Update four! SUCCESS! :D
Thanks to Secrets4theunderground, whose already gotten around to reviewing! Woo! So excited right now.
So, I hope you guys enjoyed the clusterfuck of reading that you've done if you read straight through. And uh...yeah...that's about it. Keep your eye out for more updates! I don't do it regularly during school but they do happen sometimes.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Boondocks.
Interview with a Freeman
When Jazmine had innocently mentioned aloud that she and Huey probably needed to think of some ideas for childcare come the following fall, she'd been pleased when he'd agreed that they should make that a priority.
But…well, she hadn't been expecting this.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" she asked with a slightly reluctant tone as she sat beside him on the couch, her socked feet propped up on the coffee table. "I mean, it just seems kind of…strange."
"Nigga can we at least eat first?" Riley grumbled from Jazmine's other side, his arms crossed over his chest. Huey, who was glancing down at a sheet of paper, looked up and rolled his eyes.
"Yes, this is a good idea and no, sit there and shut the hell up." When Jazmine continued to look unsure he shrugged. "A regular daycare would cost an arm and a leg…and maybe another leg. And…maybe our souls." Jazmine frowned. "If we could find a decent babysitter it would be more reasonable to our income."
"But I don't want just anybody watching them!"
"Exactly." He glanced towards the door. "Which is why we're doing this. Ain't no way I'm gonna have to worry about some nutcase running off to Mexico with our child or whatever…next!"
The front door opened, a man sticking his head in. Huey snorted, shaking his head and scratching off a name on the sign up list without even bothering to give him the chance to open his mouth.
"Huey!" Jazmine swatted his arm. "Seriously?"
"Yeah…not feeling the male babysitter thing too well." When Jazmine continued to glare at him he shrugged. "Um, as much as I despise the idea, you could be having a girl. And a male babysitter for our potentially female infant? Besides, niggas are just crazy period. Nuh uh."
Jazmine blinked before slowly leaning over to see past Huey. The man blinked at her, confused.
"Goodbye!" she yelled, giving him a wave before clearing her throat. "Next!"
'Man, dis sucks." Riley sucked his teeth.
"Well, no one told you to come." Huey shook his head, crossing off something on his page. "You were the one hell bent on helping pick out your future niece or nephew's babysitter…we said next!" he suddenly snapped over his shoulder. "Damn! Ain't nobody tell ya'll to take all day!"
The door opened again, a short woman slowly pushing it open and shuffling in. She held her handbag in front of her, her expression timid. Jazmine sat up, offering her a smile.
"Hi! Thanks for coming."
The woman blinked, glancing around.
Huey, Riley and Jazmine exchanged looks.
"Next!" the three of them chanted in unison. The woman frowned, scratching her head. Huey rolled his eyes, waving his hand in a "shoo" motion.
"¿Pozo? Adios!" he snapped, since she was obviously having some difficulty figuring out what to do. Jazmine looked at him in surprise. Riley's eyebrows shot up. The woman glared.
"Usted es malo!" she shot back. Huey's eyes narrowed.
"No doy una maldición! Usted ahora va!"
The woman's eyes filled with tears and she spun on her heel, racing through the door. Jazmine's eyebrows shot up.
"Huey, what did you say?"
He snorted. "She told me I was a bad person and I basically told her I didn't give a damn and to beat it."
Riley burst out laughing. Jazmine frowned.
"Huey, what have I told you about being insensitive to people's-"
"You never said-" Huey pointed out. "I couldn't be insensitive to people's fragile emotions in Spanish."
"Well, fine." Jazmine rolled her eyes. "You can't be insensitive to people's fragile emotions in English or Spanish. Happy?"
