Title: The Ultimate (Mary Sue) Mew

Summary: Parody written for Essence of Gold's contest. "Because I am not your average Sue-- er, Mew!" Mew Candy exclaimed, striking a heroic looking pose and flouncing her long, gorgeous, flowing, generally perfect hair.

A/N: Hey guys! It's Bunny who's now writing a parody for a contest of Essence of Gold's! :D Exciting, huh? It'll be my first try for a parody, and I'm really psyched to see how it turns out. Although I was originally going to go out for the Subtle Sue, I decided to switch and take on the Ditzy, Energetic Air-head! For this story, I'm going to do something I usually don't do, and that is to make my Author's Notes at the beginning of each chapter, unless I feel the need to add them at the end again or put the notes at the beginning or end. Moving on... If anyone feels like their story or OC has been targeted, believe me, you are not! I usually don't dwindle in the TMM OC department, so I haven't scanned through your story and picked out things to add in here. Every OC will probably have at least one thing that is Mary Sue-ish about her, and just because you found an element or two of your story in mine does not mean I am picking on you or trying to single you out! Thank you so much. In this parody, I'll be trying to create the most cliché Mary Sue Mew story possible. Anything that you can think of to make a cliché Mary Sue Mew will be in here! So without further ado, I present to you the first chapter of this epic disaster piece called... The Ultimate (Mary Sue) Mew! Enjoy!

Chapter 1: Long Flowing Hair

… Because no Mary Sue Mew is complete without it.

In Tokyo Park, the most beautiful girl in existence sat thinking. She had floor-length wavy blonde hair, blue eyes with flecks of hazel and green as well as violet in them and pale peach skin. She was wearing a pair of lace up black and pink boots, a short pink skirt and a tight fitting candy pink and black striped tee-shirt.

Candy Momomiya admired the beautiful world around her. She was in the park. Today was a lovely spring day. The birds were singing, flowers were blooming and life was perfect. Candy giggled, pausing to look at her reflection in a crystal clear lake that was almost as pretty as she was.

Her long, flowing hair reached down to her feet but today it was done in two ponytails. The day before that it had been in a braid, and before that it was down and wavy. Candy's hair was perfect! It was never frizzy, not even when it rained, and always managed to stay gorgeous without even being combed. It was brighter than a thousand suns and shone like the stars in the sky. Glints of sunlight ran through it as if it had been kissed by rays of sun. Candy received compliments on it daily.

"But it's really not that great!" She would protest, smiling and gracious, humble as ever.

"No, Candy, it is! You really are perfect, and I want to be just like you!" Her friends would say, bowing down and kissing her feet like the goddess she was.

In the meantime a random gust of wind blew behind her, gently lifting her hair and letting it stream in the wind. A group of conveniently located hot guys sighed, instantly in love with her. "Oh, Candy, you are so gorgeous! We love you!"

Candy giggled and laughed, running a perfectly manicured hand through her amazingly wonderful hair. It glistened and gleamed, the wind blowing her hair behind her, and she received another declaration of love from the hot guys. The world was clearly enchanted by her incredible presence, just by seeing her and her golden hair. But that was not the best part about her!

Candy's favorite part about herself was not her unblemished milky white skin, or petite body, but her multicolored eyes. You see, Candy's wide eyes were normally a gorgeous shade of sky blue but they changed depending on what mood she was in. At the moment, they were pink because she was very happy and the minute before they had been a shade of teal that were like the ocean for an unexplained reason.

The entire world could see how perfectly delightful Candy was. Not only was she the most beautiful girl in the history of the world, but she was the most perfect person in the world too! Candy had never once insulted a person in her life, although some girls were very jealous of her, and always had kind words to say to everyone. She remained cheery and upbeat at all times, and her perfect self knew the exact words to say in any situation. In her spare time, she saved children from burning buildings and even rescued cats from trees!

Oh! And Candy could also talk to animals because that's what the Mary Sue Mew authoress decided, and wishes she could do, so Candy could talk to animals.

Now 16 years of age, Candy had grown prettier and kinder each day; there was not a single person who was not affected by her magnificent presence. It seemed as if everything Candy did made the world a better place.

