Sandbag

By Master Pencil

Standing out on the platform in the middle of a stadium one day, Sandbag stood at its spot in its quiet manner. Its cute eyes never blinked or sparkled on this sunny day. All it ever did was stand on that platform like it was waiting for someone to arrive, someone to hit him. Sandbag was a dull creature unless you bashed a home-run bat so hard on his white body that he would take off into the air and travel hundreds of feet. It was a spectacle anyone would enjoy, and today Sandbag would be in that kind of contest.

Two large shapes appeared from the outer reaches of the field, becoming clearer once their footsteps shook the ground and the blare of the sunshine ceased. They were Donkey Kong and King Dedede, and they looked poised for a little competition.

"You're not going to defeat me, Donkey Kong!" King Dedede told him. "My jet hammer can launch that Sandbag better than your big hands!"

Anyone with much sense would be frightened of being beaten by two of the strongest characters in the roster. However, Sandbag was perfectly content as it was, for it never felt pain. Even if the unthinkable happened and they tore the sand out of him he would not feel a tear. So he continued to stand.

King Dedede hobbled up the steps of the platform, jet hammer ready to slam. The invisible glass barrier of the platform was activated when he was inside and the timer was set. King Dedede looked over at the tall stands that were the stadium.

"I sure wish there were people in those stands," he mumbled.

Then the timer started to count down. King Dedede began by slamming Sandbag up in the air, followed by jumping up and smacking it into the barrier. Repelled by the barrier, Dedede kicked Sandbag to make it fall flat on its back and he picked up the home-run bat to send it flying.

Sandbag blasted out of the invisible glass barrier, shattering it to pieces with a loud crash. It soared so high in the air that it looked like a flying marshmallow. King Dedede and Donkey Kong watched it soar eagerly, especially Dedede. Sandbag reached its peak and began to drop down into the ground. Then it stared sliding along the marks with incredible friction that would not make a person with real skin feel very good. The slide continued until it gradually got slower and slower. Finally, Sandbag stopped on 1441.3 ft.

"That's what I'm talking about! Your turn!" said King Dedede.

Instead of walking 1441.3 ft to retrieve Sandbag, a new one popped onto the platform. This Sandbag acted the same way the other did. It could tolerate extreme beating if it had to.

Donkey Kong took his turn at the contest. He slapped Sandbag with his large palm and then knocked it into the air so he could make a mighty clap on its body. It jumped up and down as he repeated this attack until Donkey Kong made a large clap attack on its sides on the last second. Like the Sandbag before it, this one took off into the air, dropped onto the long stretch of marks, and then slid until it was stopped. The Sandbag stood back up like it was no big deal. It reached 1441 ft, a fraction of a foot from King Dedede's spot.

"Well, what did I tell you?!" King Dedede taunted as Donkey Kong moaned in defeat. "Looks like another easy win for me!"

With their new records recorded, they left the Sandbags and stadium behind. The Sandbags stood where they were, as expressionless as they could be. Even when among each other did Sandbags ever communicated. There was no movement of them for the rest of the day.

Night was soon upon the field of the stadium. A couple of Robs wandered out into the dark field to fetch the Sandbags. They were still standing there as though time meant nothing to them.

The Robs hoisted up the Sandbags and took them away not to the platform but to the boundaries of the stadium itself. It was there at the exit to the outside where the Robs unceremonsly dumped the Sandbags down a latch on the side of a wall. If the Sandbags didn't mind the beating, they surely didn't mind being dropped down a metal tunnel. Just as quickly as they dropped in did they arrive in a large holding area filled with other Sandbags.

The stadium that hosted home-run contests, target contests, and multi-man brawls was also storage for all the different items and weapons the fighters used. Piles upon piles of home-run bats, star rods, Lip's Sticks, beam swords, and other weapons were along the storage chamber. Mushrooms were kept in one place and stars in another. Explosives like Bob-ombs and smart bombs were in more protective quarters. This was where the two Sandbags would stay until they were needed for another home-run contest, or so it was supposed to be.

