A/N: A big thank you goes to my beta valkyriekat and my cheerleader lindeluren for all your help and incredible patience! I could not have done this without the two of you! I hope you all like the final product. Enjoy :)
Characters: Severus, Fred, George, Remus, some OCs and other students and staff at Hogwarts.
Warnings: massive use of Polyjuice Potion! Beware of silliness and some light slash, male x male kissing
Disclaimer: I do not own anything you can recognize in this story! In case you were wondering...
"Well, I'm still giving it a try. Who's with me?" Fred decided to ignore Ginny's warning. He wanted to listen to this Order meeting.
"I'm in!" Harry said at once, quickly followed by George and Ron. The two girls sighed, but followed the boys into the hallway anyway.
Fred dropped one end of the Ears over the rail, and together with George tried to steer them in the direction of the kitchen door, something Crookshanks found very amusing. The cat jumped at the fleshy string and started attacking it. George reacted on impulse and sent a stunning spell at the cat, which froze immediately.
"Oh, sorry Hermione," George turned to the girl who looked as if she was about to explode. "Er… I'll Rennervate him later. I promise!"
They finally managed to sneak the Ears through the door. They could hear voices arguing, but couldn't make out what they were saying. The Ears were wriggling and searching for better reception when, all of a sudden, it all went quiet. A bit too quiet. The twins steered the Ears around to get the sound back, and Ron looked down to see if Crookshanks was at it again, but the cat was still stunned.
Suddenly an odd beeping sound started coming from the ears, and quickly it grew louder and louder before it ended with a huge bang and the speaker blasted open.
The kids jumped back covering their ears. Ron was on the floor writhing in pain while Hermione and Ginny was checking if he was ok. Harry and the twins looked down at the kitchen door and noticed that the string had changed from a pale fleshy colour to jet black.
The kitchen door burst open and out came Severus Snape followed by Molly Weasley. The twins and Harry ducked, but it was too late.
"Not so fast!" Molly Weasley yelled. "Get down here at once. All of you!" The kids walked slowly down the stairs, heads hung lowly. Snape nodded towards Molly and bid them all good night before the turned around and headed towards the door with a snarky smirk on his face.
"Greasy git," George muttered as Snape left Number 12 Grimmauld Place.
"That was the last one," Fred sighed and sat down on the stairs. George followed. "Honestly, he's worse than Mum."
"What? He's done it before? Harry asked surprisingly.
"Oh yeah," the twins chorused.
"And not only the Extendable Ears, I might add," Fred continued. "We have the Sneaking Snakes, the Worming Wireless Walkie-Talkies, the Rolling Recorders, all of our spying equipment."
"Don't forget the Creeping Cameras" George interrupted.
"What happened?" asked Harry.
"We really don't want to go into it right now, if you don't mind." George sighed. "Let's just say that it involves Snape, the Creeping Cameras and an awful lot of Shrinking Solution. We've looked everywhere for them." The twins moaned in unison, their heads in their hands, looking miserable.
Mrs. Weasley called for dinner and Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione left the twins moping on the stairs.
After a couple of minutes Fred got up. "You know, George. We've got to do something about that old, greasy wanker."
George followed his lead. "You're right, Fred. He can't go around stuffing other people's lives up like that, just because he's a miserable old git. That man really needs to loosen up and get laid or something…"
Fred's eyes lit up and a mischievous grin appeared on his face. "That's it!"
George looked puzzled? "What?"
"Get laid!" Fred explained.
George was utterly shocked at his brother's comment. "Don't tell me you want to shag that greasy bastard?"
"Not me, you idiot, but we'll find someone that will."
"And who in their right mind would want to do that?"
Fred's smiled vanished. "You're right. No one's that desperate…"
"And is the point to punish him, or to reward him?" George followed.
"Punish!" they both said in unison.
"Then we need to come up with another plan. I want revenge!"
They went downstairs to join the rest for dinner.
Later that evening Fred and George Weasley lay in their beds in their bedroom at Grimmauld Place. They had finally been let in on the whole order business thanks to Sirius and Harry and neither could sleep with their minds full of thoughts.
"Well, at least now we don't need our spying devices anymore," Fred said suddenly.
"I still want revenge, though," said his brother.
"Yeah, me too," Fred agreed
They both lay for a while, staring at the ceiling. George had almost fallen asleep when his brother suddenly sat upright in his bed shouting. "I've got it!!!"
George woke with a start, yawned and turned to his twin. "Got what?"
"How we can punish Snape."
George suddenly felt a lot more awake and sat up. "How?"
Fred grinned. "It was your idea actually…"
"Mine?" George looked puzzled.
"Yes, what you said about getting him laid." Fred chuckled.
"But I thought the whole idea was to punish him, not reward him." George interrupted.
"Absolutely! And that's why we won't get him laid; only let him think that he might get some." Fred continued. "Think about it, George. What greater punishment is there than to think that someone actually fancies you, I doubt that anyone ever has, and then have it all taken away from you?"
"You're definitely on to something, Fred," George agreed. "But how are you planning to do that? You're not planning on coming on to him right? That would make me vomit!"
"Well, sort of…" Fred admitted. "And I was hoping you would to…"
"WHAT? Are you crazy?" George shouted. "I'm not flirting with Snape! Forget it!"
"Keep your voice down, dear brother. We can't have you shouting about flirting with Snape, can we?" Fred laughed.
"But… what?" George was still disgusted at the thought.
"Hear me out," Fred continued. "We'll have several people flirting with Snape, making him feel popular and, without doubt, uncomfortable. That will totally drive him crazy in one way or another… Think about it, George. That greasy git will get so much attention he will either explode or get really conceited, and then we'll find a way of publish this to the entire world, or at least the entire school, which is probably just as bad…It's bloody brilliant!" Fred looked quite happy with himself.
George wasn't convinced. "You just keep forgetting one tiny little detail, Fred. No one in their right mind would flirt with Snape, not even if we paid them!"
"But that's the best part; we don't need a lot of people. We only need us." Fred grinned widely.
"I'm not doing it! I don't want that greasy git to think that I'm in love with him. Ew… just the thought of it… ewwwww…" George looked like he was going to be sick.
"He won't know that it's you, of course. We'll use Polyjuice potion." Fred laughed heartily.
"Yes, that's the whole point. You and I will be able to appear as whoever we want, and Snape will never know what hit him. Isn't it brilliant?"
"So I still have to flirt with Snape?" George asked sceptical.
"Yes, but he won't know that it's you, and I won't force you to snog him or anything. Come on, George, it would be fun. Think of all the fun we'll get to have, and how furious he will get?"
"You're getting a bit to keen on this idea, brother. I'm starting to wonder if you actually want to snog this fellow."
"I will if it's necessary."
"Oh? Ok…" George wasn't convinced.
"I'm not saying we are, but if we were to do this… plan of yours, how on earth are we going to get hold of Polyjuice potion. And by the sound of it, we need a ilot/i!"
"That, my brother," Fred yawned. "is a question for tomorrow. G'night."
"Goodnight," George replied. But it was hours before he finally fell asleep. Had his brother actually been serious about this?