Disclaimer: It's all property of the one, the only, the Dan Schneider.
Freddie was nervous. He never had an "anniversary" before, a real one at least (the 1-week anniversary of him and Valerie didn't count, and that was her idea anyway). He asked Spencer what a guy was supposed to do for a couple's one-year anniversary, but the older man didn't know (he'd never had a relationship that lasted longer than two weeks either).
He knew from Carly that anniversaries were Very Important Dates: you miss one and you're basically dead to the girl. So he took precautions. Once he knew this relationship between him and Sam was real (probably the day when she stopped flinching whenever he took her hand in public) he circled the date of their first-year anniversary on next year's calendar.
January 25th, a week after his birthday. Freddie thought back to the day when Sam had first approached him at his party. She had stalked up to him, glowering and almost pouting like a kid whose parent made them go to the party of the person they hated most (which was pretty much all true). He was sitting at the table eating cake with some friends from the A/V club and he didn't think that she would show. But there she was, looking down at him with her fists clenched.
"Whoa, you're here." It came out more of a question than a statement and his friends immediately fled from the table upon seeing the blonde girl whose fists they were very acquainted with.
Freddie rolled his eyes, and looked back at Sam, who glared at him before fishing around in her pocket. She pulled out a piece of lint, a quarter, an old piece of gum and – "Oh hey, that's where I left that piece of jerky."
Finally, she pulled out a crumpled piece of paper which she shoved into his face. He cautiously took the paper from her and unfolded it while she stood awkwardly, waiting for him to read it. Scrawled on the lines was "One week without punching, kicking, hitting, or all of the above. (Unless you really deserve it. Like, you look at me funny or something.)"
"Wow...thanks Sam. That's really thoughtful of you" he replied with a smirk, shoving it into his pocket. "I'm gonna keep this."
Sam turned to him, looking bored. "Yeah, yeah, happy birthday, nub. Enjoy it while it lasts." With a dismissive wave, she then disappeared into the crowd of people.
As the party wound down, eventually it was just Freddie, Carly, Sam, and Gibby left. The music still played to which Gibby happily danced to and Carly had fallen asleep on his couch. Freddie groaned as he surveyed the mess that was left and was going to have to clean up before his mom came back home from the Seattle Moms for Protecting Our Babies meeting.
Freddie dragged his feet as he began picking up the myriad of cups and empty plates that were strewn around his bedroom. As he picked up one of the plates with a half-eaten piece of cake on it, Freddie suddenly found another piece of cake hurtling itself towards his face.
He didn't dodge in time. Vanilla cake all over his face. "Aw...AW C'MON." He wiped the frosting off his face but not before Sam dove in, said "Missed a spot!", and licked it off his cheek. He froze.
There was no response he could've given that would've made any kind of sense at that moment. So he just stared at her. She stared right back.
"What? You know I hate wasting good food, even if it's on that face of yours." So she dove in again to make her point, this time licking it off his lips.
She shrugged and said, "I like chocolate better, but this is pretty good too."
WAS THIS HAPPENING? It was as if he had transformed into a pillar of salt; did someone put something in his drink? DID SHE JUST DO WHAT HE THOUGHT SHE DID?
Freddie opened his mouth to speak, but didn't know exactly what to say. "You—." She had sat down and was eating the leftover cake by now, as if nothing had happened at all. Sam was sensitive like that.
He approached her (and do what, exactly?) and before his non-functioning brain knew it, he reciprocated the gesture and licked that little, barely visible bit of frosting at the corner of her mouth.
The next thing Freddie knew, he was on the ground with her leaning over him like a lioness over her prey. Her hand pinned him down ferociously, and her nails felt more like claws. There he was, frosting all over his face, Sam glaring down at him as if she wanted to kill him, and his birthday becoming more like a funeral every passing moment.
Until she kissed him. And he kissed back. And the cake smeared all over their faces. His brain had long shut itself off by now, and his body had taken over, hands everywhere, their bodies rolling which ever way into his furniture, looking like a fight for dominance more than anything. It was both pleasant in that her lips tasted as sweet as ever and, hey the cake was pretty good, but also warm frosting was starting to feel really gross.
They finally broke apart, their faces covered in cream, breathing heavily. Sam gasped between breaths, "Changed my mind. Vanilla...way better." He could only nod in agreement.
Suddenly the door opened, and Carly walked into the very bizarre scene. "What happened to you guys! Did you meet the Three Stooges or something?"
Sam spoke up first (thankfully): "Me and Fredweird over here had a cake fight, that's all." She got up and strolled out the door like nothing happened, except he did notice the slight wobble in her walk. He too got to his feet and tried to take her lead.
