Author Notes: Last chapter! Hope you enjoy it. Now that I finished, I'm taking a nice break from writing Twilight fanfics for a while without feeling guilty about not updating since I have no more fics to update! I'll return to writing Twilight fics, I just don't know when. I want to write other fanfics for other things for a while! Anyways, I hope you enjoy this last chapter. My opinion? It's crappy! Oh well! It is 3:30am!
Drinking Drunks Makes You Drunk
"Carlisle, Jasper… he slipped up and currently… well… come see." Edward dragged his father out of the house and pointed up to the roof where Jasper was standing. He seemed a bit… loopy. Almost as if he was intoxicated. "The guy that Jasper nommed on, he was well…extremely inebriated."
"Totally drunk." Emmett said coming up to them.
"General! The troops are ready to advance!" Jasper said. "The Yanks wont get past us yet, sir!" He saluted and walked off the edge of the roof. Carlisle was quick and caught his son. "Unhand me, how dare you manhandle me! I am Major Jasper Whitlock!"
"Jasper, the war is over." Carlisle said. "It's been over for over 140 years." He was trying to talk sense into the drunken vampire. He wondered if the Volturi had trouble with this. He would have to ask.
"You lie! General! We have a spy!" Jasper said as he managed to pin Carlisle on the ground. Jasper looked at Edward and Emmett. "You soldiers, come take this spy to the holding place! Yeah. The holding place!" Edward and Emmett exchanged glances.
"Maybe cold water will shock him back to us." Edward said. "It works for humans."
"Worth a try." Emmett agreed and the two went to get the hose. Emmett turned it on and Edward looked at Carlisle with an apology in his eyes before spraying them. Jasper let Carlisle go, who quickly got away from the water.
"General! I'm under fire! I've been hit! I've been hit! Call the doctor…" Jasper dropped to his knees, then stomach. Carlisle rolled his son on his back and saw the red eyes up close. Jasper stared at Carlisle for a few moments before his eyes rolled back and he fell unconscious.
"Jasper?" Carlisle knew it was never a good thing when a vampire was unconscious since they couldn't keep tabs on vitals. The only way that they would know if a vampire was still alive was if he was breathing or if one had Edward's gift and could monitor their thoughts.
Jasper groaned. He wasn't feeling good. When his eyes re-opened he was laying in bed with Alice snuggled up besides him. "Alice? What…oh no…"
"Don't worry about it, Jazzy." Alice assured him. "It might teach you not to eat humans." She kissed his forehead. "Especially intoxicated humans." Jasper just closed his eyes.
"Are the others…is Carlisle…are they disappointed in me?" Jasper asked.
"Nope. In fact, I don't think that Emmett will let you live this down. Well your drunken state, Major Whitlock." Jasper's eyes widen as everything came back to him.
"Oh my…" Alice giggled. "Did I really…do all of that?" Alice didn't say anything and instead, she kissed Jasper. Jasper groaned, embarrassed.
"It's alright, Jazzy." Alice climbed on top of Jasper, kissed him and made him forget all about his intoxicated ordeal.
From then on, Jasper hadn't touched a human for being afraid of getting drunk and acting like a twit. Carlisle managed to get in contact with the Volturi and found it unusual that a vampire would become intoxicated after drinking an intoxicated human. Disregarding life, they sent out Felix to test the theory.
From then on, intoxicated humans were off limits as a food source to vampires. Much to Carlisle, Jasper and Felix's relief.
Edward sat on the couch. "I could've told you that you get drunk from drinking drunks." he said nonchalantly. Everyone stared at him. He got up and went to his piano.
Carlisle got up, went to his office and sat down. "My family… my children…. Are crazy. The Crazy Cullens. I hope the Craziness goes away for a while…" He muttered to himself.
End Notes: It's the end. Sadness all around! No more Crazy Cullens! This is the final installment of the trilogy! Thanks for all the reviews and support. You guys are awesome! Take care and have a great summer (or winter, depending on where you live).