Title: Nothing's logical.

Penname: AonL

Disclaimer: I'm really happy to say that the characters are not mine. At all.


A simple outing between friends is supposed to be what friendship is all about, right? That's what Jasper, Alice, Bella, Emmett and Rose thought too, but instead were quickly faced with a scenario worse than any nightmare... Edward Cullen. Will any of them make it out alive or will Edward succeed in killing them all? AH Dark Edward, Violence and gore. JPOV.

Submitted for the 'To Kill a Cullen' Contest

Please check out the other entries here :


Thank you to my L, aka prassacut, for improving my poor english, gaving me ideas and for making me believe she's mine when everybody knows it's the other way around.

Thank you to elusiveKoolaid, Britpacksuccubus (the websister) for their time and grammar, LZTZ for her help and her summary. And Dariachenowith, who helped me a lot and cheered me up with her purple comments. Oh and thank you to my followers on twitter who put up everyday with the ramblings of a crazy French guy. yes, you too, SusieCueVW.

Here it is. It's dark and gore. You've been warned! I'm happy to say: "I've killed a Cullen!" (or two)

Nothing's logical. You think life's logical, but it never is.

Logically I should be fucking my girlfriend, preferably against a tree. But no, since it is not fucking logical.

I'm dying, but I'll hold on until the person next to me really is... dead I mean. I've never really thought about my own death.

Ok, I may have had theories when I was younger, but being killed by my best friend wasn't one of them. It never crossed my mind, but that's what's happened.

I'm here, on this cold ground, bathing in my own blood, my piss, my snot and waiting for the person next to me to die.

Dying isn't pretty. Dying in your own shit and piss doesn't make it prettier.

I really thought I would escape all of it.

I really thought I would when I started running. Running from the screaming, from the blood, from the sickening sound that tells you another bone has been crushed, cut into two. Your brain tries to comprehend what's happening by trying to picture whether it's an arm, a foot, or even a head.

Oh, and you can imagine it so well because you just witnessed it, the ax going down, blood spurting, your friend watching in a stupor, her hand on the floor as the person who did it is laughing and screaming at her, at us, to run.

You imagine it so well... blood dripping, his knees hitting the ground, her body falling down lifeless.

Then that sickening noise slices through the air again and you know your friend is watching his dismembered girlfriend being systematically butchered because her death just hadn't been enough for the one wielding the axe.

And you run, I swear to you , you run, because you're scared shitless while piss drips down your legs, soaking through your pants.

Rose died without her feet and hands. She tried so hard to run, I remember incomprehension and pain twisting her face as she tried to get away, screaming at her missing limb. She grabbed for her severed hand, picking it up off the ground as if keeping it was the most logical thing in the world. As if it could be put back in place… She cradled it in her good arm, holding it carefully like one would do with a baby.

She dropped it at one point and was focused on picking it up again. Before she could reach for it her other hand was detached from her arm.

She stood up, her body looking like a grotesque, unfinished, bloody doll.

She kept falling down and getting up again and again, that was until the axe chopped off one of her calves. She did stand up again, I don't know how but she did, hopping on one foot, her body a vision of hell.

Emmett tried to help her. I remember that too. It's funny how precisely I remember that. Him puking his guts while picking her up, trying not to look at her crippled body.

I can still see him falling down, tripping on a log and her other calf being chopped from her body.

Her maddening scream tore from her body, and it seemed her mind was lost with her truncated limbs. Then there was an empty silence which followed her agonizing death.

Then there was the thunk of the axe coming down on her lifeless body in quick succession.

Emmett, mute with fear, his eyes wide with the horror and helplessness he felt. For him. For her. His entire being was defeated and resigned as Edward lifted his axe again, this time aiming at him.

That's the last time I saw them. I started running, trying to physically and mentally remove myself from this scene. Leaving Rose and Emmett behind because, in that moment, my life was all that mattered. I didn't want that to happen to me. I heard his scream when the axe hit him, and then it was deathly quiet again.

When Edward had picked up the axe earlier, smiling at us, telling us to please, please play with him and start running, we had all laughed.

It was a funny idea.

The fact that we were all camping in the mountains, just old friends with no one around but the dark woods, made it so cliché it hurt.

And the irony didn't escape me, we talked about it on our way there. We always talked about it when camping or traveling. And that's something we often did.

