Title: Horsing Around.
Character/pairing: Kieran's Horse/Oscar's Horse, Kieran/Oscar
Author's note: the kink meme had a certain request involving crack and Kieran and Oscar's horses. The title will probably get lj user=searains throwing things at me, but for my defense...it's late. NOTHING ELSE CAME TO MIND! Actually I probably would've given it this title had it not been too late. Er.
Oscar gathered up the oats for his mare. He'd already checked on his brothers to ensure that Boyd hadn't teased Mist, and gotten a frying pan thrown at him. He checked on Rolf too, though he was happily following Shinon around. Despite the company, nothing ever seemed to rub off on Rolf. He didn't take to swearing, drinking, and perusing the women of the night, and Shinon seemed to at the very least tolerate his brother's presence, so Oscar never spoke up against the unlikely friendship. He'd helped with breakfast as Mist was swamped, and as cheerful as she was, there was only so much before she could get overwhelmed. It was a balmy day, and Oscar thought of taking care of Buttercup, his mare. It'd been a while since he'd had enough time to do more than just a quick brush and some oats pushed in a bucket. Now, with a few spare moments to himself, he intended to do just that.
Kieran rushed beside him, quite out of nowhere. He was prone to doing that, and if it wasn't for the obvious clanking, or his bellowing, it might have scared someone inadvertently. As it was, no one was ever surprised by Kieran's presence. Actions, yes, if they were particularly new to the group. Kieran, of course, found stealth of all kinds offensive.
"Come back here! You're not leaving again, we've still got a match to complete! I am your rival, and this cannot stand!" He stepped in front of Oscar as if to hinder him physically if possible. "YOU SHALL NOT PASS."
Oscar's smile didn't fade. "Hi, Kieran. I'm only going to care for my horse, actually. You can come if you want."
"I can come? Can come? Bah! I had already planned to take care of my own horse, but by coming I will prove that in caring for horses, I am by far your superior!"
Oscar just smiled. "Okay then."
It was Kieran who reached the stables first, as Oscar had to find his brush. In the end, whoever had been here first, probably Boyd had placed an empty bucket just close enough to obscure it. Oscar pocketed it, and turned his head at the sound of a scream of rage and frustration. He followed the sound, to see what had happened this time.
"OSCAR. YOUR HUSSY OF A HORSE HAS SEDUCED MY VALIANT STEED."
Oscar looked over to find that someone had already let the horses out to pasture. He had suspected that his mare had been in heat, and upon spying the amorous location of Kieran's horse, his suspicions were proved.
"Oh," he said.
"This is unacceptable! Your horse is using its wiles against my horse, and this cannot stand!"
Oscar couldn't help but think that this was like the time he'd been washing and Kieran had charged in, and then accused Oscar of taking unfair advantage due to his shirtless status being distracted. He'd also snapped Oscar's ass with a towel for emphasis.
"It's not such a big deal, Kieran. I could get another horse while this one is carrying. We needed another, anyways."
"Not such a big deal?! This is a huge deal! In the eternal rivalry of our steeds– to give in to such physical longings as we all have – when the entire nature of rivalry is to not act on such urges!"
"Kieran, uh, I'm pretty sure that there's no rule involving horses mating."
Kieran seemed to think on this a long moment. "A rivalry can also contain...physical aspects?"
"I think..." Oscar said carefully, "That a rivalry is what you make of it. I assume that rivalries differ from person to person, and thus there are no set rules."
"So our rivalry too could contain such passions, those of swordplay or the lift of a lance?"
"Sure...I guess," Oscar said.
Kieran burst into the mess hall. Oscar followed after him a few steps back, wondering what was up this time.
"Oscar and my horses have consummated their love, and now are true rivals!"
Soren looked up from his spot next to Ike. He had only a bit of tea, but Ike had eaten enough that he went from scarfing down food to attempting to get Soren to eat. He looked at Kieran a moment without saying anything, then closed his eyes as if a headache was forming. Soren always tended to do that when Kieran was around.
"Your horses were rivals?" Rolf said. "I didn't know horses could have rivalries."
"Quite so!" Kieran said. "And most honorable rivals they are!"
"...I don't see how this is big news, but congratulations. I guess," Ike said. He poked Soren's cheek with a spoonful of porridge. Ever obedient, Soren opened his mouth and allowed himself to be fed.
Shinon looked up from the spot on the table where he had been cradling his head in his hands in hangover woe.
"If he doesn't shut his damn mouth, I swear I'm going to feather him."
"—And now, as rivals, we too will finally consummate our passionate rivalry!"
"...ok then," Ike said..
"If you keep me up at night, I will have you kicked outside to the stables and lock the doors on you," Soren said darkly.
"And then we shall take to the stables, like men, and like CRIMEAN KNIGHTS!" Kieran bellowed. He left the room, leaving a silent Oscar in his wake. Then Oscar looked to the rest of the mercenaries and shrugged with a smile. "I better go find him."
No one made any comment. They were used to most of Kieran's foibles, and thus weren't really too surprised.
"What does 'consummated' mean?" Rolf said.
"It means–" Soren began.
"You'll learn when you're older, kid," Shinon cut in.
Rolf seemed to accept this and returned to his meal. And everything returned to normal, or at least as normal as it ever got there.