"Well, I guess I still have Chinese…" When Jazmine glared at him he shrugged. "Fine! I'll stick with-"
"No insulting anyone in any language, you multilingual-"
"Aye! Aye!" The three of them glanced towards the door to see Earl sticking his head in, scratching his neck. "Ya'll got some-"
"NO!" Huey, Riley and Jazmine all yelled in unison; Riley picked up an Xbox controller and hurled it towards the drug addict, smacking him square in the nose and causing him to roar out in pain. His head vanished from view.
"You badass kids! I'm suin'!"
"Anyway," Huey continued, as if that hadn't just happened; Jazmine glanced over his shoulder at the list. "It would most likely work more in our favor to hire someone as opposed to going to an already organized establishment where we'd be contributing more money to the white man-"
"Oh, here we go." Jazmine flopped back in her spot, making quotation marks with her fingers. ""The white man". You're always blaming things on the white man!"
"Uh, because there's hardly anything you can't blame on the white man!" Huey glanced towards the door. "Speaking of…goodbye!"
"Aw, shucks." A tall, bald headed white guy wearing a red shirt with the confederate flag on it turned on his heel, trudging out the door. "This sucks."
"All I'm trying to say," Jazmine explained patiently. "is that while there are a lot of things you can blame on the white man, not all of them are plausible."
Huey looked at her as if she were speaking one of the few foreign languages he didn't know. "What?"
"Okay." Jazmine sighed. "I just think it would be a little…uncomfortable for you to say things like that in front of our child. You know, the child who is going to be, as much as you avoid that fact, a quarter white."
Huey blinked. "…What?"
"Why do I get the feeling that whenever I try to offer another viewpoint you don't agree with you just wind up ignoring-"
"I'm done." Jazmine threw up her hands, rolling her eyes and glaring towards the other side of the room. "Yup. I don't care! Nope, just go ahead and keep being prejudice. That's fine. But when the white man gets sick of it and comes after you with some lynchin' rope and white hoods, don't say I didn't warn you!"
Riley stared at her as if she were nuts. Huey tipped his head to the side as he examined her with a semi-amused expression.
"Feel better now?"
She sighed. "Yup."
"You know, that sort of kind of almost hurt my feelings."
Jazmine snorted. "But it didn't, because you don't have those."
"Well at least you caught on by yourself." Turning away from Jazmine as her jaw dropped he cupped his hands around his mouth. "Next!"
"Hey, ya'll!" A thin, dark skinned man with a pink bandana tied around his braids and his hand on his hip sashayed into the apartment as if he owned the place, striking a pose as he stopped in front of the trio. "How you doin?"
Riley's jaw dropped.
"Uhhhh!" He pointed towards the man. "Nigga, you gay!"
"We see that, Riley." Huey rolled his eyes, turning away from his homophobe brother to write something down in his notebook. He glanced up. "You're…Angie Simon, right?"
"You betta believe it, honey!" "Angie" snapped his fingers. Huey sucked his teeth.
"Riggggght…don't call me that."
"So, tell us a little about yourself!" Jazmine said brightly, sitting up and beaming at the man. In contrast to Huey's younger sibling, Jazmine was all about gay rights. She dragged Huey, who was all for equality for all but didn't exactly go flying to parades, to Gay Pride marches. She'd wrote a speech pertaining to the issue in her public speaking class that was so popular with her university that she'd wound up giving it at some seminar downtown. She'd taken the line "You can't pray away the gay!" from some TV show and made t shirts, the profits all going to some activist group that advocated gay rights! If it involved oil spills or corrupted politicians she couldn't care less, but if PETA or someone gay was involved she was all over that.
So, it didn't come as much of a surprise that she'd taken a shine to this guy already.
Angie's expression turned thoughtful. "Lemme see…I'm an Aries. And I love to dance, ooh it keep me so fit gurl! And I like shopping, hanging out with my friends-"
"Okay, how about you tell us some of your educational background or previous job experiences." Huey sighed, exasperated. Angie flashed him a grin.
"Sure thing, cutie pie!"
"And, once again…don't call me that."