We started going camping as teenagers. It was only Emmett, Bella, Rose and me back then.

I met Alice 3 years ago in college during a course on molecular biology, we had a fight about bioinformatics, I loved every moment of it and invited her to dinner. She hung out with us from that moment on.

Edward only join us a year ago. He was new in town and was looking for a job as a mechanical engineer. Bella, met him in the bar we hang out one night and kept raving about him until Rose was fed up with her twelve years old fan attitude and fixed him up with her. We had all gone camping together a few time since then.

So of course, someone had to make that joke… I know I would have. Although, I wouldn't have really picked up the axe to chop one of my friend's hands off afterward, but he did.

Emmett seemed frozen to the spot for a moment, his face confirming he couldn't fathom the idea of what his friend just did. He tried to take the axe back but gave up the idea shortly after when it became obvious he wouldn't win that fight. I didn't even try…

Coward? No, I like my limbs just where they are thank you very much…

If Emmett, who was the strongest guy I knew, couldn't take him, there was not a chance I could.

I didn't even check if Alice and Bella were still behind me. I didn't care. My mind was only set on one goal: escaping. I didn't care about the rest, not even my girlfriend. Not even my best friend.

I couldn't see the trees anymore, just Rose and Emmett's faces. And Edward's... mad, sick, grimacing, and violent. And blood. Blood dripping from the axe. there was blood everywhere.

I could feel it on me even if there was none. Blood. I screamed until my lungs felt like they were on fire, until I couldn't breath anymore, until I fell on the ground.

That's when I realized Bella and Alice had followed me. Both terrorized, tears streaming down their faces screaming at me to stand up and lead the way. How the fuck was I supposed to do that?

How did they think I could help or save them. It seemed I had to… Fuck them… Gender equality fucking ERA my ass, put an axe murderer in the mix and it's long forgotten!

But their screams helped me to see straight again.

That's when we heard movements coming from behind us, talking wasn't in order. I stood up and we started running again.

My brain was on overdrive, how to fight? Where to go? We couldn't run like this all day. We stopped again, wondering which direction to head, still hearing the cracking sound of the branches telling us Edward was near, maybe even spying on us.

We heard the sound of the axe hitting a trunk on our right and started running again. Sweat was dripping down my face, burning my eyes. My thighs were killing me, and I felt tired and demented. Lost.

From the corner of my eye, I could see Bella running as fast as me, her breath short. She kept looking back in despair, trying to see if he was close behind us. She had blood on her face, since she had been so close to Edward when he cut Rose's hand off, it was mixed with her sweat and it drew a strange pattern on her skin.

I could hear Alice behind me emitting a shriek every time a twig hit her. She was calling my name every once in a while; I just wanted to tell her to shut the fuck up and run. But I didn't, because it was physicaly impossible for me to utter a single word between breaths.

I heard Alice scream and then the sound of her body hitting the ground. I stopped running, but I was scared to look back and see what had happened.

But Bella kept on running. How I'd like to have followed her, but it was Alice.. my Alice.

I turned around to see Edward holding Alice in place, a hand on her throat, keeping her from breathing. She was wriggling helplessly trying to fight for air.

He made her stand up in front of him, his fingers still digging into the flesh of her throat, her face becoming paler with each passing second.

The sounds coming from her mouth were grotesque and scary. They reminded me of one of those ads where someone tells you that smoking isn't good while looking at you and breathing heavily through their tracheotomy hole. That's what I thought about at that exact moment, that, and maybe I should quit smoking. At least I could run faster the next time someone tried to kill me.

This was so absurd! Alice was being strangled, by our best friend no less, in front of me and the only thing I could think about was that I didn't want to end up with a tracheo and thinking of my health the next time someone wants to kill me?

I couldn't hold my laughter… I started laughing hard, it wasn't an amused laugh but a scary, psychotic laugh. I was going crazy, that was the only explanation. I could feel my sanity slipping away slowly with each guffaw.

Edward looked at me questioningly, but the maniacal smile never left his face. Alice, on the other hand, started to panic even more. My laugh died in my throat when my eyes met her pleading gaze. That was real. Your friend is killing your girlfriend. What are you going to do about it?

