A/N: I uh... don't know what to say. Anyway, I just hope that this fic might change the way you view at death. I used to view death in a way that it's gruesome and well, bad. But somehow, this thought popped up one day and well, I think that God put that in my head to help me change my mind. Yes, I'm a Catholic. And I believe in God. So yeah... I'm not trying to change anybody's religion. I just wanted to express this out and help people's minds to change their view of death. And if I don't manage to change your mind, that's okay :)
Anyway, less talking more fic-writing, eh?
Disclaimer: I claim the characters here!! (people start to throw tomatoes) Fine fine!! I disclaim Digimon Tamers and all its characters. Happy?
Warning: Character death. Well, hm... yeah. Oh yeah, and depression! Lot's of it!! So hold on to your happy thoughts as you read this, will 'ya? :)
Why haven't you been visiting me? I know you don't like to see me suffering because it hurts you deeply. Jaarin told me so. But I want to see you again. I promise I'll try my best not to look like I'm in pain. For you to visit me again.
Anyway, I guess I should write you letters instead.
Henry, I just wanted you to know that I'm feeling a little better now. Maybe that will help? Heh. Really, I am. The unexplainable feeling is slowly fading. I promise you when you visit me, I'll look better than before.
I love you, Henry. Hope you visit me soon.
I'm feeling better now. My hair grew back. You can finally see me in braids. The same braids Jaarin used to do after I grew my hair longer. Actually, my hair is just up to my shoulders but I'm fine with it.
Lately, nurses had been coming in my room to inject a weird liquid in my arm. Most times I wonder, but soon, I learn to forget. But funny though, after this injecting thing, I feel no pain at all. That's great right? Then you'll visit me, okay?
I love you Henry.
I had a weird dream last night.
A man came up to me while I was sleeping. I don't know the man though. He was dressed in white and he was glowing! I didn't know if mom saw it or not, but I hope she did. The man held out to me and I felt that he was asking me to come with him. I did and when I held his hand, it was warm. Which is unusual because ever since nurses had been coming in to inject me, I didn't feel anything at all. But when I held the man's hand, it felt warm. And then we flew to the clouds. I think we flew because I just felt light.
Then we reached a flower-field with lots of kids playing there. The man told me that those kids were the same as me and they wanted to play with me. I let go of the man's hand and went to play with the kids. They were fun to play with. Then a bunch of winged-girls and boys-- I think they were angels-- called us and said that the meal was ready. We entered this beautiful castle and in the dining hall, there was a long table that stretched from one wall to another. There were lots of food. I didn't eat though because I didn't feel like eating.
When the meal was done, the man earlier told me that it was time I went back. We flew back--again, I didn't know if we were flying, I just felt light. Before I went back to sleep, the man told me he'd be visiting me soon and take me back with him. And let me stay there.
I don't know if I should, Henry. If I will stay with him, I'll leave you. I love you too much to leave you.
What should I do, Henry?
Please visit me soon.
Henry closed the last of the letters with a heavy heart.
This was hard on Henry's part. It was a month from now that he hadn't had a chance to visit Suzie. His sweet fourteen year old Suzie who was now suffering from leukemia. And since the day he saw Suzie, hairless and suffering, and those weak eyes that been looking at him happily yet suffering, his heart fell like a huge brick on his heart and crushed it into little morsels. He didn't want to see it for it makes him sad also and decided not to visit her anymore.
And he knew that not seeing himself sad would make Suzie happy. But it didn't. It made her wanting more.
After putting back the folded piece of paper in its envelope, Henry had his tears streaming from his eyes, and his heavy feeling crushed the little envelope in his hands. He found himself leaning forward, holding the envelope near his gut as he screamed in deep pain-- a pain not physically felt but emotionally felt for he knew what was going on.
Lopmon-- who had been handing the letters-- jumped back in great fear for Henry. It was making her depressed just seeing Henry scream in deep emotional pain, the kind of pain that you just can't put a bandage on. She sat back, sighing. She hadn't felt this emotionally stricken since the day the Digimon had to leave the human world. She looked up again from looking at Henry's bed (which Henry was kneeling on also as he read the letters) to Henry who let out another scream. She searched Terriermon for emotional healing but all Terriermon-- who was beside Henry-- could give her was a look of despair and confusion mixed into one bowl.
Finally, Jaarin entered his room as he was half-screaming, half-crying. Jaarin kneeled down on Henry's carpeted floor and quickly hugged the stricken nineteen year old who eventually leaned weakly on her shoulder as more tears escaped his eyes. She remained silent since she didn't know what she could do... or say to her crying brother.
