It was the Grave Digger case. Hodgins, Sweets, Cam, Angela and Booth were all there.
And the judge said that the letters Hodgins and I wrote were evidence.
Evidence that had to be read aloud to every one in the room.
I wrote that letter years ago.
Buried alive, in my car, loosing air. Dying.
Booth had saved us, of course. I knew he would. He was always there.
Just in time.
That fact, or faith, as Hodgins called it, didn't stop me from writing Booth a goodbye letter, though.
The judge was trying to force me to read the words I had hastily scrawled on a page of my book, with a black ink pen. The words that I had been trying to not say for years. Words I had to hide at the back of my mind, but they seemed to always pull towards the front. I was always thinking about what I couldn't say.
I remembered the way Angela had refused to cooperate when she was called to the stand during my father's trial. Angela had gone to jail for not cooperating with the judge, on my feelings behalf. I really do love Angela, she is my best friend, and of course I do.
But it wasn't her who I had written to. It was Booth. My partner.
I know love causes delusion. It causes irrational behavior, as well. It causes stupidity.
Here I am fighting with the judge, about my letter, when he's threatening to throw me in jail.
The only thing I care about, though, is Booth finding out what I wrote.
So I was doing the exact same thing Angela had done. Well, except I was doing this for me. Angela didn't go to jail for herself, but for me.
Booth said that when you're fighting for someone else it's an honor, but when you fight for yourself it's a disgrace.
Still I refuse to read the letter I wrote. After these three years from when I was kidnapped, I still hadn't stopped being delusional. Around Booth, I forgot that I don't believe in love, or marriage.
I'm always with him.
"Dr. Temperance Brennan you are going to get the letter out and read it." The judge demanded, loosing his patience. "To everyone." He added, I think he was trying to torment me.
"No. I will not." I replied, ignoring my team's protests. I looked at Angela for a second, just to show her that I wasn't going to stop. She just nodded, knowing why I wasn't reading my letter.
And no one would. Ever.
It just would not happen.
"I'll put you in jail for withholding evidence."
"How is this relevant to the case?" I asked, stalling.
"Bones!" Booth snapped, his eyes wild, protesting at my irrational behavior.
"Silence, in my court room!" The judge ordered, then he turned to me again; "Is this a personal matter?" he asked.
"Yes. I was under a lot of pressure; about to die, deprived of oxygen." I said. "What I wrote is not true. I was confused." I added after a minute of silence.
"So then what is the harm of reading the letter? What would a misunderstanding do, if you could explain it, now?" The judge asked, losing his patience, almost.
"A lot." I answered, vaguely.
"Whom did you write too?"
"Do I have to answer that?"
The judge just gave me a look.
"My partner." I whispered, but the judge still heard. My eyes were down, because I was ashamed I still didn't tell Booth.
"Agent Booth, you are no longer needed in this court room." The judge said. "So leave." The judge demanded, after Booth's silence.
"Your honor, what ever Dr. Brennan has written to me, then she can read it to my face." Booth challenged, standing up, and I felt his eyes on me. My own were intent on the wood in front of me. I hated how I couldn't look at him anymore, with out at least a slight blush. I'm not a flustered person.
"Obviously Dr. Brennan can not do that." The Judge said, taking a meaningful breath.
"Your honor,"-Booth started, and I'm still pretty sure he was still looking at me.
"Get out, Agent, before I have to call your boss."
Booth threw a warning glance at me, and walked out, angrily. The door slammed behind him.
Now I have to read the letter. The Judge looked at me, and dared me to protest. I unfolded my letter, the ink was running, because after he saved me, I read it again, and again, and cried. Yes, I cried. I'm weak. I closed my eyes, and then opened them, hoping this was a nightmare.
It wasn't. I guess that's what I get for being irrational. I sighed, and started.
"Dear Booth, I really hated everything about you, on our first case. However even the most suborn minds can change their opinions. I think you altered my perspective, on almost every thing, and I'll let you gloat later. I know we have only been working together for barely two years, but I think you should know that is the longest relationship I've ever had, with anyone, besides Angela. I guess you really didn't have to know how pathetic I am. Well, I think that you should know that I appreciate you bringing me food, and water, and making me get some rest. And honestly, you get really riled up when we're bickering. I never told you how damn irrespirable you are. And everyone thinks I'm so good at compartmentalizing. I hope you get you're happy ending, and you continue to use that gut feeling of yours.
Don't worry, Booth, I know you try your hardest to save me, from anything, even if it's my fault. And I don't have faith in you, as Hodgins has insisted, I just know that you won't ever read these words because you will find us. Like always. It's not fate. It's a fact. You're going to find us. So I guess it's safe to get something off of my mind. And all this writing is irrational and pointless, so why not? I just wanted you to know, well actually I prefer that you don't know, but I guess you deserve to. Okay, I'm rambling. I love you. I don't really know what love is, as I think you've already figured out, with that sixth sense, you use on everyone, but I stilled need to admit it to my self. I love you, Booth…Bones."
Every one was smiling. "I knew it!" Angela let out. I sunk lower in my courtroom chair, my eyes still on that piece of wood.
Even if Booth didn't hear, and Angela didn't tell him, someone would, and then…what would happen? Would Booth even look at me, anymore? Would he ask for a different partner?
Would he even acknowledge my feelings?
Booth came running in the courtroom in no less then a moment after awkward silence filled the court room.
"What?" He asked, his eye brows squished in a confused slant.
"What, what?" I asked, sitting up straighter, and looked up at him, my eyes were wide, because Booth must have heard something.
"You love me?" He asked.
My heart would have stopped if that were possible. He heard.
The judge was glaring at Booth, "Order in the court!" he objected, banging his wooden club.
