I Said Don't!

a/n: I recently bought the movie 27 Dresses—I love Katherine Heigl—and I felt like the movie was missing a little something. This scene takes place in the car—right after they got stuck in the mud and right before they found the bar. I thought that Jane really needed a moment to flip out on someone and express her frustration. So here it is.

Dedication: To my mom, for buying me the movie and letting me have my life back. Unfortunately, due to language, she can NEVER read this. Ever.


For once, Kevin's mouth had failed him. The man with all the words had nothing—repeat, NOTHING—to say. It didn't stop him from trying, though.

"Uh…"

"I said don't!"

And so he closed his lips and waited.

The sad fact was, he hated silence. And minus the pounding rain and Jane's labored breathing, this was as silent as silent could get. He let his eyes rove over the interior of the car and he noticed for the first time how spotless it was for her father's Volvo. A sudden idea struck him and it took all of his effort not to snort as he realized that she had probably made time in her already insane schedule to clean her father's care—for George. That thought killed his mirth as quickly as it had come. What did she see in that—okay, so he could understand her feelings. George was a great guy. But she was still crazy.

A sound that wasn't rain brought his attention back to the woman behind the wheel. She was groaning the long, drawn-out groan of one who had a lifetime of bad days to compare to, slumping in the driver's seat until her forehead connected with the steering wheel. A strangled whine started in her throat, only to be cut off abruptly as she sat up and started scrubbing at her eyes. Damnit, he never wanted her to cry.

"Jane…" he said quietly.

"What?" she said, more calmly than he would have expected. "What the FUCK could you possibly want now?!" Ah. There we go.

"I didn't—" Kevin began.

"Didn't what, Malcolm?" she yelled. "Didn't think you'd hit the nail so squarely on the fucking head? Didn't think you'd drive me to fucking tears? Well, guess-FUCKING-what!"

She ran her fingers under her eyes again to catch the salty drops, laughing bitterly.

"Please, Jane. I—"

"You WHAT? You want me to admit it?"

Kevin paled. "N-no, Jane, I don't—"

"I am in FUCKING love with my FUCKING sister's FUCKING fiancé," she screamed for the whole world to hear. Kevin winced as though he'd been struck. "I'm in FUCKING love with my FUCKING boss!"

"Jane—"

"I have been five FUCKING minutes from hanging myself with Gatsby's FUCKING leash ever since they FUCKING saw each other at Gina's FUCKING engagement party. I. AM. ROYALLY. FUCKED."

There was silence for a long, tense moment.

"Gatsby?"

"George's dog."

"Ah."

More silence.

"Gina?"

"A friend from work."

"Another dress for your collection?"

"The gothic one with the spiked collar."

"Oh, I remember now."

Jane laughed and then groaned. "God," she called out, "if you're out there, you could work up your smiting finger for me. Any time between now and two months ago would be great."

"Two months ago?"

"When I brought Tess home from the airport—you should remember, you met me the night before. And came to the engagement party."

"Wait, whoa, I witnessed the start of this travesty?"

"Travesty?" Jane asked. She swiveled in her seat to stare at him in disbelief. Even he, the marriage-hater, had to think it was the "perfect match" like everyone else. After all, with the image the two of them put off—

Kevin snorted. "When you've covered as many weddings as I have, you see all sorts of disasters waiting to happen. This is one of the most horrible tricks of fate I've ever seen. Your sister is a world class bi—"

"Hey!" Jane said, smiling in spite of herself. "She is my sister, you know."

And yet more silence.

Jane sniffed and wiped at her face, sitting up straighter in her seat. She cleared her throat and straightened her hair, adjusting her jacket as she looked in the rearview mirror. Kevin just stared.

"You do realize that you are stuck in a 1993-model Volvo in the middle of a thunderstorm, right? There's no George to impress here—just me and the rain," he said.

She snapped a glare in his direction, unable to tell that he was joking (mostly). "A girl occasionally likes to feel better than she looks, ass." After wasting another moment to impress the Stink Eye on him, she opened her door and got out of the car.

Kevin immediately followed, watching as she lost first one shoe and then the other to the mud. "What are you doing? Are you crazy?!"

"There's a bar up the road," she yelled back, barely bothering to turn around. "They'll have a phone."

He couldn't argue that logic—or the alcohol that would follow.


I'm not sure if this can go anywhere else... I may try to find other spots in the movie that need fixing, but I think this is it. :)

I actually had a lot of fun with this. It was nice to let my inner bitch out.

Love, love, and love again!
Babs