"Why?!" Henry had managed to scream onto Jaarin's shoulder but came out muffled. She could only bite her lower lip as two riverlet of tears streamed down her cheeks slowly. She blinked and forced her lips not to pout but failing to do so.
She sought for her elder brother's comfort as she looked at the doorway. Rinchei-- who was also eaten by depression at the doorway-- could only close his eyes, hang his head and slowly shake in unassurance.
I'm deeply sorry that I wasn't able to visit you. It's just that I feel hurt whenever I see you, lying on your bed, helpless and all. It hurts me deeply and I'm sorry. I should be the one who's trying to not look like in pain and not you. I love you too much to not see you hurt. And I'm sorry if ever the reason for your pain was me.
Remember back at the Digital World? I tried to keep you away from our fight to the extent of hurting you. I'm sorry for making you cry back then. And I'm also sorry if I hadn't have the chance to apologize. I just didn't know how to get it out. Back then, I thought that you must hate me. But you didn't. You kept standing by me. And I truly and deeply appreciate your effort.
As you grew, I realized that I can't keep you forever. I can't keep you from fighting fights with Lopmon. You were slowly growing up to a young independent teenager. And someday, I know that I have to let you go. I have to let you fight Digimon with your circle of Digidestined friends.
And that's what I must do now. To let you go. You're your own person and I don't own you. The best I can do is to be a good brother to you and to guide you along.
I must let you go.
The man in your dream, he has good intentions. What you don't know that he's your father. Dad is still your dad but your true and original dad was the man in your dream. And that man is also my dad. And dad's dad, mom's dad... heck, even grandpa's dad. He's everybody's dad. So you have to put your trust in him and come with him.
I know it will be hard for you but someday we'll join you. To that happy place and we'll be together again. We'll play together again.
I promise you that.
I love you very much, Suzie and I know we'll always be together. I'll keep you in my heart and I hope you will too.
Suzie smiled as she closed the reply-letter. She heaved a sigh and fell back onto the pillow. She looked at Lopmon who was still fear-stricken just looking at the weak, helpless girl. "Thank you, Lopmon," Suzie said as she heaved out yet another hard sigh, just to open up her pathway for air. "I love you," and as she said that, Lopmon felt that she was saying a goodbye. Lopmon shook her furry head and tried to smile.
"You'll be alright, I know it!" the little chocolate-brown digimon urged. Fourteen year old Suzie just let out a small laugh even through her difficult state.
"Lopmon's right!" Takato--who was at Suzie's left side-- urged with the digimon. "You'll be alright!" he repeated. The reason Takato was at the hospital, for Takato, he didn't know. He just felt the sudden responsibility one day when Henry, his best friend, had told him the news. Actually, he told everyone in the group. Since then, Takato always went with Henry for visits, Kazu and Kenta cheered Suzie up, Jeri played her dog-puppet for her and even Rika, the coldest of them all, sent her flowers and visited her whenever she can. But no one was as dedicated as Takato who even visited her without Henry. He didn't know if this was his obligation or not. He just felt like it. Ever since then, Takato became a leaning pillar for his best friend's ill sister.
And even when Takato cheered Suzie up--or any Wong member-- he, too, had even felt that she was nearing the string's end. But optimistic as he was, he still let out a positive energy even if his gut-feeling says so otherwise.
Suzie, meanwhile, fumbled with another letter with her pale hands with one hand inserted with dextrose. Takato watched her do so then looked at the ill-stricken's depressed mom who was just sitting there, covering her mouth in a deep trance. He bit his lower lip with his upper lip and fidgeted in his own seat. They remained in an awkward silence until Suzie was heard trying to let out a sentence.
"Will..." she started but faded. "...Will Henry visit me?" she asked the whole room. Silence. Lopmon looked away; Mayumi Wong, Suzie's mom, stood up and exited the depression-filled room while trying to push back her tears in; Takato looked intently on his fidgeting fingers, trying his best to give full attention to his hands and not the concerned girl.
"Well..." Takato started after mustering up enough courage. "...Uh..."
"Hey there," a foreign voice entered the room. Suzie's wondering face had lit up when he saw, by the door, none other than his older brother, Henry, sporting a white shirt with blue denim jacket and jeans with Terriermon hanging on his shoulders. Henry, however, tried his very best to keep his sadness in, as well as his tears.
"Henry," Suzie could only manage to reiterrate as the nineteen-year old closed the ICU door. Henry smiled a fake smile. Tears mustered in Suzie's eyes as she watched her most-loved brother walk towards her. "You... came..." she tried to say.
