About Horizen…

Disclaimer: I do not own Mass Effect.

Shepard,

I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?

Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That nigh meant everything to me…maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside.

But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die – on Eden Prime, on Virmie, on Horizen, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember, I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself.

When things have settled down a little…maybe…I don't know. Just take care.

--Kaidan

- -

Kaidan,

Sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I was a little caught up helping Jacob reunite with his long lost and supposedly dead father on some backwater planet he and his crew had been stranded on for the past ten years. It didn't go well, which was too bad because he seemed like a nice guy, if a little overly fond of Lord of the Flies. Still, I suppose he was a bit of an absentee father and never let it be said that a decade is too long to hold a grudge.

Speaking of long enough, I appreciate your apology and I understand that me coming back from the dead really puts a damper on your efforts to move on. Sorry about that. Of course, me dying again would probably just make things worse, so what can you do? And sorry about Cerberus. I'm not happy about it either, but I need a ship and the Council is pretending Sovereign was a figment of my imagination. I thought about it while it was a very difficult decision, I've decided that I'm not nearly pissed enough to let everyone get wiped out to prove a point.

--Shepard

P.S. What do you mean 'if you're still the woman I remember'? In case you missed the memo, I've spent the last two years dead. I haven't changed.

- -

Shepard,

You helped this Jacob guy track down long lost family members? Don't you have, I don't know, a GALAXY to save? The whole reason you're working with Cerberus in the first place? Just a thought. And Jacob's Cerberus, right? Remember: he probably had to kick a puppy to qualify for the job.

I'm glad you're accepting my apology. I was concerned that us being in love, you dying, and then two months after you came back I hugged you and then accused you of being a traitor to everyone you helped save practically before I let you go might mean you'd still be mad.

I know that the Alliance and the rest of the Council refuses to believe that the Reapers are real and that doesn't give you many options. Still, Cerberus? The Alliance and the Council have a lot to answer for for driving you to such desperate measures. It would almost serve them right if they DID realizes they can't just ignore all their problems and the Collectors or the Reapers themselves came to kill them all, but I suppose that as long as you're around they really can do just that. That's gratitude for you, huh?

--Kaidan

P.S. And I know that! But after two years, you really don't want to know how high your pedestal is. Although come to think of it you might want to be careful Cerberus hasn't messed with your mind while you were out. Garrus might welcome more aggression from you, but he should at least be able to tell you if you are changed.

- -

Kaidan,

Okay, what's with all the Jacob-hate? He's kind of awesome. And half the time I get the feeling he kind of hates Cerberus, too. He just likes that they get results. For that matter, so do I. Don't tell me you're jealous? If you wanted to track down Rahna or something, I totally would have put the galaxy-saving on hold to help. As she was an ex-girlfriend of yours, I might not have been too happy about it, but I'd do it. I'm always happy to help anyone I've ever met who needs help. Ever. And I know that I'm on a time-sensitive mission, but that's what I did last time and things worked out fine.

Sorry for the delay again, but it turns out that Miranda's a really overprotective big sister and she wanted to be on hand to help her little sister move. It's apparently her first move off-planet since she was a baby, you know. It started out simple enough, but inevitably ended in mass murder. Seriously, it's like I can't go anywhere without racking up a body count. But it isn't my fault, I swear! It's not even like I'm a particularly violent person, either. I just don't understand why other people don't have these kinds of problems.

Of COURSE I accepted your apology! You were upset, Horizen had just lost half of its people, and Miranda wouldn't stop extolling Cerberus' virtues. Don't think that was just to be rude or anything; she always does that. Besides, you've had two years to get over me and still haven't completely managed it. How over me were you at four months? Seriously, though, don't push it. I dislike being blamed for things that are not my fault.

And yeah, the Council probably does have it coming. I love the Alliance too much to feel that way bout it, even if it totally does. Still, Cerberus hasn't managed to quash my hero compulsion, so what can you do? And that's probably further evidence that I'm fine. And besides, I don't want to die before we work this out.

--Shepard

P.S. You think your pedestal is high? You should see Garrus'. Though to be fair, at least he hasn't yelled at me yet.

- -

Shepard,

My 'Jacob-hate' as you put it is more 'Cerberus-hate.' I don't care if he doesn't like his job! Half the time neither do I and my loyalty to the Alliance is above question. The Alliance would get results too if we didn't have to worry about such trivialities as not being complete monsters and intergalactic law. You think I'm jealous of Jacob? I'm not jealous of Jacob. SHOULD I be jealous of Jacob? I know you would have helped me with any pointless interlude I felt the need to ask you about, but I respected how serious our mission was and dealt with any side trips I needed after your…death. As for Rahna, that's a story I should probably tell you in person. And while I fully realize that you saved the Citadel in the nick of time , don't you think that if you had maybe not wasted all that time you could have save the galaxy long before things got so dire?

Okay, now you're helping people move? It's almost like you don't realize that we could all be killed by the Collectors at any moment. Although if it got Miranda to stop praising Cerberus for two seconds, I suppose I can't blame you. I've got to tell you, while I did see a great deal of seemingly random mass murders when I was travelling with you, once I left that kind of thing stopped happening. I hate to suggest it given that I know you really aren't particularly violent, but maybe it's just you.

I said I was sorry! That was just really a crappy time for a reunion. Hopefully our next encounter will be much less stressful and more civilized. And lacking Cerberus personnel, for that matter.

--Kaidan

P.S. Point.

