Title: Need You Now
Disclaimer: Grey's Anatomy and its affiliated characters do not belong to me. I mean no copyright infringement.
Summary: What happened after Mark and Lexie's awkward elevator ride? Will Mark be able to forgive her? A one shot told from each of their points of views. Mark/Lexie
Spoilers: All episodes through 6x13, State of Love and Trust
Note: Although not a song-fic, I got the idea for this story from the song, "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum.
Part 1 – Mark
I didn't know I could ever feel this way. I didn't think I would ever be here. Not me. I'm Mark Sloan. I'm the man without feelings. I'm the man who sleeps with anything in a skirt and doesn't call the next morning. I don't fall for women. And I certainly don't fall in love. The L word has never had a place in my vocabulary. But here I am, sitting on my floor with a dozen pictures strewn around me. And they're not the kind of pictures I usually find myself surrounded by. They're not pictures of skin grafts, facial deformities, or scars. No, these are pictures of her. Her laughing. Her smiling. Her pouting when I didn't give her exactly what she wanted. Her with her face pressed against my chest as we danced at Izzie's wedding. I had never even taken a picture of a woman before and yet, here I am, surrounded by pictures that I had taken of a woman. And not just any woman. The woman. The woman I loved and who had left me. She had left me, and slept with someone else and I still love her. I'm just not doing a good job of showing it. I am ignoring her because it's easier than looking at her. Because if I looked at her, really looked at her, I wouldn't be able to hide that I still love her and I'm just not ready for that. Then again, I am surrounded by her pictures. Maybe I am more ready than I thought.
I picked up a photo of her in one of my grey T-Shirts with a pair of my black boxers on and a blue tie around her neck. She was mid-laugh when I snapped the photo. Her head was thrown back, her hair flowing down her back, her eyes sparkling. It was my favorite picture. I took it at three o'clock in the morning after we had spent the whole night in bed not having sex, but talking and laughing. It was my favorite picture because she looked so beautiful and just so Lexie.
I knew everyone was right. Callie, Derek, even Hunt and Arizona had weighed in. I was being a hypocrite. She had slept with Alex and I had slept with Addison and I had no right to be so angry. I knew they were right, but it didn't make it easier. She was Lexie and Lexie was perfect. And perfect Lexie wasn't supposed to have drunken one-night stands. But, as I stared at each picture of her, I knew I was going to have to get over the fact that she wasn't perfect. Because if I didn't, I would lose her forever and that would be the biggest mistake I had ever made.
I reached into my pocket and took out my cell phone. I couldn't fight it anymore. I needed her more than I had ever needed anyone in my whole life. I looked at the time on my phone. It was a quarter after one in the morning, but I couldn't wait. I dialed her number and slid my thumb over the send button, but I didn't press it. Thinking about what had occurred only hours before stopped me.
"Lexie, wait!" I shouted, racing through the front lobby. She was already through the front door and wasn't looking back even though I knew she could hear me. She had escaped off the elevator before I had a chance to catch her. She didn't know it, but I had seen her tears. I had seen her tears and my heart leapt because I knew I had caused them, but she was out the elevator door before I knew what had happened. I got off on the next floor and raced down the stairs to get to her in time.
I watched her wipe her tears with the back of her hand before turning around to face me. S he was trying to hide her pain, she was trying to be strong, but I could see right through it.
"No!" She shouted. "I'm not doing this."
I wanted to reach out and touch her, but she was too far away. Somehow I knew that getting closer to her would only scare her away.
"I'm done, Mark. I'm done with the awkward silences and with you not speaking to me and trying to pretend that I'm ok when I'm not. Because I'm not ok. I'm not ok. So now I'm going to go to my sister's house because I don't have a home of my own and I'm going to drink and I'm going to cry and I'm going to try my hardest not to think about you and tomorrow I'm going to come in and I'm going to smile and I'm going to be civil to you because you're my teacher, but right now I don't want to hear it. You made it very clear that you don't want me anymore so I am walking away."
Her words hit me like a bullet. I had been so all-consumed with my feelings, I hadn't stopped to think about hers.
"Lexie…" Her name was the only thing I could seem to get out.
"Leave me alone, Mark."
She started to walk away. I threw my hands in the air in frustration. I am not the guy who goes after a woman. If she didn't want me, I didn't want her.
"Fine! If that's the way you want it, we're over!"
She turned around.
"I thought we already were over!"