"Yeah," his voice creaked, "we couldn't help ourselves."
The next day before the next period bell rang, Freddie met Sam at the lockers like they usually did. He caught her by the arm, and she angrily yanked it away. "Hey, we need to talk."
Sam rolled her eyes. "You guys are all the same, all you wanna do is talk, talk, talk. About feelings and stuff. Give me a break."
Freddie huffed. "Things like that just can't happen and then it disappears under the rug like that! We gotta talk. Or things will be weird between us."
"Talk about what?" She gave him her best "are-you-kidding-me" look. "Uh...great party, Fredster. Knew you had it in you. Is that it? Cool. See ya!" And with a salute she prepared to walk away but Freddie grabbed her again, taking the opportunity the empty hallway afforded to discuss this.
"Oh no you don't. OK, that first kiss I promised not to talk about but—." She shoved him into the lockers.
"I thought you understood our little agreement about that. You know, the whole 'we-will-never-mention-it-again' part?"
He pressed back against her. "Well I think things were a little compromised with your little show yesterday."
Sam then put her face inches from his and snarled, "The cake. Was good. Alright?" He could feel her breath on his face and she could feel his.
A standstill. Every muscle between the two tensed.
And the coils sprung. Freddie lowered his face onto hers, if only to capture the lips he had dreamed about since that night. And she responded, for a second at least. She wrenched herself away from him, but his hands that had weaved their way into her hair got tangled so she couldn't get far. He drew her back in, and at this second try she gave in and pushed herself onto him, and him into the lockers. Their legs intertwined and rubbed against each other as the lockers banged loudly at their violent display of affection.
They broke apart when they heard the footsteps of someone coming down the hall. Sam took Freddie's hand and half-dragged him into the dark janitor's closet. They quickly shut the door and the tight space ensured that their bodies could not be more than two inches apart at any time. They fumbled frantically around for the light switch but after two-seconds, gave up. She kissed down his neck and bit it slightly, knowing that she was going to leave a hickey and chuckled quietly at herself by imagining his mom's reaction at seeing it. When he realized what she was trying to do Freddie recaptured her lips and met with her forehead first, then her nose, and bit her lip as retribution. His hand traced the band of skin at her waist that was revealed when her shirt hiked itself up and she shivered at his touch. He had found her weak spot, he surmised, so he stroked it with a feather touch and grinned at the extra trembles that came.
She grabbed his arms violently, half-ashamed that he found her soft spot, and pinned his arms above his head with one hand. Sam threaded her free hand into his soft hair and yanked his head backwards, exposing his neck. She dove onto it, bumping into his shoulder on the way, ready to leave a hickey as punishment. He tried wriggling out of her grasp but her seemingly superhuman strength locked him into place.
No one knew what things were going to lead to, but they didn't have a chance to find out when Miss Briggs' voice came over the loudspeaker: "Samantha Puckett and Freddie Benson: please report to detention after school."
Freddie couldn't believe this. His first real detention. During his escapades with Sam, he totally neglected to go to class. And how lucky was he, it was a Friday, so that meant it was just him and Sam that got to enjoy the beginning of their weekend at school because the other kids knew that getting in trouble before the weekend was a Very Bad Idea.
Mr. Todd didn't even want to monitor them, so he didn't. Instead, he got Principal Franklin to install a security camera in the detention classroom. On the chalkboard before he left, he scrawled in big letters "I'M WATCHING YOU."
Freddie laid his head on his arms. "This is not how I wanted to start life as a 17-year-old." Sam looked at him and rolled her eyes. "Don't be even more a crybaby than you already are, Fredwina. It's just detention. It's not gonna kill you."
"Well, my mom will." He dragged his hand down his face. He got up and went to the classroom's sink. Looking in the mirror, he inspected his neck. Sure enough, a hickey. "Wait a second, no, she's gonna kill me for this thing first and then she'll kill me again for detention."
Sam just rolled her eyes. "It's not that bad." He exposed the hickey for her and pointed at it incredulously. "Actually, hey, I did a pretty good job." She smiled to herself proudly.
"Yeah, good job, A+," Freddie replied sarcastically. She corrected him, "I think it's more of an A++ job, myself."
Freddie flailed. "CAN YOU PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" Sam sighed heavily. "Oookay, Mr. Sensitive. You kissed me, I kissed you, you want me to tell you how babies are made now? Well, when a boy and a girl reaaallly like each other..."
He plopped down on her desk. "No that's not what I mean! I mean, that is what I mean, but...what I mean is—."
