A/N: Yo guys! I'm not exactly sure what made me do this but yeah. Thank you so much for giving attention to this story. If i get reviews i might continue since i'm pretty busy but with determination, i might be able to give you a second chapter and continue this till the end. So please review if you think i should continue this and if you like it. :)
She was clad in a white blanket, her pale face still and empty of any expression. Her pulse was slow, almost still, though it was there. Her chest was falling up and down slowly, her breathing being supported by a tube. The sunny disposition I'd become so accustomed to was gone, replaced by a coldness that seemed so unlike her.
She was broken. My Susannah. My Querida.
And it was my entire fault.
Sure, friends and family told me that it wasn't my fault, that it was an accident..
But they weren't there when it happened. I wasn't able to save her. I wasn't able to do anything at all to save her from this state.
Drops of tears fell on her hand which I was gripping in the hope that maybe, just maybe, she would squeeze my hand back with the warmth that I desperately need to feel.
But, alas, the time has come for the visiting hours to end and Susannah hasn't shown much- no improvement at all. I ran my hand down her face affectionately but gently. It felt like she would break in a million pieces if I don't do it gently. She was that fragile. I was doing that action – the running my knuckles at the side of her face movement – quite frequently that it has almost become a mannerism. When I did that to her, back when she was not in this horrifying and troublesome state, she used to smile lazily back at me. Her eyes filled with such intensity that it hurt – so so much – not to see that kind of emotion in her eyes again.
Her eyes were closed. Not even blinking. No sign at all that she was there and was holding on.
A creaking of the door was heard but I kept my eyes fixed intently on Susannah's face.
"Um, excuse me Mr. De Silva, but the visiting time is over. You can always come back tomorrow to visit Miss Simon. She's quite improving you know," she said in a sympathetic voice. What she was saying was useless. I was always here, all the time, wanting to know if she can even blink or move a finger but.. none. Nothing at all. I believed the lie like a child because it was easier than accepting that Susannah won't have a great chance of recovering or even waking up.
I nodded at the nurse and said, "Si." I stood up and leaned over to kiss Susannah in the forehead. "I'll be back tomorrow Querida. I promise."
A voice in my head said, "It's not like she's going anywhere." But I just shove that voice out of my head.
I slowly and numbly walked to the door. Everything has become blurred and frighteningly dark. When I was with Susannah, everything was colorful and full of life. It was like every smile, every word and every kiss gave me the strength to face all the troubles in my life. She taught me to believe in myself and have self-confidence. She taught me that it's best to be yourself all the time and it's no use pretending to be someone you're not.
Now that she's gone though, her physical self anyway, all of those evaporated. Like life was meaningless.
I stopped walking suddenly. So suddenly that the woman walking behind, walked into me and gave a muffled, "Oof." She gave me a glare. "Look where you're going why don't you?"
I climbed in my father's car and cursed loudly. I just saw a black two-seater Audi – the reason why I stopped walking so suddenly. I had stopped because that car brought me back to the night where all this lifelessness started.
Susannah's red cocktail dress flowed around in a circle as I twirled her around in the air. She has just said yes to me when I asked her if she wanted to marry me. A warm feeling has engulfed me, bathing every inch of me and I didn't want it to go away. I gently placed her on her feet and she clutched my shoulders tightly, her face blushing and all smiley.
"I love you Susannah," I whispered in her ear huskily, my hands cradling her head.
She smiled and she answered while she stared at me eyes the whole time, making sure that I hear and understand what she was going to say, "I love you too Hector 'Jesse' de Silva. More than you'll ever know."
I closed my eyes, savoring the moment, before leaning in to kiss her. Kissing Susannah is the third best thing I've ever experienced. The second best thing is loving her and knowing that she loves me just as much. The best thing of all that is this night. We were finally going to get married. After two years of going through trials and triumphs with her, she was officially going to be mine. She was going to be Mrs. Susannah de Silva. I shivered partly at the thought, and mostly because I felt Susannah's soft, gentle hands encircled my neck and pressed herself even further in me.
I deepened the kiss by sweeping her mouth with my tongue. Her own tongue flicked against mine and I groaned in pleasure. I pulled away breathing very heavily.
She frowned as she always does whenever I break of our kisses. As much as I want to, I cannot give in to what my body, my soul and my heart craves because if I do, I might lose control. That's the thing about kissing Susannah, I wasn't usually in control with myself and I always go so forward with her. And certain people always catch us
I laughed raggedly as I saw her frown. I took her hand and said, "Let's go home now Susannah. We have all day tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that too. I can go on forever you know."