"Bones, do you love me?" Booth asked again, ignoring the judge. His voice was tender, raw, and curious. His eyes were searching mine.
And I knew I had to lie.
I had to lie my ass off to the only man I ever promised to be honest with.
The only man on this whole Earth I've ever truly loved.
"No!" I shouted; he didn't look convinced. "I was confused. I love you in a friendly way. You know like…how friends care about each other. Like how you love me." I continued, boring my eyes into his forehead. I wasn't a good liar, and I couldn't look him in the eyes. Afraid of what was there.
"And that's why you through me out of the room?" He asked, and I focused my eyes on his smile. It was his cocky smile, one of those smiles where he already knew he was right before I even spoke.
He already knew.
Those damn smiles.
"Yes. I knew this would happen. A misunderstanding."
"So, then you don't?" I tried to convince my self the disappointment in his voice was because he thought he was wrong. But he was right. Oh, so right.
I still couldn't look him in the eyes. "No. Of course not."
My voice wavered. Squeaked.
Booth couldn't have heard it, right?
"Of course not." He repeated, letting my words sink in. "Why not?" His eyebrows were clenched in a confused line.
"What?" I let out, shocked. Why not? Everything is perfect with him.
"I thought…do you like me at all?"
"I spend a lot of time with you, if I didn't you would know."
"I don't know."
"Professionally, of course, but yes. I do like you." I allowed, looking straight in his eyes, for the first time in what seemed like a while. Those deep brown pools of honest caring made my heart flutter every time. Like right now, I had 'butterflies' swirling in my stomach, in my heart.
Why not? His words bounced inside my head. Why not?
"Brennan! Stop lying to that man, right now! Everyone knows, just stop lying." Angela cut in. I guess she couldn't take it anymore.
"No!" I objected, and Angela smirked. "I mean- I am telling the truth. I never lie!" I said, a moment after. "I'm under oath, in a court room." I added, to convince everyone.
"Brennan, don't make me squeeze it out of you!" Angela threatened.
"Why would you do that? Why is it so important to you that I say it?" I asked horrified. "You heard it the damn first time!" I let out when she didn't answer, and when the silence got to me.
"Because I'm your friend!" She screamed, and looked at me like I was alien.
"So you're going to ruin everything, because you're my friend?" I was just plain confused now.
"Ruin?" She was confused, too.
"Yes, ruin our partnership. If he doesn't ask for a new partner, then it will just be…awkward. I can't compartmentalize as good as you think I can, obviously."
"That's assuming I don't feel the same." Booth cut in, and that damn smile was back. Except this time, I could almost feel his happiness radiating, vibrating.
"I think it's safe to say you don't. I'm not as oblivious as you think I am."
"That just proves that you are!" He was mad now.
"Then don't use hypothetical situations on me! You know I don't understand them." I was mad, too.
"Hypothetical?" He asked
"Yes. Like everything else you say."
"Hypothetical?" He asked, again.
"Don't give me that look, Booth. You've been very clear about us. If that's all I understand, I understand how you feel about us."
"You're a mad scientist!"
"That is exactly what I mean. Mad Scientist, Dr. Burn In Hell, Cold Fish, Bones- doesn't say I love you, Booth!" I was fuming. How can he be so unaware? I refuse to believe he doesn't know. He has to know.
"So then you d I so love me?" He asked, confused again.
"Does it even matter?" I honestly wanted to know.
"Yes. It does! Of course it does!"
"No. It doesn't!"
"Then why am I in all of your books?" He asked.
Back to Andy Lister?
Andy Lister who Kathy Reins has sexual intercourse with?
Sex is Booth's weak point; maybe I can redirect the conversation.
Somewhere he can't handle?
"You mean all of the sex scenes?" I asked, hoping he would lecture me about modesty. I must have looked smug.
He smiled. "So I am Andy Lister!"
"No." I said, but I nodded my head. He is better then Andy Lister.
"Well I have proof I am."
"What?" I asked, "That's impossible," I gasped, under my breath. Booth cleared his throat.
"You dedicated your second book to me, remember Bones? And in the last chapter you mention that Andy has a cocky belt buckle, when Kathy is undressing him."
"And what does that have to do with love?"
"I'm not finished," He smiled, and then continued. "You see, Bones, I know you. And if you were just attracted to me, then you would have made a move on me, already. Instead you get the tension out with your books. So why would it be different? Because you're scared of me rejecting you, and maybe even leaving you, Bones. That's why." I wanted to punch him; again, he just looked so smug. So sure.
"Or maybe because I think your gay." I snapped, bitterly.
That cocky smile was whipped off his face in a flash. "What?" He seemed disturbed. It was my turn to be smug, self-assured, and annoying.
"What? You think I'm gay? Why?"
"Well, your grandfather, and my father, both agree with me, Booth."
"But they were joking. I'm…I am straight. I'm old fashioned! Women, Bones, women!"
"Yeah, blonde women." I muttered.
"What was that, Bones?" He asked curious, smiling like one of those gold fish.
"Order in my court!!" The Judge screamed, at the 'top of his heart', as Booth said-or was it 'kidneys'?
"Booth, you heard him, sit down." I demanded, determined to let this subject drop.
Why did he have to know if I love him? Does he want a reason to leave? Does he want to leave me?
Suddenly Booth's lips parted.
"You're so fucking sexy when you're angry at me, Bones." He smiled, drinking in the sight of me.
"What? You think I'm 'fucking sexy'?"
"And to prove that I am not gay…" And then Booth grabbed my waist, and pulled me into him. I rested my hands on his chest. And suddenly we were tangled up, his lips covering mine, my tongue demanding entrance into his mouth.
"Order in my court!" The judge screamed, but I barely heard it, because everyone was chanting "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!"
I think Angela started it. Figures.