As if hearing my thoughts, Edward looked at Alice and asked me, "So… what are you going to do about it? She doesn't have a lot of time left, you know, and I'm getting bored here."

That crazy bastard said it with a deceptively flat voice, but I could hear the undertone and see it in his eyes. He wasn't bored at all, that fucker was loving every minute of it. Alice would keep breathing until it pleased him to do otherwise. I must have taken too much time to answer, though, because he went on speaking.

"I'm a little disappointed in you, Jasper. You didn't stay for Emmett's big scene. It was quite the show really. Very entertaining. "

He looked up and smiled wider at me. "Yes …very. Of course he screamed when I chopped his legs. Just above the knees. For a change, you know?"

He was looking at me like I would comprehend what the fuck he was talking about. As if I had an opinion about that.

Yeah right… I cut my friends legs everyday; so of course I knew about needing a little change from time to time.

"Well… anyway. He was screaming on the ground and trying to get away," he chuckled, shaking his head. Then he added with a smile, "he wasn't trying very hard though. Emmett always knew how to make me laugh, and since he wanted to play, we did! I stuck my axe in his neck right…. Here."

He indicated the place on Alice's neck, just under her ear, stroking it slowly, seemingly deep in thought. Alice wasn't moving anymore, keeping her strength for breathing only. Every movement of Edward's made her body flinch a little. I didn't know what to do. If I tried to get closer to them, he could kill her instantly. I just stood there, trying not to think about what could happen to her and what did happen to Emmett.

All this time, I hadn't said a word. It didn't seem to bother him one bit. I wondered if Bella was still running or if she was hiding somewhere close, witnessing it all. Would she help us if she was?

My train of thought was cut off when Edward started talking again.

"I didn't hit him with a lot of strength, just enough to cut him open. I didn't want to completely separate his head and kill him."

Right, because that would just be inhumane...

Edward's mouth was close to Alice's ear while he talked, his voice had lost its flat tone, his hand gripped her neck tighter.

"I think he tried to tell me something, but really it all came out in a jumble… lots of bubbles and 'aaaargh gaaaragh'. I wonder what he meant by that? Well, seems like I will never know, because his head is really separated from his body now."

I kept having flashes of Emmett's death in my head, I felt sick picturing his pain and despair. He did that. Edward did that. And I was scared shitless at the idea that my turn was just around the corner.

"You're not talking, Jasper. Don't you like my little story?"

I didn't answer him but kept my eyes on Alice. He paused for a few moments before beginning again, "Ok! Enough of this shit! Time for decisions! You want to save her, I can see it in your eyes. You can, Jasper."

My eyes left Alice's face for his. He was smiling at me, nodding his head rapidly.

"Want to know how?" He asked.

He paused for a second then, to gauge my reaction. I just grimaced at him. No, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Aw don't be scared, Jasper. It's pretty simple. It's you or her."

I opened my mouth in shock and incomprehension.

"Don't look at me like that! What, don't you understand what I just said? You want her to live, you die. You want to live, she dies. See? Win-win situation." Then

he added with a smirk, "Well, for me at least!"

Alice went into full panic mode. Her chest rose and fell, while her body struggled for more oxygen. The sight kept me from thinking about what he had just asked me.

"Of course, nothing says you won't die later on, but hey, at least you get a chance, right?"

Bile rose up my throat and into my mouth, and I tried not to puke. After I was able to control my breathing, I asked him the only thing that came mind,

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, Edward?"

He laughed at that and answered joyfully, "Having fun, Jasper! Having fun! Aren't you having fun yet? So what's it going to be?"

I thought hell was watching my friends limbs being chopped off, but apparently that was only purgatory. I'd only just now entered hell, when Edward asked me to make that decision.

So, given the choice between being a hero and dying, or be a coward and probably die anyway, I bailed.

Yes I did. There was one chance I would survive and fuck if I was going to waste it.

Still, I had to admit my choice out loud. That would make it real. I wasn't sure I could own up to it, but death wasn't an option even for Alice.

I searched frantically around me as if the woods around us held the answers to all my questions.

Edward's laugh startled me, making me jump.

"Aww, sweet Alice, we're going to have so much fun together!" Alice looked wide eyed at him, trying to breath and scream at the same time.

"What? You're trying to tell me you don't know what he chose? But, Alice, look at him! It's written all over his face!"

