Hey all, this one is for my friend Strictly Untalkative. It's a bit of a silly fic, and one that started out as a bit of a joke but through that this was born. Hope you like and please r&r. Reviews equal much love.

Set pre Children of Earth but post series two

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Torchwood, no matter how much I'd love to, nor do I own any of the songs that are referenced. Also, Hans was inspired visually by the lead singing Nazi from The Producers, but nothing more. It is not a crossover

It all started out as a perfectly normal day at the Hub at Torchwood 3's base in Cardiff. Captain Jack Harkness had woken up in his room in the Hub to hear the familiar roar of water rushing down the water tower which was the main centre piece of the base. It also helped to hide the Rift Manipulator within and could act as an antenna from time to time. It did have its advantages being located on an active rift with a huge piece of metal in the centre of your headquarters. It meant that the team could listen to any radio shows from across the solar system. If they were lucky they could even catch a few invasion plans which meant that the team had won before the battle had even begun. In fact, wanting some music, Jack switched the radio on and smiled as he listened to the news. There were traffic jams in and around the capital city of Wales but that didn't really surprise him considering he'd heard that the University was having an open day. Every college student across the country who wanted to come to this town to learn would be travelling into the centre and blocking up the roads. It would be an absolute nightmare if they didn't have the SUV to be perfectly honest, because otherwise they wouldn't be able to get anywhere.

Just fancying a cup of coffee as he threw on a clean shirt, Jack was surprised to find that his lovely Welsh tea boy hadn't yet showed up. He knew that Gwen was away on holiday with Rhys in Hong Kong and that they wouldn't be back for a while. Ianto however... Well, he had no idea where he was. Sorely tempted to ring him and find out where his lovely Welshman was, he was about to press the dial button when his mobile phone actually buzzed. Grinning as he thought something along the lines of great minds thinking alike, he pressed the answer button.

"Ah, my lovely Ianto. Where are you? I need you to work your coffee magic!" Jack said, not giving Ianto a chance to get a word in edgeways.

"Sorry Jack. I can't make it in. I've got this awful virus and I can barely... I can barely...achoo!" Jack held the mobile away from his ear. "I can barely move." Ianto said, sounding very bunged up and run down.

"Alright then. You get yourself better! No overdoing it now!" Jack told his lover.

"Yes sir." Jack heard Ianto say somewhat sarcastically.

"I might pop round later." Read that as will pop round, Jack thought.

"Alright. See you then Jack." Hanging up, Jack shrugged. He really wanted some coffee but as the coffee machine only ever seemed to work for Ianto, he decided to go and get some from one of the cafes in the Bay.

Grabbing his faithful long coat, he threw it over his shoulders and stepped out of the base into the Tourist Information Centre which acted as their cover. Very few people actually came in because there was a newer version just around the corner, but in some respects that place had done them a favour. Over the summer and especially on university open days it was hard to keep their cover. With this new place opening they had not seen as many people which made it one heck of a lot easier to keep hidden. After all, no one was meant to know that Torchwood existed apart from the people who worked there and a few members of the police. Heading out of the door, he breathed in the sea air and grinned before heading to one of the cafe stands which set up shop around here. Walking quite happily over to one, hands in his pockets and his coat billowing in the sea breeze, he ordered a coffee and winked at the girl stood at the till. Blushing, she handed him a white polystyrene cup filled with a steaming liquid. Taking a sip, the Captain grimaced- it may have resembled coffee but it didn't taste anywhere near as good as Ianto's.

Walking back to the Hub, he threw away the half full cup before opening the door. Stepping back inside the vaults, he had to wonder where on earth the beeping was coming from. Searching around the place for the source of the beeping, he saw activity on the Rift Monitor and sighed. He had been planning to go and see Ianto but now he had more work to do. Picking up the portable Rift Monitor, he ran to the SUV and climbed into the driver's seat, his foot hitting the pedal before he had even closed the door. Speeding from the car park, Jack momentarily forgot about the congestion until he hit the main road and suddenly became stuck. The portable Rift Monitor beeped a bit more and a bit more loudly. In fact, the beeping was becoming louder and quicker the more that time progressed and it was beginning to drive the Captain insane. That and the fact that he couldn't move. With the traffic moving slower than anything, Jack nearly swore before looking back at the monitor. The energy spike was growing quickly and pretty soon it would be off the scale. He had to get there and fast unless he wanted Cardiff to blow up or be invaded with space armadillos. Thankfully, he knew a back way.

Reversing, Jack turned the SUV down onto one of the side streets and avoided a few of the cars which were coming the other way. The Rift Monitor still beeping incessantly, Jack needed to block it out, so he switched on the radio. Suddenly he was being blasted with some trashy dance beat that wouldn't go amiss in the nightclubs on a Friday night, but they did here. With one hand on the steering wheel, he tuned the radio and flicked through the various channels before stopping on one of his favourites. There was nothing better than some nineties classics on a day like this. Grinning as he heard the tune, he couldn't help but sing along.

"Every little thing she does is magic, everything she does just turns me on, even though my life before was tragic, now I know my love for her goes on..." Turning onto another side street, he had never been happier to see green fields and empty country lanes. Putting his foot down on the pedal, he sped down the quiet lane until he reached the area which was marked on the monitor.

Pulling up on the edge of the bleak and desolate field, Jack was suddenly reminded of the time that his team had come across a bunch of cannibals. Shuddering, he hoped that he wasn't about to be turned into lunch and let a hand hover over his gun as he stepped outside. His coat billowing out behind him in the cool breeze, Captain Harkness looked across the field but saw no sign of anything out of place. Wondering if it was only something small that had come through the rift, Jack started walking across the field, his eyes on the ground looking for anything unusual. Whatever it was that had come through had certainly caused a large energy spike, the likes of which Jack had rarely seen. The last time the Rift Monitor had registered something of that scale, the TARDIS had appeared. This time around there was no sign of the Doctor, just a field full of grass.

Still walking, Jack wondered who on Earth would do this for a living. Staring at grass for ages was not in the least bit fun nor was it interesting at all, but he knew that the archaeology students from the university did do this. The number of times he had had to throw them off the trail or disturb their archaeological investigations to prevent alien technology falling into the wrong hands... There were too many to count. Staring at the ground, he paused for a minute as he thought he had spotted something, only to find that it was just an old coin. Picking it up and putting it in his pocket, he carried on and stared at the portable Rift Monitor to make sure that he was on the right field. The map told him that there had been Rift Energy directly where he stood but there was absolutely no sign of any disturbance.

"Excuse me...." Hearing a voice behind him, Jack instinctively reached into his pocket for his credentials, ready to give off some spiel about being an agricultural specialist or a lost hiker. Turning around and looking upwards, he wasn't expecting this in the slightest. Standing opposite him was a very familiar face, and so it should be for it was the same as his own. The only difference was that this young man had short golden blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes the colour of the clear blue sea, and he was wearing a World War Two German Luftwaffe Uniform. Other than that, this man was exactly the same as Jack in every single way. About to ask who this man was, Jack heard the sound of a trigger being pulled and before he could do anything, he was suddenly plunged into the familiar sensation of death...