Hey everyone. We hit the 100 review mark! I was like holy shit, when I got the review email and saw that the lovely bellaandedwardloveeachother was in fact the reviewer for 100. Shout out to you! Anyway, because of that I decided to write up a chapter as quick as possible, and I think this is my longest chapter yet. Just so you know, school is starting up again in a few weeks and i'm going to be so so busy, and I might not always update consistently, but I will never be giving up on this story. I'll always be updating, even if it takes awhile. So with that I hope you enjoy the chapter and let me know what ya'll think.
Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns everything Twilight
Song of the Chapter: Perfect by Alanis Morissette
There are moments in life that leave you utterly stunned to silence. I was having one of those moments.
"Are you going to tell me what you mean by ex-fiancé?" I asked Edward skeptically as he pulled out of the parking garage in Chicago, still in shock and not yet coming to terms that Tanya was once his fiancé without his own family knowing this.
Once he revealed that Tanya was once in fact his fiancé, I was too much in shock to even form a coherent thought, so he leaded me back to the parking garage where the Volvo was waiting for us and promised to explain during the car ride home.
"It happened last November, a few months after school had started and me and Tanya had been dating practically once we met each other in August. She was great; nice, sweet, not possessive and rarely ever got jealous.
"We started a more, um, physical relationship I guess you could say, two months into our relationship," he said glancing at me quickly, then went back to watching the road. "Our relationship turned to be only physical, there was nothing emotional about
We were stopped at a red light so he turned to me and said, "I think this is something I should explain to you when you're older, and can understand better."
I rolled my eyes at him and said with a smirk on my face, "Trust me Edward, I'll understand exactly what you're saying."
He furrowed his eyebrows, almost like he was confused. Then, like a light bulb went off in his head, his eyes widened and he asked urgently, "Bella please tell me you've never done anything physical with another boy?"
I raised an eyebrow at him and smiled coyly, deciding to screw with him. Even though I'm a virgin, and proud to be one and plan to be one for awhile. I've had my fair share of dates, but never anything serious enough to turn into a relationship that involves a more physical side to it.
I watched as Edwards eyes darken, and became laced with anger. He growled out, "I'll kill him"
I couldn't hold back the laugh that had escaped my lips, "Chill out Eddie. My cherry blossom is still in bloom."
"Bella, please don't speak so lightly about your virginity. It's serious. Once you lose it, you can never get it back again," he said seriously, driving along as the light turned green.
"You're not going to give me 'The Talk' are you?" I asked him skeptically.
He glanced at me and asked, "Do I have to?"
I pondered the thought for a moment. Esme had given me the talk when I had gotten my period when I was thirteen years old, using the terms 'cherry blossoms' and 'gardening'. It had been one of the most uncomfortable conversations me and Esme had every encountered, and honestly, I didn't learn a single thing from it. If it wasn't for high school and the internet, I would still think that the only way I could get pregnant is if a man planted a seed in my garden, making my cherry blossom stop blooming.
"No, I'm good," I said to him.
He let out a sigh of relief, "Thank god, I really couldn't handle that conversation." He paused for a moment then spoke again, "But one day I guess we're going to have to talk about boundaries."
"Boundaries?" I asked, confused with what he meant.
"Yeah, boundaries," he said as he veered onto the interstate. "Bella your sixteen, I think you're a little too young to be doing the dating thing."
I huffed in annoyance and retorted, "We'll have this conversation another time. I want to know the story with Tanya, and save the 'you're too young to understand this' bullshit, I'm not in the mood."
"Fine," he snapped. "I'll just put it out there in words even you can understand.
"One time we didn't use protection, Tanya got pregnant, I proposed, she miscarried, I broke off the relationship with her the day before I left to come home, then Esme and Carlisle got into the accident. That's the story," he said, rushing it all out.
My heart missed a beat for a moment as he said those words."Tanya was pregnant?" I asked, shocked.
He let out a deep breath and replied, "Yes. She wanted to abort it but I talked her out of it. I couldn't let her abort the child and go through that, so I made a rational decision and proposed. I thought I would be doing the right thing, by staying with her."
