Okay, so after I wrote my last fic, this idea wouldn't go away. I was considering putting it up as a second chapter, but I figured it would be easier to just make a new story. This is the smuttiest I've ever gotten, hence the M rating, but it's not too explicit because I don't trust myself to write explicit yet.
Disclaimer: Once more, I own not the Mighty Boosh.
Howard thought that his feet might actually run away screaming, if they weren't too tired to run in the first place.
It was always like this when Vince begged him to go shopping with him, not that such an event happened very often.
Howard was only invited on Vince's more spectacular shopping binges, and then it was only to carry around the ridiculously heavy bags he amassed during the day.
How was it possible for the tiny, lightweight scraps of fabric that Vince called clothes, to weigh this much?
Vince had skipped ahead merrily, only turning around every so often to blow him a kiss
accompanied by a cheeky wink, or to make sure Howard wasn't doing something ridiculous like swinging his precious clothes about or dragging them on the ground.
Howard was trying his utmost not to think this was endearing, but he wasn't doing a good job of it.
Despite being bone achingly tired and having sore feet Vince always seemed to be able to make him smile.
"Hurry up small eyes! At this pace we'll be home next week!" Vince taunted from up ahead.
"I walk at a nice, sensible pace sir, no skipping about for Howard Moon," he replied, almost too tired to even get that much out.
Vince seemed to realize how tired he was, for he slowed his pace and smiled almost patronizingly back at him.
"You wouldn't be so tired if you hadn't tried to attack that woman in the last store. Security was all over you like a wet flannel. You ran faster than I've ever seen you move in my life!"
"She invaded my personal bubble," he said weakly, making Vince grin.
"So? I invade your personal bubble all the time. I'm doing it right now," he chirped making Howard realize that Vince had slowed down quite a bit and had somehow managed to get his arms around
Howard's eyes darted around; making sure no one on the street was looking at them, and he leaned forwards to press a gentle kiss to Vince's lips with his arms full of bags hanging
uselessly at his sides.
"That's because I like you," he said, realizing that it had come out a lot more tender than he had intended.
Vince's face broke out into a huge grin, not only for the compliment, but also for the rare public display of affection from Howard.
"Thanks, I like you too" he said, before pinching Howard's cheek and skipping off ahead again.
Howard sighed and tried to step up his pace, his feet screaming at him in anguish the whole time.
"Vince, can't we just stop for a bit?" Howard asked after a while.
Vince had insisted they walk everywhere today. Something about a new diet and exercise plan that Howard hadn't paid attention to.
Vince smirked, but for once kept his mouth shut. "Alright," he said gesturing his head towards a small pub just up the street.
Howard collapsed at a table as soon as they stepped in the door, and Vince had to bite his lip to keep from laughing.
Howard didn't notice though, he had his eyes closed and he was leaned back in his chair.
Alas, sweet rest wasn't to be his today it seemed.
His eyes shot open only a few minutes later when he felt a hand rest lightly on his upper thigh.
Vince was smiling at him, his fingers making small, light circles on Howard's leg.
"You poor thing," he said lightly, "I always seem to tire you out."
Howard wasn't sure what it was about Vince's tone, but he had somehow made that sound both completely innocent and very dirty at the same time.
"Ah. Yes," was all Howard could choke out as Vince's fingers began kneading at the soft flesh of his thigh through his beige trousers.
"Maybe when we get back to the flat I should give you a nice, long massage," Vince continued, his tongue flicking out to moisten his lips slightly.
Suddenly Howard wasn't tired anymore. "Ah, yes, I think we should probably get back now," he said, springing up from the table.
"But we've only just got here," Vince laughed heading for the door despite his words.
Howard went to walk after him when his feet decided that now would be a good time to remind him that no matter what other parts of his body had woken up, they were still bloody tired.
He winced as he walked after Vince, unable to keep the pace with him as the sparkly ball of glitter danced up the street ahead of him.
Today just wasn't his day. Not that most days happened to be his day, but that was beside the point.
And the point was that Howard was not having a good time.
He was sore and tired and outrageously turned on, things which apparently Vince could not appreciate.
Life was a game to Vince, just as the situation Howard found himself in at the moment was a game to the electro ponce.
Vince had sped up purposefully as they approached the flat, so that by the time Howard reached the door it had been slammed shut and securely locked.