Angie merely smiled before going on. "Well, I went to Boston University-"
"Really?" Jazmine bolted up, beaming. "I'm from Boston!"
"For real, gurl? Me, too!" Angie's face lit up. Huey groaned.
"Okay, you're from Boston, Jazmine's from Boston, everyone's from damn Boston. Great!" He snapped his fingers. "Go on..."
"Call you that. I'm sorry." Angie giggled. "You're just so cute."
Huey gave him a blank stare. Jazmine snickered. Riley was breathing heavily though his nostrils, his eyes squeezed shut and his lips moving almost silently.
"Dis nigga gay…dis nigga gay…"
"Anyway, I got a bachelor's in Sociology, I moved to Chicago cause, I mean, Chicago is fabulous!"
"True," Huey couldn't help but agree, nodding. "Go on."
"And then, I fell in love." Angie sighed, batting his eyelashes. "His name was Damien Green-"
"Dis. Nigga. Gay!"
"We know, Riley!" Huey and Jazmine shot towards him in unison before focusing back on their interviewee. Jazmine shifted in her spot.
"Was Damien Green?"
"Well, yeah." Angie's expression turned grave. "He died."
"Oh." The always empathetic Jazmine frowned. "I'm sorry-"
"Oh, it's alright." Angie waved his hand casually. "I killed him."
The three interviewers froze, exchanging looks. Huey blinked.
"…I'm sorry, I think I heard you wrong? Could you repeat that?"
"I killed him." Angie shrugged, examining his nails. "Mmm hmm. Damien loved them French broads so much, with their fake breasts and their damn wigs and those terrible man shoulders…so since he loved French men so much, I decided that he could join them."
"Join…them…" Huey's eyes narrowed. "Wait, you killed them too?"
"Dis nigga a gay ass murderer!" Riley shook his head. Jazmine clutched a pillow to her chest, swallowing.
"If I couldn't have him, none of them could." Angie's voice shot down to a baritone, causing all of their eyes to widen. After a few moments of tense silence he giggled, flipping back his braids. "Oh, well! Hahahaha!"
"Eh heh heh…heh…next!" Jazmine shrieked. Angie's nose shot in the air.
"Well." He shimmied back towards the door before spinning around, blowing a kiss towards Huey. "I'll see you around, handsome."
Huey sighed while Riley made gagging noises and Jazmine blinked at the man with wide eyes. Huey shook his head.
"Hopefully, you won't."
Angie disappeared out the door and the three of them stared at each other.
"That nigga," Riley said, shaking his head, "was gay."
Huey glared at him. "Of all the things wrong with that man, you think being gay was the issue?"
Riley paused, then nodded. "Yup!"
"Okay." Jazmine's face was pale. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking…?"
"If you are also thinking that the second this is over I should change the locks, then yes," Huey replied, still looking slightly mortified. She nodded, sighing in relief.
"Dat nigga was gay!"
"How about we try not to hire ex murderers?" Jazmine said, ignoring Riley.
"Fine by me." Huey crossed a name off the page, glancing over his shoulder. "Next! I know ya'll ain't deaf!"
There was a pause before a woman shuffled in, dressed in black from head to toe. Her inky dark hair fell down to hide her face and her head was bowed, her shoulders slumped. She stopped in front of them, slowly looking up.
The three of them blinked. Huey made a face. Jazmine shook her socked feet from side to side, giving the woman a smile.
"Hi! What's your name?"
The woman looked back to the floor, shrugging. "Molly."
"Okay." Huey sat up. "Well-"
"But most people," she interrupted, her voice a low monotone. "Call me Raven, the princess of darkness. The angel of Anarchy. The queen of death."
"Ohhhhhh." Jazmine laughed nervously. "Those…are creative nicknames…" When Huey shot her a look of disbelief she visibly cringed. "I…appreciate individual expression?"
"Okay." Huey shook his head. How did he always wound up surrounding himself with nutcases? "So, tell us something about yourself."