"Well, now we're really over! So there!"
"I see the maturity level has really risen," she replied sarcastically.
"I'm serious! No more sex in on-call rooms, no more phone calls, no more…"
I watched her storm away.
I don't know how it happened. I don't know how I had gone from wanting to apologize to getting into a screaming match in the front of the hospital. Somehow I had lost her again and I knew what I had to do. I pressed send.
Part 2 – Lexie
How had I become that girl? How had I become the girl that allowed herself to fall in love with the wrong man and then made a spectacle of herself when she got into a fight with that man in the middle of the hospital? I wasn't supposed to be that girl. I was supposed to be the successful girl. I was supposed to be the girl who skipped a grade and was at the top of my class in medical school and became the best surgeon the world had ever seen. That was supposed to be me. But is that me now? No. Now I'm sitting on my floor with a bottle of whiskey in my lap thinking about him because to me, he isn't the wrong man. To me, he's the most amazing, beautiful, sexy, perfect man. And I allowed myself to fall in love with him. I don't know when it happened, but I fell in love with him and now it's all over. I have no one to blame but myself, but that doesn't make it any easier.
I brought the bottle of whiskey up to my lips and took a long chug. I needed the alcohol to help dull the pain. Unfortunately, I didn't think all the alcohol in the world would make the pain completely disappear.
I heard someone walking down the hall. I held my breath, hoping it was him even though I knew in my heart that it wasn't him. He wasn't going to burst into my room and beg for my forgiveness. He had made that very clear during our argument, but it didn't keep me from hoping. I stared at the door long after the noise had taken place. It was probably just Meredith walking by to get to the bathroom or Alex walking to his bedroom, but I still couldn't take my eyes away from the door. I wanted it to be him. I desperately wanted him to come in and sweep me off my feet the way he did before.
I trudged through the attic door, barely able to move. It had been a double shift with six traumas and two surgeries. Two very long surgeries. My back was aching, my feet were crying for relief, and my head was throbbing. All I wanted was a warm bath and my bed. Unfortunately, the bathroom was currently being occupied by Alex, so there would be no warm bath for me. The bed was going to have to do. I flopped down on the old, creaky mattress face first and closed my eyes. As I started drifting into unconsciousness, I heard a knock on the door.
"Go away," I mumbled. The knock came again louder. "Go away!" I shouted. There was no way I was moving to open that door.
There was a third knock.
I lifted my head and stared at the door, willing the person to go away, but they didn't. Instead, they knocked again. Highly irritated, I slid myself off the bed and walked over to the door. I opened it and gave my best disgusted look.
"I really don't…" I shut up as soon as I saw who it was. It wasn't Alex nagging me about leaving feminine products in the bathroom or Meredith telling me that I worked too much. His lips were on mine before I even knew what was happening. I stepped back and was lost in a world of his mouth hot on mine, his hands roaming my body, my mind sliding into nothingness as I heard the door slam and let him guide my over to the bed. My back hit the mattress and he tumbled on top of me. My shirt was peeled off and my pants were being pulled down past my hips. Suddenly my tiredness was drifting away and I wanted him. I wanted him badly.
"I missed you," he murmured as my pants hit the floor. "God, how I missed you."
His mouth ravaged my neck as my hands slid under his shirt to touch his abs. I loved his abs. He was a perfect specimen. I still had trouble believing that he was at all interested in me.
"How did you…" His lips found mine again.
"Meredith and Derek are in a six-hour surgery, Izzie's at Joe's bar, and Alex is…"
"Hogging the bathroom," I finished. "Are you stalking my roommates?"
"If it means I get to sneak into your bedroom and ravish you? Yes, I am stalking them. And I will continue stalking them until…"
"Until you tell Derek we've been sleeping together and don't have to sneak into my bedroom like my high school boyfriend?"
"Your high school boyfriend used to sneak into your bedroom? How many times?"
"Are you really jealous of my high school boyfriend who became a school crossing guard?"
He smiled. "Can we get back to sex here?"
I reached for his belt. "As you wish."
Hours later, with my body feeling oddly refreshed considering the physical intensity that had just occurred, I felt him shift next to me. My head was resting on his chest, just above his heart and his arms were wrapped around my body. I had never thought Mark Sloan would be a cuddler, but he had proved me wrong. In a way, I loved the moments after sex where we would lay in each other's arms more than the sex itself. Not that I didn't appreciate the sex. It was the best sex I had ever had in my life.
