones and he smirked, just like the demon.

"They tell me Sammy, that you killed yourself...is that true? A little suicide on the list there? After killing me?!" Dean stabbed down with the new knife he held and Sam bucked and screamed under him.

Wide, panicked and terrified orbs blinked up at his brother.

"The answers yes by the way, the same thing will happen to you. Hell will burn away your humanity"

Dean slit Sam's wrists again, smiling at the new rush of blood and Sam squirmed, new pain, both in his body and his heart struck him like he'd never felt before.

Dean was interupted in his teaching when a cold wind blew and he glanced up. "You...should've thought this would happen...come back real soon Sammy" Dean's eyes bore into his skull as a red patch of lightening hit.

That's all he remembered, every gory, bloody and pain filled moment was enough.

Sam gasped awake, wide eyes snapping open to the room he was staying in, now sunlight streaming through the windows and a deep, striking pain in his arms.

Sam sat up, his breathing heavy, heaving in lungfulls he didn't seem able to fill. The blood pooled around him was dry now and his wrists were stitched, tight and sore.

"Sit tight kid, you're gonna' wanna' wait for the final show" The female demon from before stood with her arms crossed, blood- Sam's blood all over her clothes and he noted he hadn't moved since he'd cut his own wrists.

Sam gasped as he moved his fingers, his mind still on edge and in shock from what he'd seen, what he'd felt.

When he looked up the demon had gone, and Sam's heart was torn in two.

He never stopped seeing Dean's dark eyes stare at him with hatred in his nightmares, and after that he fought a little harder, met a new demon who said she'd help...an old friend who could give him something he wanted as much as Dean.

Lilith's head on a plate.

End

This was totally taken from watching too much Constantine...and Dean's confession "I didn't care who they put on the table, I just carved"- Gave me an idea for a fic- deep and dark and...not brother-like at all!

Dedicated, ofcourse to the lovely lassie KKBEIVIS, and I hope it maybe...was something you liked...:0