The fingers brushing against the skin of your hand send a shiver down your spine. Whether it's more from desire or fear, you aren't quite sure. And you momentarily contemplate whether or not you really want to go through with this.
Troy is hot, sure. And even though, at first glance, he appears to be this super-straight jackass frat boy, you can't help but to think that with all the signals he is giving you, he might as well put up a billboard that reads 'I want to fuck you'. And you desperately want to reply.
But part of you wants nothing more than to run away and find Gypsy. To stay wrapped up in her arms all night like the scared little boy that you are. Because once you do this, once you take this step with a guy, there is no turning back. There is no way to take it back. Once you let Troy use your body, you could no longer pretend that maybe you and Gypsy have a thing, and that. no matter who you might have fleeting fantasies about, she's the only person you'd ever let take you to that place.
Gypsy has been the only constant in your life for the past seven years. Your parents are gone and Lois is living in her own little world, too busy with her husband and unborn baby to even notice you exist these days. The only family you have left is Gypsy. And maybe, just maybe, taking this step will change that as well.
You know that what you feel for her is beyond any little crush or the flip in your stomach that you get when you think of kissing a cute boy. You can't imagine life without her, and you would never want to lose her love. It would hurt far too much.
But it's not like you didn't try. You asked her if she would be the one to relieve you of your virginity, and she promptly (and not so politely) told you no-fucking-way. And then called you a big queer.
And right now, with a man's hot breath on your skin, you know she's right. You're gay. You're really, truly, a cock sucker and you know that you can't turn this down, no matter what it will cost you.
And you know that you and Gypsy will always have a special bond. You'll always be her sunshine. But you can't put off the inevitable anymore. You can't pretend that maybe one day, the two of you will run off into the nightfall. You aren't straight, no matter how hard you wish you were.
You take a deep breath and let yourself be led into the unsanitary men's room. No candles or wine. No romance and poetry. It's nothing like you planned. It's just basic instincts and following a drunk, straight guy's lead. It's messy and it's impersonal and cheap.
But you wouldn't change a thing. Because at least now, you know for sure who you are. You're Clive Webb, and you're fucking gay.