She smoothed back her tousled hair and said, "Okay. But you owe me one kiss."
I chuckled and said, "Only one? You can take as many kisses as you want Querida Just.. not now. You need to go home."
"Jeez Hector. When are you going to stop being so old-fashioned?" she snapped teasingly, her eyes twinkling with humor.
"Let's call it being a gentleman Susannah."
She rolled her eyes at me as we went out of the restaurant (where I proposed to her at our second anniversary) and into my car, a second-hand black two-seater Audi. One seat for me and one for Susannah. She likes it too because according to her, "You won't be able to date girls behind my back with that kind of car." You see, the girls in our college like guys who are rich and have brand-new convertibles and such.
I turned the engine on and smoothly ran the car. From the corner of my eye, Susannah was staring at the ring I gave her (A simple silver band with little diamonds all around it) like she couldn't believe what was happening.
Okay. I know she said yes.. but I just need to ask.
"Susannah?" her eyes snapped at me questioningly. "Do you think that this is all going too fast? I mean I know you're happy and you accepted my proposal but what if you change your mind all of a sudden?" I asked. I was feeling nervous all of a sudden.
She rolled her eyes at me affectionately and said, "Jesse. I said yes didn't I? That means I've made up my mind. I want to be with you for the rest of my life. I want to have a family with you. I want to grow old with you. Nothing and no one would change my mind ever. And one more thing Jesse: I love you. You don't know how much I love you but I know that you can feel it. And I think it's about time we settle down."
Her words comforted me and I felt this kind of know the kind: the one which you don't want to go away.
But instantly as I felt it, the warmth was wiped away and fear took its place. I saw a car that did an overtake and it got hit by a ten-wheeler truck that suddenly came rushing into view. I glanced at Susannah and saw that she had seen the horrifying scene as well. Her eyes were wide and scared as she gripped the seat tightly.
The impact was so great. For a moment, we watched the poor car spun madly around until it hit us too. We propelled backwards into a wall and my head crashed in some place that was hard. I was so afaid. Not for my life. But for Susannah's. I struggled against the shakiness and tiredness that my body was experiencing as I unbuckled Susannah's seat belt.
We need to get out of here!
I held her unconscious body and got us both out of the car where my body finally collapsed. I still held Susannah's hand.
Don't let go..
Her face was pale and crimson red blood was flowing from her head. No, no, no, no!
"Susannah," I breathed as I felt and heard shouts of people and hands supporting me. "Help her," I said quietly.
"Sssh it will be okay," somebody said.
The last thing I saw was Susannah's face, pale and lifeless-looking.
In the present time, I heard a honk and I noticed that the light was already red. I turned the engine on and maneuvered the car across the road.
I would never ever forget that night. As much as I want to, the images of Susannah, so helpless and rigid, kept flashing through my mind.
God. I wish that this was all a bad dream and I'd wake up with Susannah comforting me as she always does. "It's only a dream Jesse. No need to get afraid. It's not real. You're okay now. You're okay because I'm here now."
Where are you now Susannah?
I just want her to hug me with those frail and delicate arms, to assure me, to comfort me.
"Jesse dear," I looked up and saw my mother, her eyes sympathetic and motherly looking.
"Has she -?" she began but I cut her off by saying, "No mother."
I don't like it. I don't like when I feel her absence so much.
What's that quote again? 'Never make someone you're everything because when they're gon, you're left with nothing.'
Something like that.
My mother pulled me into a hug. Hugged her back fiercely. I didn't want to feel the tears again so I just imagined that my mother was my Querida. But it felt wrong. She wasn't her. She's too soft, my Susannah. No one can compare to her.
I ended the hug, feeling crushed than ever, and went upstairs to my bedroom. I just want to lie down in my bed and sleep.
Although.. I don't know if I'll fall asleep that easily. I patted the gray pillows and blankets. Ha. Gray. I'm about as lifeless as my girl –
I ran a hand through my hair and I lied down on my bed rather heavily. I exhaled breathily as I closed my eyes shut furiously to prevent the drops of water called tears.
I failed once again to stop them from falling. Just like the way I failed to stop my heart from falling in love with Susannah back then.
Another day without Susannah…
A/N: What did you think? Hmm Please review.
Oh and yeah.. i might be able to upload another fanfic. It's actually the product of Faith Merchant's and mine's tagteam. That sounds grammatically wrong... Oh well. not exactly great with grammar and stuff. So yeah, my point is i'm begging you to read it and give it a chance? Thanks a million! :)