But back to describing how generally perfect Candy (and her hair) looked.

Her heart-shaped face was always perky and alive, and she never stopped smiling. She was more beautiful than anything that had ever existed, and had many admirers. Her milky white skin had never once been tainted by acne, and she had a slim petite figure. Candy was small, lithe and graceful. Although she looked fragile, she was also very strong.

Her hair was like a ray of light that beamed across and lit up the entire sky, and glowed like fire. There were many different shades of blonde in it, from platinum to strawberry. Her hair was one of the first things that people would notice about her, and after that they would notice her incredible personality.

She could dance and sing and cook and write and got straight A's and was a great friend and was friendly and was a spectacular actress and was kind and was sweet and was cute and got along with everyone and had the cutest clothes and had dated the best guys and had the most beautiful singing voice in the world and was the most popular girl at school and spoke more than 10 languages and could do anything known to mankind and knew all the answers to the meaning of life, etc., etc., etc.

In other words, Candy was perfect! There had never been a girl as amazing as her. And although today was the first day Candy had arrived in Tokyo, she had never felt more at home. The last time she had been to Tokyo was age 3, with her mom and dad, but they moved to the United States of America until Candy was 7. But for the past 6 years, Candy had lived in (fill in country of where Mary Sue writer lives. If the writer lives in the United States, then the Mary Sue Mew had lived in France, Great Britain or Italy. Or any exotic or trendy place.)

The strangest thing was that Candy felt so alive in Tokyo; she had never felt that way about anything before. She had the feeling that, despite the fact that she had just hopped off the plane she was on to Tokyo about 4 hours before, something good would happen to her. For some convenient reason that will never be explained, her parents let her wander about in Tokyo all alone.

Why was Candy in Tokyo, you ask? Well, you see, Candy was Ichigo's long lost cousin! The two families had finally been able to find each other again, and Candy and her family were going to visit Ichigo later that day. Candy was very excited! She had figured out that Ichigo was a Mew Mew the very first time that she saw a poster of her hanging up in Tokyo, despite the fact that the rest of the world had no idea about Ichigo's secret identity. But even though she was not a Mew, Candy was very happy for her cousin. Now out of the park in Tokyo, Candy came upon a cute looking cafe called Cafe Mew Mew.

Wow, it's so cute! She thought. I wonder if it has anything to do with the Mew Mews though...

"It must!" Candy said, a beautiful smile breaking across her face. "I bet that my cousin, Ichigo, is in there working right now, too! I have to go see her!"

Breaking out into a run to Cafe Mew Mew (oh, yeah, and Candy was a really fast runner because she had these really cool toned legs and never got tired because she had amazing stamina,) Candy sprinted off towards the cafe, her long hair flowing behind her.

Suddenly, in the midst of her run, Candy was hit by a bright flash of rainbow colored light! "Ahhh!" She screamed, her voice still sounding musical in her surprise.

She looked to her hands, which were shooting out rainbow colored lights; her entire body was glowing! And, then, Candy saw a cat coming towards her. "This is just like my previously unmentioned until now dream!" Candy exclaimed, adding "Nya!" at the end of her sentence.


In my dream, I was hit by a beam of rainbow colored light and my entire body started to glow. But the weirdest thing was that I wasn't scared at all! And then rainbow colored light started to enter my body, but it felt really good. And I felt safe, although I knew that something was happening to me that didn't happen to most people. That was when the cat came. It was pretty, and I felt like it knew me for some reason. "A cat?" I remarked, blinking a few times, and the cat merged with me. "Ahhhh!" I shrieked.

And the light grew brighter and brighter and...


"What happened?" Candy murmured. She was on her back on the grass, gracefully curled up into a ball. The sun shone brightly into her eyes, and Candy lifted her gorgeous frame to sit up. She yawned and got up to go home. "I guess I just fell asleep. I'm so tired because of the plane ride. That's weird!" Candy stretched, accentuating her flawless figure.

She hurried towards her home. She was almost there when she saw...

"OH NO!"