Title: Five foods (besides macaroons) someone on SG1 made for a team member

Rating: PG

Spoilers: Affinity and Citizen Joe, minor for s9/10 (casting)

Summary: Five foods (besides macaroons) someone on SG1 made for a team member

Author's Note: written for lj: sg1_five_things

Date: 2/02/09

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.



KP duty was a tricky – not to mention potentially dangerous – chore on SG-1. Between trying to cater for extraordinarily disparate tastes, scientists who refuse to adhere to a human eating schedule, and colonels who steadfastly ignored the "I cooked, you clean" mantra, it was not a task that was taken to willingly. In fact, the only thing worse than actually being on dinner duty was having Sam be on dinner duty.

Sam's turn at KP duty was dealt with by a boys-only rock-paper-scissors to see who would take it before she realised it was actually her turn. This, however, was not always successful. Which is why they were now looking at a bowl of brown sludge. She had handed it over with a proud smile. Unlike the Teriyaki Chicken MRE she had prepared last time, this dish had not caught on fire.

They were pretty sure it was supposed to be macaroni and cheese – that is what the label had indicated, after all. Unfortunately, Sam's ability to alter, bend, and outright break the laws of physics also seemed to apply to her cooking. It was certainly a skill unique to her.

Teal'c poked at the near-liquefied noodles with his fork, watching as it deflated before his eyes. Jack was positive that he was considering blasting it with his zat – probably would do, to, if it wouldn't have hurt their chef's feelings. But it would be alright, they all thought – somewhat desperately. They could survive this; they just had to wait until...

As usual, Sam collected the pan and headed to the nearby pond to soak the three-inch charcoal (Jack spared a second's thought for the wellbeing of any fish). It was an act which prompted immediate action in the diners. In a well practiced move, all three men scraped their 'food' into one bowl, the contents of which Teal'c flung far into the trees behind them. Daniel dug out three powerbars, which they all rammed down their throats, barely pausing to chew. And Jack shoved the empty wrappers deep into his own pack.

When Sam returned she found her teammates washing their bowls without complaint. She smiled; it seemed her dinner was a hit.


Jack yawned as he moved the folder in front of him into the pile to his right. It was his hope that if he continued to sit here without complaint, occasionally moving a paper or two, everyone would think he was actually contributing, as opposed to just slipping all his files into Carter's pile. He suspected that she knew anyways as she kept giving him an odd look, like she couldn't decide if to call him on it or if it amused her enough to let it pass.

He couldn't quite prove it but Jack was sure that Hammond had gotten the flu during the SGC's audit just to teach his 2iC a lesson. He wasn't sure what lesson, exactly, but surely there was a lesson in here for him anyways. Lucky for him, his team was made up of very loyal pushovers whom he had managed to guilt into 'helping' him out.

Jack liked to believe he had this power over his own men, but he also knew they were likely just humouring him. Which was why, when he sent Daniel on a snack run, he was surprised he went. All sense of control he may have gathered disappeared when he returned, however.

Walking around the briefing table they had usurped, Daniel handed each of his teammates a steaming mug of coffee, quadruple strength. Carter and Teal'c took it gratefully. Jack, however, just looked at it in disbelief.

"What the hell is this?"

Daniel looked him squarely in the eye, his face perfectly straight. "It's coffee, Jack."

Sensing a burgeoning bickering match, Teal'c and Carter glanced at each other and took cover behind their paperwork fort.

"Food, Danny. I send you for food! Sandwiches, pie, potato – CAKE! You know, food!"

Daniel merely shrugged and sipped his drink. "I made this coffee for you by hand, Jack, what more could you want?"


Feeling her own eyes dance, Sam lifted a finger to tap her cheek, as if trying to remind herself not to grin. It was hopeless of course, she had barely stopped grinning for days – and if she was right, she was starting to make Daniel a little nervous. But, she considered, how could she not smile with this sight in front of her?

It certainly wasn't the most sexy sight in the world – heck, it wasn't even the sexiest he had seen him (certainly wasn't, she remembered smirkingly), but it was irresistibly adorable, and that was exactly what she wanted this morning. Working busily at the counter, Jack swayed back and forth, causing the tea towel tucked into his waistband to dance back and forth to his happy hum. He wore gray Academy sweats, a matching set to her own light blue pair – something Sam tried to think of as appropriately practical as opposed to sentimentally cutesy.

She had given much thought over the years to what waking up in Jack's arms would be like. And while it was everything and nothing like she had expected, she had given little consideration to what would happen after that. What happened when it was time to wake up? Watching her very-soon-to-be former CO (okay, so they jumped the gun just a little) making her breakfast as she resisted the urge to get up and 'help' was certainly not what she had expected.

