A Failing Heart

This is based in New Moon when Bella decides to jump off the Cliff. But what if she didn't? What if Edward never went to Italy to kill himself? What if Alice never came back? What if Bella became closer and closer to Jacob? Will Edward ever come back?


Preface

All I have known is pain. Pain. That's it. I've said that time passes and that even though it ticks by slowly it does pass. But what about pain? Does pain ever pass? Does it ever cease? Are you able to live through life knowing that the best part of your life was all a lie? To live through life with pain that literally tears you apart is like trying to live through hell when you are on fire all the time, nowhere to escape to. And trying to move on, move on without him was like trying to escape a room when you were surrounded by fire. Impossible. Unless you walked through the flames, causing yourself intense pain. And that's what I must do. Walk through the flames.


Chapter one
regrets.

I made my way to La Push in silence. I was hoping that I would hear his glorious voice, his amazingly calming velvet voice. I parked my truck by the side of the dirt track and got out. It was so cold. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep myself from the cold and the pain I endure everyday when I wasn't around Jacob. The pain that had terrorised me for six excruciating months. The creator of the pain was who I would hear in just moments.

As I tripped and followed the faint dirt path to the cliff I realised I saw no other route to go. Where was this smaller ledge Jacob had told me about? I continued to look for an alternative route but the path in front of me never swayed and stayed in a straight line leading me towards the cliff. I continued to follow it until I came to the cliff edge. The wind was fierce and whipped around me and hit my face leaving it frozen and stiff. I was having second thoughts about this now. If I jumped I would hear Edward's voice. But if I didn't then I wouldn't hear his voice.

I thought I had made up my mind as I made my way closer to the cliff edge, but just as I removed my jacket and stepped to very edge, the waters below crashed against the rocks below and swirled so violently they looked as though they were waiting for me and wanting to swallow me.

"Don't."

It was working. I could hear his voice as if he was right beside me. Protecting me.

I took another step to test him.

"Don't do this. Please. For everybody who loves you and for everybody you love." He said. His voice was no longer stern and fierce, it was soft and pleading. He was pleading for me to think this through.

"You won't stay with me any other way." I said to the imaginary voice in my head.

"Please. Don't do it. For me." He whispered in the wind.

I was sure that I had heard him wrong. That he had said something else and my ears, no my head was playing tricks on me. He was just the voice inside my head. My conscience. He wouldn't of said that if he stood right next to me now.

But what if he did care about me and I was just about to do the most stupid thing that might separate us forever- as the swirling black waters didn't look inviting.

I stepped back and tried to think through my actions again. If I jumped it didn't look very good and I had promised to do nothing rash for Charlie's sake. At the thought of Charlie I stepped away and picked up my Jacket. I took one last look at the cliff edge and down at the waters below and quickly raced back to my truck. I had promised Him that I wouldn't do anything reckless and I would keep my promise today. But that wouldn't stop me from hearing his voice. Hearing his fictional concern for me.

I was scared at my last look at the waters. A red flame was floating on the surface as I had peaked over the edge and it terrified me so much that I started my truck and hit the gas. I was soon speeding my way down the dirt road and back towards Forks.

Jacob was waiting for me when I got back. He was sitting on my porch and was staring down at his hands which held a handful of bright red hair. I gulped. Grabbing my jacket, I jumped out of my truck and ran over to Jacob who caught me in his arms and hugged me tightly.

"Jacob I was so scared." I sobbed into his chest. I tightened my hold on him and buried my face in his bare chest.

"Honey, what happened?" He asked, hugging me tightly before pulling away to look at me.

"I was taking a walk in La Push," I lied, "And I was on the cliff and as I looked over the edge I saw a bright red flame floating in the water. I thought it looked like..." I stared down at the flame red hair in his hands.

He pulled me into his arms again, "Shush, your safe. I'm here. Nothing's going to hurt you."

I was suddenly very glad I had Jacob and glad that I had decided not to jump off the cliff. I wouldn't tell him the truth. The truth that I heard voices in my head that belonged to the creator of my misery and pain and that I was stupid enough to consider jumping off a cliff when there was a evil and thunderous storm on the horizon and a murderous Vampire on the loose who wanted to kill me because of the person behind all of my heartbreak.