Henry pulled a seat closer to Suzie's left side of the bed and held her undextrosed hand. "Of course I did," he replied as he tried his best to hold back the tears. "I... I couldn't bear myself to not visit you..." This time, tears had fallen down his cheeks and his heart getting heavier by the second.
"I... love you," Henry said as his forehead touched the fourteen-year old's hand and letting the tears go and splash on the white sheets. Seeing this, Suzie had started to cry too as she felt her brother kiss her hand. She tried her best to hand the letter she was fumbling a while back and finally, she had managed to get it in front of Henry's face. Henry felt a presence in front of him and stared at the letter his little sister was giving him. He let go of her hand and took the letter.
He tried to open it but Suzie had breathlessly stopped him. "Don't open it until I'm gone, silly," she said it in a rather carefree and childish tone as if she was going away and coming back. But it wasn't the case though.
"Henry," Suzie said yet again with a breathless start. "I'm glad... you came..." she said as she looked up to the room ceiling with Henry watching his sister's moves. "I... really am... And... I'm..." she said with every breath taking away from her. Lopmon started to panic as Terriermon leaped to her side.
"Suzie, no!" Lopmon demanded as tears swelled in the Digimon's eyes.
"I... want you..." Suzie continued as she tried to pry for her brother's warm hands. "...To take... good care of Lopmon..." Henry grabbed his sister's hands as his own breathing slowed down.
"... Tell my friends... I love them... and I'll miss them..."
Henry squeezed Suzie's hand tightly as he felt himself deprived for air more.
"...Tell mom and dad... and Jaarin and Rinchei... I love them..."
Suzie slowly blinked her eyes as Lopmon started crying.
"...and I'll miss them..."
Henry blinked, letting the tears go as he squeezed her hand tighter.
He gasped as he felt the room temperature go down a little. Panic-stricken Lopmon started to hear the machine slow down.
"... You promised..."
He showed no signs of retort but only blinked. The machine slowed a little more.
"... Do you see that?..." she started to whisper, her own breath escaping her now. "... There's the man again... in my dream..." Fourteen year old Suzie Wong started to close her eyes slowly as she could hear her partner Digimon wail in demand.
"Suzie, don't sleep!!" Lopmon's usually calm composure started to break as the Digimon started screaming.
"Henry... I... I love..." Suzie said as her weakening lungs tried its best to get in more air. "...you... good..."
"Suzie no!!" Lopmon now screamed as tears started to break down.
"...Goodbye..." she said, the last of her breath escaping her mouth and her eyelids caving over her weak eyes. Henry's hand loosened on the girl's hand but never letting it go. The machine made a long beeping sound which seemed so annoying. A gasp from their back could be heard as Mayumi cried her heart out silently. Lopmon broke down as Terriermon kneel-ed with her.
Silence. A deafening silence broke into the room as Henry stood up.
"She's..." Takato-- who had been silent all along-- mumbled. "...gone, isn't she?" he finished. He, too, was as hurt as everybody in the room to see the fourteen-year old draw her last breath. Henry entertained Takato's obvious tag question with a slow nod.
Henry felt his whole persona crash into a million pieces as he saw her sister go. He felt useless, seeing as he couldn't do anything. Nonetheless, no one could really do a thing to help the girl. He felt empty inside and that showed in his eyes as he looked at the passed-away fourteen-year old lying quietly on the white bed without a sound. And then he knew, he knew that the battle was over. Suzie didn't lose. He knew that inside of him. And another thing he knew...
...it was time to let go.
Slowly, he blinked and remembered the letter he was holding. Now that she was gone, he knew inside that he should open it. And open it... he did:
The man came to me last night. He told me to tell you that he loves you. And that he will take good care of me. And someday, you'll meet him like the way I met him. And he also told me to tell you that death isn't really a bad thing. It's actually a beginning of a new life and that new life will be a better one than before. It will be more peaceful and perfect than Earth. I hope you understand that. And from the way I saw it in my last dream, I can say that the man is right.
He'll be getting me soon though. And I hope you're alright with it. Who knows? Maybe we'll see each other again. And we'll be together.
I love you very much, Henry!! Never forget that.
If we don't see each other again (I just hope we will) I just want you to know that I'd like to say 'Goodbye'.
Dear Henry, the letter read.
The man said I could write you a letter. An angel will be sending it to you while you're sleeping so I guess you won't be able to see the angel. Anyway, I just want you to know that I'm doing more than fine here! I'm making new friends and I saw grandpa here! Who would have known?
