Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
This was not happening.
This could not be happening again. Surely L must have heeded Light's warning that the next time he was woken up in the middle of the night, he would knock out the detective with the bedside lamp and then go right back to sleep.
He was not going to stand for it. He was going to stay right here, feign sleep, and not move, no matter how many times L poked him in the side.
"Light-kun is either pretending to be unconscious, or dead. I am inclined to believe that the former is true."
"Ah—there we go. Good morning, Light-kun!"
"I'm feeling quite hungry, and I believe our mini-freezer has run out of dessert," L informed him brightly.
"No," Light refused tonelessly without opening his eyes.
"I'm quite certain, but you may double check if you wish," L permitted.
"I meant, no, I'm not getting up."
"I beg your pardon?" L inquired innocently.
"Under no circumstances am I going on another one of your pilgrimages to the kitchen when you know perfectly well that you should have stocked your freezer with an appropriate amount of food before I got into bed."
"But I forgot, Light-kun," L whined, now tugging at his drowsy companion's pajama sleeve.
"No, Ryuzaki," Light snapped, jerking his arm away and yanking the comforter up to his chin. "Now go away and let me sleep."
There was a moment of still during which Light almost believed that he had convinced L to let him alone. Almost.
"Light-kun," L complained stubbornly, now straddling Light's covered form and flicking insistently at his shoulder.
"Ugh, get off!" Light groaned irritably, kicking and shoving furiously through the blankets and managing to catapult L onto the floor.
"Ow," L noted crossly from below.
"Serves you right," Light remarked smugly, opening his eyes to take in the pleasant sight of his opponent sprawled awkwardly across the carpet. Only, L wasn't exactly sprawled any more. In fact, he had taken a good hold of the chain and looked rather devious.
"Ouch," Light moaned, back flat against the suddenly very hard ground, aching and half tangled in L's legs.
"Serves you right," L mocked cheerily. He clambered onto Light's stomach, kissed him firmly, and then clambered right off. "Let's go!" he encouraged, beginning to make his way towards the door.
Light sadly watched as the chain slowly tightened, and observed that if he wanted to keep his hand attached to the rest of his body, he'd better get moving. He'd get L back for this sometime later when his vision was less fuzzy and his reactions less sluggish. Perhaps he'd withhold sex until L groveled pitifully at his feet and renounced his sugar addiction.
Cheered by this idea, Light briskly caught up with the hungry detective and they made their way through the abandoned hallway to the elevator. L stole a few kisses and gropes on the way down, making Light thoroughly forget about his recent decision to deny L entrance into his pants, and they exited the elevator considerably happier than upon entering it.
Light lounged against the countertop as L rummaged around in the freezer and gleefully pulled out a six pack of green tea mochi ice cream; within two minutes, only one remained.
"Diabetes," Light murmured reproachfully.
"Fourteen percent," L shot back with a sly little glint in his eyes.
"Fine, only twelve percent, if you insist," L corrected, nibbling at the last gelatinous blob and grinning a sugary grin.
"You're in a good mood tonight," Light grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest.
L shrugged. "Of course." Light raised an inquiring eyebrow, so he continued, "I'm always rather cheered by a midnight snack."
Light nearly lost his balance in surprise. "Was that an innuendo?" he asked incredulously, voice leaping to an embarrassing pitch.
"Perhaps." L slinked forward until their toes were nearly touching, then straightened to match Light's height and curled his free hand into his shirt. "You're supposed to be the genius; you tell me."
"Is this some sort of—"
L always had enjoyed taking Light by surprise, and no matter how many times he did it, Light was always startled when L kissed him in the middle of a sentence. Though he would never admit it, Light rather enjoyed being taken by surprise, likely because L was the only person intelligent enough to do it.
L was evidently feeling rather frisky tonight, seeing as barely ten seconds had passed before Light's lower back was being shoved against the countertop and L's free hand was slinking towards the elastic of his pajama bottoms. Not that Light was complaining.
Until the elevator rang that is.
Not exactly ecstatic at the idea of any member of the task force walking in and being traumatized by this kitchen tryst, Light jerked frantically, effectively slamming his forehead into his partner's.
Hissing, L slipped away and bitterly added, "Fourteen percent."
Light had barely yanked his pants into their proper position when Matsuda came staggering in, yawning enormously. He supposed that he shouldn't have been surprised that Matsuda was wearing what appeared to be a fourteen year old girl's pajamas. Green polka dots pranced across the sturdy, baby blue fabric, eerily reminiscent of the mochi L was currently consuming.