A shutter from the ceiling was opened. Out from the hole peeked a large, round head with a distinctive mustache. As quietly as he could, this character fastened down a rope to the storage's bottom. Once it reached the floor, he began to climb down like a clumsy koala. Short and squatty, this person could be easily identified as Wario. Judging from his suspicious behavior, it seemed like he was in the mood for stealing.

"Where are they?" he growled, scanning the dark area that was dimly lit.

Crawling along the floor like a rat, his large pink nose was keener than most people thought. It sniffed the food chamber a foot away, but it wasn't food that Wario was after. He caught sight of the door that led to the pile of sandbags, and his big eyes lit up greedily.

"There we go!" he grumbled delightfully.

He reached the door that led to the pile, and he fumbled for the door key in his pocket. Pulling it out with grubby fingers, Wario had to fiddle around with them until he could find the right one. After a frustrating minute of mumbling, he jammed in the correct key and turned it swiftly to swing the door wide open. All of the Sandbags were lying right there, expressionless as always.

Wario jumped high into the air, landing right on top of the two Sandbags from earlier. Because they all looked the same, Wario shrugged his shoulders after examining them and picked those two Sandbags up despite all the odds.

"Now I better get outta here," he said.

Wario jumped back down on the floor, but as he did so the pile began to sway back and forth from his spring. He gaped at the swaying pile once he noticed the motion and watched it try to stabilize its position.

"Don't you fall, don't you fall now," he whispered with fright.

For a second, it did stand still again. However, a stray Sandbag on the corner fell out of place and so the whole pile came tumbling down like a heap of dirty laundry. Wario cringed as it happened, expecting alarms to go off. Surprisingly they did not.

"Wow, I'm the luckiest thief in the world," he said with a sigh of relief.

With each Sandbag under one armpit, Wario ran away from the fallen pile. He was half-way across the storage area, but he didn't see a small bump cleverly placed ahead of him. Wario's feet were almost upon it.

"Now!" called someone in the shadows.

A small blast of flame jumped in front of Wario, making him yelp with fright. He looked side-to-side frantically to see who it was that placed the bomb. A tall man began to move from the shadows to be revealed as Snake.

"I've been waiting for you, Wario," he said.

"So you did come here!" Wario exclaimed. "You're not getting my Sandbags!"

Wario began to run away to the doors again. Snake quickly shot a Nikita Missle at him. The missile inched closer to Wario's rump until he made it through the doors and caused it to burst on them. Now Wario was in a long hallway. He looked from side-to-side and chose to run to the left.

Snake arrived several seconds later and tossed a grenade in Wario's direction, only reaching to his heels. The grenade blew up unsuccessfully and Wario made it to the exit. Shoving the door open and running to his bike near a road, he quickly hopped on it, revved it up, and drove off away from the stadium grounds. Snake came outside to see the shape of Wario's Bike drive off in the distance. He turned on his radio to report Wario's escape.

"Otacon, he got away," he said. "What now?"

"You better go fetch King Dedede and Donkey Kong, Snake," Otacon replied. "If we don't get those Sandbags soon, Super Smash Bros may be history."

Wario took the two Sandbags to a garage out in the land the next day. Now that he knew he was safe for the moment, Wario eyed the Sandbags comfortably. He had a pair of scissors and he was going to start his work with the one King Dedede slammed first.

"This won't hurt a bit, even though you can't feel a thing anyway!" he told it.

Wario had taken a marker and outlined a mouth for Sandbag. Then Wario stuck the scissors in the starting point of Sandbag's new mouth and began cutting. Making the mouth of Sandbag was like cutting eyeholes for a ghost costume, and Wario soon had it finished. The flap of white skin drifted to the ground and Sandbag still acted normal except it now had a black void for a mouth. Wario had to chuckle at it.

"Now I need you to talk for me!" he said. "Can you say "Sandbag" for me?"

"……Sandbag," it barely gasped.

For the first time ever, a Sandbag not only spoke, but also made a shocked expression when it realized it did talk. The voice was hard to understand, but it could be identified as a male.

"Yeah, baby!" Wario exclaimed. "I just made the first talking Sandbag!"

"…This is quite strange," said the Sandbag, now much more clear.

"Oh my!" said Wario in surprise. "Can you talk in complete sentences?!"

