A/N: I was prevailed upon by Aly to keep up a steady stream of fluff, considering the less-than-sunshiney content of Russian Twilight. Enter this little bugger.
My only hope for this mite of ficage is that it provides fun:)
Jennifer Shepard was suffering from acute Boredom. It was a boredom so irksome and so unprecedented in utter tediousness that she did not quite know what to do with herself. In fact, it was a testament to how bored she was that she was beginning to find it difficult to look even half interested in what the dearly beloved (note internal sarcasm) SecNav was saying.
She had sincerely tried to find the Appropriations of Budget and Funds to Furthering a Greener, Planet-Friendly NCIS committee meeting interesting, but when it came down to it…she was whole-heartedly uninterested in filling the vending machines with soy foods and taking money away from ammunition to solar power the building.
Frankly, she'd rather be out shooting something. Or buying shoes. Or pulling another prank on Senator Bob Summer's twitchy, ass-grabbing aide.
She'd settle for any of those not-boring, emotionally pleasing activities.
Primarily, though, what she wished to be doing—besides strangling Al Gore for ever inciting concern in 'global warming'—was a certain silver-haired, loose-cannon NCIS agent by the name of Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
And yes, she meant it 'that way'.
Jenny resisted the overwhelming urge to collapse onto the table in front of her and repeatedly bang her head against it. To counter that very childish urge, she began scratching pretty flowers and hearts onto the budget binder in front of her, admiring her artwork.
When SecNav began enthusiastically talking about wind power on the shooting range, she played hangman with herself and won. Twice. Then she realized, somewhat sheepishly, playing hangman with herself was futile, and proceeded to play Tic-Tac-Toe.
Turns out that was futile, too.
She wrote the names of the nefarious red-haired ex-wives of Leroy Jethro Gibbs on her papers and drew various dangerous things around them: knives, flames, and a shark. The words Hollis Mann were then consumed in a tragic tidal wave full of machetes.
Jenny looked forlornly up at the clock, on the brink of bursting into tears of boredom.
She had been sitting in this godforsaken conference room listening to her godforsaken boss go on for five godforsaken hours on eco-friendly policies. Someone was definitely getting shot.
"I suggest you all write down what I show you on the following PowerPoint," SecNav began cheerily. Jenny imagined the ceiling falling on his head. "Title: 10 Reasons to Preserve Our Earth…"
He trailed off and Jenny stabbed her pencil onto the blank sheet of paper she'd flicked over too, drawing a very sad smiley face.
In the middle of sketching a dramatic tear on her smiley's face, she had a brilliant and exciting idea that offered both entertainment and a little something for her wayward Agent Gibbs to enjoy a later.
She glanced up furtively at SecNav as he went on, the model of chipper, and inched her blank paper towards her, titling it in neat, scripted handwriting:
10 Things SecNav Doesn't Know (…and therefore won't hurt him!)
By Jenny Shepard:)
Smirking triumphantly at her ingenuity, Jenny touched the end of her pen to her lips and considered the possibilities…
Three drawings of cute puppies, a paper bits war with the head of the Legal Department behind Leon Vance's back, and an editing of her prized list later, Jenny Shepard eagerly stood up from her chair as SecNav began gathering up his things and wishing them a lovely weekend.
Almost dancing with relief, she hurriedly summoned all of her things to her and slipped her purse onto her shoulder, itching to run away from the room yelling 'Freedom!'. Restraining herself, she had a short conversation with her boss, even if he was on her bad list right now, and exited the conference room composedly.
Though it was quite a different story when she reached Cynthia's office.
She bolted through the surprised secretary's cozy little space and flung herself into her precious office, kicking the door shut dramatically behind her and letting her patent leather briefcase and folders fall to the floor haphazardly.
Jenny reached up and shook her hair out of the tight up-do she'd had it in, running her hands through it and groaning in frustration and relief. She reached down to rub her shoulder and smiled lazily as the topic of her daring list smirked at her from her office chair.
"I'm stiff," she murmured, pouting, as she massaged her neck.
"What a coincidence," he responded suggestively.
"You don't believe in them," she gave back with a smirk, slipping out of her high heels and flashing him a devilish glare through her eyelashes.
"How was the meeting?" he drawled, his blue eyes raking hungrily over her from across the room.
"Stimulating," she responded darkly. "I used the time to create something incriminating and rather risqué," she added.
He smirked. Jenny smiled.
She crouched down to reach for the paper, sure to let her skirt bare a teasing amount of thigh to Jethro. She smirked when she felt his eyes hot on her. The smirk, unfortunately, melted to confusion and then dread in a split second.
She couldn't find her list.
Mr. Secretary of the Navy was particularly proud of this presentation. The higher-ups were going to be pleased at his attempt to appease the Green Party, and Congress might finally give NCIS and the Navy the funding they actually deserved.
Yes, he was quite pleased with himself and his employees.
