UPDATED CHAPTER 01/05/2011
I lay on the beach, naked and trembling. Unable to move because of the pain inside me. I felt like my insides had been slashed with a razor. Why had this happened? Had I asked for this? Was this my punishment for leading him on? Sure, I had feelings for Jake, but I always held Edward in my heart. Jake was just my best friend; I had made it clear to him on many occasions that I didn't carry the same feelings for him as he did for me.
I sat up slowly as I fumbled my hands around, looking for my clothes. I didn't understand what had happened, but I knew that I couldn't let my family know. They would come after Jacob and break the treaty and they would never be able to return to these lands. I would never see Forks again, and Forks was the only thing I had, other than Jake, that keep the memories alive. Whatever it was that was happening with him, I knew it would never happen again.
I finally found my clothes and pulled them back onto my bruised body. He had been strong; I wasn't able fight him off. There was something different about him. I just couldn't place what it was.
When I had come over tonight he had said it was best that we didn't see each other again. I had begged him to take a walk with me. I had thought if I could get him away from his friends that maybe he would change his mind. They had to be the ones changing him, it had all started the moment they had started hanging around him.
I needed Jake in my life; he was my sun. He was one of my last links to Charlie. He had been like a rock for me ever since Charlie was diagnosed. He had helped me come to terms with the fact that my dad was passing on. He helped with the funeral arrangements, making everything the way Charlie would have wanted it.
I couldn't live without Jake, I needed him to stay in my life. He had promised to always be there for me, and for the past month he had been trying to break that promise. I wasn't going to let him.
Edward wanted me to forget about him, but that was only because he didn't like him being around - but none of the Cullen's did. Alice was unable to see my future when ever Jake was around., it unsettled all of them for reasons I never understood.
While Charlie was ill and not long after his death, were the only times that Edward had let me go to the reservation. I knew that it annoyed him, but he seemed to bite him tongue. The longer it went on the more infuriated he became with the situation and when Jake started avoiding me he took that as a sign to step in. He did everything he could to stop me going over there and his family helped him, typically Alice. She was always reporting to him any plans I was in the process of making.
In the end the only way I could get over to the reservation was a split second decision which I had to act on right away, giving them no head starts, so they didn't reach the treaty line before I did. It always lead to a fight with Edward afterwards.
Tonight I wished I had pushed the visit off to another time, if I had come over during the day, in the daylight then maybe none of this would have happened. When we sat on the beach there would have been other people around. He probably wouldn't have felt so tempted.
I wiped the tears from my eyes as I stiffly pulled myself to my feet, grinding through the pain. I had to pull myself together before I returned to my family, to Edward. They were suspicious of Jake as it was without me giving them any reason for concern.
I started walking off the beach towards the road. My body felt sore all over. As I walked I practised hiding the pain. I wasn't sure how well I was doing. The closer I got to the line the harder I tried as I knew Edward could be there waiting on me.
I suddenly realised as I turned the corner and now that Edward was in view. I didn't have the van. I tried to hide the fear and panic that was creeping over me with every step I took. I did my best to hide the pain.
I sat with tears in my eyes as I looked over Jacob. "Jake...Please Jake... Please don't do this to me, I need you Jake!"
"Need me? You can't have us both Bella, you can't keep leading me on." He growled.
"Jake, I have always told you that I didn't feel for you the way you felt for me. I never led you on!"
He jumped to his feet and glared down at me. "Never led me on Bella? What about the way that you look at me, how we hold hands? You lie in my arms for God's sake, as we talk for hours. You can't tell me that means nothing to you, that you never felt anything for me!"
"Jake, don't," I sobbed.
Before I knew what was happening his lips were on mine, forceful and needy. "Jake, don't... Please!" I pleaded with him as I tried to shove him off with all my strength, but I couldn't make him budge. It was like trying to move a wall. His lips were hungry as they worked their way down my neck, his hands cupping my breasts.
I shook my head trying to shake the images away. I didn't want to remember. I had to pull myself together.
"Where's your truck?" he asked, confused as his eyes studied me.
"It won't start." I sighed. He stood silent waiting for me to continue. "I left Jake looking at it, I thought you would be waiting."
He sniffed the air and a snarl escaped his lips. I jumped. "Edward?" I whimpered.
"Why are you bleeding?" He asked as he grabbed my arm and started to look around me.
I pulled away from him. I stood starring at the ground, trying to find the words to say. I was bleeding. Of course I was bleeding. Jacob had just raped me. He had just forced himself on me and he was rough...