"Actually, yes I can," he said without any more hesitation. "You see, I could not comprehend or speak before, but now I feel as though all of my senses have just been awakened!"

The way Sandbag talked was unusual, but not distracting. His mouth opened and closed normally and his speech sounded more formal and eloquent than Wario ever imagined. He turned to the other Sandbag and began to cut open its mouth as the other one looked around curiously.

"Alright," Wario said when he was done. "Can you say "Sandbag" for me?"

"……Sandbag," it said, and this time it was a female.

"Rock and roll!" exclaimed Wario. "You two will make me lots of cash!"

He made a victory dance around the garage. The talking Sandbags looked at him for a moment until their eyes met each other. Now their curiosity reached new levels.

"Hello," greeted the male Sandbag.

"Hi," replied the female one.

"What's your name?" asked the other.

"I…don't have a name," she said.

"I don't have one either," he admitted.

Now the Sandbags had feelings they both never knew they had. They had some kind of longing, but it was unclear what that was. At any rate, Wario noticed their conversation and swooned over it.

"Awww," mumbled Wario. "Sandbags in love, huh?"

"What's love?" asked the male.

"Love is money! Lots of dough!" he replied.

"Is it a person?" asked the female.

"Something better," said Wario. "But I better think of your names!"

Wario delved into deep thought over what to call the Sandbags. It had to be something simple or easy to remember. He eventually thought up a couple of new names that he knew they wouldn't mind.

"I'll call you Baggy and Sandy!" Wario exclaimed. "What do ya think?!"

"Sounds great to me," replied Baggy.

"Wonderful!" said Wario. "Today we're going around the land and make some money!"

Wario took Baggy and Sandy on a trip through the Smash Land. He had to keep an eye out for Snake, but most of the fighters were out preparing for a tournament. This was a time for him and the Sandbags to make money.

It was going good for Wario so far. These talking Sandbags truly were impressing people with their speech. Yet Baggy felt different when later that day Wario drove past the stadium where they once lived as normal Sandbags. Wario saw that King Dedede had Bowser be his challenger now.

Certain that they haven't heard of Snake's pursuit of him, he parked at the same spot where he chased out from and strolled over to the platform in the field. Baggy and Sandy jumped out of the sacks that were on the Wario Bike and saw one of their kind on that platform. It was getting approached by King Dedede.

"Is that one of us?" Baggy asked Sandy.

"I think so," she replied. "Look how strong and heavy that guy's hammer is!"

Baggy hopped farther down the field to have a closer look. Then he saw something that shocked him so much that different emotions plagued his soft head. King Dedede smacked the Sandbag up into the air. When it came back down, he butted his head on it to make it go up again. The Sandbag dropped back on the platform, only to be hit by the jet hammer. These attacks sickened Baggy so much that he contingly cringed or looked away.

However, nothing was worse than that bat. King Dedede picked it up and swung it so hard on the Sandbag that a loud snap could be heard from a long distance. Baggy watched in horror as the Sandbag sailed into the air and came crashing down onto a long road that stretched for what seemed like miles. He saw it slide away into the horizon.

"I…I don't feel good," Baggy groaned. "Did you see that?"

"Yes," she said. "But he didn't look like he was hurt,"

"I still don't like it," said Baggy. "I don't like it one bit."

He felt fear at first, during the assault and right after it. But now he felt a new emotion, one that made him feel powerful, intense, upset. This new emotion was anger. Baggy's eyes changed from their normal look into a nasty glare. He was not happy.

"I don't feel good," he growled. "Who is that?"

"Must be a fighter of some kind," said Sandy. "Why?"

"I want to do something to him," said Baggy. "I want to make him feel something. Make him feel not good."

He wouldn't get the chance to confront Dedede. Wario saw that they left their bags and instantly came to them. Outraged, Baggy hopped away from him instead of to him.

"Hey!" Wario called. "Don't run away from me!"

Sandy stayed put, not feeling anything bad about what just happened. The beating Dedede did on the Sandbag did not even bother her. Wario took her without any trouble.

"What are you doing with Sandbags, Wario?" Bowser asked.

"Uh, something about fundraising," Wario lied.