Granted, Leon Vance had seemed to be fast asleep, omnipresent toothpick lolling in his mouth, but his star Jennifer Shepard had been as alert as ever, even taking notes when he asked! He often liked to congratulate himself on choosing her as director.
She pleased the feminists, introduced new blood, and played nice in politics. Yes, Jennifer Shepard had been a very good choice.
SecNav smiled to himself as he began to walk down the aisle, thinking fondly of his wife and a nice, family dinner with her and his children.
He paused as he saw a piece of paper on the floor by Shepard and Vance's seats. Shaking his head in a tiny bit of annoyance at the littering, he attributed the misstep to Vance and reached to pick up the paper.
SecNav was forced to change his assertion on whose litter it was when he read the title words on the page. In Shepard's neat, prim writing, the following words were scrawled:
10 Things SecNav Doesn't Know (…and therefore won't hurt him!)
By Jenny Shepard:)
This title made SecNav very suspicious. He read on, and as he did, began to lose the colour in his face and develop a very formidable headache.
1. The NCIS employee who told the FBI Director he could take his jurisdiction and sexually assault himself with it was not Tony DiNozzo. It was me.
2. The last time I charged an evening gown to the Agency, it wasn't really an evening gown. It was a French lace La Perla lingerie set. I just hacked the system and made it look like a Dior gown.
3. I read the Cosmopolitan Magazine hidden in my desk drawer and think about Agent Gibbs when I'm supposed to be reviewing FLET-C applicants.
4. I am sleeping with Agent Gibbs. Everywhere.
5. I ditched my security detail after the White House Charity Ball two weeks ago and spent the night naked in Jethro's bed.
6. I was fifteen minutes late for the National Security satellite conference on Thursday because Jethro ravished me in the elevator. (This reminds me. We broke the emergency stop button. Must get maintentence on that…)
7. I have sex with Jethro in my office. Frequently.
8. …and once we did it against Abby Sciuto's lab door.
9. The reason Jethro and his team have inexplicably and shockingly stopped pissing off the media and/or our sister agencies? I bribed Jethro via salacious means that included me on my knees under his desk.
10. SecNav may think he's in charge around here…but he's not. I, Jenny Shepard, am Queen of this agency. I am also the one who started the rumor the Director of the CIA was screwing his daughter's husband…because he is. And I'd like to make the point that at least when I have indecent sex with someone, it's heterosexual.
SecNav cringed. He swallowed hard and neatly folded the offending piece of paper. He was, without the faintest shadow of a doubt, irrevocably disillusioned and in need of a very strong alcoholic drink.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs brushed his thumb over Jenny's distressed mouth as he endeavored to unbutton her blouse, pressing her back against her office door.
"This is catastrophic," she hissed. "I need my list!"
"Shh," he hushed absently, moving his hand to her breasts. "Quite being dramatic, Jen. Can't be that bad."
She glared at him in outrage.
"Allow me to enlighten you as to the contents of number nine," she hissed, miffed he was not taking her plight seriously. She whispered what she'd written huskily in her hear and he snapped his eyes onto her green emeralds.
Horrified cerulean met mortified and panicked viridian.
Cynthia Sumner bolted to her feet nervously as the imposing Secretary of the Navy, Jenny's boss and hers, walked stiffly into the assistant's office.
"Sir, Good evening," Cynthia greeted cautiously, reaching quickly for the phone. "I'll page Jenny. I mean Director Shepard. I'll let her—"
"Quite unnecessary, Ms. Sumner," SecNav interrupted starkly, holding out a neatly folded, single piece of paper that had faint traces of cursive writing on it. "If you'll simply deliver that to Director Shepard."
Cynthia took it, nodding, her mouth falling closed.
Cynthia watched as he turned mechanically and left the office. Giving the SecNav an odd look, Cynthia hurried to Jenny's office door and knocked firmly.
Jenny Shepard struggled away from Jethro's roaming mouth and twisted in his arms, looking in apprehension at her door as she shrank closer to him.
She relaxed visibly at the sound of Cynthia's tentative voice, and Jethro leaned forward to resume kissing her neck.
Jenny smacked Jethro away and cracked the door open, peeking out suspiciously. Cynthia gave her odd-acting boss a bothered look and held the piece of paper out. Jenny snatched it away and shoved the door closed, turning and flicking it open with her breath held.
She moaned and slid to the floor, her head falling back against the metal door in shame.
Annoyed at being interrupted yet again, Jethro snatched up the paper and eyed the heading. He narrowed his eyes at the title, which, whatever it might have been, had been blackened with a marker and replaced in masculine writing.
It now read:
10 Things SecNav Wishes He'd Never Discovered (…and therefore wouldn't have put him in therapy)
Might I just say...Poor SecNav!
And I must credit number 8 to a conversation with Aly and Megan over facebook status.
An additional note: Wondering about the excess of updates today? And this new story? I noticed that on this day, I've been writing NCIS fanfic for a year:) So I celebrated: a fluff update, a smut update, an angsty update, and this bit of randomness.