One Hundred Things


Summary: 100 things I've learned from "Doctor Who", seasons one through four. General enough to be fairly spoiler-free.

Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who, "Doomsday" wouldn't have happened. "Doomsday" happened. Therefore I do not own Doctor Who. Damn logic! (Yes, I'M STILL BITTER ABOUT THAT EPISODE.) I also do not own the idea of this list. See Author's Note

Author's Note: There is a Star Trek: Voyager fanfiction, "100 Things We've Learned from Voyager". I knew I was going to like it when I saw rule ONE: The Captain is always right, followed by rule TWO: Even when you think she is wrong, refer to rule #1. (If SonOfTed is reading this, he's probably laughing right now. He knows what I'm like about Kathryn Janeway.) Also, if someone feels like doing this for Torchwood, that would be nothing more or less than fantastic. Let me know.



TWO: Learn the rules so you can cheat with style.

THREE: Act like you know what you're doing.

FOUR: Old friends and old enemies can both come back to bite you in the butt.

FIVE: Do what you can.

SIX: And you can always do more than you think you can.

SEVEN: When in doubt, deny.

EIGHT: Understand the dangers, but be not afraid.

NINE: Nobody owns the Internet; you get very rich, but the severance package is awful.

TEN: Push the button!

ELEVEN: Talking for five pages is totally a great plan.

TWELVE: Just…nod when he stops for breath.

THIRTEEN: The jury is still out on whether 'pretty' is an insult or not.

FOURTEEN: Have friends in weird places, you never know when you'll need them.

FIFTEEN: Always have the last laugh.

SIXTEEN: Guns never solved anything.

SEVENTEEN: …except as stage props for shouting about.

EIGHTEEN: Water guns are OK, though.


TWENTY: No second chances, except when there are.

TWENTY-ONE: Anything that looks like an angel, is called an angel, affects the mannerisms of an angel, or is in any way, shape, or form reminiscent of an angel is automatically BAD NEWS. Run. Hide. Avoid at all costs.

TWENTY-TWO: Turn left!

TWENTY-THREE: Don't blink.

TWENTY-FOUR: Yes, you HAVE been hearing that one word or phrase everywhere you go.


TWENTY-SIX: "Good" does not necessarily equal "nice".

TWENTY-SEVEN: The Lion King applies to everything. Even alien invasions.

TWENTY-EIGHT: Shouting is always an option.

TWENTY-NINE: Wear clothes with pockets.

THIRTY: …and keep weird things in them.

THIRTY-ONE: Human beings have incredible potential to change.


THIRTY-THREE: Driving a vehicle through a wall is an acceptable problem-solving strategy. For any age level.

THIRTY-FOUR: Never let your mind wander while holding a piece of psychic paper. Bad idea.

THIRTY-FIVE: Sometimes, all you can say is "WHAT?" That pretty much sums it up.

THIRTY-SIX: Fear the Bluetooth! Fear it! …Look, just fear it already. It's out to eat your soul. Really.

THIRTY-SEVEN: If you have no right to be where you are, no authority, and, really, no idea what you're doing or what you're dealing with…so what?

THIRTY-EIGHT: No matter what the plan was to begin with, there will be a change of plans.

THIRTY-NINE: Confusing statements make snazzy T-shirts.

FORTY: Torchwood should have just listened to Jack to begin with; it would have saved a lot of heartache.

FORTY-ONE: There is very little in this universe as terrifying as two women who know you well deciding to gang up on you instead of arguing with each other.

FORTY-TWO: Someone Out There has a Scheme running. We don't know what it is, but we will find out…and it's going to knock us all flat when we do.

FORTY-THREE: Old friends make the worst enemies.

FORTY-FOUR: The devising (and executing) of any good plan involves making a mess in the process.

FORTY-FIVE: …If this mess subsequently explodes, this is an added bonus.

FORTY-SIX: A really good lie is probably preferable to the truth.

