Quiet: Slowly but surely gonna post these drabbles as I go. Especially since I just closed the request thread and am working on more. =3

The prompt:

Chocobos are a lot of trouble, in their book at least.

Oh man, gleaming, solid-mythril with hollowed out 100-yr old adamantoise shell seat and the prime tanned hide of behemoth leather stretched over it and 2500cc of Flare-powered engine with six hidden Dasmascus steel compartments—

"—and you need to be more careful when you saddle her, or she might chafe! She can cross pretty much any terrain, but she won't want to if she's uncomfort—c'mon, Zack, can't you at least pretend to be listening?"

Chastened, the brunet guiltily looked up from his perusal of the bike he'd been drooling over in favor of the annoyed blond standing next to an equally annoyed-looking golden chocobo. "Ah, sorry, Cloudy. What were we talking about again?"

"Zack! Tala won't like you if you don't make an effort to get to know her and know how to handle her!" A sharp reprimanding wark punctuated the statement, and Cloud soothingly patted the flattened crest feathers of his beloved bird.

"She's a gold, which means she's high-maintenance! You can't just—"

"Fenrir isn't," he unthinkingly grumbled, longingly glancing at Cloud's new bike. His fingers practically itched to go over and stroke the gleaming metal monstrosity, every male instinct telling him that this was the bike and it would be the ultimate experience in speed and power.

"Gods," Cloud cried in exasperation. "I can tell you're not really paying me any attention, so when you're done eye-fucking Fenrir, try saddling and riding Tala yourself for once!"

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Sweet Shiva, what a beautiful piece of machinery…

"And if you don't do it right the first time, I'll never let you drive Fenrir," Cloud threatened.

"What?!" Zack yelped. "That's totally not fair! The stupid bird hates me and doesn't listen to me—because you raised her—and now you want me to try and ride it?!"

He glanced at Tala, who puffed her feathers out and warningly clacked her beak at him, as if she'd understood the "stupid bird" comment.

"If you can't control a chocobo, then how could I ever trust you to control Fenrir?" Cloud demanded smugly.

The bird stomped a foot and warbled in agreement, her sharp blue eyes narrowed on him.

With one last mournful stare at sex-on-wheels, Zack headed over to deal with the chocobo he would later swear had it out for him.

Godsdamned chocobos and their bitchy owners.