Title: Time Heals
Rating: T [for later chapters]
Summary: There's a saying that time heals all wounds, but Ianto doesn't think such a saying is true. Starts after "Cyberwoman" and goes on from there, mainly following the relationship between Jack and Ianto. Janto fic
Blood still stained the floor, no matter how many times Ianto had tried to scrub it away. He gritted his teeth, pushing the bristles of the brush harder against the stone with almost robotic movements. At the same time, Ianto tried to fight back memories of what had occurred in this room; of memories of why blood had come to be on the floor. He flicked his tongue out nervously, wetting his suddenly dry lips and stopping for a moment to lean back on his knees. The conversion unit still stood where he had placed it months back, gleaming almost cruelly in the dim light. A small relief to Ianto, however, was that the bodies that had been strewn along the floor had been removed a while ago. It had been a kindness on his boss' behalf that had shocked Ianto.
Images flipped to the surface of Ianto's mind and he fought back bile, feeling himself gag for a moment before tightening his grip on the brush. It was pressed against the floor again as Ianto's eyes slammed shut and he took a few deep, shuddering breaths.
Those pictures - memories - would forever haunt him and he knew it. The whole thing had been his fault, and Ianto felt he should have seen something like this coming from the very beginning. But he had been blinded. Although the question of blinded by what was rather hard to answer. It couldn't quite have been called love, he realized, because the passion he'd felt with Lisa years ago had somehow managed to fade and become a shadow of its former self. No, he'd been blinded by an obligation to the shell of his lover.
His dead lover, who Ianto realized now hadn't been alive ever since the cyberman had taken over her body and manipulated Ianto into believing that he could bring his Lisa back. The thing had tricked him into believing that he could somehow make the robot side of her once more human. Ianto had been stupid not to have seen what was going on, and it had taken Jack's harsh words to make him really see what was going on.
A small shudder swept down Ianto's frame, although he couldn't tell what it was from.
"Ianto." A deep American voice penetrated his darkening thoughts and Ianto startled, snapping his eyes open and getting hastily to his feet. The Welshman's eyes took in the form of his boss, Captain Jack Harkness, who was regarding him with an unreadable look. The man's eyes were narrowed, head cocked slightly to the side for a few moments before the American spoke. "You don't need to do that," Jack gestured at the drying blood, sliding his tanned hands into his old fashioned coat as he spoke. "We can fix it later. I'd prefer you not be down here, actually." The captain removed one hand from a pocket, moving forward and pressing the hand insistently into the small of Ianto's back, propelling him out the door.
The younger of the two let him, eyes downcast as guilt hit him. Confusion was there as well - why was Jack being so kind when, not even hours before, Ianto had held a gun to the man and his team? Then again, Ianto recalled, Jack was always incredibly hard to understand. Ianto's blue eyes flicked to meet with his boss' lighter ones before falling back down to stare at the floor. They entered the central area of the Hub, and the older man let his hand drop from where it had remained pressed at the small of the Welshman's back. A beat of silence followed, and then Jack cleared his throat.
Almost reluctantly, Ianto turned his body to survey the captain. "Sir?"
There was the faintest flicker of something in Jack's eyes, but it was gone a second later. "I want you to head home - get some sleep, you look like you could use it." There was the hint of humor in the captain's voice, and it drove Ianto nuts. Why was the man so bloody forgiving when he had wanted to tear Ianto to pieces earlier that night? Ianto didn't say anything, however, figuring that it was better not to press his luck. He merely inclined his head then turned to leave, only freezing when Jack spoke once again. "And you're on a two week suspension. I don't want to see your face here any earlier than that."
The instant Ianto had reached his apartment, he'd gone to the couch and sat down, curling in on himself and shutting his eyes. His frame started to shake a little, from nerves and stress, but Ianto tried to ignore it as he clenched his fingers roughly in his hair for some sort of distraction. The Welshman buried his face into his drawn up knees, fighting back the grief that hit him hard all of a sudden. Grief for the Lisa he'd known, for the Lisa he had tried desperately to save. The Lisa that had been so perfect that it had always made Ianto wonder why on Earth she had ended up with someone like him. He recalled her laugh and her beautiful smile - that one special smile that Lisa had always seemed to reserve for Ianto alone.
A sob shuddered through Ianto and he tightened his grip painfully in his hair, almost as if punishing himself. His body jerked forward with the cry and Ianto sucked his bottom lip in between his teeth, biting down hard for a few minutes. More sobs ravaged his body as Ianto curled up more into a ball, feeling himself start to shudder harder.
He didn't want to live with this. Ianto wished, desperately, that Jack had shot him like he'd threatened to. Or, at the very least, had the decency to retcon him and take all the pain away.
Then again, maybe Jack had already thought of those and dismissed the ideas instantly. After all, this was the best punishment that the man could have thought up, Ianto thought bitterly as he continued to sob. Having to live with the guilt and grief - the burning, sick feeling in his stomach - was hell for Ianto.
And he was sure Jack knew that. The bastard.
R&R please! Chapter two will be coming soon, faster maybe if I get some encouragement :].