Alice looked frantically in my direction, pleading with her eyes and shaking her head. It made me sick to see her like that, to know that I had just silently sentenced her to death.

But I aIso felt anger, anger at Edward for putting us in this insane situation in the first place and anger at Alice as well, for expecting me to choose her life over my own.

Edward was clearly taking pleasure in Alice's reaction.

"You know I'm right! You know it! Ah! I'm always right!" He looked at me then, "And I know you like the back of my hand, Jasper. You are so predictable!"

He started laughing again, "Too bad you didn't know me as well as I know you!"

I laughed bitterly at that and looked him the eyes before answering, "You mean not knowing you're a know-it-all, self-righteous bastard who thinks he's the best thing that happened to women since the invention of dildos? I knew that already, Edward, don't worry."

His smile faded. Even scared as I was, I took pleasure at getting this reaction out of him. He frowned as he thought for a moment, then smiled at me again, "Well, Jasper, it must be true. And I surely know better than you since I'm the one with the upper hand. As for the women, what can I say…"

He then spoke in a voice which still gives me chills just thinking about it. A high pitch girly voice, "Oh you're so pretty, Edward, your green eyes are so shiny! Fuck me! Fuck me! Fuck me!" He laughed and added with his regular voice, "I can't help it if they want me, Jasper…But we're digressing ."

His free hand disappeared behind his back and within a split second he had put a hunting knife under Alice's chin and spoke to her, "Back on track! This conversation is killing my fun. Where shall I stick this? Don't say in the neck. I did that with Emmett already. And you know It's not easy to understand what the person is saying, plus it's much easier with an axe. So?"

I think Alice realized that she was truly going to die then. She really did panic, choking herself on his hand, fighting to get free but only ended up cutting herself on his knife, blood dripped down her neck and shoulder. Seeing the blood stream down her arm stopped her movements and a dark spot started to appear on her crotch.

"Fuck! I told you not the neck! And are you pissing on yourself, Alice? That's gross!"

He freed her neck to wipe his bloody hand on his shirt. Alice touched her neck with a trembling hand trying to understand how bad the cut was.

"It's nothing, Alice. Don't worry, we'll still have fun!"

She started to back away slowly, shaking her head in despair. She could run, why wasn't she gone already? She looked at me, turned around in a blink and started running. She wasn't fast though and she kept tripping, still unable catch her breath. I saw Edward looking at her with an amused look on his face.

The fucker did that on purpose. Laughing, he shouted at her, "Don't go, Alice! You're going to get lost in those woods… and who knows what could happen!"

She didn't go far before she tripped again on a log. It was strange like watching her fall in slow motion. She was sort of flying, then righted herself, only to finally end up half impaling herself on a lower branch that had splintered.

I was riveted, I didn't want to watch but my legs were rooted to the spot and my eyes were stuck on her back. She wasn't moving but I could hear her cry, breathing heavily. I could see her profile too but I tried not to look.

Edward got closer and walked around her to see exactly what had happened. He snapped at her angrily, "You did that on purpose, didn't you? Why am I here if you're just going to kill yourself! That's not fun, Alice." He paused, then began again with a sweeter tone, " Look at yourself now… You didn't even succeed!"

Alice wasn't screaming anymore her breath was ragged, her hands were gripped to the branch, covered in her blood. I think she tried to talk but it was intelligible, just a string of mumbles that sounded like a prayer or a supplication.

Edward didn't pay attention to her, he took a step back and kept talking, "But I'm willing to help you because it wasn't a bad idea you had there, Alice. And you know what they say, if at first you don't succeed…"

And while saying that he lifted his right leg and kicked her hard in the small of her back, impaling her a little more on the branch. A blood curdling scream came out of Alice, making me fall on my knees, my own scream stuck in my throat.

Edward kept shouting, "YOU. TRY. AGAIN!" emphasizing each word with a kick of his foot. Alice kept screaming, but it was weaker each time he kicked, trying to hold onto the branch in a vain attempt to keep it from entering her body any further.

Blood soaked her clothes quickly and dripped a bloody red from the branch to the ground. I put my hands on my ears trying to muffle the awful sounds, trying to make it all stop and forget this abominable scene. But I could still hear everything. Edward's foot hitting her body, the ribcage breaking, the suction sounds.

