Alien Angelica and a Baby
It was a lovely April morning, cool and breezy. As Tommy and Dil Pickles made their way to their Uncle Drew's they were busy chattering. They were still chatting when they rung the doorbell.
Their chattering abruptly ended when the door was opened.
It was their cousin Angelica who opened the door, dressed in some fancy schmancy clothes label that would undoubtedly cost more than their two new laptops. But it wasn't her getup that stunned them (they've gotten used to miniskirts and halter-necks long ago); it was the little baby she was holding. And the fact that she was smiling sweetly at them.
Angelica. Smiling sweetly. With a baby.
"Has hell frozen over?" Tommy blurted out. Angelica frowned.
"Really Tommy, I'll thank you to use that sort of language around the baby," Angelica told him.
"It's only a baby. It won't remember anything."
"She. The baby's a she, Pickles."
"You know, I never know if you're talking to Tommy, me, mom and dad, or your parents or even Grandpa Lou or Lulu when you say that," Dil commented. "Or you could be talking to yourself. But that would mean you'd gone crazy."
"Dil, she's always crazy," Tommy retorted, before realizing that Angelica was in front of them. Great, me and my big mouth. Get read for Mount Angelica to erupt.
Angelica actually giggled. Giggled.
"Anyway, who's the baby? Is she yours?"
Why was Dil acting so casually? Was a nice Angelica normal to him or something?
Angelica frowned. "No, of course not, Dil. Don't be silly. I'm only thirteen. And besides, the gestation period for humans is nine months. And I was clearly not pregnant yesterday. Isn't it, sweetums?" And Angelica lifted the baby, who gurgled happily.
"Oh?" Dil looked confused (but not about abnormal Angelica). "Well, you never know. You could have had a liaison with some alien from outer space, causing you to have a super fast pregnancy and a delivery less than two minutes. Then this would be an alien baby, which would be super cool."
"Gosh, can you quit it with the alien rubbish, Dil? Like, seriously," Angelica rolled her eyes. "You are such a dumb baby."
"No, I'm a tween now," Dil began, but Tommy joyfully hugged his cousin. "Angelica! You're back to your awful mean self again! I thought you were abducted by aliens and replaced with a fake Angelica who was nice!" Tommy yelled happily.
"Ugh, get off me Tommy," Angelica began, and the baby, squashed between the two and uncomfortable, began to whimper and cry.
"Don't cry, sweetums!" Angelica cooed at the baby, obviously distressed at the baby's tears. She was back to her sweet self with the baby, but once Tommy let go off her, she narrowed her eyes angrily at her two cousins.
"You guys are such pests. Get out, before I really lose my temper. You both are so annoying..."
"But we're supposed to see Uncle Drew about..." Tommy began, at the same time Dil began, "But I didn't do anything..."
"I don't care. Get out," Angelica ordered, and somehow, she skillfully manouvered the two boys out of the house. "And good riddance."
The two boys stared at the front door, wondering what the hell happened. There was a silence, interrupted by birds chirping, and it was finally broken when Dil said to his elder brother, "You know, Tommy, that idea you had that Angelica was abducted by aliens? It totally makes sense. Angelica was replaced by an alien who's just as mean as her, but that alien had to bring along her baby, and that's why she's so nice to the baby and so mean to us."
Tommy was thoughtful as he contemplated this weird, far-out explanation of Dil's. Finally he said, "You know, Dil... That... actually kinda makes sense," as he nodded his agreement, and began walking back home.