"I fell... and I have my period."
He snarled again.
"Edward, your scaring me!"
"Bella! Tell me the truth," he yelled.
"I am!" I yelled back as I started to sob. "Jacob... we had an argument. I fell while I was turning to walk away from him, I went over a rock and straight onto the ground. I'm fine, it was nothing. I insisted on walking to you while he looked at the car because it really wouldn't start."
I felt Edward's eyes on me, searching for the answers he wasn't getting. "Is that all it is?" He asked as placed his hand under my chin, making me look at him.
He stood looking at me as if he was trying to figure out what I wasn't telling him. He eventually let go off my chin and I turned my head away. I couldn't stand to look at him any longer; not when I knew I was lying to him.
"Come, let me carry you home," he said as he gave me his hand. I hesitated looking at it.
"Didn't you bring the car?" I asked looking around, though I knew he hadn't
"Do you want me to get someone to bring the car?"
I nodded. He sighed.
Edward pulled his phone out and hit the speed dial. I guess whoever he called knew why he was calling as he didn't speak before hanging up. He slid his phone in his pocket and rubbed my arm. "Jasper will be here in a minute."
"God Bella!" He sighed. "You make it so hard to be angry at you times. Are you all right? Do you need Carlisle to have a look at you?"
"No!" I answered a little too quickly, which didn't go unnoticed. "I'm fine 'honestly' Edward. I'm mostly tired." I offered him a trivial smile.
We stood in silence for a few more minutes. He never took his eyes from me. I knew that he suspected something and this wasn't going to be the last I heard of it.
I sighed with relief as Jasper finally pulled up in the Volvo. Edward opened the car door for me, and I climbed into the back. When I got in the car Jasper turned to me confused. "Are you okay, Bella? Is that blood?" He glanced at Edward. I wasn't sure if his face was full of worry over what he would do to me or, because he was picking up on what I was feeling.
"I'm fine." I answered as I looked out the window avoiding eye contact with him. I watched the two of them out the corner of my eye as we drove. I could see the two of them exchange looks. I knew they were talking about me. I tried not to worry about it, maybe I was being overly paranoid.
We were back at the house before I knew it and Edward jumped out the car and opened the door for me to get out. I slid past him and made my way towards the house. He was at my side in seconds. "Are you hungry? Have you ate?" He asked.
"I've already ate, Bill cooked." I quickly answered as we entered the house. He made his way to the living-room, but I made my way to the stairs. He looked at me confused. "I want to shower, these clothes are dirty." I turned and headed up the stairs, praying he wouldn't follow and he didn't.
When I finally made it into the safety of his room I wanted to crumble, but I knew that their ears would be listening. So I forced myself to hold it together a moment longer. I grabbed the nearest pyjamas and headed into the bathroom, starting the shower. Only once I was inside the wall of water did I let the tears come.
I scrubbed and scrubbed at my skin, but no matter what I did, I just couldn't feel clean. I grabbed the bottle of bleach from under the sink and poured it over my skin as I scrubbed. My skin got redder and redder, but I didn't feel any cleaner.
A knock on the door woke me from my trance. "Love, are you okay?" It was Edward.
"I'm just coming. Give me a moment to dress." I shouted out to him as I rushed to turn the shower off. I quickly dried myself and pulled on my pyjamas. I pretended to open the cupboard to pull out the bleach and I poured it over the pants I had been wearing and set it on fire in the sink.
Edward rushed through the door, giving me a fright. "Why are you burning them?" He asked as he looked in the sink.
"They were stained and I didn't want the smell to annoy anyone... I thought it was the right thing to do." I quickly placed the bleach back and went into the room, slipping into the bed before he had time exam my body with his eyes.
"Are you okay?" He asked as he followed me into the room.
"Yes. I'm just tired and I thought you would want to get away for your hunt."
"Bella." He sighed as he sat down on the bed, taking my hand. "When am I ever in a hurry to leave you?"
"I didn't mean it like that, I just meant it was okay to leave because I was tired." I could feel tears begin to sting my eyes, I looked down so he couldn't see them.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead. "I wish you would talk to me, Bella." He whispered. He got up and headed for the door, pausing for a moment. "I will be tomorrow, maybe then you will talk to me." Then he left.
I turned over, trying to force myself not to cry, though a few tears escaped. Not all vampires were leaving the house tonight. I still had to keep up the act. That meant I had to go to sleep. I fought against the thoughts that tired to enter my mind as I tried to let sleep take me. It was a restless night.
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