So, yeah. I did it. A tag/extended scene/wishful thinking little bit of a thing here. I haven't gotten to talk to Sis about her tag, but I figured she's crawled into Sam and Dean's heads so well with nearly every episode this season...well, my turn! It might be wrong, but it's what I want to see so enjoy! TraSan, Bro-mo comin' up!
I hear him talking above the sloshing of the amber liquid in the bottle tipped to my lips. Barely. Between the muffled cries on the other side of that damn iron door, Famine's words echoing bouncing around in my head and the slosh and burn, I barely hear him.
"That's not him in there. Not really."
I answer anyway. "I know."
"Help! Dean, help!"
It scorches through my mind, like the booze in my gut, overlaid by you're dead inside, Cas' voice "Dean, Sam just has to get it out of his system, then he'll be…" chiming in between m' baby brother's screams and the rasp of the horseman on wheels and I've had enough. Just…I've had enough.
"Look, I just, uh, I just need some air." And I bolt. Can't get outta there freakin' fast enough.
Outside in the chill of the night air, I dodge the rusted hulks of junk cars, practically hearing the rust screaming too.
Famine's voice, Sammy's voice, Cas, all over my own. All echoing in the big empty inside me. I see m' baby gleaming in the moonlight. Even then nothin' stirs, nothin' fills up. I stand by the car, lift the bottle, hoping it'll finally give me what I want. It stops before it reaches my mouth and I have to clench my fist around it to keep from chucking it across the damn junk yard.
I look up at the moon, a cloud creeping across it. I feel my eyes burning and I don't do a damn thing to stop it. "Please… I can't." I feel a tickle down my cheek, my chin shaking, the empty hole in my gut breaking and just getting bigger. "I need some help. Please." I sniff. "Please." My voice chokes out and I shake my head. I can't help it.
A flap of wings has me blinking and shielding my eyes and I look over the roof of the car, seeing a shadowed figure watching me. "Who?"
"Oh come on Dean. You know me."
"Michael." I say, stepping back from the car. The wings flutter again and I jump as he appears in front of me.
"You asked for help. Say yes and I'll fill the void within you."
I shake my head, fear building in my gut.
"It's the only way Dean."
"No, it isn't baby. Go to Sammy. Go to your brother." I hear the voice in my head, the angel snarling. I think he hears it to, but he can't stop it. I know her. "Go to Sammy, Dean. He's all you need to feel whole."
"Dean. You know that's not true, he bogs you down, takes your will and bends you…breaks you."
"No." I say, shaking my head. I throw the bottle as hard as I can, backing up a step as I watch it bounce harmlessly from his chest and hit the dust, shattering as the corner comes down on a piece of stone. "NO!"
I turn and run back into the house, straight past Bobby as he wheels his way into the hall between the den and the kitchen and I'm through the kitchen and sprinting down the basement stairs, brushing by Castiel close enough that his trench coat threatens to trip me. He watches me, puzzled as I throw the bolt on the panic room and pull open the heavy door.
"Lock us in." I say, urgently.
"I'm stayin' with him. Lock the damn door!"
Castiel threw the bolt on the door and looked through the peep hole. I kept walking deeper into the cavernous room. I heard Cas close the hatch over the barred window in the door.
Sammy was on his ass at the foot of the cot, digging at his own arms with his fingernails, little trails of blood seeping from scratches. I crouch in front of him, hearing his ragged breathing, his hitched sobs. His eyes are all over the place, touching on everything but not focusing on anything. I pull him towards me, slowing when he stiffens. He sags into me and then I feel my arms go around his shoulders. I feel a little bit of me fill up. My family is what I need.