No amount of pounding on the glass seemed to convince Vince that leaving his lover outside was not something to be laughed about, nor was any amount of swearing or, after that, begging.
Now Vince was headed up the stairs, not even turning around to flash a grin at Howard as he slumped against the front window.
Howard felt annoyance and anger bubble up as he realized that Vince wasn't coming back.
Well that was just bloody fantastic.
Howard pushed himself up and, grumbling, walked around to the alley beside the shop. He had half a mind to dump Vince's clothes out on the dirty ground, but he knew then there would be
hell to pay.
Instead he placed the bags in the cleanest spot he could find and walked back to where he kept a small step ladder, just in case of such an emergency.
After all the motto of a man of action was 'be prepared.'
Or was that boy scouts?
The point was, Howard Moon was ready for any circumstance, yes sir. He moved the ladder to the position of choice...right below his and Vince's bedroom window, and climbed up.
It was just his luck that he got to the window just as Vince closed the latch and smiled cheekily at him. Why did Vince always have to be such a twat.
Howard nearly lost it, in more ways than one.
He nearly screamed out in frustration, as well as nearly tottering off of the ladder onto the ground.
He could see Vince throwing his head back in laughter as he registered the look on Howards face and the slight wobble as he tried to steady himself outside the window.
Howard glared and used some choice swear words, causing Vince to laugh even harder.
"Vince," Howard whined petulantly, all of his anger suddenly drained from him like Bailey's from a shoe. Vince's face softened slightly, though he seemed to be having trouble controlling his mirth, and
he started to reach out a hand to unlatch the window.
Halfway to it's destination the hand wavered slightly, as a look of concentration crossed over Vince's face.
It was painfully obvious that Vince's brain cell was trying to communicate an idea to him by his facial expression.
This idea, evidently, was a good one, for the look on Vince's face changed to one of delight, and then just as suddenly to one of pure wickedness.
Howard swallowed hard.
That look was one he was very familiar with by now. "Vince! Vince c'mon now, what are you thinking?" he asked, but Vince just shrugged and mouthed 'I can't hear you' while moving away from the window.
Howard was about to bang his fist against it when Vince grasped the bottom of his too tight shirt and began to slowly slide it up over his stomach.
Howard looked on in stunned confusion for an instant, then gasped. Surely Vince wasn't going to...
It seemed he was.
The shirt was lying on the bed now, and Vince's hands were roaming up and down his bare chest.
One hand trailed slowly over a hardened nipple before slithering languorously down his stomach to the waist band of his pants.
Howard was gripping the window sill hard and finding it dangerously difficult to breath. His anger had completely dissipated by now as Vince had clearly moved on to a new, more pleasant type of
He wondered briefly if he should get down before this too ended up in the Guardian, before all thought fled his brain as Vince slowly slipped his skinny jeans off, leaving him in just a tight pair of bright
Howard's mouth was bone dry at this point and he was breathing quite heavily, fogging up the glass in front of his mouth.
He wiped away the condensation just as Vince's hand skimmed gently over the bulge in the front of his pants, and then gave said bulge a light squeeze.
His head tilted backwards as he moaned, and Howard felt sure his knees were about to give in and he would go tumbling to the ground at any moment.
Now Vince's hands were back up to his nipples, squeezing and pinching, and Howard could read his name on Vince's gorgeous lips.
When Vince finally looked seductively across the room at Howard outside, Howard knew he would do almost anything just to get into that room.
"Oh god," he saw Vince moan as his hand trailed almost unconsciously back down his body, dipping below the waistband of his pants.
Howard really did bang his fist against the window then, and Vince was there in seconds.
The latch was practically wrenched off and the window shoved open forcefully.
"God Howard, I need you so bad," Vince gasped, trying to help him as he awkwardly climbed through the window.
"Vince," he gasped capturing the other mans lips with his own and shoving his tongue into his mouth. They broke apart gasping after a few minutes, both of their faces tinged pink.
In an instant the mood changed, and Vince was kissing him tenderly. "I love you Howard," he said, gently lacing their fingers together and leading Howard over to the bed.
"I love you too little man," Howard replied.
"Now, I think I should teach you a lesson for locking me out," he added wickedly and all Vince could do was smile for he knew that Howard could give just as good as he got.
Wow...so apperantly I have a thing for windows. Voyerism rules :P