The woman shrugged again.
"I enjoy cemeteries," she said in a hollow tone. The three of them blinked at her. "They make me feel alive. I have a pet fish named Lucifer. I collect IV bags from the hospital near Howard Avenue and sometimes when the moon is full I'll build a bonfire to pay homage to the tormented souls who were here before me, but are no longer of this earth. The lucky bastards."
Jazmine started choking. Riley was so stunned he didn't even have anything to say. Huey nodded.
"Okay, thank you for your time…next!"
"I hate this life." The woman shook her head, slouching out the room. After she left Jazmine shivered.
"I feel like…she sucked up all the happy and took it with her."
"As messed up as she is, I'm pretty sure she needs it." Huey looked up, and then he was rolling his eyes. "Oh, hell naw. Next!"
"Huey!" Jazmine punched him in the shoulder. The man, holding a bible in one hand and a cross in the other, frowned. "He's a Catholic priest!"
"Jazmine." Huey gave her a look. "We are having a baby. He is a Catholic priest. We are having a baby." When she merely blinked in confusion he rolled his eyes. "He is a Catholic priest and we are entrusting him with a young child."
Jazmine slowly shook her head.
"Seen the news lately?"
Her brow lifted. And then, her eyes widened.
"Ohhhh." She paused. "Ew!" She waved her hand towards the man. "Buh bye! Shoo!"
The priest gave them all dirty looks, pointing his cross towards the three of them.
"The heavenly father will smite thee!"
"Blah blah, so I've been told." Huey rolled his eyes. "You come to accept your fate of eternal damnation." Ignoring Jazmine's glare he waved his hand. "Now get out!"
"Huey." Jazmine was massaging her temples, exhaling through her nose. "Although I can respect you're your reasoning behind your actions, I sometimes think you forget that I am also Catholic."
"Yeah. I try to forget." He turned towards the door again as Jazmine shot him a dirty look, wringing her hands in a strangling motion and lifting them so that they were inches from his neck. "Next!"
The door opened wider, a black girl wearing a pair of heels, a mini skirt, and a cropped top walking in. Riley's jaw dropped.
"Ooh! She hired!"
"We ain't even interviewed her yet!" Jazmine snapped, clutching the pillow to her chest and muttering about stupid showoffs under her breath. The woman stopped in front of the three of them, flipping her curly hair over her shoulders and giving them a grin.
"How are you doing today?" She nodded. "The name's Destiny. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."
Huey and Riley's jaws dropped. Jazmine cleared her throat, shooting them both looks.
"Wat, yo ass need a cough drop?" Riley asked. Jazmine picked up the notebook, rapping both men upside the head with it.
"What the hell?" they both snapped in unison. Jazmine tossed the notebook onto the table, folding her arms across her chest and shooting the woman a hostile look.
Not at all fazed by any of their behavior she examined her nails, her free hand on her hip.
"So, I came to inquire about a babysitting job?" She pointed towards the floor. "This is the right place, right?"
"Shut up!" Riley snapped towards Jazmine, rolling his eyes. Huey, who had at least snapped out of it long enough to look over the list, glanced back up.
"So, what experience do you have that qualifies you to be an adequate babysitter?"
"Well, I love children," Destiny said in a smooth voice, smiling at both him and Riley. "And they love me." She winked. "Everyone ends up loving me sooner or later."
"Then I hope you get tested…" Jazmine mumbled, rolling her eyes again and staring at the ceiling. Of course her words went unnoticed.
"Pick her! Pick her!" Riley was nearly jumping up and down, his hazel eyes filled with adoration. "She da one, man!"
"We need credentials, Riley." Huey rolled his eyes, glancing back to the woman. Riley snickered.
"Who needs credentials when you gots boobs- OW!"
"I can tell this would get really ugly really fast," Huey said, sighing and shaking his head. "So I'm gonna have to say next." He shrugged when the girl gave him a crestfallen look. "Sorry."