"I have to go," he whispered.
"No," I said. The last thing in the world I wanted was for him to go. Sleeping with him, in the literal sense, was so much better than sleeping alone.
"They can't find me up here," he said.
"They won't. No one will bother us up here. You can sneak out in the morning."
"My shifts at seven. Same time as…"
"Derek's," I filled in.
"And trust me, he'll notice if I am walking out his front door at the same time he is."
"Well, you can sneak out earlier than that."
I didn't want him to go, but I didn't have a choice. He leaned over and kissed me as he slid his arms out from around my body. I watched him slide on his boxers and Jeans. I couldn't help but look at him. Feeling a little self-conscious that I was still naked, I leaned over the side of the bed and picked up my grey T-Shirt. I slipped it over my head and sat up, adjusting the pillows so I could lean against the wall comfortably.
"You should stay naked," Mark said, turning around to look at me.
"You look good naked."
"Does that mean I don't look good with my clothes on?"
"You just look better naked."
"I'll keep that in mind."
He walked over to the bed and pressed his lips against mine. I definitely didn't want him to go, but I knew in a way it was my fault. I was the one who had invaded his hotel room and pretty much insisted he take me to bed. Not that I have any regrets, but I knew that I was forbidden fruit and I insisted on it anyway. I had put myself in an impossible situation, but it was worth it. Even though to Mark, our relationship was purely about sex, Mark Sloan was worth it.
He walked over to the door and opened it slowly.
"Why do you have to live in Meredith's attic? How am I supposed to sneak out of here with the frat party going on downstairs? Don't you kids ever sleep?"
That moment was just one in a very long line of a million other moments. Tears rolled down my cheeks and splashed on the floor as I remembered all of them at once. I missed him so much it hurt. But more than that, he was disappointed in me. That hurt more than missing him. But even after everything, I would never take it back. I would rather hurt than feeling nothing at all.
I knew he didn't want to talk to me. I knew he was hurt and his way of dealing with it was ignoring me, but I couldn't allow myself to be ignored anymore.
I stood up, knocking the bottle of whiskey over. I didn't care. I walked over to my purse and pulled out my cell phone. As I dialed his number, my phone rang. Looking down at the caller ID, more tears sprang to my eyes. It was him. I was afraid to answer. I was afraid that the only reason he was calling me was to continue the fight we had in front of the hospital. I wasn't ready for that, but I needed to hear his voice. I pressed the green button and put the phone to my ear.
"Hi," I said quietly.
"Hi," he replied.
There was a long pause. I was waiting for him to start shouting, but there was just silence.
"I need you," he finally said. "I need you now."
My heart stopped. I didn't know what to say. "Mark…"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything."
"Me too," I whispered.
"I need you," he repeated. "I love you."
I gasped. He said it. He said the three words I had been waiting to hear. The three words I never thought I'd hear him say.
"I love you, too," I said. "And I need you."
"Ten minutes," he stated. "Give me ten minutes."
I heard him hang up before I had a chance to say anything. I dropped my phone on the ground and ran over to the mirror. I quickly ran a brush through my hair and wiped my tear-stained face with a tissue. I ran over to the spilled bottle of whiskey and picked it up. Corking it, I threw it in my closet. He didn't need to know that I had been drowning myself in alcohol. I looked back at the spilled liquid that was pooled on the floor from when I knocked the bottle over. I looked around, wondering what I was going to clean it up with. Knowing I only had limited time, I grabbed an old T-Shirt from my closet and started seeping up the mess. It took several minutes of scrubbing before I threw the soaked T-Shirt into the garbage and threw a tic-tac in my mouth. I was about to throw on some cover-up and mascara when my door flung open.
"I need you now," he said.
With two steps he had me in his arms and my mouth enveloped in a blazing kiss.
"You have me," I replied when we both stopped to breathe. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Now and forever."
Author's Note: So, this is another one of those stories that isn't perfect, but I just had to post it. For those of you who have ever read any of my other stories know that I rarely write one-shots and it's even rarer for me to write in first person, but I felt this story warranted both. I got the idea for this story a little while ago when I was driving in my car to work listening to the new Lady Antebellum CD (which is great, by the way). But I didn't actually get motivated enough to sit down and actually write it until I saw Thursday's episode, which made me incredibly angry. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed yet another one of my versions of how I would like Mark and Lexie to get back together. Thank you for reading and please review!