"Fundraising? For yourself?" asked Bowser in confusion. "What do you think I am, stupid?!"

"Ok, ok!" blurted Wario. "I took some Sandbags and made them talk."

"WHAT?!" roared Bowser. "What do you think I am, an idiot?!"

While Wario tried to explain to Bowser, Baggy hopped to the same place where the Robs made him and Sandy fall to the Sandbag pile. Enticed, he peeked into the tunnel and accidentally fell in. He landed on the Sandbag pile, now placed together again after Wario's break-in.

"You have to be kidding me," he said in disbelief. "They produce us to be beaten?!"

He carefully jumped off the pile and hopped to a sign on the wall. On it said this.

Item Storage

Sandbag Room

"Items?!" he cried. "They treat us like items?!"

The more Baggy thought about it, the angrier he became. He noticed that the door out of the room was locked and saw that a book was lying on the ground. Using his head to lift up the pages, he found a chapter about the Smasher, a character that fights in Super Smash Bros tournaments.

"The ones that use items to beat up their opponents," he mumbled. "So that's what that big guy was."

He found a paragraph that he found very interesting indeed.

When defeated, a fighter will turn into a trophy. The only way to bring him or her back to life is to touch the base of the trophy, thus shining a bright light to bring the character back. Unless this is done, the character will always remain a trophy.

"So they're kind of like items too," said Baggy. "Wait a minute."

Now he was thinking, and they were not good thoughts. Baggy smiled when he first thought, but then his smile became more mischievous when he thought deeper. When the idea was thought vividly, he was smiling wickedly.

"Perfect," he said. "I'm going to that tournament. Then those fighters won't feel very good at all."

When the tournament was about to begin at the Midair Stadium, all of the participants were there to get ready for the big brawl. Among them was King Dedede, but Wario was hidden in the crowd because Snake was still on his tail. Sandy was with him in the stands.

"Welcome to today's Smash Tournament!" called the announcer. "Our first match-up will be between King Dedede and Kirby!"

The crowds cheered as Kirby and King Dedede, a couple of rivals, went out to start the first match. But suddenly, Baggy jumped down from the sky and gave a dirty look straight at the crowd. The spectators were confused to see a Sandbag standing in the front of the arena all of a sudden, and the other characters were even more surprised to see that this one had emotion. More shocked than anyone was Wario.

"BAGGY?!" cried Wario with dread.

"Greetings, you cruel dummies!" said Baggy. "I have come to wreak revenge on all of you for your blatant, senseless, light-hearted cruelty of my people! As you see, I am the first Sandbag to speak, and that will be the downfall of you all once I unleash my new buddies to beat you!"

Crowds screamed when many Sandbags hopped out of the arena gates in single file. Somehow, Baggy was able to transmit his intelligence to his counterparts. It was a feat that made Wario even more distressed.

"We will turn you fighters into trophies!" Baggy continued. "Then you will be forever known as mere figurines! Once that happens, we will treat you as toys like you did us!"

All of the fighters wanted to get up and beat the stuffing out of him, but Wario was out of his seat and on the platform before any of them could move.

"What are you doing?!" he complained. "Quit it!"

"You're the one that deserves your fate most!" Baggy cried. "You and the penguin!"

"Huh?!" blurted King Dedede. "What did you say, sack boy?!"

King Dedede jumped up on the platform to face Baggy, his hammer raised.

"Enough talk!" said Baggy. "It's time to be SUPER SANDBAG!"

Baggy mustered up all the energy in his body to grow three times his size. Before long he towered over Wario and King Dedede as a large and tall sack. Wario and King Dedede went into battle position, and so the fight with Super Sandbag was on.

The battle began with Wario taking the first hit on Super Sandbag's body. This fight was a stamina brawl, and Wario's hit reduced Super Sandbag's percent from three hundred to two hundred and ninety. Super Sandbag opened the flap on the top of his head to pop out a star rod. King Dedede ran toward it, but Super Sandbag sucked it in with his mouth before he could catch it. He sparkled for a second and then he fired a volley of stars out of his flap. It was as though he had three star rods firing at once.

"What's up with this?!" complained Wario. "I don't remember giving him that kind of power!"