He continued, "A few weeks into the pregnancy she miscarried, and that was it. The night before I left to come home I decided to break things off with her. She called a week later to see how I was but I barely talked to her, telling her that Esme and Carlisle had passed away and that I was busy with arrangements and making sure you were okay. Today was the first time I had spoken to her in months."
"Wow," was the only thing I could say. I was shocked. More than shocked, I was confused, bewildered and somewhat hurt. As well as saddened that Tanya had to go through something as horrible as a miscarriage, and Edward leaving her most likely didn't help the situation.
I replayed everything in my head: Edward and Tanya's relationship was just about sex. He forgot to use a condom, she got pregnant. Edward proposed. She miscarried. He broke it off with her. But from what I saw today, their connection had obviously not died, but was still very much alive. All of this leads me to the question of why hadn't he let his own family know that his own girlfriend was knocked up with his kid?
"Yeah," he mumbled. "So that's the Tanya story."
"Why didn't you tell us?" I asked, bewildered.
"Why didn't you tell us?" I repeated, then went on to say, "Carlisle is a doctor Edward, he would've helped in any way he could. They would've wanted to know if there was going to be an Edward Jr. running around, hell they would be rolling in their graves right now if they had known you were engaged!"
"Do you think I don't know that!" He snapped. "For all's they knew, I had the perfect life and a future ahead of me that some people can only dream about. Full scholarship for football to Northwestern, star tight end and captain on the team. Law School student, on his way to actually making something of his life without the help of mommy and daddy's stack of money piling up in the bank. Just think how they would've reacted if they had found out that I knocked up my girlfriend, and was too stupid to use protection one time. They would've flipped and I would've been labeled a fuck up."
"You're wrong!" I yelled at him. "Carlisle and Esme loved you and would've never have thought that about you. They would've been there to help you through that, hell I would've been there for you also. You can't just assume everything! You had a family back home who missed you and we would've been there for you and Tanya if you had just let us in"
"God you're so naïve sometimes. We're adopted Bella, and everyone knows that in Forks. One wrong move and we'll be instantly pegged as the fucked up adopted Cullen's kid. That's why I didn't tell you, because someone would've got wind of it in Forks and that shit would've spread like wildfire," he tried to explain to me as he pulled into the parking garage of our apartment complex.
He parked into the closest empty spot and shut the engine. We both sat still and silent in the Volvo. The air around us thick and tense from the heated conversation we both just had.
"You're wrong," I said to him with confidence. "Yes, we're adopted. Yes, if we fuck up everyone in Forks will know about. But who cares? It doesn't matter what they think about us, it matter's what we think about us. Carlisle and Esme loved us and I know for a fact they wouldn't have judged you. They would've been there for you. Especially me."
He didn't respond so I decided to keep speaking, "We're in the same situation here Edward, in case you haven't forgotten. At least you know who you're biological parents are, I don't even have that. You, and Carlisle and Esme are all I have, and I would've been there for you and I would've been there for Tanya as well," I told him. "But you dug this hole all on your own Edward, and now you're going to have to dig yourself out."
After that I opened the car door and shut it softly, remembering to grab my bag from the seat as I did so. I couldn't sit there in the car any longer, stuck with the tension between us. I had had enough. I was just so upset and confused and hurt as to why he didn't think he could come to us, to me, so we could help him. Even though he had always been so controlling and vindictive, we were as close as we could get. As much as I hated to say it, he was my best friend and I would always tell him everything. And for him to keep such a big secret from me, that hurt. I wasn't angry, but betrayed.
I made my way to the elevator and pushed the number 9 to our floor. I could fairly see Edward still sitting in the car, and for a moment I was saddened that he was sitting there all by himself. But then I remembered that he brought all of this onto himself, and vowed to myself that I would never allow Edward Cullen to hurt me emotionally again.
We didn't go for a run that next morning. We didn't grab donuts from Dunkin' Donuts after either. We didn't go for our usual Sunday afternoon Starbuck's coffee run. We didn't even sit down and eat dinner together that Sunday night. We didn't speak. Everything was silent. We have barely spoken to each other in the past few days.