The angels are fun to be around play with us all the time. We play 'Tag' up here and oddly, we never get bored. Everyday, a new person comes in and we instantly become friends. It's odd but it's fun! It's like he's your long lost brother or she's your long lost sister. Here, there's more laughter than crying.
We never go hungry here. The table is always filled with great food and the man always sits at the very end, enjoying long talks with people. It's like he's everybody's friend! But you're right though, he is everybody's dad. So I call him "dad" now. But I've never forgotten dad.
By the way, how is dad? And mom? And Jaarin and Rinchei? And my friends? And Takato, Rika, Jeri, Kazu and Kenta? I hope they are doing fine. And the Digimon? Yes, I've never forgotten about them. How's Lopmon? I just hope she's doing fine with Terriermon playing Princess Pretty Pants with her. Though I'm not really sure if Lopmon likes that... or Terriermon. Haha.
Anyway, I got to go now. My friends and I are going to play 'Tag' and I'm "it."
See you soon!
With lots of love,
The letter remained open at Henry's table. Daylight poured in the room and its sunshine-happiness was getting to Henry. Strangely, he felt happier than he was, knowing that she was in a better place with good people... not to mention, good food. He chuckled to himself as he reread the letter, sitting himself at the edge of his bed before attending his college classes.
"Open your eyes now, my dear boy."
Henry opened his eyes to find a beautiful sunshine-filled flower-patch that Suzie had described to him years back. Actually, it was more beautiful than he had ever imagined. Sunflowers, daisies, thorn-less roses and other kinds of flowers grew alongside each other as children ran through it with laughter-filled movements. He blinked his eyes once again as he smiled, excitement running through his system.
The man who had delivered him to the beautiful place had slowly let go of the Henry's hand as innocent twelve-year old Henry looked at him. "Go on," the man said in his unexplainable deep and loving voice. Henry looked on again as a shrill voice sprang up into the summer-spring-like air.
"Henwie!! You made it!!" seven year old Suzie Wong came up to him, wearing a white summer dress and her hair into two pigtails. She came running to him as she hugged her older brother. Laughter came out of her child mouth as she started caressing her cheeks onto Henry's white cladded body. "You made it! You made it!!"
Not far away, he spotted his mom, Mayumi--cladded in a white summer dress and a hat--, and his dad, Janyu-- wearing a white top and pants--, waving back at them happily. They held hands as they were smiling happily and genuinely at their son who was now reunited with them.
Suzie held Henry's hand, sending a wave of warmth through him as she led him to the flower field.
Henry died an old man. A happy, old man, brave enough to face death. And when he had entered his new home, he felt younger and more active. He never really did face death with fear for he understood it fully. Fuller than his former quick-thinking mind did.
And it was all because of the strength of the young weak girl he used to cry for.
For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
A/N: Finally!! I'm done!! Well... um... how was it? Was it depressing? Well, yeah, I was also getting depressed with this while I was in the process of doing this. I even had to listen to a happy song! :)) Man... Bowling For Soup's "I'm Gay" never fails to perk me up!! Haha!!
And if you didn't understand it, here's the summary: Suzie was struck with leukemia at age fourteen. Henry was depressed about it that he couldn't visit her. Takato became an emotional-pillar. Suzie writes letter to Henry because he doesn't visit her and Lopmon's the messenger. Nurses had been coming and going out of Suzie's room to inject pain-killer. Suzie didn't know she was dying but the others did. And well, she died. Later, Suzie sends a letter to Henry from "the flip-side" or "heaven" telling him she's a-okay. Henry died a happy old man. Take note: old! He was sent to "the flip-side" the same way Suzie was delivered and Henry had grown back into a twelve-year old while Suzie was a seven-year old (because they say when you cross to the other side, you return to the peak of your life. I made these ages the peak of their lives, considering their Digimon adventures y'know).
And there!! So you have it!! Review review review please!! :) No flames. There's a fine line between "Constructive Criticisms" and "Flames" okay?
Why Charlie Brown, Why? - haven't read it but it's about a girl named Janice with leukemia and Linus becomes her protector and slowly, the Peanuts gang realize about life.
Isang Saglit, Munting Ibon - translated into: "One Moment, Little Bird" from Filipino. About a dying girl with cancer telling her mom what her dad told her (they were divorced) but the mom wouldn't listen. At last, the mom listens to the girl who tells about God and such. The girl dies the next morning and the mom forgives the dad.