-1RoyEd Valentines One-shot.

Inspired by a conversation with my mum and aunt, which is written at the end of this.

Hope you enjoy… I guess.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist.

General Dirt


Ed looked up from where he was currently glaring daggers into the couch, hand clenching and unclenching, and what Al could only describe as pain spelt out across his features. He forced a smile onto his face, hand sweeping over his shirt, separating it from his stomach, and glancing back at the soiled couch.

"Sorry Al… I'll clear it up." He assured, pausing to glance at the door. "Just don't tell Mustang and he won't even notice, it'll be as good as new!"

Al studied the office with a critical eye. He was fairly certain even if Ed left the couch how it was Mustang wouldn't notice. The place was dump! And Mustang had left to go to some meeting which was for Generals only, leaving Ed with the perfect time to sneak into his office for a nap. Now Ed had to go add to the mess.

"What's all over your shirt anyway?" he sighed, looking at the stain. He frowned. Ed blushed, also glancing at the sticky stain.

"Just… General Dirt." He announced, spotting a various array of different spillages. Honey, coffee (despite not even liking coffee), a little bit of soup… amongst other stains. He was a mess, but this was the only shirt he had at the moment that hadn't been ripped to shreds by some sort of bad guy with claws. Al grinned as Riza walked in, folders in hand.

"Oh?" said Riza, hearing Ed's statement. "Bet that was fun." she added, placing the folders down on Mustang's desk and smirking at Ed's puzzled look. Ed shrugged it off and turned round, alchemically cleaning the sofa. Al thought about Riza's cryptic comment, then snapped, grinning at the blonde woman.

"Oh yeah, he's such a nice fellow! Lovely wife… Clarissa wasn't it?"

Ed's brows joined together in concentration, turning to give his brother the same look he had before been giving to Riza. Riza smiled.

"Yes, Clarissa… Married to The General." she smirked at Ed, who caught on and blushed. Right, General Dirt… also in the meeting with Mustang. Old and always smelling of foot cream… and all over Ed's shirt. He scrunched up his face in disgust at the implications.

"Didn't Clarissa want to keep her maiden name?" asked Al quietly, subconsciously moving Mustangs crap around so it looked tidy. Riza nodded.

"Nice lady, if a bit up herself." she replied, just a quietly.

Ed coughed, surprised Riza would say something so… un-Riza-ish… he looked to the side, ruffling his hair in embarrassment.

"Well… Good to know you're up to date with the affairs of the General…" he turned to leave, before getting the nagging feeling that in doing so he would be giving up, and he was not one to give up. He turned round again, facing his companions and telling himself he would go along with their little charade. "Wait. Then how come he's all over my shirt?"

Riza smirked. Al laughed.

"You floozy brother!" he giggled. Ed blushed, but he didn't storm out, as his brain was telling him to. "And the General's such a nice man!" his brother falsely gushed, fake smile evident.

"Oh please!" he replied, "Do I have to remind you that the General's the one all over my shirt!" he poked his tongue out as Al's giggling stopped, before turning on his heel. He swung the office door open to see a slightly stunned looking, but smirking as always, Mustang.

"General!" shouted Al enthusiastically.

"We were just talking about you sir." Riza said slyly. Ed turned to her, hand still on the door, blocking Roy's path.

"What? No we…" he turned back the Mustang. "How much did you hear?"

Mustang smirked, nodded at Al and Riza who managed to quickly squeeze out of the office, somehow.

"Jeez Ed, your shirt is such a mess." He said, eyeing it in a way that said he wasn't all too upset. Ed blushed, stepping backwards.

"Yeah. It's just General…" he blushed again, not wanting to go through the same conversation. Mustang grinned, stepping forwards, trapping the younger between him and his desk.

"We should really get you out of it."

Err… heh?

Here's the conversation I had with my mum and aunt which inspired this random little ficlet.

Me: *Spills stuff down my jumper… because I'm clever like that* *Huffs and walks into living area to tell mum I'm having a shower* I-

Karen: What is all over your shirt!?

Me: Just… General Dirt… *embarrassed*

Mum: Oh? Bet that was fun.

Me: *Puzzled look*

Karen: *Does the twin thing with my mum* Yeah, What a nice fellow, lovely wife… Clarissa wasn't it?

Mum: Of course, Clarissa Dirt, married to General Dirt…

Karen: Right, she wanted to keep her maiden name didn't she?

Mum: Yeah, lovely lady, bit up herself though…

Me: Well… Good to know you're up to date with the affairs of the General and Clarissa… *Turns to leave* *Stops and turns back* Wait, If General Dirt has a wife then how come he's all over my shirt?!?!?!

Mum: *Laugh* Well, you're just a floozy aren't you! And the General is SUCH a nice man.

Me: Please… Do I have to remind you HE'S the one all over MY shirt…

Yeah, my house is a riot… ^^ Hope you enjoyed the slight randomness of this, I realise it is short and completely out of the blue, but I just couldn't help it after a conversation like that. XD I don't even like Valentines day… heh.

Please Review! It makes my day!