He turned to her, his crooked grin firmly in place, and walked over to the table. He had hidden the plate behind the towel from his waist and it was all she could do not to take it and refuse to give it back. Putting the plate down in front of her, he removed the towel with a flourish, a final reveal in the magic show he had been performing all morning, just for her.

The omelette filled her plate, and for once she was glad for Jack's hardy appetite – she could certainly do with the energy refuel. Steadfastly ignoring his cheerful gaze, she took up some of her omelette. As the flavour hit her tongue she hit him with a joyful, but firm stare.

"I knew your secret ingredient was beer!"


It certainly wasn't unusual for SG-1 to eat together as a team while they were on duty, around a campfire or in the mess. Even off duty bought team nights with pizza and beer at least once or twice a month. It was a comfortable practice, with easy conversation and even easier thieving from plates.

This meal, however, was not comfortable.

Sam had offered to pick up pizza on her way. Daniel had offered Chinese. Jack, out of pure desperation, had even mentioned packing up his BBQ and bringing that with him. But all these suggestions were turned down. For his house warming dinner, Teal'c insisted on cooking himself.

So there they sat, in his stylishly decorated apartment, around the heavy wooden dining table, picking carefully at their plates. Teal'c had prepared a special Jaffa dish for the occasion, though he did admit to having to make a few Earthly substitutions.

Getting up to collect the next course, Teal'c dipped his head at his friends before leaving the table. All heads immediately turned to Daniel, whom had accompanied Teal'c on his grocery shopping early that day.

"Daniel, what exactly is this?" Sam asked.

Daniel's voice was as puckered as his face, "I have no idea."

"Well, what on earth did he put in it?" Jack asked.

"Trust me," he said tersely, hiding a few tentacles a nearby pot plant. "You really don't want to know."


Daniel had snuck onto base with a minimum of fuss. He hadn't been held up at the gate, there was no eager faces waiting for him at the elevator door, and there had been no embarrassing calls over the PA. So far, everything had gone precisely to plan. Which was why he was so completely nervous. Unto now he had never managed to have his birthday go by unnoticed. Between Sam's belief that every birthday (besides her own, naturally) should be celebrated, Teal'c's unending fascination with the diversity of human celebratory customs, and Jack's innate desire to just tick him off, it was never 'just another day'.

But this year things were different. Jack was in Washington hating on paper pushers. Teal'c was spending some time with the Jaffa High Council. And Sam, Sam had tripped up last mission and had acquired a rather nasty sprained ankle, leaving her grudgingly bedridden. This left him with only Cam and Vala to deal with, and he was fairly sure they didn't know that the date had any special meaning. All in all, it was the first glitter of birthday-less hope he had had in nine years.

But all good things, they say, must come to an end. And when he walked into his office to see Vala perched, smiling and glittery, on his desk he wasn't surprised. Disappointed and somewhat frustrated, but not surprised.

"Happy Birthday, Daniel!" she cheered, her grin wide and excited.

He sighed, it was so hard to ignore her when she was so chirpy. "Morning, Vala."

She hopped off the desk, bouncing over towards him. "Aren't you going to ask about your gift?"

Daniel groaned inwardly. A gift from Vala. He wasn't really feeling up to this right now.

She however, ignored him as usual. "On my homeworld, it's customary to serve the birthday boy all day," she looked up at him coyly. "Shall I serve you?"

"Vala..." he growled.

She simply rolled her eyes, anticipating this response. "Yeah, yeah, I know: no servicing. What if I took you out, I'm sure I could find someone -"


"Fine! Fine. Be a party popper."

"Pooper, Vala. Party pooper."

She looked at him, thoroughly puzzled. "Well that certainly doesn't seem right."

He sighed again, "Vala, what do you want."

"Well aren't you a grump this morning? Must be because you're getting old," she turned and picked something up from his desk. "I just wanted to give you your present. Here."

Daniel looked down at the cake she held. It was big and very, very pink. Somehow, he wasn't quite sure how, it had collapsed in the middle so far that the icing had pooled there, coloured sprinkles floating across the top. It looked absolutely unappetising, and it completely broke through his birthday bah-humbuggery.

She shoved the cake towards him and he took it, afraid that if it hit the floor it would likely adhere to the cement, never to be removed again. "You – you made this?"

"Yup," she said proudly. "Sam let me use her kitchen... and that's not likely to happen again, so you'd better enjoy it while you can."

He felt the corners of his lips twitch and his head shake at her slightly. She certainly had a charm entirely unto herself. "What do you say we have a piece?"