With one last kick from Edward the branch stuck out from her back. Edward stopped kicking at the same time Alice stopped screaming. Her body began shaking and a guttural sound came from deep within her chest, a geyser of blood suddenly came shooting out of her mouth, coating everything around her.

The tree seemed to bleed, her legs gave out but the branch kept her up, one of her hands fell by her side the other still gripping it, her upper body bent over, her forehead close to touching the tree's trunk.

It looked like the tree had gave stillbirth to this atrocious blood soaked puppet with the branch as an umbilical cord, connecting them.

After the abomination I just witnessed the silence was deafening.

I couldn't watch anymore, I closed my eyes and threw up all I had.

I looked up when Edward started talking again, "Ah! That's what I call a chef-d'oeuvre!" he patted Alice's back, making her body move slightly and added, "Nice work, Alice. Nice work. Too bad I didn't get to use this baby."

He turned to me then, showing me his hunting knife, "You know, Jasper, that's the one thing I've always envied you. You can throw a knife like no one! If I had your talent I'd totally throw it at you right now."

I tried to stand up but my legs where shaking and I fell on my knees again.

He looked from his knife to me and said, "I won't. But you better start running again, Jasper. Since you look a little weak I'll give you three minutes before hunting you down. I think it's fair; plus I have to carry my axe, not an easy task if you ask me."

I finally stood up with diffficulty. I had to run again. I didn't know where to go nor where Bella was. I kept my eyes focused on him, I didn't want to see Alice's body if I could avoid it.

Edward called out to me, "You better hurry! You only have two minutes and forty seconds left, Jasper."

So I started running. Every muscle in my body hurt, I still tasted the bile in my mouth and I tried really hard to look where I was going because there was no way I'd hurt myself like Alice did. I did not want to think about her or the way she died. Because it made me sick, but above all because it made me wonder about my own death.

I kept my eyes on the ground, often looking up to avoid trees. I could only hear the sound of my breathing and my feet hitting the ground. I had the urge to watch over my shoulder but fought it as much as I could.

Then I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I was so scared I tripped on my own foot, falling head first on the ground. I turned over in a quick movement expecting to see an axe above me.

"What the fuck, Bella! You'll kill me before he does if you keep doing that!"

Bella was standing next to me her hands in a fist, shaking and covered in dirt.

"I-I'm sorry, Jasper, I didn't know where to go. I stayed and... "

I stopped her from talking more, "You were there? You were there when he did that to Alice and you did nothing?"

I saw surprise on her face, then shame, quickly replaced by anger before she shouted, "What did you want me to do! Get killed? And really, Jasper? What did you do since this nightmare started? You got some nerve asking me that!"

Who the hell was I kidding, I had condemned Alice to death anyway and I did nothing to help until now, she was right. Fuck!

I stood up, now wasn't the time to argue,

"We have to run, Bella, I don't know where and I don't give a fuck as long as my ass leaves this place! He's going to be here soon!"

That's when I heard the words "Too late" before Bella's nose exploded under Edward's fist, bathing my face in blood and she fell to the ground with a thud.

Edward was shaking his hand while smiling at me,

"I'll play with her later."

I didn't wait for him to keep going, I turned around and ran but didn't go far before I felt a sharp pain starting in my left calf then spreading to my whole body and my leg gave out.

I looked down to see a pool of blood forming on my trousers. The bastard had cut into my calf? What the fuck!

There was no way I could keep running now. We both knew it.

I stood up putting the weight on my right leg and turned around to face him. He was smiling at me with is head bent to the side.

Pointing his finger to my calf, he said, "I bet it hurts like a bitch. You can beg me to finish you off if that's what you want. I'll take my time, but I'll grant your wish."

The chances of surviving him were thin to none, but fuck me if I wasn't going to try. I think he saw that decision on my face, and added with a laugh, "Or you can fight! Show me what you got, Jasper!"

He dropped his axe on the ground still looking at me, I wondered what his little game was about now, and asked him, "No axe, Edward?"

He laughed at my question and shook his head a little before answering me, "You're an impatient person, Jasper. I'll use the axe later, don't worry."

The fucker was too arrogant, no doubt in his mind that he'd kill me.

