Dedication: J. (you have some very dedicated fans out there)
Disclaimer: Blackie: I OWN IT I OWN IT I OWN IT I OWN IT I-
Shell: Shut –up Blackie.
WARNING- DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME
No characters were harmed in the making of this story. A duck got sick, but that's not our fault. He ate it! WE WEREN'T EVEN THERE!!!! In fact we should sue it. He ate our ink! DONALD WE'RE GONNA SUE YOU!!!!!!!
Dear adoring fan (I love you too, mum)
This story is about how harry has a mental breakdown.
Harry Potter and the I didn't get the horcruxes
By Blackie, Shell, and Furface
Harry Potter was bored. The Dursleys had locked him in his drawer again because he was a freak with glasses. Since Hedwig was with Ron, and he was lonely, he had adopted a dead fly he had found in his drawer, now affectionately known as Arnold his roommate. He had tried to teach Arnold to speak, but Arnold was a selective mute, and only talked to Harry's socks, which were also selective mutes. Harry had a theory that they gossiped about him a lot.
One day, Harry heard breathing. 'Air?' he asked himself, 'who needs air? Air is for losers. I breathe in farts. Tastes good too.' And with that, he lost track of thought.
"Harry, Harry, I've come to free you!"
'That's funny,' Harry said to himself, 'Why did a talking tomato come to free me?'
"Harry! It's your-"
"No, it's your girlfriend! The one you're passionately in love with, remember?"
"Ron! I knew you'd come to save me and Arnold! And my socks! You came too late for my t-shirt, though. May he rest in peace…" Harry sniffed sadly at his happy memories. The good old days, when there were only 3 other elastic bands to share their drawer. They lived a life of ease in those days…
"No Harry, obviously its not Ron. Honestly." She tutted to herself, "Luna! It's Luna! I had to rescue you, Harry. The Grappleha! They're coming! They're coming!" She repeated this a few times, trailing off ominously…
"Are they after my socks?" Harry didn't believe in the Grappleha, but anything that posed a threat to his socks was obviously real.
"Are they after my t-shirt?"
"Are they after Arnold?"
"YES! COME ON! WE HAVE TO GO! Wait…what is Arnold?"
"He's my roomie!"
"What species is he though?"
"He's a fly, selectively mute."
"Flies can't talk."
"SHUT UP! CAN'T YOU SEE YOU'RE UPSETTING HIM?"
"Let's just go…" And with that, they fled from the Grappleha, Harry turning around more often than Luna, for he feared for his socks more than she feared for her life.
When they got outside, Luna got out her broom.
"Where's your broom, Harry?"
"I don't have one!"
"I can't fly, Sirius said I didn't a broom."
"Oh yeah…. Well, it's lucky you can't fly because that saved Sirius' life!" Luna had already thought of what would've happened if they had actually arrived at the Ministry of magic: they would've lost the fight, then lots of people would've come to the rescue, and Bellatrix would've killed Sirius.
"Then I suppose I did end up saving his life, didn't I? I'm a genius!"
Luna was aobut to object, but the Grappleha were coming dangerously close.
"Come on Harry!" She said instead, then she put him behind her on her broom. He clung to the broom, totally ignoring the fact that this was his girlfriend and that it was okay to put his hands on her shoulders as to not fall off the broom.
"Wait, Luna, I've got a question...Isn't Ginny meant to be my girlfriend?"
"Well...err...no?" Luna hadn't thought he would remember that quickly. In fact, she hadn't thought he would remember at all…
"Luna, please, tell me the truth, is Ginny meant to be my girlfriend? Am I betraying her by doing this?" He sounded so sad, so scared that he was committing a sin in being with another girl. Luna sighed.
"I didn't think you would remember." Then, before he could get angry at her and throw her off the broom, she added, "Your socks, it was their fault, they told me to pretend I was your girlfriend!" That was all he needed. Harry took off his shoes, then gripping them tight in one hand, he ripped off his socks and threw them somewhere in the far distance. It was only a matter of seconds when they fond it where it had gone.
"AARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!! UNE CHAUSSETTE!!!!"
"Err Ginny? I think we might be flying over Germany!"
"That guy was speaking FRENCH you idiot!"
"SO we're flying over Italy then, right?"
"WE'RE FLYING OVER FRANCE!"
And that was when Luna snapped. She had done this in the hope that Harry would love her and act like she was his girlfriend, but he had totally ruined that. She shouldn't be saving him: he had never saved her. So Luna pushed him off. They were flying above the cloud-line as to not be seen, so the fall would obviously kill him. She was counting on that. If he was still alive when he hit the ground, he would start telling muggles everything, he would blabber about the wizarding world. He didn't know any spells, but he did own a wand (he had survived Voldemort, everyone thought he was a master wizard). Muggles might believe his story. Luna was lucky she had decided to fly so high, even if it was just to be safe and not be shot down by tanks.