Sam was getting irritated now. "We're kids, we're allowed to have fun. What's so hard to understand?"
"But not us, Sam. We're supposed to hate each other. You gave me a coupon to not physically assault me for my birthday."
"Well, maybe I don't hate you."
Freddie was stunned into silence. "Just like that? Years of abuse comes down to just I don't hate you?"
Sam shrugged. "Why not?"
"ARGH!" Freddie grunted in frustration as he slipped off her desk and stomped around the room.
She laughed. "Nice hissy fit you've got going on there. Looks good on you." He made a U-Turn back to her desk and placed hands on either side of her chair. He leaned in close.
"I just want a straight answer, Sam. No more games. What is going on?"
She tried to shove him away, but he wouldn't budge, as if something gave him extra strength. Looking into his eyes, she saw determination and a certain...darkness. Something about those eyes made her blurt out, "I think I like you."
The next thing she knew, Freddie closed those extra few inches between them and crashed his lips onto hers. She responded with vigor as she slid out of her seat and they stumbled backwards into the teacher's desk, knocking the flag pole into the security camera which sent it sparking to the ground.
Sam wiped the teacher's desk clear of all the hand-crafted teacher knick-knacks and threw Freddie down on it. She scrambled on top of him and the scene from his birthday replayed itself, this time without the cream.
She sat up, straddling him, to take off her jacket and he took the time to do so as well. Sam impatiently ripped off the rest of the jacket from Freddie's body and went back to his lips, while his hands worked feverishly over her slender form.
Filled with a new sense of something, Freddie found the extra power to flip Sam over, so he was now on top. The new position felt infinitely new, for Sam who was used to being the dominant force and for Freddie, who always found himself beneath girls. Sam thought she heard a low growl emitted from Freddie's throat that made her laugh, exposing her neck to the predatory Freddie. Beneath the geek façade, Sam knew that years of unrequited love for Carly had pent itself up and was now ready to be unleashed.
Freddie took the opportunity to pin her arms above her head and she didn't try to struggle. Instead, she wrapped her legs around his waist, creating a Mobius strip of limbs. He pressed himself against her body and stole kisses around her face and up and down her restrained arms, both hard and so light she didn't even know if they were real or imaginary.
He then took her hands into his and sat up, pulling her up with him. As they sat across from each other on the desk, their legs wrapped around each other's body, he looked at her, both their hair mussed beyond repair. Freddie looked away from her and then shyly murmured, "Do you...do you really like me?" He blushed (from what little blush you could see with his skin so flushed) at how awkward that sounded.
Sam smirked. "Do I like ham?" Her smirk faded a little as she also gained a new vulnerability. Her ruffled hair seemed to glow from the setting sun outside like a halo. "Do you...uh..."
It was his turn to smirk. "I think you're all right." She punched him in the arm incredulously and he replied with a laugh, "I'm kidding! I think I like you too."
"Good. So we both think we like each other."
"That settles that."
"Totally clear now."
"So uh...we still got an hour of detention left..."
Freddie's eyebrow quirked. "Wait a minute, I gotta do something." He scrambled off the desk and went to the chalkboard. Grabbing an eraser, he erased Mr. Todd's message. "Yeah, that's kinda creepy."
He hopped back onto the desk and took Sam's hands and kissed her gently on the lips, a chaste one like the first time on the balcony a year ago. Freddie looked at Sam and with a smile, said "You know, I think I've thought I liked you for a long time."
So here was their first anniversary. He had everything ready: a nice table for two at the Cheesecake Warehouse, a nice little present for the lady, and a bouquet of flowers. He hoped that those romantic comedies he watched in preparation were right about everything.
Sam soon arrived, dressed in her regular clothes. Freddie, in his nice suit, pulled out her chair for her. She gave him a puzzled look and sat down. "Hey Freddork, what's the big occasion?"
He looked at Sam incredulously. "Uh...it's our first-year anniversary?" He gave her the flowers, which she took like it was cow manure. "Thanks, I guess. I uh, didn't get you anything."
Freddie rolled his eyes. "Don't tell me you forgot."
Sam shrugged, "Hey, all the days are the same to me. Except for Fridays. Those are hoagie days. Wait a minute." She fished around in her pocket and found a piece of paper and an almost-dried pen. She scrawled out a message and eagerly pushed it towards Freddie.
Freddie took up the paper, which read, "I promise not to touch you in any harmful way until we break up. Or unless you really deserve it, like you didn't pick up pickle juice from the market. Or unless you want me to."
He flashed the paper to her between his two fingers and, with a smile, put it in his pocket. "Happy anniversary."