There was no doubt in mind either though, but I wasn't going to admit that to him. And what ever happened next, I'd fight with all I had.

Edward came closer to me and kicked me in the calf right then, I screamed in pain trying not to fall. He then palmed his hunting knife. I tried to back down but only ended up falling on my ass, howling in pain again, the cut in my calf tearing up some more in the process.

My leg was throbbing and I could see the bone even with the amount of blood. I was so scared and in pain, I started crying. Edward towered over me, laughing,

"Careful, Jasper, you'll hurt yourself if you keep that up."

He then slowly dragged his knife from my right shoulder to the middle of my chest, cutting my shirt as well as my skin. He didn't cut very deep, but it hurt like a motherfucker, I clenched my teeth not wanting to give him the pleasure of my screams. I felt his knife cutting my upper left arm, and I couldn't hold my scream this time.

I kept trying to come up with a way to win this fight but finding none, the pain was driving me mad and kept me from thinking straight. I tried to move away but he put his foot on my bleeding leg, preventing me from going anywhere and plunged his knife in my shoulder.

I tried weakly to defend myself with my hand when he aimed at me again, the knife went through my palm and pinned it to my shoulder. I wailed in pain, blood pouring out of my wounds. He took the knife out, freeing my hand as he did.

I was now covered in blood, my body in so much pain that I couldn't know where it was coming from anymore.

Every move I was trying to make sent blood flying everywhere, but didn't help me in the least. He lifted his foot from my calf giving me some relief, a short one, because his foot crushed my knee a few seconds later.

My head fell back on the ground, my own scream deafening me. At that moment I wanted him to kill me. I just wanted everything to stop.

"Aren't we having fun, Jasper? I love it!" Edward was exulting, hovering over me, knife in hand.

Of course the fucker was having fun! I sat down, I don't really know how. I was pissed off, scared, and I felt so alone. I was going to die soon, and he would keep on living.

I looked at him with hatred, which made him laugh harder.

"Ooh, Jasper, you're so scary! You want to kill me, huh?" He came closer and whispered, "Well, you can always try but..."

He didn't finish his sentence, I had took advantage of his little rant to get a hold of his knife. I couldn't have done it if he wasn't so conceited that it didn't even occur to him.

I plunged the knife into his stomach, sticking it in as much as I could! Edward emited a strangle cry and looked at me wide eyed, surprise all over his face.

"Who's having fun now, Edward? WHO!"

He tried to take the knife back out but I fought him to leave it right where it was. I then dragged it up with all the strength I could muster, opening him up from his naval to his sternum.

He opened his mouth a few times but no sound came out, until finally he uttered, "That was... a ... nice... move, Jasper," - taking a breathe between each word.

He was dying and I did that. I. did. that. He wasn't going to have me. I looked at him and smiled. "You're right, Edward. I think it's fun."

He chuckled, or at least I think that's what he did before he fell on top of me.

At that exact moment I heard Bella scream "NO!" and looked up to see her swing the axe, chopping Edward's dead body in two and ending its course in my stomach.

I wailed in pain, and horror as my guts started to show.

She started to cry and scream at the same time,

"OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! I'm so sorry, Jasper! I wanted to help you, He was killing you! Oh my god!"

He was dead bitch. He was dead you FUCKING CUNT! That's what i wanted to tell her but I couldn't utter a word. The irony of the situation and the pain were intolerable and rendered me speechless.

I was getting drained of my blood, it poured out of me from every wound. I watched it form little rivulets on the ground, watched as my life run out of me.

Bella was still screaming. Bitch. I felt weaker by the second. I looked at her wanting to tell her to shut the fuck up already. But I still couldn't talk. Just looking at her made me mad. It wasn't fair, it wasn't logical and it was all her fault. But I'd make things right again.

I took the knife out from Edward's upper body and aimed at her throat. She stopped screaming at once, Yeah that was better, I laid down, exhausted.

Bella took the knife out of her throat and looked at it as she couldn't understand what it was doing there.

She fell on her knees, blood gushing from the wound in her neck and looked at me one last time before she fell completely next to me. I could hear the sound of her breathe and the gurgle sound it made in her lungs.

Her blood joined mine in the rivulets, and I closed my eyes.

I don't know how long we've been here now. But I'm holding on and as I said, I'll wait for her to die...