A/n: ...I have no idea where the hell this came from. Enjoy it anyways.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. =.="

The Ultimate Weapon

"Rays of light from the stars in the night sky above, send a plea from across the ages, with colours that haven't faded…" – Asterisk, Orange Range


Edward and Alphonse looked at Father, the blonde's eyes narrowed and the armor leaking an aura mixed with both anger and mild fear. They were ready and prepared to fight this strange man, and stop the 'Promised Day' from destroying everything that they held so dear.

"Al, if you want to run, you can." Ed said sternly.

"I'm not going anywhere…" Al assured.

"I don't know how we're going to beat this guy…" Ed told him honestly.

Al sweatdropped. "What are you talking about brother?" He asked. "Have you already forgotten the secret weapon?"

"Secret weapon?" Ed repeated.

"Yes, brother! The ultimate secret weapon!" Al exclaimed.

Father stared. "You have an ultimate weapon?"

"Yes! We do! And it will defeat you!" Al cried, flailing his arms. "Brother, don't tell me you already forgot our plan! The weapon has been in the armor the whole time!"

Ed stared for a long moment, before snapping his fingers. "Oh yeah, I remember now, Al! We brought the weapon!" He smirked evilly at Father, which didn't affect the man much. "Prepare to die, bastard!"

"Hm?" Father wondered.

"Now, Al! The secret weapon!"

In a dramatic fashion, Al threw open his chest-plate, and out popped a blonde man in glasses and a bomber jacket.

"Who's this?" Father asked, pointing at this strange man.

The blonde bespectacled man smirked. "I am the hero! Now, prepare to die!" Still smirking after his declaration, he suddenly pulled out a hamburger and threw it in the man's face.

"AH! I CAN'T SEE!!!" Father shrieked.

"Now! China! I choose you!"

Suddenly, out of no where, a man with brown hair in a strange green uniform appeared, bearing a large black cooking pot and a ladle.

Random… Ed mused. I don't remember packing that guy.

"Lo Mein Wrath!" The man addressed as China exclaimed, hitting Father over the head with the pot. Father fell down, clutching his burger-covered face, as 'China' repeatedly bitch-slapped him with the ladle.

"And now; the final move!" The glasses-wearing man exclaimed. "Property; CLAIMED!"

And with that, he stabbed the base of an American flag into Father's forehead.

"I, Alfred Jones, the hero, claim this victory for America! God bless the USA!" He declared, laughing.

Edward and Alphonse both sweatdropped, watching the scene in confusion.

If only they'd known sooner that that was all it took to beat Father.