Both of them escaped the shots and Super Sandbag jumped in the air and came back down, summoning Mini Sandbags around him. They served as the boss's shields against the other's attacks. King Dedede hammered away at the little Sandbags to reach their master.

Super Sandbag released a Lip's Stick, sucking it back in to acquire a new dangerous power. King Dedede sensed trouble and ran back. The Sandbag monster opened his flap and sprayed poisonous pink pollen at Wario to make a damage-giving flower grow on his helmet.

"Come on, what's the big idea?!" he growled. "It's like every time he sucks in an item, he gets some kind of special attack!"

Wario was correct. Super Sandbag received a powerful special attack that was unique to each item he used. King Dedede smacked his torso and ran away when he ate a gooey bomb. Super Sandbag's large mouth opened very wide and a long stream of goo with orange slime inside was regurgitated on the arena. Wario and Dedede avoided the stream of goo and the long explosion that followed when the whole mess blew up.

"We need to get those items away from his flap!" cried Dedede.

When Super Sandbag spat out a superspicy curry, King Dedede swallowed it before it could go in his mouth. Dedede's eyes went wide and a burst of flame erupted from his mouth when he ate it. He dashed to the monster and opened his mouth so wide that even the farthest flames licked Super Sandbag's top. He received critical damage.

Super Sandbag growled, and this time ate a Unira. Spiky formations formed on his body, and he began to roll toward Wario. Because he was almost untouchable, Wario had to run away from him until the effect was gone.

Dedede delivered more smacks on Super Sandbag. He released a smart bomb this time and swallowed it to begin spreading his body across the arena much like Jigglypuff's final smash. Dedede was knocked off the platform, but he jumped high into the air to land back on firm ground again.

Super Sandbag took out a pitfall and gulped it down. He began to shake the arena aggressively, causing a small earthquake to trap Wario in the ground. He was stuck for minute or two, but he managed to jump back up before Super Sandbag tried to roll over him.

"I've had enough of this!" Super Sandbag complained.

Now he used a smash ball. Glowing colors, he used his attack on King Dedede and a giant bat jumped out of his flap. The Sandbags that invaded the stadium now came up to him and formed arms and hands. Super Sandbag grasped the bat and prepared to swing.

"Let's see how YOU like to be hit by a home-run bat!" he said.

There was a terrible high-pitched noise and King Dedede was sent sailing away into the clouds above. The Sandbags left and the bat disappeared, leaving Super Sandbag standing. Wario now felt something grow in his gut. It began to make him balloon, pop out his belly button into an outie, and make his body flash brown. A mischievous grin crept on his face and before anyone knew it, he jumped directly into the flap.

Super Sandbag was surprised for a moment, but then he felt something truly powerful growing in his soft inside. Now he didn't feel angry or evil. Now he felt terrified. The last thing he did was staring down at his belly with fear and saying, "I… I don't feel go-"

A massive explosion erupted, raising a massive yellow-brown cloud over Midair Stadium. Super Sandbag was blown to pieces. The overwhelming stench killed off the other Sandbags except for Sandy, who was hiding under the seats. The brawlers on the sidelines all had an instant KO. The crowds passed out from it all. The only survivor left in this carnage was Wario, who only sat in the middle of the arena, sighing with relief.

"That felt so good," he said. "Hey, what happened to everyone?"

After everyone was revived and King Dedede was brought back to earth, everyone thanked Wario and King Dedede for saving the day. Even though Wario's waft caught everyone off-guard, it did put an end to the Sandbag revolution. Snake even forgave Wario for the break-in.

"Where did you get the idea for making Sandbags talk anyway?" he asked Wario.

"Funny you ask that," he grumbled. "I went to Master Hand to ask for talking sandbags."

"And what did he say?" Snake replied.

"Said I was foolish and would ruin the Smash World," he said. "Now I get it."

As for Sandy, she stayed with her duties as a Sandbag. Being the only talking sandbag, most fighters requested getting her for the home-run contest. Asked why she didn't mind being the punching bag, she said that it's no big deal since she can't feel pain anyway. She was always willing to help. After all, being the punching bag is what a Sandbag is supposed to be.