At least, he assumed that L was still eating the dessert. The eccentric man had inexplicably disappeared behind the refrigerator.
"Oh, yes." He laughed, amiably crinkling his eyes just so. "Good evening, Matsuda-san."
"Good evening," Matsuda slurred sleepily, dragging the back of his hand across his eyes.
"What are you doing down here?" he asked casually, exceptionally aware of how mussed his hair was. Perhaps he could laugh it off as bedhead. No, that was ridiculous. Yagami Light have bedhead? Never. Even Matsuda would surely see through him in an instant.
"Just getting a glass of water. Sorry if I'm bothering you."
"No, that's quite alright. I'll get out of your way." Light began inching toward the exit on the opposite side of the room.
"Hey." Matsuda picked this moment to become lucid. "What are you doing down here?"
"Um." Light scrambled for several possible excuses, but they all ran away from him like mischievous woodland creatures. "Well…"
Matsuda smiled lopsidedly. "Having a sweet midnight snack?" he teased.
Light laughed tensely, actually in pain at the idea of getting himself a midnight snack, let alone a sweet one. "That's a good one, Matsuda-san. I'm here for a glass of water too."
Matsuda may have acted like an idiot at sometimes, but he wasn't completely stupid. His brow furrowed and he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "But you have sugar on your face," he observed.
Light pressed a thumb to his lips, and then examined it, noting that there was, indeed, a fine covering of white powder. Dammit. "Oh yes. Of course." He laughed nervously, looking appropriately rueful. "You caught me. Sorry, Matsuda-san."
He wasn't keen on the misconception that he binged on L's desserts in the dead of night, but he supposed that this response was considerably less mortifying than, "Oh that? I must have gotten it from Ryuzaki. You see, we kissed just a moment ago, and that blasted confectioner's sugar has a pesky habit of leaving a trail."
"I'll keep an eye on him, Matsuda-san," L interjected quite unhelpfully, coming out from behind the fridge, much to the bleary-eyed detective's surprise. He nibbled at a half-eaten sphere of mochi, smiling slyly in such a way that he seemed to have materialized directly out of a horror movie. All that was missing was a machete and a pair of bloodied gloves.
"Ryuzaki-san!" Matsuda exclaimed, taking a step back. "I didn't see you there! Oh, but of course you're here. Ha ha!"
L seemed delighted by Matsuda's discomfiture. "Indeed." He raised his free hand, letting the chain sway slowly in the air. "With these handcuffs, we're practically attached at the hip." He messily took another bite of his sweet, letting the sugar incriminatingly tumble to decorate his chin.
Matsuda's eyes were darting between L's mouth and Light's far too quickly for comfort, so Light began subtly shoving this suddenly insane man out of the room. Perhaps the mochi had contracted a particularly serious and toxic strain of freezer burn.
"Well, we'd better be going!" Light laughed, fighting back hysteria, as well as L, who was now physically protesting his forcible removal from the kitchen.
"Sleep well, Matsuda-san," L called cheerfully. "At least one of us should be well rested in the morning."
L was having far too much fun with this.
"Good night!" Light yelled with finality, heaving both of them into the hallway and closing the door firmly behind them.
Phew. That was far too close for comfort.
"Yum," L murmured contentedly, languidly licking the sugar off his fingers. Disgusting creature. Light hated that he found the unsanitary action strangely seductive.
Holding back an urge to strangle the incorrigible detective with his bare hands, Light bitterly muttered, "You're going to be the death of me."
"Oh, I wouldn't want that," he contradicted firmly, nibbling at a thumbnail. "I would quite miss all the fun I have with my very good friend, Light-kun."
Light rolled his eyes. "Very good friend?" he echoed incredulously.
L smirked. "As well as secret sex partner by night and sometimes by day in supply closets."
"Your very good friend and secret sex partner will take away these supply closest escapades if you ever do that again."
L's sparse brows lowered and his mouth tightened crossly around his thumb. "It seems that Light-kun can't appreciate having a bit of fun," he commented petulantly.
Light huffed. "Damn straight," he muttered.
"Straight?" L echoed with a mischievous curve to his lips.
L complied for once in his life, apparently finding a better use for his mouth than talking.
Author's Note: Thank you chibi-hime123 for betaing, even though you have a paper to write. I really appreciate it.
I would highly recommend mochi ice cream to anyone who hasn't had it before. It's quite good, though I must say I prefer the strawberry flavored kind, and also eat it with a spoon because I don't like the mess. :P