For a moment it was silent. Then, she shrugged.
"So, if I were to show my boobs-"
"Just…ugh." Huey buried his face in his hands, the woman finally walking out. Riley sucked his teeth.
"Damn, Jazzy!" She blinked at him. "Always gotta fuck shit up!" Her eyebrows rose. "If yo ass won' here I woulda been in dem draws fo sho!"
"First off, if I wasn't pregnant in the first place, you never would've come across her," Jazmine couldn't help but point out. "Secondly, she was definitely a…whatever."
"Sooo…you wuz hatin'?"
Jazmine started to open her mouth, then closed it again. She held up her index finger, nodding.
"You know what?" Her tone was deadpan. "Yeah. I have no problem admitting that. I was hating."
"Don't know why," Huey mumbled, not looking up from where he was writing in his notebook. When both Jazmine and Riley gave him confused looks he shrugged, turning the page. "Once you got past the fact that she was articulate, there really wasn't anything appealing. And she wasn't very appealing to begin with."
"Are you serious?"
Jazmine beamed, checking her cell phone. Huey lifted his head, leaning backwards so that he could mouth to Riley behind her back.
"I wasn't serious."
"Huh?" Huey straightened, shrugging and giving Jazmine a casual look. "Nothing."
"Okay." She flopped back, resting her hands in her lap. "This basically got us nowhere."
"I told ya'll niggas to just ask Aunt Cookie!" Riley pointed out. Huey rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, but Aunt Cookie has her own life too, Riley." He shook his head, scratching out something and sighing. "Whoever we get as a babysitter would be needed a lot, and it would be a time consuming job."
"Well." Jazmine bit her lip, twiddling her thumbs and staring at her feet. "Maybe if we can't, you know, find a babysitter I could…take a semester off."
Huey looked at her as if she were nuts.
"That idea," Huey said as Jazmine sat up a bit straighter, looking back at him, "has to be…"
"…The dumbest idea ever."
Riley let out a low whistle, pressing his palms into the couch cushions so that he could push himself up to his feet.
"Yea…ima let ya'll work dat one out…"
"I mean, think about it," Jazmine said, drawing her knees towards her chest and resting her hands on top. "It would be saving income. I could alternate shifts so that when you're not in school I could work, or if you're working-"
"No." Huey didn't even look up that time. "That's stupid."
"How's it stupid?" she snapped, giving him an annoyed look. "You're not even listening to me-"
"Because I already know what you're going to say. It's not that hard to figure out." He closed the notebook, tossing it on the table in front of them and rolling his eyes. "You're going to tell me that it would be much easier than entrusting a stranger with our child. You'll proceed to tell me that after we've gotten into the flow of things and made our adjustments you'll return to school and everything will work out. But that's crap."
Jazmine's eyes narrowed. How did he do that?
"Why is it crap that I'm trying to keep you from falling behind-"
"Because then you fall behind, Jazmine!" he snapped, tapping his forehead. "I don't need you to think about my wellbeing or whatever. I got this."
"Well I'm only trying to help," she said in a low voice, her eyes narrowing even more. "You don't have to be such a jerk about it-"
"Deez Cocoa Puffs is da bomb!" Riley suddenly said, munching away from a bowl that he held as he walked out the kitchen. When he saw their expressions, however, he shook his head and made a U-turn. "Uh…nevamind…"
"And I don't know why you're being so dramatic with it!"
"I'm not being dramatic!" Jazmine threw up her hands. "For the first time in practically my whole life, I'm being realistic! And the reality of it is that there's a good chance one of us isn't gonna be able to finish school!" He blinked. "I mean, god. Even you should know that!"
Since when did he and Jazmine role reverse? Huey shook his head, sighing.
