Sometimes when I'm alone in my room and completely unwilling to do productive things such as put on real clothes or submit applications to graduate school, I let my thoughts turn to conversations the Turtles may have amongst themselves during their down time. "Of Broken Bones and Flavored Chalk" is a dialogue dump, basically. But I'm glad to have it! And glad that you've chosen to read it!

Disclaimer: Dem turtles aren't mine, yo.

Chapter Three: The Friend List

"I got a question for you."

"Sounds more like you've got a bone to pick, actually."

"If Donnie's so shy, why does he have so many friends?"

"Say again?"

"I was making a list of all the people and creatures and aliens and mutants and-'


"Sure, beings, whatever- that we're friends with, both separately and as a unit, and Don's actually got a lot of friends."

"Isn't that a good thing?"

"Well yeah, social interaction is probably like, the number one factor in making sure he doesn't become a Stockman-grade mad scientist or something. I'm just saying, for a 'shy' dude, he's got a butt-ton of friends."

"Why were you making a list of how many friends we have?"

"There's a freakin' blizzard going on topside dude, what else am I supposed to do?"

"You could train. Or clean that filthy space you call your room."

"Wow that's so original and inventive I cannot believe you recommended those activities to me."

"Very cute. Another question: why do you even care how many friends Donnie has? You should be happy for him; when we were small friends and allies never seemed like a possibility."

"I am happy for him! I just-I can't! His friend list is longer than mine, okay? Don't laugh at me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I'm not laughing, I am- I'm coughing violently."

"I just don't understand why the shy nerd has more friends than me, okay? Cause listen, I'm pretty great. I'm super cute, I'm the Battle Nexus champion, I have a heart of gold, I'm-"

"A little conceited and overwhelming at times?"

"Harsh, dude."

"Ask an honest question, get an honest answer."

"Still uncalled for."

"Okay, listen. Donnie has a lot of friends because he's nice to people. He's possibly the most selfless person on this earth and I honestly can't think of a single situation in which he has failed to render aid to someone who needed it."

"So I guess I should probably just be proud to know him, then?"


"But I'm still the cutest right?"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night, Mike."

It's Mikey and Leo! Ta daaaaa! It was going to be Mikey and Raph, but as the conversation progressed it became Mikey and Leo and Raph's already had a turn, so. And can you tell how much I love Donnie?