FORTY-SEVEN: The Laws of Time must never, ever be broken, except when you think you can get away with it, and for cheap tricks.

FORTY-EIGHT: When in doubt, blow it up.

FORTY-NINE: There is no room in this universe for coincidence, but plenty for stupid mistakes.

FIFTY: Once you get involved with the Doctor's world, you can never go back. You might think you can, but you can't. You will always get mixed back up in things again, somehow, probably when you least expect it.

FIFTY-ONE: It's totally worth it.

FIFTY-TWO: There is always a scream.

FIFTY-THREE: Contrary to all that is sensible, always run towards the screams.

FIFTY-FOUR: There are no dinosaurs at the center of the earth.

FIFTY-FIVE: There is now, presumably, a lake.

FIFTY-SIX: Two versions of the Doctor in one room: BAD IDEA. Hilarious, but bad idea.

FIFTY-SEVEN: Never ever say never ever.

FIFTY-EIGHT: Do not attempt to logically analyze that last statement. It will make your brain hurt.

FIFTY-NINE: Sad is happy for deep people.

SIXTY: Nothing is impossible, but plenty of things are very, very unlikely.

SIXTY-ONE: If it's happening, then it is obviously not impossible.

SIXTY-TWO: Lots of planets have a North!


SIXTY-FOUR: Frightened people, in groups, are totally irrational.

SIXTY-FIVE: Don't panic. Really don't panic. OK, panic. But only if you can panic while running.

SIXTY-SIX: Every group needs a token sane person.

SIXTY-SEVEN: If you are that token sane person, just grin and bear it.

SIXTY-EIGHT: Yes, sane is relative.

SIXTY-NINE: If you don't know, make it up, especially if no one will ever know the difference.

SEVENTY: A conclusion logically reached is not guaranteed to be correct.

SEVENTY-ONE: Just stop naming ships Titanic already, okay?

SEVENTY-TWO: If it doesn't work, hit it. If it still doesn't work, blow the dust off it. Works every time.

SEVENTY-THREE: The horns really ARE there just to hold the halo on!

SEVENTY-FOUR: Hugs are good. Hugs are always good.

SEVENTY-FIVE: Tea solves everything.

SEVENTY-SIX: Never look back—They're catching up!

SEVENTY-SEVEN: Even if things can't be changed on a large scale, you can always muck about with the details.

SEVENTY-EIGHT: Every building has a fire alarm built in. This is good information to have when in need of a distraction.

SEVENTY-NINE: Never let a computer system drive your car.

EIGHTY: It's remarkable the things that can be concealed inside a big 18-wheeler.

EIGHTY-ONE: There must always be a choice.

EIGHTY-TWO: Genius brat children do not enjoy being corrected on their grammar, but they so deserve it.

EIGHTY-THREE: Major local landmark = automatic target.

EIGHTY-FOUR: Tuxedos are appropriate wear for disasters.

EIGHTY-FIVE: …or cause them. We're not sure.

EIGHTY-SIX: Stay out of the shadows.

EIGHTY-SEVEN: There's always a way out through the little shop.

EIGHTY-EIGHT: OK, fine. Some days, everybody lives!

EIGHTY-NINE: You can't make the world better by shouting at it—but you can try!

NINETY: Not all bees are aliens.


NINETY-TWO: Everyone believes in technobabble, especially if it is said too fast for anyone to understand. Including you.

NINETY-THREE: Shouting is fun!

NINETY-FOUR: There is no such thing as an ordinary human being.

NINETY-FIVE: Cell phones always ring at the exact worst possible moment.

NINETY-SIX: Salt is too salty.

NINETY-SEVEN: Someone is always going to get pegged to say "Doctor who?" No matter what.

NINETY-EIGHT: There are only two ways to stop the Doctor in his tracks. The first is to slap him. The second is to proposition him. Options, options, options.


ONE HUNDRED: Love your friends. They love you.

Author's Note No. 2: I probably missed a few that you're just dying to point out to me. If I can get enough together for another set…