Disclaimer: "NCIS" and its characters don't belong to me they belong to CBS and are being used without permission. Please don't sue because I have no money.

Author's Note: I still think that Tony was abused as a child. I mean who belts his own son because he used his father's ski suit as a Halloween costume? I think he might have been verbally abused too because who tells their child that he's going to end up in the gutter? I mean I don't think he was abused everyday, but just sometimes.

Learning To Love

He sat in his room covering his ears as their fights got louder, but it didn't help. He could hear them fight about him and he hated it. He hated them yelling about him and wished it would stop. His Mom and Dad fought almost every night on how to raise their son. His father wanted to send him to boarding school and his Mother wanted to have him there to dress as a living doll. He hated the sailor suits and the parading around in the suit in front of her friends. He also hated the piano lessons that he had to take. The teacher he had was mean and when he messed up she would hit him.

The only time that his father would talk to him other than to tell him that he was worthless, or telling him he was going to end up in the gutter one day. Everyday after their driver would pick him up from school he would have to report to his father after pouring his father's drink.

Both of his parents drank. One day his Mom was too drunk to notice that the mint julep that she had just drank was not her mint julep, but his sea monkey's. He stared in horror as he watched as they were gone and then he turned and bolted outside.

One day he had come home from school and had entered his father's study he was told that his Mother was dead. There was no expression on his face. That was the day that his eight-year-old world fell apart. He loved his Mom as any little boy would love his mother even if sometimes he wondered if she had loved him. He cried at her funeral and his father had hit him across the face and told him not to cry because DiNozzo men do not cry. He wiped the tears from his face and held them in.

The lost little boy in him would sit in the kitchen and talk to the cook and sometimes he would talk to their gardener. Searching for something. He just wanted someone to care for him and to show kindness to him, but nobody ever did.

Years passed as he was shuttled from either boarding school, to camp and to finally Military School. He was lonely boy wanted someone to love. He had wondered if his parents were ever in love and he shook his head at that thought. Probably not since they almost fought about everything and they both drank.

He was finally out of school and entered the college life and he found a fraternity where he fit in. He loved the college life and embraced it fully.

Some more years passed and he was a cop and then suddenly he was a federal agent who worked at NCIS. When he started working for Gibbs he had came to realize that Gibbs cared for him and was a better father figure than his own father would ever be. The slaps on the back of the head at first made him wonder why he did it, but it focused his mind and then he didn't mind it because it made him feel wanted. Gibbs was there when he was in the hospital after he had opened that letter that contained the Plague and had ordered him not to die. His father probably would have asked when he would die, so that he could wash his hands of his son.

When Gibbs quit NCIS his life turned upside down. His father figure had quit and he didn't know what to do for a minute. He had to step up to the plate. The others needed him to be the boss now that Gibbs was gone. He couldn't afford to worry about himself because Gibbs wasn't there to care about him. He had to care about Ziva, McGee, Abby, Ducky and Jimmy. He had a job to do and he did it.

When Jenny asked him to go undercover he wanted to say no, but he didn't. His job was to get close to Jeanne Benoit whose father was an arms dealer. He was to become her boyfriend to get close to her. Then something happened that he didn't think was possible because of his childhood. He fell in love. She had shown him how to love and he loved her for that. Then the unthinkable happened and it blew up in his face. He had to tell her that he wasn't a film professor, but an NCIS Agent named Anthony DiNozzo.

He went home and cried because of the lost love and wished that he could of kept it and he cried for the lost little boy that wanted somebody to love him.

The End