Today was Tuesday and I would be starting Evanston Township High School just tomorrow. I was nervous, apprehensive and somewhat scared to know I would be going about this all on my own. If me and Edward were actually speaking and on civil terms, it would've probably help calmed the situation. But we're not. I don't think we'll ever be.
Every time I would go over the conversation me and Edward had on our drive home from Chicago, I couldn't shake the feeling of being highly saddened for Tanya. Not only did she have to go through the shock of being pregnant, dealing with Edward, then the miscarriage and then Edward practically dumping her the night before he leaves Illinois. I wonder how she handled the situation, and if she knew if Edward had told me and Esme and Carlisle about her pregnancy and their false engagement.
But I always keep reminding myself that it's not my problem to worry for her. It's not my problem to worry about, period. It's Edwards problem, and will stay Edwards problem. I'm only 16 years old, getting ready to turn 17 in a month. The only things I need to worry about are school and finding some sort of extracurricular activity I can succeed in to the best of my abilities.
The one thing Edward reminded me of was that he has succeeded in his career in football. He received a scholarship to one of the best Division 1 football programs out there, and is still succeeding as a team captain. But what have I done?
All this time I figured that college was just going to be given to me. It wasn't something I had to actually work for. But now that I'm getting into my Junior year of high school, I want to be able to succeed in something as well. I want to make Esme and Carlisle proud of me. I want them to know that I can take care of myself and I don't need they're money to help me get into college.
So to help get my mind off of Edward's problem and for me to concentrate more on school, I decided that I would try out for the cheerleading squad-against my better judgment-and the cross-country team, because running came like breathing to me. By participating in those two activities, not only would I be acquainting myself with my fellow students, but I would also be creating my own life here in Evanston.
The day passed quickly and before I knew I found myself in the kitchen, making some pasta for myself. Edward had been coming home very late at night, so I figured that he was just eating out and didn't think of cooking for him as well. Plus he was a big boy, he could fend for himself.
Once the pasta itself was cooked, I put some sauce on it and added some spices. Once I was finished cooking, I put it on a plate and went to our small dining room to eat dinner alone for the second time that week.
I finished eating and went to clean up my dishes. I looked to clock and saw that it was seven o'clock. If it had been last week, Edward would have been home already and we would both be sitting at the dining table munching away on our dinners together. Even though we didn't speak much, it was nice to eat with another person, rather than eating alone.
I went out to living room and watched T.V until nine o'clock, and with still no sign of Edward, I decided to just head to bed early tonight. I went through my bedtime routine robotically, brushing my teeth and washing my face without feeling anything but emptiness.
After I finished I went to the hall and turned off all the nights, still no sign of Edward. Just a few moments later I was wrapped up in my fluffy purple comforter and drifting off into a deep slumber.
"Great game honey," Esme said to Edward affectionately and kissed him on the cheek as he hung over the fence that separated the football field and the stadium seats. The bright and harsh lights that lighted the field glaring into my eyes.
"Thanks," he replied sheepishly, smiling slightly.
"You played excellent son. Keep up the good work and you'll be writing your ticket to Northwestern," Carlisle said to him with a huge smile plastered onto his face, proud of his adoptive son for having such a successful football season as a Junior in high school.
"That's what coach said," Edward smiled.
I stood a few feet away from everyone, off to the side, watching their proud parent moment as an outsider. And they were proud parents. How couldn't they be proud of their star tight end son, who had just been a part of winning a state championship with his team for his third time, only being a Junior. You couldn't help but be proud of him.
Yet as I stood alone, watching the scene unravel in front of my eyes, I felt somewhat envious of Edward and his success. Their he stood, getting all the attention from Carlisle and Esme, and here I was, on my way of becoming the black sheep of the family and only being 12 years old.
I was sick of hearing about Edward and his football. I was sick of hearing about Edward and his perfect grades. I was sick of hearing about Edward and all of the scholarship offers he was receiving for not only football, but for track as well. I was sick of Edward period.
Only a year and a half and he would be gone and off to college, wherever he chooses. And I wouldn't have to hear about him and how perfect he was. I wouldn't have to watch as he received all of Carlisle and Esme's attention, as I sat with a fake smile plastered onto my face in the background.