"No, you look," Jazmine snapped abruptly, making his eyebrows rise. "If it comes down to us not being able to find a babysitter then I'm taking a break. I don't care what you say. I don't care what you think about it, what you have to say about it…it's not my problem." She stood up, glaring down at him. "Because if I feel like doing that for the sake of our child then I don't see why it's such a big deal!"
"It's a big deal," Huey said calmly, rubbing his forehead, "because, in case your memory suddenly decided to vacate the premises, you've wanted to go to medical school since we were ten."
"So?" Jazmine replied acidly.
"So you don't just go throwing that by the wayside!" he shot back, sitting up straighter. "This is something you have to think about. I mean, really think about. Because your decision could-"
"Could what?" Jazmine said tartly, her hand on her hip. "It could impact my future?" When he merely stared up at her she snorted, rolling her eyes. For some reason she seemed particularly hostile. "In case your memory suddenly decided to vacate the premises, our futures were impacted a good six months ago! And maybe I have changed my mind!" Tears were pricking the corners of her eyes. "Maybe I don't want to go to medical school anymore! Maybe I can't make it to medical school! In fact, hey! Maybe I can't even make it out of my damn undergrad!" She stepped over his legs, stomping towards their room. Huey sat up.
Whoa. She was definitely freaking out.
She whirling around, massaging her temples; her features were softer, but she still didn't look much calmer.
"I can't do it, Huey," she said softly, shaking her head and sighing. "Okay? I can't." He gave her a confused look. "Maybe you can, because you're smart and capable and driven and all that other good stuff, but I'm just not. I can't have a baby and do school. I just can't. And I didn't want to admit it before but…it's not working." She sniffed; surprisingly, her voice came out clear and calm. "I can't do it and I'm sick of trying when in the end it doesn't matter because I'm just gonna fail."
"Aw, come on, Jazmine-" Huey started, but she was shaking her head, going into their room and slamming the door shut. He sighed, shaking his head and glancing towards Riley, who had ventured out the kitchen. He groaned, resting his elbows on his knees.
"I have no idea," he said, running his hands over his face, "how that just happened."
"Cuz, nigga!" Riley flopped down beside him, shrugging and now munching on a sandwich. "She been stressin' bout school forreal. Man, her ass was sobbing over some physics during spring break. She crackin', son."
"You know," Huey said sarcastically, shooting him a dirty look. "It would have been very helpful if someone actually told me that!."
"Then ask her ya damn self!" Riley pointed out, taking another large bite of his sandwich. "You live wit her. She yo girlfriend. Ain' mah fault ya'll communication sucks."
"Well…it usually doesn't."
"Well it do now, so work dat shit out." Riley wiped his mouth with his sleeve. "Cuz it's only gon get worse. An you don' want it ta get to tha point where ya'll sayin' shit ya'll don't mean or whateva."
Huey nodded, leaning back in his spot. Riley continued eating.
"You know the worst part about what she said?" Huey suddenly asked, causing Riley to lift his head. When he did so Huey sighed. "She said that one of us probably isn't gonna be able to finish school…and she's right." When Riley merely blinked at him he closed his eyes. "And the even worse part is, as selfish as it sounds…I don't know if I'm willing to be the person who doesn't."
"Well, she already said she ain' wanna do school no mo' so-"
"I don't care what she said," Huey snapped, cutting Riley off with a glare. "She said it because she feels like it's her responsibility to do that, and it's not."
"Then whose is it?" Riley asked, blinking at his older brother. Huey paused before shaking his head.
"That's a good question." Riley bit into his sandwich again and he stared up at the ceiling, both of them falling into a contemplative silence. "I really don't know."
Time...to go party.
Okay, more like go home and clean since everyone else is moving in this weekend, go snatch up some free food, go laugh at some Freshmen and SEE MY FUTURE HUSBAND WALE TOMORROW! AHHHHHHHHHH!
...Soooo, you should review. Yeah :P
Seriously though, take it easy and enjoy your weekends! Thanks for reading! :D