Title: No, You'll Respect *MY* Auth-or-i-ty!

Chapter Three: Like We've Never Heard That Before

Author Notes:

This is a silly fun crossover with South Park, based on the South Park Season 12 Episode 12 'The Ungroundable'. Check here for information on that episode:

.org/wiki/The_Ungroundable. If you have not seen it, then it's a spoof on the Twilight rage and Butters joins a group of kids who think they are vampires and after the initiation at Hot Topic Butters believes he is a vampire too.

Summary: Buffy & Willow head to South Park to find a new slayer; Butters thinks he's a vamp; Cartman turns into a rat; And "YOU BASTARD, YOU KILLED KENNY!"

Disclaimer: Mighty God of Television, Joss Whedon, owns Buffy. Trey Parker, Matt Stone, and Comedy Central own the potty mouth kids from South Park.

Warning: Language, same words they use in South Park. I don't approve of (all of) them but I do use them to keep in character. Character Death ;)


It would be Buffy and Willow's last night in South Park before they returned to the Slayer Academy in England. Since Bebe wouldn't be leaving until she finished the fourth grade- whenever *that* would be- they wanted to spend one last night patrolling.

As luck would have it, they ran into Kyle, Stan, and Cartman again.

"Oh great, it's the fucking chicks with dicks again," said Cartman under his breath.

What he did not know was that slayers possessed excellent hearing. "What did you say, Cartman?" asked Bebe with a dark look.

"Nothing, Bebe, nothing. Just making fun of my Jew friend Kyle here," covered Cartman.

Willow began counting to ten in order to curb her anger. Not since Warren had she felt such anger towards one person.

Sadly, she only reached eight.

"What did you say, young man?" she asked in a razor-sharp tone.

"Jeez, what's the matter? Can't anyone hear around here? I said THAT I'M MAKING FUN OF MY JEW-RAT FRIEND KYLE HERE! Jeez. I didn't say anything about you guys."

"Let me get this straight, Cartman." Fire blazed in Willow's eyes and she waved off Buffy's concerned look. "In the two times we've met I've heard you curse like a sailor, mock females, gays, and now Jews. Is this correct?"

Cartman shrugged. "Damn straight. First Amendment, ba-bay. So respect my auth-or-i-ty!"

"No, you'll respect *my* auth-or-i-ty! Jew-rat, huh?" Willow muttered. "We'll see how you like being a rat." Then her voice deepened as she pulled in her magic around her.

"Goddess Hecate," she intoned. "Work Thy will. Before me, let the Unclean thing crawl!"

There was a blast of wind and then standing in Cartman's place was a rat.

"No way, dude! You just made him a rat!" shouted Stan.

"No fucking way! This is awesome! I've been waiting for this day!" laughed Kyle.

"Hey, you can turn him into a rat, but I can't kill him?" pouted Bebe.

Buffy gave her a stern look. "Yeah, *Willow*"

Willow shrugged sheepishly. "I got caught up in the moment. Here." She summoned a rat cage, complete with a wheel, and put Cartman the Rat inside; who was squealing loudly. "One of you boys want a new pet?"

Kyle and Stan immediately began arguing over who got to take Cartman the Rat home.

"Mmmm mmmm mm mmm mmmm mmmmm," mumbled a voice.

"Kenny!" exclaimed both Kyle and Stan.

His face was mostly hidden by his hood but the parts they could see was all bumpy.

"Kenny?" asked Kyle.

"He's a vampire!" declared Bebe. She looked up eagerly to Buffy with a smile. "Can I stake him?"

"What? No! You cannot!" shouted Stan.

"Go ahead, Bebe," Buffy said with a proud smile. "And boys, if she doesn't then your friend will just drain you dry."

Bebe promptly staked Kenny who went up in a flash of swirling dust.

"Oh my God! She killed Kenny!" shouted Stan.

"You Bastard!" shouted Kyle

Bebe whistled and placed her stake back in her belt.

"Yeah, yeah," she muttered. "Like we've never heard that before."


This was a silly plot bunny that wouldn't stop pestering me tonight so I hurried up and wrote it. Please tell me what you think- If you found it amusing, or a good example of a South Park/Buffy crossover, or interesting, etc. I *love* feedback!