I would be getting the attention. I would be the one with the perfect grades. I would be the perfect kid.
"Bella aren't you going to congratulate Edward?" Esme asked me with a warm smile on her face, breaking me out of my selfish thoughts.
"Oh yeah," I said then turned to face Edward who had a worried expression on his perfect face. "Great game out there."
Esme and Carlisle both looked at me and gave me a pointed look for my half-hearted congratulations, but they never would speak a word of it. "Thanks Bells," Edward said to me, losing the worried look and instead replacing it with a cocky grin, as if he knew exactly what I was thinking.
He turned his attention to Esme and Carlisle and said, "I'm going to head out with some friends to celebrate, if that's okay?"
"Of course it is honey, just be home before curfew," Esme said with that proud smile on her face.
"Ok thanks," Edward replied. "I'll see you guys later."
"All right, have a good night son and congratulations again," Carlisle said to him, then patting his back affectionately.
Edward looked at me for a brief moment and raised an eyebrow at me. I hated how he could know exactly what was going on in my head. I hated how we could speak without actually speaking any words to one another, just silently. I knew he would be questioning me later on in the evening about my behavior, and I would just make up some excuse saying that I was tired. He would believe it, then everything would go back to normal again.
"See you later Bells," he said, using his favorite nickname for me and smiled.
"Yeah, see you later.."
I think might have been sleeping for only a few minutes or a few hours before I was awaken to Edward shaking my body slightly. "Bells wake up."
The light on my bedroom was on, and it blurred my eyes for a moment until they adjusted and I looked past a frenzied Edward and toward the clock to see the time.
"Edward, its 12 in the morning. Unless something is on fire, I'm going to sleep," I said groggily, my voice hoarse with sleep.
"There's no fire, I just wanted to apologize for what happened," he said softly.
"Can't you just be normal and apologize during a decent hour," I muttered, and wrapped my arms tightly around my pillow, burrowing my face into it.
"I know, I'm sorry. It's just I couldn't sleep without apologizing to you. I feel horrible, and I got to thinking and realized that you're right. I should've came to you guys for help. But I didn't so I just hope you can forgive me and this fighting can end, because I am so tired of it," he spoke softly, sorrow filling his voice.
I let a deep breath out and looked up to him. I noticed there were deep bags under his eyes and he looked like he hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep in weeks. "I'm tired of it too, and I didn't want to hurt you. It's not about who's right or wrong Edward, it's just about doing what you think is the right thing. You thought that by keeping it a secret everything was going to be okay. You're intentions were good, but you're philosophy sucked," I said to him bluntly, and saw a smile creep onto his lips.
"No, you were right," he said. "Will you ever forgive me?"
I smiled at him and said, "Yes, you know I can't hold grudges very well."
"Good, and just so you know, no more secrets. Everything is out and in the open from now on."
"Good that's how it should be," I yawned, then laid my head back onto my pillow, ready to give into the sleep that was coming my way.
"Can I sleep in here tonight?" He rushed out.
"What?" I asked confused and tired.
"Can I sleep in here tonight. I just want a good night sleep, and when we were younger we would always get a good night's sleep together," he whined.
And because I was so damn tired and just wanted him to shut up so I could get a good night's sleep for my first day of school tomorrow, I responded, "Fine. But if you start snoring I will kick you out of this room so quick, you'll have no idea what happened."
I watched as he shut off the lights to my room, and noticed that he was in his normal pajamas attire, t-shirt and boxers. Soon the light was gone and my eyes relaxed as did my body. I felt him get into my queen sized bed and pull the comforter over his body right next to me.
And there we laid, back to back. Both falling into a deep sleep. I used to be the one who came to him in the middle of the night, by here we are now. The rolls have been reversed. And now he's the one coming to me. The boy who had the perfect façade on the outside, was secretly crumbling on the inside. And I just hoped that no more secrets were hidden inside his dark closet, because I don't know how much more either one of us could handle, before we both cracked.
So there it is. I hope ya'll enjoyed, and please either review/alert, whatever you want! Thanks