- -

Kaidan,

Jacob was part of the Alliance once, you know. He even saved the galaxy. And before you start crying 'traitor' or asking why you haven't heard anything, Jacob did what you suggested I did and hurried up and saved everyone. As such, no one was even aware that they were in any danger. Naturally, the Council didn't want to freak people out unnecessarily. So yes, I probably could deal with things a lot quicker but frankly I have gone through far too much to be an unsung hero. And why should you be jealous of Jacob? Just because he never randomly yells at me, is travelling with me across the galaxy, and is clearly interested doesn't mean you have anything to worry about. Miranda's my lieutenant and she is painfully straight and too pro-Cerberus for my tastes.

God my life is so unfair! And usually I'm not even the one who starts shooting! At least when I was helping Thane reconnect with his son after Jacob's family situation gave him a much-needed wakeup call meant I got to STOP an assassination for once.

And put me down for a 'hell yeah' for all of those next reunion conditions.

--Shepard.

- -

Shepard,

So he didn't get enough glory working with the Alliance and so turned to a life of crime? I don't see why you'd expect me to think that was traitorous of him or anything. Although I can understand why you'd want some recognition seeing how much flak you're getting from the Cerberus connection. I heard your old friend from Akuze wants you dead because of that. Please tell me that my being your lieutenant was not the deciding factor in your liking me? Because I have been promoted since then.

Most people would think you're just making excuses, but I've seen it happen and believe me, I realize just how unfair and bizarre that is. Incidentally, is everyone on your ship a horrible parent and/or child?

Will do.

--Kaidan

- -

Kaidan,

Well, when you put it like THAT…Thanks for making me the exception, though. I am so pissed at Cerberus for telling the galaxy about me that it almost overshadows how pissed I am that the Illusive Man keeps sending me into death traps without warning me so the Collectors can see that I am genuinely surprised. You'd think it would be easier to just sign me up for acting lessons or something…

I didn't realize it until you said something, but I think you may be onto something. I mean, Jack and Legion don't really have parents I don't think but everyone else SO has parent/child issues! Miranda ran away from home and kidnapped her sister (she had a good reason but it's a long story), Samara killed her daughter for being an extreme sexual deviant, Grunt couldn't go through puberty until Wrex became his surrogate father, Garrus' dad wouldn't let him be a Spectre so he had to fester in C-Sec until he snapped and went with me to save the galaxy and then snapped again and attempted to commit suicide by pissing off every mercenary gang in the galaxy on Omega. And Tali's dad was apparently one of the biggest monsters in Quarian history, but she made me cover that up so don't tell anyone.

--Shepard

- -

Shepard,

I'm not 'putting' it anyway; that's how it actually is. And I can't believe I'm saying this, but you really can't blame the Illusive Man for telling everyone that. Sure it's trashed your reputation, but it's done wonders for theirs and I think you know what's more important to him. Still, the whole repeated death trap thing really sucks. Maybe you should refuse to go next time until he gives you more accurate information if he keeps doing this.

Wow, that's a lot of issues. Kind of makes you miss the good old days where our biggest problems were Wrex trying to kill you for dooming his people and Liara possibly being a traitor. Who are Jack and Legion, by the way? I know who everyone else is.

--Kaidan

- -

Kaidan,

Don't give me that; you know it's all in the wording. And for your information, I can blame anyone I want to for doing anything I want at any time I choose to. You do have a point, though. It's gotten to the point where I can see these death traps coming from a mile away and unlike with Horizen, they really aren't all that urgent.

Yeah, Joker keeps trying to tell me that the 'good old days' actually sucked, but at least I didn't have to deal with Cerberus so how bad could it have possible been? And Legion is this one Geth we found and Jack is the most dangerous prisoner ever. Legion doesn't actually understand the concept of individuality and when we tried to explain it it scared him, hence the name and Jack hates Cerberus for destroying her childhood.

--Shepard

P.S. Speaking of Liara, I actually saw her recently. It was…strange.

- -

Shepard,

You can do what you want but that doesn't make it reasonable. And are you honestly trying to tell me that Cerberus was in some way responsible for what happened on Horizen?!?!

A Geth and Tali on your ship? The 'good old days' could have been a living nightmare and it would still seem like paradise compared to now, I bet. You do pick up the strangest people. Or maybe, as you said, it's all in the wording.

--Kaidan

P.S. What happened?

- -

Kaidan,

Maybe a little. The fact that you were stationed there may have been why the Collectors attacked. They knew I'd come for you. But don't you dare blame yourself; you have to be SOMEWHERE in the galaxy.

Probably a mixture of both. Jack says that we're friends but she still wants to kill me. So does Grunt for that matter.

--Shepard.

P.S. She works for the Shadow Broker trying to bring him down because she's pissed that she stole my dead body from him when he tried to sell me to the Collectors and gave me to Cerberus to rebuild. She seems to share your opinion that I would have been better off dead.

- -

Shepard,

I know but the fact that anywhere I went I was putting people in danger…it must be worse for you since you're the reason they're after me. Not to say you should blame yourself either, of course.

--Kaidan

P.S. To be fair, it IS Cerberus. Not that I'm not glad that you're alive. Because I am, really. How soon before you're done saving the galaxy again, would you say? I haven't heard anything.

- -

Kaidan,

Fortunately for you, I am immune to guilt trips or else I'd be pissed.

--Shepard.

P.S. I just finished, actually. Tragically it wasn't very flashy but the good news is Miranda quit Cerberus so she should stop talking about them. Unless she wants to rant about how she regrets how it was necessary to part ways or how she feels so betrayed or something.

- -

Shepard,

I am a lucky man.

--Kaidan

P.S. So do you want to meet up somewhere and try our reunion again?

- -

Kaidan,

I thought you'd never ask.

--Shepard

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